Stranger Than Fiction

by Jeanine Hoffman

  “I see. What do you think now that you’ve had a little time and some more information about your new status? I expect you’ve started moving past denial.”

  “I think I am starting to believe a bit more. There’ve been little things and a few big ones. This facility is kind of huge to be anything other than what is presented to me or a huge government plot. Then there was partially losing, then regaining, my color vision. Of course, the rapid healing of my injury helped too.”

  “Have you noticed any other changes in you yet?” Gus asked me.

  “I’m not certain what you’re asking. I seem to have, well, I don’t know what to call it. For gays we call it gaydar. I seem to see something different around people who I’m told are shifters. Like a faint shimmer at first. Then it fades as I look away. When I look back, I’m hit with it again.”

  “That’s what I wanted to know. It looks like you’re well on your way. That shimmer, that’s how we can find our own kind as well as avoiding conflicts when in animal form.” Gus smiled kindly. “It's a lot, I know. You happen to have the best in the business for helping you through this transition. Plus, we’re happy to be of any help that we can as you start to settle into your new skin, so to speak.”

  “Gus, that’s enough with your poor puns. Leave the girl be.” Sara chastised her husband but did it with a slight smile on her face. “I’m sorry for him. I do agree that we’re here to help if you need us. Kerstin will be giving you a list of contacts tomorrow in your training. Those names will include us, and others as well. Don’t hesitate to call on your new community.”

  “Thanks, I mean, thank you. This is all overwhelming but Kerstin has been great.”

  “You don’t have to say that just because they’re my parents. I already know they love me.”

  Kerstin excused us from her parents and she took me over to a bar setup. “Juice, soda, still or sparkling water, or sparkling cider?”

  “Juice is fine, cranberry mixed with orange if they can.”

  “We can.”

  She turned to the young man behind the bar and gave him our order. It was up in a flash and she handed me my drink before starting us toward the wall farthest from the door. People seemed to slide out of our way as if they knew they would meet me but there was a pecking order. There were a few people in a small sitting area, chatting amicably from what I could tell. They all stood as we approached.

  I hadn’t seen Dena, the friendly librarian, before my eyesight change. Now, she shimmered with the same clue that she was a shifter. Of course she was a shifter or she wouldn’t be here. Also I recognized Janice, Kerstin’s administrative assistant. I didn’t recognize the two men with them.

  Kerstin made the introductions.

  “You already know Janice. She’s not just my assistant and part of my brain. She’s also tonight’s representative of the local Coyote faction. Her brother recently took over for their father but he had other obligations this evening.”

  I smiled and nodded, not knowing what else to do.

  “Relax, Tori. We’re all here to offer support, I promise.” Janice offered me a warm smile and I did relax. Well, I relaxed a little bit.

  “I think you’ve met Dena as well. Not only is she one of the volunteers here who help us keep people upbeat and occupied, she is also our local historian of the various cultures for all the shifters.”

  “Tori, I’m so glad to see you again. I was also thrilled to find out that you are two of my favorite authors.” She chortled, at my expression I supposed. I must have looked like a fish out of water.

  “It was you, wasn’t it? How did you find out my pen names?”

  “Honestly, it wasn’t hard. After all, in addition to my other duties, I am a research librarian. You also might want to get your agent to remove your picture from his website.”

  “He did what? I told him never to put my face out there. I’m gonna kill him the next time I see him.” My heart started to pound and I swore I could feel my senses grow a bit sharper.

  Kerstin pulled me away from the seating area and spoke softly. “You’re fine, Tori. You need to calm down. Your fight or flight reflexes are starting to become a bit sensitive. You’re not ready to shift but your body is going to try. I need you to focus and calm your breathing.”

  “I’m sorry, Tori. I knew you were private but I didn’t realize the extent to which that information would upset you. I will handle your agent if you give me permission.”

  Dena looked worried that she had gotten my agent in trouble. Or she was upset that I was freaking out. I really couldn’t tell the difference right then so I focused on my breathing.

  “No, I’ll take care of it later. I’ll send him an e-mail and remind him of the contract he signed with me. It involved never showing my picture or admitting who was behind my pen names. He’s in breach of contract and the lawsuit would end him.”

  “Let’s move on for now,” Kerstin steered me back to the sitting area. “Tori, these fine gentlemen are the local Council members for the Fox and Bear contingents. Joseph and Sam.”

  “I suspect that Sam is the bear representative?” I asked as I shook his hand.

  Joseph smiled as he also reached out to clasp my hand briefly. “What gave it away? The size or the mountain man beard of his?”

  “It might have been a clue. Dare I ask if you are a red fox?”

  “I am. Though I warn you, our hair color is not always the best indicator.”

  “I was going more with what is local to the area. I’ve sketched a fox mother and her kits that were near my home last summer.”

  “My daughter and her twins I believe. She told me of an artist living in the area that seemed almost as taken with her kits as my mate and I are.”

  “They looked to be almost fully grown. I wouldn’t have assumed they were her kits other than the way she bossed them around.”

