Stranger Than Fiction

by Jeanine Hoffman

  “Fifty-fifty shot that you will have closer to dichromatic vision when in animal form and your normal vision in human. The human vision is nearly a hundred percent but the deer we won’t know until you shift for the first time.”

  “I can only presume from the movies I’ve seen and books I’ve read that the shifting thing isn’t some magical happy dance. It’s going to hurt, isn’t it?”

  “The first time, there will certainly be pain as your body will have never experienced the new movements and growth and your mind won’t be able to prepare in advance for what the actual experience is like. Just as going through basic training doesn’t make a soldier a battle veteran, you won’t truly understand the shift until you experience it for yourself. In time, there are meditative methods to bring you through the pain of a shift with more speed and ease.”

  “Wait, but you don’t shift, right? How can you counsel and teach shifting if you haven’t gone through it?”

  “My situation is complex. I’m not saying that to evade, it just really is complex. Now and again, we have those born into the families of shifters who, at puberty, do not start experiencing the signs of maturation into shifting. Those are brought to specialists and in my case, tribal shamans and medicine women. The end result was that while I can understand and have learned what it can feel like, I’m unable to attain the form of my animal.”

  “So, there wasn’t any way to make it happen? Like giving you extra virus or something?”

  “No, while I wish it were different, my reality is that I was born and raised expecting this magical and profound experience and have yet to attain it. In some ways, I envy those who come through my office but I’m also honored to be able to guide those patients through their experiences.”

  We ate in silence for a bit. I was trying to absorb everything but also I was trying to find the plot holes. If this were one of my stories, wouldn’t I have had someone shift by now to prove to the protagonist that this was her new reality? Maybe shown slides of blood from her to show her this virus? I decided to ask about both options.

  “Let’s continue to assume that all of this is real. Where is my proof? Can you show me the virus in my blood?”

  “Do you know what your blood should look like under a microscope?”

  “Well, no, not really.”

  “Then how would you know that whatever we show you isn’t your baseline? How would we prove that the replicating cells we show you are what we say they are and not some normal mitosis?”

  “Fine, I’m no biologist. What about showing me someone who can shift? I mean, let me watch them shift?”

  “If we have you watch a transformation while your body is still adjusting, there could be consequences to you.”

  “Why? Would my life be in danger? Are you threatening me if I don’t keep the secret?”

  “Nothing like that, Tori. What I meant was that if you watch a transformation before your body is ready to do one on its own, you could partially shift. You will learn to shift by watching and following another through the process. Your body is being changed at a cellular level to do just that. But you can’t run before you can walk and right now, you’re at a crawl. Give it a few more days and all that you are being told will be proven.”

  “None of this makes sense. How could a simple cut disrupt my life so much? I just want to rewind before the accident and get my life back in balance.”

  “Was your life in balance? What does balance in your life mean to you, Tori?”

  I grimaced. “This is the head shrinking part, right?”

  Kerstin nodded but said nothing.

  “Fine. For me, I was able to paint when and what I wanted, write when I felt like it, and live as close to the land as possible without fully giving up civilization. I could see or talk to people if I chose, but remain reclusive as needed. I felt at peace with my life.”

  “Truly peaceful, or were you settled and used to your life? There is a difference.”

  “If there is, I don’t understand it.”

  “Were you happy in your life or content? Was anything missing?”

  “What? Like a wife and kids? I’m just not wired like that, I figure. I never found anyone I wanted to bring into my oasis, nor anyone I felt would want to be there for more than a weekend getaway.”

  “Do you feel as if you were missing out on something?”

  “What about you? Are you married with kids? Do you feel as if something is missing from your life?”

  “We aren’t here to talk about me, Tori. This is about your life and the changes you are going through now and will face soon.”

  “Before I go spilling my guts, I’d like to know more about the person I’m supposed to trust. I didn’t see any pictures of a husband. No drawings from little kids plastered on a proud mother’s wall.” I knew I was argumentative. I was damned angry, but even as I said the words I knew I was taking my anger out on the wrong person.

  “Fine. Let’s settle a few things and then move on. I’m single and if there was someone else, it would be a woman. I’ve not yet decided if I wish to take on the role of motherhood, especially as a single parent. I’m very happy in my life. I have a great family and wonderful friends. I do meaningful work that I believe in with my whole heart. The greatest sadness at this time is my lack of ability to become one with my animal side.”

  Through her speech, I had to admit the Kerstin never raised her voice, spoke in a rushed manner or gave any other indication of discomfort. I felt like a jerk.

  “I’m sorry. I know I’m angry but I also know it isn’t you I’m angry with but myself. I should have taken more care and then I wouldn’t have been cut. I was stupid in the field and that’s on me.”

  “This isn’t a matter of stupid or careless. I believe that all things happen for a reason. Perhaps you were meant to be led down this path. Perhaps it is your fate to assist someone else in the future. We don’t have all the answers. What I need to do now is learn as much as I can about you so that when the time comes, my team and I can help you adjust.”

