Roam (Guarding Her Book 5)

by Anna Brooks

  “Whatever you want.”

  “Pop-Tarts for sure.”

  “Of course.” She stops abruptly, and I almost crash into her, but avoid it by grabbing her waist and pulling her into me instead of me pushing into her. “You okay?”

  In my arms, she turns. “I can cook exactly six things, not including Pop-Tarts and making sandwiches. Or heating Ramen. Or making macaroni and cheese.” She’s trying to tell me something important because she’s dead serious, but she’s so goddamn cute that I have to fight my smile. It’s such a foreign feeling for me because it’s normally a battle for me to smile, but my own personal soldier has somehow won without even knowing there was a war to begin with. “French toast, omelet, pot roast, lasagna and spaghetti, which kind of count as the same thing, so technically seven if you’re counting, grilled cheese, tater tot casserole, and I make a mean chocolate sauce for sundaes. So that’s what I bring to the table… literally.”

  My lips quirk as my chin lowers. “I make a mean breakfast, decent sandwich, and can tear up any kind of meat on a grill, or anything on a grill for that matter; potatoes, veggies, etcetera. So you get the shit you need to make your seven things not including Pop-Tarts, sandwiches, and mac and cheese. And I’ll get the shit I need.”

  “You forgot Ramen.”

  “Sorry, darlin’. Don’t know how I forgot Ramen.”

  I’ve never had fun shopping in my life, but the past forty minutes have been somehow memorable. As we’re standing in line to check out, a prickling sensation on the back of my neck causes me to instinctually get closer to Brinley. My chest brushes against her back, and I bring my arms around her to shield her. I ignore how goddamn perfectly she fits me even though that thought almost overrides the instincts that made me touch her in the first place.

  Once I’m satisfied she’s protected from any danger, I look around until I find the source of my apprehension. Standing at the check cashing station, a man wearing worn jeans, a black hoodie, and a black bandana can’t take his eyes off her. He’s staring at Brinley with a morbid fascination, and he doesn’t realize the line has moved forward, making my fists ball.

  “Dude.” Rinny’s body jolts beneath mine when I snap at the guy. His head angles up, and his eyes meet mine. I don’t even need to shake my head for him to get me because he quickly averts his gaze and walks to the now open cashier.

  That’s right, motherfucker. Eyes off.

  Brinley

  The pile of clothes I folded on the bed is more than I’ve ever had in my life. I move them to the dresser and put the shoes in Noble’s closet. It’s not huge, but it was practically empty. He said he wore T-shirts and jeans, and everything he had was in his dresser so the closet’s mine. At least temporarily.

  I’m trying not to be a big baby and cry about all of the good things that have happened to me today. I’ve never had this much stuff… let alone nice and new things. Nobody’s ever cared about me enough to run after me. I know it won’t last forever, so I’ll definitely cherish it while I’m here.

  Noble says sweet things and even acts as if he cares about me more than just as a memory of his daughter, but I know he’s only taking care of me out of some sense of obligation. As much as I wish it was more, I know it won’t come true. Not for someone like me. Especially someone who was his daughter’s best friend. A reminder of a past he’d rather forget.

  Not that he wants to forget his life with Katie, just the part where she died. I definitely don’t want to forget my time with her because it was some of the, no, it was the happiest time that I can remember. It’s been a while since I’ve thought about her, and the memories of our friendship make me happy in the saddest way possible.

  “You okay?”

  I jump at Noble’s voice behind me and nod. He’s stealthy, jeez. I didn’t even hear him behind me. “Yes. Thank you again.”

  “Why are you crying?”

  “I’m not.”

  “You’re about to.”

  I don’t know how he reads me so well. “I just… I’ve never had this much stuff before.” I don’t want to tell him that even without all the stuff, the way he’s treated me and the things I feel for him scare me more than anything ever has. Because after one day, I’m totally falling for my dead best friend’s father.

  It’s not right, but it’s not wrong. I really don’t know what it is. All I know is he makes me feel all the things in all the places. I haven’t asked him, and I’m assuming I know the answer, but why doesn’t he have a wife? Or a girlfriend at least.

  He’s older than I am, but he’s still young. He’s ridiculously attractive. And he’s the best man I’ve ever known. If there was even a possibility that he’d want me, I’d jump on it because I’m not stupid enough to push a good thing away… not when I’ve had so few of them in my life.

  If Katie was still here, Cora would be, too, so that means this could never, ever happen. But they’re not. And we are. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve already given him enough reasons to think I’m crazy, or helpless, or pathetic, when he finds out the truth, he’s really going to think I’m a nut job.

  Even if he overlooks the truth, it sucks knowing I’m just his daughter’s best friend and a girl he once knew. Just a girl from his past. I’m used to it, though, being invisible and forgotten. I just wish for once in my life I was more than that. I wish I could be something to somebody. That I could be someone’s everything. That I could give anything to anyone.

