We stood in silence looking at the artwork for a few minutes. My mother’s work soothed me. It was a simple wooded scene with a small glade dappled with sunshine in the spring.
Kerstin joined us and spoke quietly to Dena before moving to me. “After the dinner, I will introduce you to the sibling as you requested. For now, please be patient and let me introduce you to the rest of the folks here.”
“Fine. Let’s go.”
WE CIRCULATED THE room and I met those that I hadn’t yet spoken to that night. Mike came in about twenty minutes later and announced that dinner was ready. He opened a set of doors that I hadn’t noticed until then, which led to a large room with a table set for the group. There was a buffet arranged along one wall.
Dinner was good and I made sure to compliment Mike and his staff. After I had wrongfully groused about their food the least I could do was make up for it now. Besides, it was really good. There was a carving station with a wonderful roast and turkey, plenty of vegetarian items, and even a selection of vegan choices. I was amazed at the variety of food offered for such a small group but by the time we were done, very little remained.
After the dinner, Gus stood at the head of the table next to his wife. He didn’t need to gain our attention. As soon as he stood, the room quieted.
“I’d like to thank everyone for joining us this evening. We welcome Tori Monroe to our family. This is just the start of the adventure for you but we’re here for you, as your adopted family, if you will let us. Don’t be afraid to call on any of us and trust in our daughter to guide you through your experiences. To Tori.”
He raised his glass of sparkling cider and we toasted while I blushed fiercely.
“Thank you. I’m pretty overwhelmed but thank you.”
I remained seated until everyone rose. I said good night to everyone and thanked them for welcoming me. I waited, not very patiently, for Kerstin to bring me to the meeting she had promised.
We went back into the lounge area and everyone started to filter out. Everyone left but Kerstin, her parents, me. Then I saw her. Dena remained behind too.
I felt my stomach cramp and my legs lost their sturdiness as I sank to a nearby chair.
“No, no, I’m so very sorry Dena. I had no idea. Please don’t hate me.”
Dena approached me softly, gently, and knelt in front of me. She met my gaze. All I could see was the light brown of her eyes as she looked at me patiently.
“Tori, I am here not only as our historian but as my family’s representative. Kerstin had an idea that you would request a meeting with one or more of us. Sara has remained as both a cousin and as our lead doe. Gus is here in his role as herd leader as well as his role as husband to Sara.”
“I’m so very sorry. I won’t do it again, I swear. No more hunting, no more.” I couldn’t control myself again and the tears tracked down my cheeks as I continued to plead for forgiveness for something I hadn’t been able to reconcile.
“Shhh, you’re fine. No one here blames you, child. My cousin was impetuous and put himself in danger. He was always a thrill seeker and I suspect that this was another attempt at an adrenaline rush for him.” Sara laid her hand on my head and stroked my hair. “This is not your fault. The blame, if any, lies with those of us involved in our governing body for not finding a way to come out to the world. It also lies with my cousin and his need to push boundaries and rules.”
“She’s right, Tori.” Dena, still kneeling in front of me spoke again.
“I loved my brother and I always will. He was always the daring and brave one. He was a good brother most of the time. He simply refused to listen to the elders of the herd and family. He had a job that put him at risk every time he worked as a firefighter. Do you know how hard it is for a typical deer shifter to do a job like that without shifting?”
“Hard?” I figured it must be after the small hit of fright I’d had earlier.
“Near to impossible. He thrived on it. He loved working with the humans and he loved the training he did to ensure his ability to do his job while not giving away his true nature. He was loved and will be missed. I won’t lie about that to you. I also can’t let you believe that anyone in our family blames you. This isn’t something to punish yourself over. You have my family’s blessing and forgiveness. We look forward to you joining us on a run sometime.”
Dena rose and nodded at the couple and then Kerstin. She gave me a small smile and then turned to leave. Once the door shut behind her I finally spoke.
“Is that true? Gus, Sara, is it true? Your family doesn’t blame me?”
“Of course we don’t child. You didn’t put him on your land and force him to shift. He knew exactly the risks he took. Now, get to bed, you have a lot to do tomorrow and the word is, our daughter is a slave driver.” Gus smiled at us and led his wife out of the room.
Chapter Twelve
I TOOK THE time when I got back to my room to e-mail my business manager and attorney. He was a great guy who had managed things for my mother for decades. His firm was easy to work with and I knew they would take care of the contract breach with my idiot agent. I outlined the issue and gave him permission to threaten my leaving their agency as well as filing any appropriate legal actions against the man I now considered my former agent. I closed the laptop lid with a certainty that by the end of business the next day I would have a new agent in the firm and my previous one would likely lose his job.
I stripped out of my clothes and climbed in to bed. I didn’t know if I would be able to rest or not but the next thing I knew, my room phone was ringing me awake.
“Hello?”
“Good morning, Tori. It’s Kerstin. How are you this morning?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Well, that’s honest. I’ll let you go get ready for our day. Your breakfast will be there in about an hour and then I’ll be there shortly after that to start.”
