“You want to do my laundry with me?”
“Well, do you know where you can do it or get it done? I’m pretty sure you don’t.”
“Right. Fine. Laundry then. I have no supplies, including a basket or bag. I’ve just been stuffing dirty clothing into a garbage bag I found.”
“Oh, Stacy didn’t think that far ahead when she went out there I suppose. No problem, I can handle all of that for you. Do you prefer to wash, dry, and fold your own clothes or would you prefer to use the service?”
“Service? I usually do all my own stuff. I have a really nice energy-efficient, water-efficient system, and the dryer runs off my solar panels. I don’t think I’d mind if someone else did the folding for me, that’s for sure.”
“Honestly, I have a washer and dryer but I usually bring my things in here and have them do it while I’m working. All I have to do is put it away when I get home.”
“Fine, teach me about the service and we can grab some lunch if we stay away from all shifter topics. I need a break. Do you have the time?”
“I’m sort of assigned to you until I hear from Kerstin.”
“No more calling her Dr. Mueller?”
“I do that for the patients and to tease her. She hates it actually but she told me not to keep it up around you.”
“Fine, guide me and then we’ll feed you. I assume you need more than that little bit of chicken you had earlier.”
“Yeah, I did have some berries and other stuff while I was roaming but I need more protein. After you, Tori.”
Janice stood and gave me a hand up. After exiting the nature room, we spent the rest of the day in non-shifter conversation. I think it was the most normal I had felt since being told about Animus. Well, until that evening at least.
Chapter Fourteen
I HADN’T SEEN nor heard from Kerstin all day. After Janice and I had lunch and arranged for my laundry to be picked up and delivered with everything on hangers and folded, I decided to spend some time in my borrowed office and work on my next adventure book. The afternoon’s events kept running through my mind and I knew I needed to process all I had seen and experienced, but a big part of me wanted to dive back into the giant pool of denial that I’d been hiding in all along.
I also didn’t want to think about any of the other things the afternoon had brought up. The joy of watching Joe and Gail play together and then watching Janice in her strong coyote form bringing me that branch of her favorite berries—it was a transformative experience. The idea of having access to The Center and its resources for the price of teaching some creative writing or art classes was a small price to pay.
I couldn’t believe what I was thinking about doing. I’d never been one to bond with kids, even when I was a kid. I much preferred the company of adults as they talked about or taught me art. I would listen to the adults talk in my parents’ living room while I lay on the floor with my chalks and sketch pad, practicing lines and shadowing. Now I was thinking about teaching them.
I started pacing. No work was getting done, that much was clear. I felt the ideas and concepts that had been introduced to me pinging around my head like bingo balls in a large brass cage. I moved to the living area for more room to pace. I decided to go for a walk to work through my thoughts. It worked at home, but there I would tromp through the woods for miles and care for my land or simply enjoy being at peace with the earth around me. Here, I would be walking fairly sterile halls but I decided the motion was more important than the view.
I made sure to take my cell phone and room key card, then stepped into the hallway, on my own for the first time. There had been no explicit instructions not to wander on my own. I felt it was understood that I should stick to the lower levels that were shifter-only zones. I decided to see if I could find the gym area on my own. Maybe time in the pool or lifting weights would calm my body enough to calm my mind.
I followed the signs I had noticed and made my way to the pool area with very little trouble. True, I backtracked once or three times but I made it there on my own and I was pretty confident that I could reverse it when ready. I headed to my locker and changed into a swimsuit, rinsed and grabbed a towel on my way to the pool.
The pool was empty and I dove in and started doing laps. I focused on crawl and butterfly, as they were the two most likely to wear me out. Finally, countless laps later, I turned over and simply floated on my back. I enjoyed the feeling of the salt water buoying me and let my mind relax into the calm of the water.
A voice startled me from my hard-won calm.
“Private pool party or can anyone join in?”
The voice was Kerstin’s and she looked worn out. I glanced at the clock on the wall near the locker rooms and noticed that it was after seven at night.
“You’re welcome to join me,” I said as I broke into an easy breaststroke over to the side where she stood. “But don’t make me have to rescue you. You look beat.”
“Thanks. No rescue but I could use some time in the hot tub. Join me and we can catch up?”
“Sure, go change, I’ll flip on the bubbles.”
I watched her walk to the locker room before I hoisted myself out of the pool and onto the deck. I grabbed my towel, stopped for a cool drink at the water fountain, and got the hot tub bubbles going. I was just easing in as Kerstin came out and joined me.
“Oh Great Spirit, I needed this spa. I’m beyond grateful sometimes that this is here.” Kerstin relaxed against the wall opposite me and leaned back.
“Sounds like a rough day. Who’s the shrink talk to after a day of playing shrink?” I admit, it was a clumsy attempt at a friendly gesture but I wasn’t used to trying to be anyone’s friend.
“Depends. Sometimes a colleague, sometimes my parents or Stacy. Other times I just come down here, soak for a while, grab a late dinner and spend the night either here or at home playing Xbox games online. A good night of blowing things up and shooting shouldn’t be overlooked as a therapeutic treatment.”
