“Didn’t mean to disturb your reading. Anything good?” Janice joined me and took a seat in one of the armchairs adjacent to the couch I was sitting on.
“Yeah, not a huge work of art or anything but a good read. Kind of a romance with ambulance and fire stuff going on. Pretty sure someone will end up falling for someone they shouldn’t because they work together. So far so good.”
“Hmm, let me know when you’re done with it. Maybe I’ll give it a go. I don’t read romances in general but if there’s action to them I enjoy it. Now, enough about reading. How are you after yesterday?”
“I’m better than I was I suspect. I know now that this is all real. I know that the people I’ve met who are shifters have been perfectly nice and more kind than I would expect considering the circumstances.”
“What else? Questions that you might have after having the night to think?”
“Will I really be able to do that? Shift, I mean?”
“From the blood work, yes, you will and probably sooner rather than later.”
“What about going home?”
“In a rush?”
“No, not really. I do miss my woods and the quiet. It's a different quiet than here. At home the noise is from the natural world around me. Here I feel the hum of the ventilation system, the occasional noise of an elevator or someone walking past. As nice as this place is, I still miss my life.”
“I hear you. I’ll talk some more to Kerstin later but we’ll need you to stay here until your First Shift, and then for a time after until we’re certain you have it under control. We don’t want you shifting because you get startled or shifting and not shifting back because you haven’t gotten the training down.”
“Do you guys always keep people here this long? Teenagers and other new shifters?”
“Teens, not always because they’re coming from a shifting background. Their parents are shifters and can monitor them for home shifts. Certain species we do because they aren’t native to the area and we need to be certain they understand when and where to shift for safety. Others, we have to be positive that they won’t overreact at the mall or something and panic shift. So, the shorter answer is, case by case.”
“Fair enough. So what are we doing today?” I was eager to see not only what I might learn but if I could see Janice shift again.
“Well, since I know you’ve learned your way around a bit, I thought we could go for a workout, something other than a swim.
While we work out I can go over some things about what to expect from your First Shift and how we’ll plan that day for you.”
“All right. What then? Will you take me somewhere where you can shift again?”
Janice blushed and looked away from me. I didn’t understand why and said so.
“Sorry, usually when someone wants to have another shift, it’s out of friendship or a desire to see if their animal selves are compatible.”
I smacked my hand into my forehead. “Did I just ask you to go steady or something? I’m so sorry if I was being rude. I just really, really liked seeing you in your coyote form. You were so… I’m not making this any better, am I?”
Thankfully, Janice didn’t make me suffer though she did snicker a bit.
“I think I understand. At least, I hope I do. You found my animal side appealing, yes?”
“I did.”
“Good. For now, stay away from asking others to shift with or for you unless you know they are married or in a serious relationship that you have acknowledged. I think I’ll spend the time during our workout going over some more of our culture and social mores.”
“Might be a good idea. I’ll go get changed for a workout. Be right back.”
As I changed in my bedroom, I wondered why I wasn’t upset that I had essentially flirted with Janice. I wasn’t normally a flirt but I had to admit, she looked damned good in and out of her clothes. There was also a strange appeal for me when she was her animal self. I’d have to think about it some more but for now, the weight machines awaited followed by an education that I assumed happened for kids at a much younger age than my own.
“I SWEAR YOU cheated. There is no way you swam that long without a set of gills or something.” Janice yelled at me from the adjoining shower stall in the locker room at the pool.
I had talked her into a swim after submitting to the weights for a while. Weight lifting had simply never held the appeal that swimming did for me and with access to a pool this easy, I was going to use it as often as I could until I went home. For that matter, I was starting to think that teaching a creative writing class or two might not be so bad to keep up access to the pool and hot tub.
“I grew up with a pool. I was on the swim team in school too. Unless I somehow missed a species of shifter and you have a dolphin or something, I’m just that good.” I smarted off after having kicked Janice’s ass when she challenged me to a race in the pool.
“You really are. I think you crossed the line into showing off when you started doing sidestroke.”
“I wasn’t trying to be mean, sorry. I was actually trying to not lap you again. Side is my slowest stroke.”
I decided to change the topic before I had to change the water temperature to something a bit colder. Janice looked just as good in a swimsuit as she had in her workout clothes, and since she was talking to me from her shower all I could do was picture her in there. At least I hadn’t offered to help her wash her back. Yet.
I shut off the water and wrapped a towel around me. “I’m going to go get dressed.”
“I’ll be right there. Don’t leave without me. I thought we could grab lunch then head back to your place or a rec space and go over some things.”
“Sure. Just don’t take too long. Kicking your ass in the pool used up some energy and I could use a burger.”
I got dressed to the sound of her laughter and found that I liked it. A lot.
“DID KERSTIN FILL you in on her theory about my mother?” I asked Janice over lunch at the café.