  The tic in his jaw comes back, something I notice that happens when he’s angry. “Come on. Dinner’s ready.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right there.”

  The amount of money he spent was unfathomable to me, and I wanted to thank him again and again, but I knew he’d get mad, so I didn’t. Instead, I put everything away while he grilled steaks and made potatoes.

  And now I sit across from him as we eat the amazing food he prepared. I can’t remember the last time I had something so delicious. “You’re a liar. You can cook more than stuff on the grill.”

  He shrugs. “I’m okay.”

  “Where did you learn to cook?”

  “My mom. She always brought home whatever was about to go bad from the grocery store where she worked, so she’d have to be creative. I learned from watching her.” He shrugs.

  “That’s really cool. Are your parents still alive?”

  “No.” His voice softens. “No family left. Just me.”

  I pause before I take a bite. “I know how that feels.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

  “It’s fine. I’m used to it. I’m numb to it actually. Learning your mom shot up meth while she was pregnant and your not even six-pound body was born already addicted does that to a girl.”

  “Brin—”

  “Seriously, Noble. It’s fine. I wasn’t asking for sympathy; I was empathizing with you.”

  He’s shoving the last bite of his steak into his mouth when he drops his fork. I jump at the clatter.

  “Stay here.”

  I have no clue what he’s doing, but a second later, I hear a car door slam outside. He heads out the front door, and I fear who’s on the other side. Suddenly, I’m no longer hungry and clear my dishes. There’s a small window above the sink, and as I’m rinsing my plate, I see the hood of a black Jeep but not who the driver is.

  A few garbled voices filter their way through the walls, and I’m just wiping my hands on a towel when the front door opens. Bracing myself, I press against the counter and wrap my fingers around the ledge, and when I see Erik’s intimidating frame, I squeeze.

  I have no clue why he’s here or what he wants. Did he find out? Did he tell Noble?

  He glances at the couch, then the table, and finally turns and sees me. “Hi.” He’s cheerful but hesitant as he approaches me. Noble stands behind him with his arms crossed. “I just wanted to check on you.” He holds up a suitcase. “And to bring you the things Polly bought you.”

  I’m not sure what he expects me t
o say. The need to protect myself and not trust are the feelings I’m comfortable with, so I slip back into them with no problem, easily displaying an attitude. “You’re not here to give me my clothes.” I call him on his lie.

  He takes a step back; maybe it’s because of my hostility. I was nothing but quiet and meek at his place, but that wasn’t me. This is me. This is the me I have to be in order to survive. “You’re right, it’s not just about the clothes. I was worried, too.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I care about you?”

  He doesn’t give a crap about me. So I press again, “Why?”

  He moves again, but this time toward me. When he stops a few feet in front of me, I flinch at the quickness. Noble uncrosses his arms, but Erik presses his hand out behind him as if to hold him back. “The truth, Brinley, is because my wife cares. A lot. And because she does, I do, too. She’s worried about you, so I told her I’d check in and see how you are.”

  “Why?”

  His patience is wearing thin. “I’ll ask again. How are you?”

  There’s no way he’s actually here just to check on me. Not after what I did. “But I—”

  He cuts me off. “Polly explained a lot of shit to me. Opened my eyes and made me realize that you’re a young woman who has been through a lot with no healthy way to deal with it. But most importantly, you’re someone who has people who care about you now. I don’t know about before, but you do now. Polly, Paisley, the guys at Royal, they’re all worried.”

  “But aren’t they mad?”

  His eyes stay firm on me. “No. Nobody’s mad. So let me ask you again, how are you?”

  It’s the softness in his voice now. The concern. The way he doesn’t give up. How I’ve never been on the receiving end of forgiveness. I open my mouth to tell him that for the first time in my life I had a six, but nothing comes out except a strangled cry. Tears of relief dampen my cheeks. The guilt I’d been feeling and the embarrassment of my entire life pours out of me.

  Chapter 6

  Noble

  Some kind of instinct in me gets me to her before she falls, and I keep her standing, only this time in my arms. “I’m sorry.” She sucks in a shaky breath as she apologizes. “I’m sorry. I swear I never usually cry.”

  “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” I start to adjust my grip so I can lift her, but she tears out of my arms.

  Her hands swipe at her wet face, and she transforms in a matter of seconds. If it wasn’t for the fact that I literally just saw her lose her shit, I’d never have guessed she was crying about thirty seconds ago. “I’m going to just go take a shower before I go to bed. Thanks for today, Noble, and thank you for stopping by to check on me, Erik. Tell Polly I’m fine and thanks.”

  The swift change in her demeanor gives me whiplash, but neither Erik nor I say anything when she walks down the hall and shuts the bathroom door. It’s not until the shower turns on that he looks at me. “Well, okay then.”