“Right. As long as the targets are pixels on a screen, right?”
“Generally speaking, I’m not opposed to target or skeet shooting. Or archery either, but it’s been a while since I tried that sport. I think high school was my last meeting with a bow and quiver of arrows.”
“Oh really? Well, let’s move the therapy portion of this relationship ahead so that we can go to a range together sometime. I’m starting to think I could use a friend or two.”
“Must have been a productive day with Janice. I’m sorry I had to bail with no warning but it's a part of my job to deal with emergencies on occasion.”
“Paranormal or human emergency? Or shouldn’t I ask? I’m kind of new at the friend thing.”
“You’re doing a great job and I don’t mind you asking as long as you don’t mind if I can’t tell you some things.”
“Not at all, I assume that HIPAA still applies.”
“Something like that. Anyway, this was a human issue. We had an emergency walk in to the ER that was hard for them to handle. The patient was someone we’ve dealt with and she decided it would be a great idea to take herself off of her prescribed medication and go on a drinking binge. She was suffering from a psychotic break and somehow found her way here even though she lives twenty minutes away and doesn’t have a car. She also had no shoes on, was bleeding from cuts on her hands, face, and feet, and wouldn’t let anyone near her. It took a while for us to get her in a situation where we could calm her, medicate her and treat her injuries. I didn’t leave the emergency unit until I was helping transfer her to our psych unit. I’ve spent most of my day with her and in contact with her family. We have the situation under control but I’m staying the night just in case she wakes up.”
“That is dedication. Do you have a place to sleep here or do you crash in an on-call room or in your office?”
“My choice actually. I can use one of our apartments but unless I think I’ll be here for a few days I usually crash out in my office. That couch is p
retty comfy. It’s also closer and easier to get back to the ward if I’m needed quickly. My phone is tucked under my towel, so no splashing.”
“Should I turn off the jets? What if you don’t hear it?”
“Trust me, I’ll hear it. The jets are just what I needed.” Kerstin lifted her head up and peered at me. “How was your day? I really wanted to be there for you to watch your first shifting but Janice really is qualified.”
“Don’t even think about it again. Janice was wonderful and she talked me through everything. Gail was great too and it was nice to learn more.”
“Admit it, you had fun petting the foxes.”
I suspected she was teasing but the truth was she was right.
“I did. Then Janice shifted and got me a branch with raspberries. She was really sweet. She also helped me arrange to get my laundry done and assured me that my laptop is secure even if some people go in and out of my room.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I never thought about that before. This place may mimic a hotel at times but I assure you, things really do get cleaned and replaced, there are no bedbugs, and there is no theft. All of the staff down here are shifters and they know, even if they were tempted, they could be sniffed out fairly quickly. We have a security force and while we only place cameras in rooms if there is medical justification, they do watch the halls and public areas closely.”
“Oddly, that’s comforting.”
“So, the shifting, questions? Things you’d like to talk about or need more information about?”
“Janice covered most of it. I learned about the eating before shifting back and again after shifting to human form. I watched the interactions, I saw the shifts. I was blown away—still I am suspect, that this is all real. I ended up down here because I couldn’t stop pacing and needed to get out some energy.”
“I meant to ask about that. You came down on your own? Any trouble finding your way?”
“I might have gotten turned around a little bit but I found the pool without asking anyone for directions.”
“Is that important to you? Not needing to ask for help?”
“Now you’re getting all head shrinker on me. But yes, it is. Very important in fact. I like knowing that I’m strong and capable. I can ask for help if I really need it but I don’t like having to rely on other people. Should I lie down, Dr. Freud?” I knew I was being snarky and I tried to smile to take any sting out of it. The problem was, I knew my issues, I knew the reasons behind them, and I wasn’t certain I cared about changing my ways.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to slip into therapy talk. But, it is a question I would ask a friend. The reality is that you are also still under my care and I would like to talk about this if we could.”
I sighed long and loudly but decided to give up being childish and get the issue out into the open.
“The truth is, as much as I love my parents, and I do, they spent a lot of time on their careers. I was an only child and at times it was lonely because the only people around me were adults. I’d like to think that I was advanced for my age as a result of that and a high intelligence level, but while genetics did play a part, I worked damn hard. I worked hard so that my parents would notice me. They have noticed me and I do know that they both love me. We’ve worked through it. The only thing is, I spent so many years learning to be self-reliant that I don’t really know another way to live.”
“I see. You realize it shows in how you live your life too? Your electricity is from nature, you have only the mildest of connections to the world around you through the Internet. You don’t go to events to promote your work, you use pen names instead of your own, and you admitted to me that you only go to town when you have to ship paintings or pick up supplies once a month or so. That’s a huge statement of minimal dependence, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Sure. It can be seen that way. Or it can be seen as wanting to live more in harmony with nature and do things that leave less impact on the earth’s resources. It could be argued that my being secluded in nature helps me with my art and gives me time and space for my writing. As for the pen names, the male name keeps my books more marketable to a male audience. The pen name for the lesbian books is to keep the two brands separate.”