  “As you know, our youth don’t begin to shift until puberty. Her twins went through the process just under a year ago now. Kerstin did a wonderful job with them, but sometimes a mother is needed to keep rambunctious teenagers in line I suppose.” He grinned at me as he added, “Serves her right, too. She ran us ragged during her teenage years.”

  Sam joined the conversation. “I hate to tell you this, Joe. Until you deal with a raging teenage bear cub, you haven’t lived. Eric had his First Shift a few months ago. His control is getting better but when his brother stole his iPad last week I thought he’d tear an arm off before I got him to shift back.”

  “Seriously?” I gaped at the two men. “How do you deal with that? Do you have to shift to get him calmed down? Or does it involve a tranquilizer dart?”

  “Not far off, actually. Parents of young shifters, especially the larger ones, are actually given tranquilizer darts as an emergency action. Usually, assuming at least one parent is dominant, they will respond to verbal commands to shift back. If all else fails, the parent shifts and makes the young one show subservience. Then they calm and can shift back.”

  “Can I assume these kids are home schooled?” I couldn’t see a kid shifting when someone checked them in gym class.

  “We have a group of parents that run a co-op school and all the shifter kids go there. We have day care and run a regular school using state guidelines and enhance the curriculum with our own history and other things mixed in. It helps keep the little ones from accidently spilling secrets on the playground.”

  “Amazing, really amazing. No one fights? The kids who shift that are different animals don’t fight each other?”

  “Generally not. Occasionally, a scuffle because of territorial instincts or normal teenage things but they usually stay in human form for those fights and are cut off quickly. They don’t attack each other.”

  Kerstin reminded me, “We covered some of that earlier today. Because of our ability to spot others of our kind, we are able to ensure survival both in the wild and in human form.”

  “Forgive me.” I apologized to the men I had just met. “I
’m still caught between disbelief and starting to understand this is real. As someone not raised like this, it’s very different for me.”

  Part of me was terrified to offend some bear or whatever who was a part of their local government. Part of me was simply afraid.

  “No need to apologize or worry, Tori. We all assume there will be questions to be answered. I recognize a lack of knowledge and I recognize mean-spirited attacks. Yours are the former and we are here to help welcome you into our fold.”

  Sam appeared sincere in his sentiments and as he spoke the others around me nodded. I thanked them and asked Kerstin to show me to a restroom. I needed a breather.

  “I’m going to have Janice take you. I need a moment with my parents, if you don’t mind.”

  “Of course, thank you.”

  Janice joined me and showed me to an elegant restroom with a lounge space filled with old-style fainting couches and potted plants.

  “Sit a moment, Tori. You’re safe. No one is here to blackball you or trip you up. I promise.”

  “Thanks, I suppose I still have a lot to learn.”

  “And you will learn it. It takes time and we’re all here to support that education.”

  “Thanks. I don’t mean to be ungrateful. I’m just feeling a little more vulnerable and overwhelmed than normal. I’ve always had issues with crowds but this is a totally different level of anxiety.”

  “I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, Tori. I can assure you that whatever you need, you have people here willing to listen and help.”

  “Have you ever been scared but you weren’t sure what was scaring you? Like a nightmare that just didn’t make sense?”

  “Of course, haven’t we all? At least on some level I think it's a common thing. When I was young I would dream of my First Shift. I couldn’t wait for it to be my turn. My nightmares, however, of being stuck as an animal or hurting those I loved when I was in fur form, were horrible. I didn’t sleep well for months at a time.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I told my mother, finally. She knew something was wrong but she didn’t know specifically what I was afraid of or fighting in my dreams. She brought me here to talk to one of the people in Kerstin’s department. This was long before Kerstin was here of course. It helped. I realized that I could learn the control I needed and that we have evolved as species to not injure those we love.”

  “What about my parents? I don’t know how to tell them or if I can tell them. What about the few people I do count as friends? I know I can’t tell them but what if something happens and I shift?”

  “You’ll be guided in all of this, I promise. This is all part of what Kerstin and the others in her department do for us. What you’re feeling isn’t unusual, really it isn’t. We’ve had others who have been infected with Animus before by accident and we’ve

  had good success getting them through it.”

  “Animus? What’s that?”

  “Oh, that’s the catch-all name for the virus. There are variants to it, were we have a Latin name to describe the animal form someone takes but Animus is the primary viral strain.”

  “So much to learn.”

  “You’ll get there. We’ll all help you.”

  “I don’t deserve your help. I killed someone. Someone you all might have known, been friends with, related to, loved.”

  “Did you know about us? Did you maliciously hunt one of us down?”

  “Of course not! I wouldn’t do that, not if I knew. I believed I was just helping thin the deer population and providing myself with natural food.”

  “You. Did. Nothing. Wrong. Do you hear me, Tori? Nothing.”

  “Janice, I killed someone.”

  “I’m going to tell you something but I’m only telling you this to help you figure something out, okay?”

  “I’ll listen.”

  Janice waited until I looked her in the eye. Then she spoke, slowly and deliberately.