  “Right. No I didn’t feel as if something was missing from my life before I cut myself. I’ve done the relationship thing and it wasn’t for me. I didn’t like having to divide my time and my attention when I was mid-painting. Or when I’m writing a new scene. When I’m working I want to be able to focus my attention on that until whatever muse has struck is tired and leaves for a while. I never found a woman that was willing to support that idea in anything other than theory.”

  “So, would you say that you felt let down by the people in your life?”

  “Perhaps. Perhaps I let them down. The thing is, if I have my painting and my writing, I don’t care. I have a few close friends but we usually just e-mail these days. I love my parents and we’re as close as we can be, I think. My mother is also an artist, and she and I understand when the other isn’t communicative.”

  “What about your father? He must get lonely when both you and your mother are in creation mode.”

  “He has his friends and hobbies. He has his garden and wood shop. In his way, he’s a creative soul too, and I think that’s what makes my parents work so well. They both understand the need for creative and alone time.”

  A buzzing sounded and with an apologetic expression, Kerstin crossed from the table to her desk. She picked up her telephone and spoke briefly. She hung up and looked over at me.

  “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to end things now. I have an appointment shortly that we couldn’t move. Would it be all right if I had Janice walk you back to your room?”

  “I can get there on my own. I’ll see you later.”

  “I’ll have Janice walk you down just to be safe. Besides, I would feel better about ending so abruptly. Please, humor me for now.”

  I shrugged. “Sure. See you later.”

  I let myself out and found Janice at her desk. She stood when she saw me coming.

  “Hey there. Ready to head back downstairs?”

  “Sure
. I can get there on my own. I promise not to run away.”

  “I’m sure you can and I’m no guard. The doc made me promise to take care of you so I plan on walking you back, okay? This is nothing more than courtesy and keeping promises.”

  “Fine with me. Let’s go, I’m kind of tired.”

  “Yeah, you can expect that for a little while yet. Your body is doing a lot of work, using a lot of energy right now. Things will settle down in a few days and you’ll get back to your normal energy levels. You might even find your energy levels increase over time.”

  We walked back in silence. I had so many questions and doubts swirling in my head that I just couldn’t give voice to any one of them without fear that they would all burst forth at once. I decided to give myself time to think before hunting down answers again. It’s what I would have a character do in one of my stories, so I figured I’d give my own advice a shot.

  I thanked Janice for the company and went back to my room while she signed me back in with the nurses. I moved my chair to the windows and sat down to think.

  Chapter Seven

  WHILE I WAS sitting in the darkening room I was calling home for now, I reflected on the things I’d learned. I thought even more about the things I hadn’t learned. All good mythologies had an origin story. What was the story here? Random mutation that just happened to affect a bunch of people and turned them into different animals who all happened to cooperate and not hunt each other? If this was true, it sounded more evolved than mankind and our/their constant and petty wars. Humans have fought over natural resources through history rather than conserving them and working together to take care of our world. This accounted for a good bit of my lifestyle.

  My Lakota side always felt rage about the overuse and misuse of nature’s bounty. Mankind came, took, ravaged, and complained instead of taking better care of themselves and their environment. Was this the result? A species that would do better? By creating a species that was more in tune with nature, would that help the planet come back into balance in the long term?

  I started when the lights came on in the room. I turned from my window view and looked to see who was invading my stewing time. It was Dr. Greenwood. Stacy.

  “Hey, I came to check on your hand and found you in the dark. Was that an upright nap you were having, or a thinking session?”

  “Thinking. At least I think I was thinking. What time is it? I didn’t even realize it had gotten darker.”

  “Storm front is moving in. It’s actually only midafternoon. I had a break in my schedule and wanted to get a look at your hand.”

  “Sure. Where do you want me?”

  “Why don’t you hop up on the bed and I’ll take a look at it there. With any luck, we’ll be able to leave it uncovered save for some padding to protect the wound site.”

  “Already?”

  Stacy washed and dried her hands at the room sink, then pulled on a pair of gloves. “Mm hmm. That’s the hope. You might not have begun to notice it yet but one of the advantages of the virus is that it speeds up healing time. It won’t make you invincible, but it does tend to take care of a high percentage of typical human illnesses for us as well. Less reported colds, flu, food poising, and a whole host of other regular human complaints don’t affect those with the shifting virus.”

  “Will I have the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound?”

  “I doubt it. Not unless you are gauging tall by Lego standards.” Stacy chuckled. “And you won’t live forever either. It will help with your metabolism and some of the usual signs of aging are slower to appear. The average shifter life expectancy is about ten to twenty years longer than comparable humans assuming no accidents or other issues.”

  Stacy revealed the suture site and I was shocked at how good it looked. It looked a week old rather than two days. No wonder it had started to itch.

  “Like having someone shoot you with an arrow while scouting the area for your family’s safety?” I was still guilt-ridden and anxious about my part in ending a father’s life.