“See you then.” I hung up and flopped back down on the bed.
Finally, I roused myself enough to get into the bathroom and felt myself start to really awaken in the shower. I felt a little more optimistic about my day even though I was embarrassed about my multiple breakdowns the previous evening.
I was just getting a bottle of water out of the mini fridge when the bell rang with my breakfast delivery. I thanked the guy and left the door cracked open when he left so that Kerstin could come in when she arrived. I figured no one who didn’t belong would be down in the secured area anyway and it was safe enough.
The breakfast was wonderful and I was just finishing off my eggs Florentine when Kerstin arrived. I pushed my breakfast cart out into the hallway and joined her in the living room.
“Ready to get started today, Tori?”
“Not really. I think my head is still spinning from yesterday.”
“Tell me, what’s got your head spinning so hard?”
“For one thing, did Dena mean what she said last night?”
“Of course. She wouldn’t presume to speak for her family without permission and there is no way that she would ever say something on their behalf that wasn’t cleared.”
“I don’t get it but I’ll accept it. Your parents too? They don’t hate me?”
“Tori, let me ask you something. Do you believe that this is the first time we’ve had a hunter in this position? I mean, over the course of centuries, don’t you believe that this has happened more than once?”
“I didn’t really think about it. So, it has happened and you guys all know how to deal with it better than me. I get that. Heck, one of your children probably knows how to deal with it better than I do.”
I was starting to go from depressed to bitter and mad at myself.
“Why didn’t I pay better attention? I mean, I’ve been hunting since I was in my teens and I’ve never, ever cut myself before. Why now?”
“Tori, do you believe in fate or a power greater than us?”
“I do, my mother taught me the ways of her, of our tribe, and
I follow much of it still.”
“Do you believe in free will?”
“Yes, of course. I chose to go hunting. I chose to live as far from the grid as I could. I made the choice to…”
“To what?” Kerstin prodded.
“I didn’t make the choice. That’s my problem. I didn’t choose this virus.”
“No, you didn’t willingly contract the virus, that’s true. May I tell you something about the virus that you haven’t learned yet?”
“Go ahead. Am I going to grow three heads next?”
“Not hardly. This virus, the Animus virus, it doesn’t always survive in humans. That or the humans don’t survive. You’ve managed to not just survive but to thrive with the virus in you. In fact, the fact that you survived means that part of your DNA was structured to accept it.”
“So what, I was already part mutant?” Yes, I was being petulant and obnoxious and I didn’t care.
“You mentioned a few times that your mother is Native American. It is believed by our scientists that the Native Americans, as well as the aboriginal tribes in Australia and a few other indigenous populations, all developed this mutation as a survival technique. Those with that mutation tend to survive accidental infection, those without it tend to die.”
“So, good thing I was part mutant then? Wonderful news.”
“I think you’re missing the point. You’ve never had a hunting accident. You’ve never noticed whatever it was that triggered your lapse in the field. The first and only time you did, you were exposed significantly enough to obtain the virus. Perhaps, just perhaps, this is something you are meant to do.”
“I’ll think about it but I’m still pissed. I mean, I have to be social now? Like that dinner last night, right. I’m going to be expected to do things. Dena said something about running.”
“She was trying to be welcoming. You’ll be welcome to run with her herd or probably any of the area herds, if you choose to do that of course. I do suggest, for safety, having at least one or two others with you when you first start out. Especially as you’re learning this and will go through your First Shift during a hunting season.”
“I’m not social. I like to be on my own. I’ve always been a loner and I don’t see that changing anytime soon just because of this thing. I mean, it isn’t going to change who I am as a person, right? I could just run on my land. I have a good amount of acreage.”
“Now we get to the heart of the matter. Fear drives most anger and while I’m not saying the situation is fair to anyone, it is what it is and we need to move forward. Now I suspect we can.”
Kerstin took a sip of the water bottle she had resting on the table in front of her. I worked out that she was deciding how to tell me something. At least, that's what it meant when I did that kind of thing.
“The Animus virus adds to your complexity, that much is true. It gives you a great gift as well. You will have the power to truly be at one with the natural world. I think your fear is that you think it will change what makes Tori Monroe, Tori Monroe. Is that correct?”
“Yes. I’m a stubborn and creative writer and artist that likes to live in the woods far away from the hubbub of everyone else’s realities.”
“Why would that change?”
“Aren’t deer social creatures?”
“Typically yes, but are you a natural born social person?”
“Not at all.” I all but snorted at her. “I hated school because I had to try to get along with the other kids. None of them understood why I loved to make up stories or the way I see things when I look around me. I always look at things and try to break down the light and shadows, the shades of color, all the little details. Instead of playing at recess I would draw or write out my stories.”
“Animus isn’t going to change that for you, Tori. You’ll be as social as you wish to be once you get settled into things. Some parts of your life are going to change. Obviously, we can’t have you use any of this information in future books or art work.”
“So I can’t paint animals now?”