“The one where she might be a shifter and kept it hidden from you and your father or they both kept it from you?”
“Yeah that one.”
“Nope. Not a word.” Janice smirked at me as she stole an onion ring from my plate, dragged it through my ketchup and popped it in her mouth. The little moan she gave was too sexy and I hated that my very quiet libido had again decided to rear its head now of all times and places.
“Uh huh. So, what do you think of it?”
“Not sure since I don't know much of anything about your family. Your mom being Lakota lends the theory some credence but it would be damned hard to keep the secret from your dad. They’ve been together a while, yeah?”
“Over thirty years. They were married a few years before they had me. I can’t imagine them not sharing her secret. Keeping it from me? Yeah, that I can see, at least if they thought it was the safest thing. They are a formidable team.”
“Overprotective?”
“Not really but they always had their version of the path I should follow. It’s funny, they didn’t mind me being gay, but not committing to follow a strictly artistic path was a problem for a long time. She’s an artist, as you know, and he’s an art historian who travels the world to lecture and give certification to the age of certain finds.”
“Writing isn’t art to them? What you do is hugely creative. They don’t see that or they just don’t like it being in a different medium?”
“It was something outside of their fields which meant less control and power to help me get a career started. I didn’t want them getting me breaks. I wanted to make it because of my work and not their names. Maybe it’s childish but I wanted them to be proud of me for being me and not because I was theirs.”
“Makes sense, you know. A lot of people struggle to get out of their parents’ shadow. Or their siblings’ shadows.”
“What about you? Struggles? How’s your family to deal with?”
“Honestly, my parents were an A
lpha pair for our pack. Thankfully, the pack got kind of big and it split off for easier management. Right now, my pack is pretty much just immediate family and their wives and kids. I’m the only girl out of four kids and I’m the baby. I think my mother wishes I were more dominant but my oldest brother is our Alpha now that my dad decided to step back.”
“So, in the wild, that would be a challenge, usually to the death, right?”
“Yes and no. Typically, natural packs are families with a mated pair and their pups. As the pups age they split off to form new families. In captivity, dominance can easily be the reason for a pack leader. Thankfully, our human sides keep things civil if the pack has a large extended family. Generally, we know when it’s time to step aside and let the next generation take over, add outsiders for some reason, or split off into smaller groups for resource reasons or ease of management. There are still challenges in some packs but around here it’s usually more civil. And no more fights to the death. That was outlawed back in the eighteen hundreds when human laws were getting more strict about dueling and such.”
“So, are all of your brothers married?”
“Yup. I’m the holdout.”
“Haven’t met the right person? Or are you seeing someone?”
Lame, I thought. I mentally smacked myself. Couldn’t I have just hired a plane to skywrite my interest? Smoothness wasn’t my forte, obviously.
“Uh, no. I mean, not seeing anyone and never married. My parents are happy with my role here at The Center but I’ve never brought anyone home to meet them. My sister-in-laws keep trying to set me up with women they know and I keep reminding them that I’d prefer to do my own searching out of a mate.”
Bingo. At least I knew for certain she was into women. With all this shifter stuff I hadn’t been certain if she was into women or just self-assured and assertive with a bit of flirty behavior thrown in.
“I see. Well, one good thing about living away from my folks is that they never try to set me up anymore. Before I came out, it was the sons of their friends. Then it became their daughters, or any stray bisexual or lesbian they found. I wasn’t aware that being single was terminal.”
“Right? I keep trying to tell people that I’m fine. I love my job. I love that I’ve gotten to take on a bigger role in working with our young. I haven’t felt a biological clock tick yet and I have plenty of time.”
“To avoiding setups.” I raised my glass of iced tea and clinked it with hers. “Let’s go back to my place and finish the training. I think I’d like to get some writing done tonight. I don’t want to get too far behind. Plus, I should call my folks tonight. Maybe see if Mom has any affinity for long runs in the woods.”
“Well, did she ever eat any venison?”
“No, but she’s always been more into veggies and poultry or fish. Not into red meats at all.”
“Let me know how it goes. I’ll let you know before I leave if Kerstin will be stopping by or not. I think she was going to plan on heading home if you were okay and her patient was stable enough.”
I HAD A productive night of writing after Janice left and Kerstin agreed to take a night off. I did call my parents but no one burst out with any revelations about shifting into an animal or foraging in the woods. I hadn’t expected it but it still would have been nice. Instead, I was left wondering if my mother could be a resource or if this would make me seem like some kind of monster to my parents.
With those lovely ideas swirling in my head, I turned to my writing and immersed myself in writing a car chase that ended with a fiery explosion and our hero making it out just in the nick of time. Of course, the chase was just the start of his adventure and I spent hours laying it out before I wore myself down enough to get some sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
I AWOKE PANTING and I could feel my heart racing a million beats per minute. I didn’t know exactly what I had dreamt but I remembered the sensation of being chased through the woods. I could hear the crashing of my pursuers behind me as I raced for any place that might give me suitable cover and protection. The light coming from my bathroom reminded me of where I was and that I was safe. Couldn’t get much safer than in an underground bunker with top-notch security between the world and me. Of course, security didn’t help me hide from my dreams.