  “Someone here lost their brother that day. The White Tail leaders lost one of their kin. He was Sara’s cousin. Has anyone mistreated you or questioned your hunting that day? I’ll answer my own question. No. No one ever will. You had a license you didn’t need because you were on your own property. You hunted an age-appropriate animal doing what you thought was sustainable hunting for population control. You would have eaten the meat. If I’m not mistaken, you would have used the skin for something as well.”

  “Yes. I was going to tan it and make a gift for my mother.”

  “You would have honored his spirit?”

  “I did. I always thank the Great Spirit for the bounty in my life. I always thank the creatures that give me nourishment. It’s part of my mother’s heritage that she passed on to me.”

  “You did nothing wrong. Nothing more than any other person who hunts would have done. More than many in fact.”

  “I still feel as if I need to apologize to his family. I can’t face Kerstin’s mother knowing that I killed her cousin.”

  I’m not a crier by nature but tears were running down my face by this point and Janice moved to bring me the tissue box on the counter and sat down next to me. She left the box where I could reach it and rubbed my back in a soothing manner.

  She let me cry myself out and didn’t bother telling me to stop and pull myself together. That was something my last girlfriend would have done. If I had ever felt comfortable enough to cry in front of her.

  “Feeling better?” Janice asked as I brought my tears under control.

  “Thanks. I guess I needed to freak out a little.”

  “I think we’ve all had reason to be afraid or ashamed in our lives. Right now, though you may fear the future, do not fear the people in the next room. For that matter, don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed either. There is no need.”

  “You’re being so kind. Can I ask why?”

  “Because you are someone in need of some kindness and I’m here.”

  I shook my head. I still didn’t understand but I decided to accept it and face the music in the next room.

  WE MADE OUR way to the lounge where the others were still sipping drinks and chatting. Kerstin broke away from her parents and joined us. Janice excused herself and slipped away after exchanging nods with Kerstin.

  “Do you need to talk?” Kerstin asked.

  “I think I’m fine for now. Janice helped me calm down.”

  “She’s good. She could have done my job had she the inclination. She prefers the life she leads, without the emergency calls and extra years in school away from home.”

  “I can understand that, too. I’m grateful to both of you for your help. But there’s something I don’t understand.”

  “What’s that?”

  Kerstin looked at me with no agenda that I could discern. But I had to know why, so I asked.

  “How can you be so nice and professional with me? If you shot my cousin, not that I have one, but if I did, I can’t imagine not being in a rage about it. How can you work with me? How was your mother able to be so nice to me?”

  “First, yes, he was my cousin. He was a rather distant cousin but still, a cousin. I may have seen him a few times a year. Second, as we have discussed, he ventured from our lands and took risks that he shouldn’t have. It cost him his life but it was his choice. During hunting seasons we are never supposed to be shifted on any lands other than those owned by the Council or other shifters. And never on privately owned land. This was his fault and his alone. I’m just grateful he didn’t bring his family with him.”

  “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “If you had knowingly shot one of us, then you would face tribunal with the Council. You didn’t. I know this is hard for you to understand, but he knew the risks and took them for whatever reason. I need you to forgive yourself.”

  “Janice said his sister is here. Obviously it isn’t you or her. Who is it? I’d like to at least apologize. Please?”

  Kerstin pinched the bridge of h
er nose and closed her eyes for a moment. I could only theorize at the headaches I had given her and would probably continue to give her. I vaguely wondered if a gift of a large bottle of pain relievers was a bad idea.

  “Let me go talk to my mother and father. This is really up to them. You’ll have to abide by whatever they say unless the family members decide to let you know. Plus, we still have a few people to meet now that everyone is here. I’ll be right back.”

  I stood by myself, pretending to gaze at the artwork on the wall. I did notice that they were originals. In fact, as I looked at one across the room, I thought I recognized it. I moved closer and I was certain. It was one of my mother’s works. I recognized her style before I drew close enough to see her signature. At least they had good taste in artwork.

  Dena joined me as I stood before my mother’s picture.

  “Hey. Nice isn’t it? We have more of her work in other parts of the facility. A couple of your prints as well.”

  “Really? Why only my prints?”

  “Don’t know but feel free to ask someone. I bet now you could easily get a commission for a mural or something here if you wanted.”

  “I don’t know when I’ll get back to my painting. It comes and goes with no real pattern. I’m writing now anyway.”

  “Um, you know that this place…us…we’re off limits for book topics, right?”

  “I figured that out. Besides, you know I don’t write this kind of fiction.”

  She shrugged. “People change genres. You write in two different ones that I’m aware of so far. Any other hidden pen names?”

  “No. You found them both.”

  “I’m sorry for the intrusion. I wouldn’t have hacked into private files. But your agent is an idiot and he deserves to get fired if he broke your contract. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “It wasn’t you. I’m not feeling quite stable about all of this stuff and it was kind of the last straw. I’m going to ream him, probably request a new agent from the firm, and possibly sue him. For now, my lawyer will get an e-mail when I get back to my room.”