  “Yes, that will put a damper on life expectancy. It's a risk we take when we commune with our animal sides. We are raised with the awareness that life is not a permanent state of being on this plane, and all we can do is our best to live our time well.”

  “Sounds lovely. Sounds simplistic too.” Yes, I was getting snarky but the woman was probing my injury again. Physical and mental I suppose.

  “It can be. Why do you live in a cabin in the woods? You’re a good distance from so-called civilization. Why did you do that if not to keep your life more simple?”

  “I’m a curmudgeon. I did it for peace and quiet to write and paint. I did it to escape the noise that comes with living with humanity. So much noise all of the time. All of the noise from neighbors, televisions, radios, traffic, trains, planes and so on. I just wanted to listen to nature without having people step all over it.”

  “I’m going to put a small pad here but honestly, the stitches could almost be removed now. Because of the tendon issue I’m keeping it as is for another day. You can get it damp but don’t leave it wet. Make sure if you shower or wash your hands that you’re gentle with the sutures and get a dry bandage on it. We can discontinue the sling too. Especially since you weren’t very good about using it.”

  I shrugged. I hated the confinement of a sling. I never liked confinement of any kind.

  “Good, well, tomorrow we’ll run a few scans and see how your internal changes are progressing, I’ll remove the sutures, and if you’re digestive system is stable we can start giving you some of the better food. You know, the stuff with some taste and consistency.”

  “I’d like that. I miss chewing.” I was also glad of the topic change. I couldn’t do anything heavy right now. I was worn out. Emotionally and physically I could use a nap.

  As if reading my mind, Stacy headed for the door. “Want these lights out? You have time for a nap before dinner and your next visit with Kerstin.”

  “Thanks, yeah, I think I’ll try to grab some sleep. Hey, if my hand is better, can I get my laptop back so I can do some writing? I have deadlines.”

  “I brought that with me too. I’ve had it locked in my office for security. I just wanted to keep you from using it before your hand was ready. I’ll bring it with me, all charged up. Get some rest.”

  With that, I was alone again, in the dark, with my ruminations.

  I DIDN’T NAP much during my down time. I think I spent most of the time trying to decide how much I could trust these people. A doctor who went to my home and gathered my things for me? A shrink who told me that I was now a shape shifter? Was it some massive hoax or scam?

  The problem was, for it to be a scam, I would have to be able to find the point where they could gain something from their deception. So far, unless this later turned into a money grab, I couldn’t think of a thing for them to gain with this story of shifters.

  The only possible angle on money was if they had discovered my pen names and artist name and linked them to my real name. I didn’t use my real name for any of my creative ventures. I saw my mother’s life, unable to hide from her art fans and critics, and wanted nothing to do with that part of the creative process.

  When Kerstin arrived for our late afternoon session, I was showered, dressed, and ready to get out of the room. Preferably, someplace outside if I could persuade her. I was going into a major bout of cabin fever and the only cure was something more than sitting and staring out of a window.

  “Well, isn’t this a nice surprise. You’re looking better since earlier today. Up for some walking before dinner?”

  “Yes, please, get me out of this room. Without my laptop I’m cursing myself for not having a better smartphone. I’m bored and I’ve learned that I dislike daytime television more than I had remembered.”

  “Understandable. It’s just a mix of odd talk shows, overly dramatic soaps, and bad news. Let me show you around a bit and then we can go to the cafeteria for dinner. For
tonight, I have your tray being held downstairs for us.”

  “Goody. Gruel?” I was only partially kidding.

  “I think a bit better. By this time tomorrow you’ll get things to chew. And I think the gruel as you call it is still better than a nasal feeding tube.”

  “Point and match. Lead on, oh wise one.”

  Kerstin ushered me out the door and took me to sign out at the nurses’ station. After we checked out, we took the elevator down to ground level. At that point she showed me the overly nice lobby and we talked a bit about the general history of The Center.

  She led me to another set of elevators. This set required a magnetic card for access and then a key on the inside. She pushed a button and the sensation of movement was minimal.

  “Lots of security just for an elevator. Where are we headed?”

  “All of the really cool stuff is kept below ground. For that, we use the security to keep the non-shifters who work or visit here from accidently wandering into areas that would reveal our existence to them.”

  “Is it really that important to keep hidden? I mean, if I had known, I wouldn’t have been hunting in the area and then I wouldn’t even be here. If the world knew, we could work on posting no hunting zones for your community to use and hunting zones for humans.”

  “We are your community too now, Tori. As to your questions, do you really believe that humans would stick to postings? No one poaches now? No one hunts out of season or hunts endangered species? Are humans all that honorable that they wouldn’t want to put us in labs and study us?”

  “Well, no, I can’t tell you what might happen. I would hope we’ve become more enlightened than to react with fright and hate.”

  “Really? So there are no persecuted humans? Gays and lesbians have equality throughout the world? Transgendered people are accepted as they declare themselves to be? And there is no racial disparity or hate crimes left?”

  “Well, of course not. I mean, we are getting more enlightened but there’s still work to do. That doesn’t mean we would dissect you.”