“No, you can’t paint people as they shift back and forth. You can of course, paint your normal works. You may be asked by some in the community to take commissions of their families in animal form.”
“Do I have to do that?”
“No, of course not. It would be great if someone approaches you and you decide to do it but no one will force the issue. Frankly, I doubt anyone will even think to do it unless you specifically tell them that you paint for a living.”
“What else can I expect?”
“It would be fantastic if you were willing to help out at our school. Our art and creative writing programs could use someone with your skills but again, it would be phrased as a request and there would be pay involved.”
“I don’t need the money.”
“Then you could donate your pay to whatever organization you choose. Tori, we have no Machiavellian designs on your future or your method of earning a living.”
“It’s hard, you know? I’m so used to people wanting something from me if they find out who I am. Special book signings, discounted prices on my art. I don’t even price my own work—that’s done with an art agent and the galleries that show my paintings.”
“I understand and that is also something you can tell people who might ask. Explain that commissions are only negotiated through your agent. They can ask for family portraits in nature or something and that way you would know what kind of offer it is and where it’s from. There are ways to make this life more comfortable and less traumatic, and we want to work with you on that, if you let us.”
“I’ll try to be less aggressive and suspicious.” I sighed and scrubbed my face with my hands, trying to get rid of the bad mood that had settled on me during the conversation. “Let’s get to work, I’m sure I must have a million things to learn by the end of today.”
“Not quite but there are some more things, I admit. What if we plan a break after lunch for a swim again? Then we can come back and work through until dinner?”
“Sure. Lay on, Macduff. I’m in your hands.”
“Shakespeare, nice. I guess you really are a writer.”
“Great, now that you’ve proven yourself a shrink and I’ve proven that I took Lit 101, what else is there to do today?”
BY THE TIME we got to the pool I was more than ready for a break. I felt as if I was taking a citizenship class that was being crammed into two days instead of several months. Thankfully, there wasn’t a quiz at the end. Or so I’d been promised, at any rate. I decided to soak in the hot tub for a few minutes to clear my mind before hitting the pool for some laps.
I had my head back, resting on a rolled up towel when I felt someone enter the water and sit across from me. I didn’t even open my eyes, I just sat there and waited to see how long the unknown person could remain silent. It was almost like a test to see if they really could handle me not being overly social.
I was happy and surprised when I opened my eyes and saw Dena sitting across from me.
“Hi. I didn’t want to disturb you. I wasn’t sure you wanted company.”
“Um, thanks. Free world and public space I suppose. I was just trying to slow my mind down after Kerstin’s class with me.”
“Where is she? I thought she would be here with you.”
“She decided to head up to her office. I think she had cases to check on or something.”
“Ah, got it. So you weren’t abandoned here or left to find your own way. Good.”
“Nope, not lost at all actually. I think I understand the system a bit better but I’m sure it will take some time to master it completely.”
“You’ll get it. In the meantime, how are you on books? I can bring the cart around later. Better yet, I can bring you up to the library area and help you pick out some more books if you want.”
“Thanks. I’d like that. I’m just about done with the last book. You got the other back, right? I left them with the nurses.”
&
nbsp; “I did, that’s how I knew to ask. I’ll check with Kerstin and come get you when she’s done for the day.”
“Thanks. Well, I think I’ll go do some laps. That’s really why I’m down here after all.”
“Enjoy, I might do some later but I already lifted today.”
I couldn’t help but notice her lightly muscled form in the not standard-issue swimsuit. She filled it out nicely but at the same time, my libido had been missing in action since my last breakup and I didn’t think that this was the time for it to rear its head.
I dove into the pool and started my cycle of laps. I tried to focus on my rhythm and breathing and not on the wild things floating through my mind.
MY AFTERNOON SESSION started when Kerstin picked me up at the pool locker room and started walking me in a direction I didn’t expect.
“Where are we headed? This isn’t the way to my room.”
“Ah, young Padawan, you are learning our ways.”
“Does that make you Yoda?”
“Smart in many ways am I, though Yoda I not be.”
“Funny. So, where are we going? To fight Darth Vader?”
“Not quite but there could be fighting. How do you like video games?”
“Video games? I’m not a rabid gamer or anything but I’m okay with some of them.”
“Good, we’re going to my favorite place here, outside of the nature room.”
TURNED OUT THAT Kerstin wasn’t kidding. We entered what looked like an arcade from the 1980s with big games like Pacman, Frogger, Astroids, and Centipede. Farther in were some driving games, motorcycle racing games, and two air hockey tables. We went through a door that led to a short hallway. I counted six doors, three on each side. Kerstin opened one of the doors and slid the sign on it from “Unoccupied” to “Occupied.” She waved me in and shut the door after me. I looked around in slight awe. There was a huge flat screen TV on one wall, a couple of chairs with speakers built into them as well as cup holders, plus a nice comfortable couch. As I looked more closely, I found two gaming consoles on the cabinet that was under the monster television. There was an Xbox and a PlayStation. There were an array of controllers and musical instruments for use with the games, displayed around the room.
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