When I was able to calm myself down, I wrote what I could remember in a small notebook I kept by my bedside. I’d done this ever since I was a child and suffered from nightmares. My mother said that if I wrote them down, it captured the dreams and they couldn’t hurt me anymore. That didn't mean that I didn’t have repetitive nightmares at times but as a child at least, I felt safer. As an adult, I kept the habit though nightmares were far scarcer than in childhood.
The clock told me that it was four in the morning and I wasn’t getting back to sleep right away, so I went to the small refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. I twisted the cap off as I walked to my laptop and opened the lid to activate it.
I waited for the screen to come alive as I drank heavily from the bottle of water before I set it aside. I opened the browser and started checking e-mails, deleting most but setting aside some to answer when I was more coherent. Then I turned to the news. It was a sick fascination for me. I despised so much of what happened in the world yet I felt some strange need to force myself to read about it several times a week. I seldom looked more often, though recently, perhaps out of some sense of forced isolation versus the kind I imposed on myself, I was checking out the world almost daily now.
I flipped to social media and looked at the personal pages of my two alter egos. My agent’s staff took care of most of the posting and such for those sites but now and again I would answer a post myself or post a little tidbit about a work in progress. Sometimes it was just fun to see what people were saying about my works.
I flipped over to the pen name for my lesbian works, Nina Sanbourne. I have no idea where that name came from, but I had used it for years and it was my public publishing name in the genre of lesbian fiction. I loved cruising through this page because I would get all sorts of insane comments from readers. Actual marriage proposals if I would only show myself at one conference or another. Inquiries about how to arrange for me to teach people how to write like I did, as if that were possible.
Understand, please, that I don’t say that from a place of ego but from the fact that we each must write as we write, not as some author we admire does. Everyone must have his or her own voice as an author. Or multiple voices if you choose to work in genres that are not in line with each other. I found that the best times to read this page were when I had a new work coming out or one had just been released. Not just for the increased traffic but because, at times, there were some pretty astute observations made and it helped me improve for each book.
I switched to reading random things on various websites. I was really just too unsettled to write, read, or do anything that would require much focus. Finally, I decided at five thirty in the morning that I would call the number that Kerstin had left for me to use if I felt the need to talk. I didn’t want to wake her but I was really awash in emotions stirred by my dream and I needed to have her tell me that it was all just a dream and not something worse.
“Hi, Tori. What can I do for you this fine, barely started morning?” Kerstin answered the phone sounding as awake as most people did around noon.
“Hey. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. I just needed to ask you something.”
“No bother at all. I’m actually in my office catching up on a few things. Do you want to come up? I can make some tea and we can talk for a bit.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to take up your time.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’d much rather talk to you than deal with any more paperwork. The worst part of being a grown up is all the reporting and red tape we deal with as a result of losing that childish ability to simply trust others to do as they should without clauses and binding contracts.”
“I hear that. I’ve ha
ted going through contracts so much that I admit there were a time or two when my lawyer told me it was good so I just signed. I know I shouldn’t and I usually don’t, but sometimes I hate the business side of what I do for a living.”
“Understood. So, do you remember how to get up here?”
“I think so. I’m gonna throw on some clothes and I’ll come up. See you in a bit. Kerstin, thanks.”
“My pleasure. I’ll get some tea going. See you in a few.”
Thankfully, I did recall the path to the upper floors and it was easy-peasy to find my way to Kerstin’s office space by following signs. I was knocking on her door before it occurred to me that I could have simply walked outside on my way up but instead I had been seeking comfort in a person rather than nature.
“Come in, Tori. Tea’s just about ready,” Kerstin greeted me as she unlocked her office door and then closed it behind me.
“Thanks. This may be nothing at all but I had a rough nightmare and I can’t seem to shake it.”
I took the mug of tea that she offered me. I breathed in the calming scents of mint and chamomile while she settled opposite me at the table with her own mug.
“Nightmares can be many things. Dreams in general are just the way our bodies and minds process various input from our lives. Crossing over into nightmare territory can be because they are things that have happened that traumatized us, things we fear will happen, or things coming together from a million little signals we pick up through our subconscious without recognizing them. They can also be precognitive but that’s a totally different field. Tell me, what happened in this dream?”
“I was running from someone or something, I’m not sure which. I was in the woods trying to reach someplace safe to hide. There was the sound of one or more people crashing through the woods behind me, chasing me down. I felt myself getting tired and yet I kept going, knowing that I had to lead them away from someplace. I woke up when I heard a shot fired.”
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