“I knew you would feel the need to fight back with logic but you missed something. I wasn’t picking on you or challenging you. I was noticing patterns. That’s all. Just patterns to think about. Janice mentioned that you seemed a bit overwhelmed today and I wanted to make sure you were handling things and that you weren’t hiding out to avoid asking for help.”
“Nope, not hiding. Just working out. I had a lot of energy built up and I had to use it before my brain would quiet enough to write.”
“Did it work? Is your mind quieter?”
“It is. I’m used to doing a lot of work in my garden and managing the woods on my land. I plant trees, keep an eye on the health of the wooded areas, take down trees or remove the ones that come down. I cut my own firewood, grow a lot of my own food, which means harvesting and preserving it as well. I do those things by day and work on books or art at night. If I need certain light or ideas strike, I might finagle some of my schedule around but I usually wear myself out a bit before I settle into writing.”
“Does that help your process? Do you feel you work more smoothly if you’re physically active first?”
“Yes, I think so. I never really dwelled on it but I’m a bit of a fidgety person and unless I do something active, even just going for a hike, I bounce around more than I get any work done.”
“I’m just asking because I am starting to develop a theory about why you took the Animus virus so easily compared to what
we’ve seen in the past with accidental infections.”
“What’s the theory?”
“You said you mother is Native American, right?”
“Yes, she’s full Lakota. Why?”
“While we have found that people with Native heritage adapt more readily to Animus, I’m wondering if your mother isn’t already infected. If she is, having mated with your human father would have prevented you from being a shifter. It would, however, have left you open to the infection if introduced properly. Or in your case accidently, but in a sufficient amount that it took root easily.”
“Would she hide that from her own family? I can’t believe she shifts.”
“She may not have told your father. Perhaps she shifts only when alone. Does she often travel on her own?”
“She always has. She takes commissions, goes to various gallery openings showing her work, and she teaches for a semester at a time as artist in residence at a variety of college and universities.”
“That could easily cover her shifting needs. Even shifting for a few hours a month would keep the hormone levels in check. I’d love to get her to visit you so we could see.”
“Well, if she comes, Dad will come. Then, if she is, won’t he have to learn the secret too?”
“It might be that he knows already. Perhaps she didn’t feel a need to stay within a herd framework or for some reason chose to live outside of one. Does she have family?”
“No, her parents passed away before I was born. While she was in college, actually. She met my father in college too.”
“Think there’s any merit?”
“I don’t know. My head is already so full of stuff that I can’t think anymore tonight. Can we wait to deal with this until I’m out of here? After all, there’s no way to get them to come see me in the hospital since I’ve been released as far as they are concerned. I’m just working my rehab program now and I keep telling them I’m getting steadily better. I’m supposed to go visit when I’m done with rehab.”
“We’ll talk more about it later. It isn’t a big deal either way, your family would be welcome here if she is a shifter. If she isn’t, we can always discuss if and how to tell them.”
“Deal. I’m beat. I think I’m going to get out of here and get to bed early. Are we working together tomorrow
or should I expect Janice?”
“I’m getting out too. I want to get back upstairs and check on my patient before I get some sleep. For tomorrow, let’s assume you get Janice in the morning and me in the afternoon. I’ll at least get in touch so we can check your progress. I think, based on the numbers from the blood work this morning that your First Shift will be happening soon. You still have more to learn and Janice will work with you on that in the morning.”
I agreed and we both headed to rinse off and dress before going our separate ways. Kerstin did offer to help me find my way but I was confident and I did make my way back to my room with no mishaps. It was only nine in the evening but I decided to go to bed early and read instead of forcing myself to work.
JANICE WOKE ME with a phone call in the morning. She must have picked up that bad habit from Kerstin. Wonderful. She gave me a timetable and I got up, placed a breakfast request and got in the shower. I was just making my way into the living room when the door chime sounded, signaling breakfast had arrived.
I had astounded myself by ordering oatmeal with a selection of fresh berries. While better than Cream of Wheat, I hated oatmeal growing up but for some reason, I craved it and the fruit this morning. I rolled with it, watching the morning news on CNN as I ate and waited for Janice.
I’d rolled the cart back into the hallway and left the door open a bit for Janice while I watched the news. It seemed as if the same old same old was going on. Wars, terrorism, missing kids, murders, and political posturing. A case that had been followed closely by the media was no closer to a decision than it had been a week ago. The reality was that the media had already tried the case before the evidence was in and people would rage against the outcome, no matter which side the jury chose.
I flicked the remote as I powered off the TV, sick of the drama of the world for another day. Watching CNN or other news programs usually reminded me why I enjoyed living at a disconnect from the rest of the world most of the time. I pulled out the book I had started and was so deeply immersed that I didn’t hear when Janice knocked the first time. I looked up and saw her standing in the entry of the door with an amused expression on her face.
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