  “She’s going through some stuff.”

  “Yeah. You gonna get her some help with that? Like professional help?”

  “I brought it up, but she told me she’d run away if I made her. I don’t want to start things off by pushing her to do stuff she doesn’t want to do.”

  He gives a jerk of his chin. “Call her on it.”

  I do not want to tell him about her escape tactics. At least not all of them. “She swears it was just a one-time thing. And I’ve gotta tell you, for the most part, she seems… fine. She’s been smiling and laughing and acting like everything’s okay.”

  “But it’s not. What happened was not okay.”

  “I know that. And I also know there’s more to what she’s telling me… or not telling me, rather.”

  “Good.” He starts to head toward the door, and I follow him until we’re outside. “I know who she is, you know.” Erik states the obvious, but he does it cautiously.

  I grunt.

  “What I didn’t know until right now, until I saw the way you held her, is that she’s more than someone from your past.”

  “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You don’t think I see how you’re looking at her? I missed it back at the house because I was so worried about Paisley, but it was painfully obvious a few minutes ago. Not only how you’re looking at her but how you were ready to stand between us when you thought I was upsetting her?”

  I sit on my front porch on the bottom step and throw a ball for Luna since she followed me out here. Erik’s standing on the gravel, leaning on the bottom of the railing. The dog drops the ball in front of me, and I toss it again, watching her short legs gain traction before she runs away.

  “She was the last person I saw after I buried my family, man.”

  He sucks in a breath, one of the only men who knows the details about my past. “I know that.”

  “She’s gorgeous. Grew up to be more beautiful than I could have imagined, especially for what she’s been through. And I don’t even know all of it. But this isn’t that. It can’t be.”

  He sits next to me, and Luna runs to him, dropping the ball. “You want it to be?”

  “I haven’t thought about it,” I lie. “But even if I did, I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “She’s my dead daughter’s best friend,” I insist. The relationship I have with her is all the fucked-up explanation needed.

  “So…?” He draws out the word, questioning.

  “She’s just a baby.”

  He throws the ball for Luna and then tucks his hands in his pockets. “She’s nineteen. Almost twenty. That means she’s an adult… who gets you, and I’ve gotta say, you’re a tough man to figure out, and I’ve known you for a really long time.”

  “Weren’t you the one throwing a shit fit about Royce going after Paisley ’cause he’s older than her?”

  “No. I threw a shit fit because she’s my daughter. It had nothing to do with him being older. I learned with Polly first, then Paisley, that these girls, the ones who have been through hell, are the ones who get it. They get what’s important. And they’re the ones who need someone to show them that they matter, and the ones who make us feel like we have purpose.”

  He’s absolutely right. I feel like I have a meaning again, and I haven’t had that in what feels like forever. I feel everything when it comes to her. “Whatever. I don’t even know exactly what she’s been through anyway.” I rest my elbows on my knees and rub my face. “Like I said, I haven’t thought about it, so quit tryin’ to make it more than it is.”

  He raises a brow but drops the subject. “How long do you need off?”

  “However long it takes.”

  “You know it won’t be a problem, and in fact, I’m actually glad you have a reason to use the ridiculous amount of vacation you’ve accumulated. Plus we’re still working on some other jobs for you, so as soon as you’re ready, we’ll nail some shit down. Until then, enjoy your time and let me know if you need anything from me, from us. You know we’ve all got your back.”

  Since I started working for him about seven years ago, I haven’t taken a single day off. I lost count of how much vacation time I have, but I had no reason to use it before, so I’m glad I have it now.

  After I resigned from the police force and moved away from where I used to live in the city to this cabin that’s been in my family for decades, I immersed myself in darkness and solitude for over a year.

  I wasn’t able to see even a sliver of light until Erik. We went to school together a long ass time ago before he moved away, but he still knew of Cora and had heard what happened. When I ran into him, I was at rock bottom, and he was trying to keep himself afloat.

  We’d both experienced losses that absolutely gutted us, and while he chose a certain kind of addiction as his crutch, I completely checked out. A man like me doesn’t lose what I lost and not feel completely fucking invalid and worthless. I still feel that way most days.

  My parents were devast
ated, of course, because they’d lost their only grandchild, but in a way, they also lost their son. I still feel like shit for not being around as much as I could have been while they were still alive. On the flip side of the coin, they wouldn’t have wanted me around more than I was since the son they knew died right along with his family.

  I didn’t shun them forever, though. There’s not much I’m grateful for in my life, but I am thankful I got my head out of my ass and spent time with my parents before they passed four years ago. My mom found out she had cancer and was gone three months later. And my dad passed in his sleep a month after her.

  Losing them, though, and being completely alone made me colder than I already was. And being around Rinny warms me up just a little bit. She’s made me smile more in the past day than I have the entire year.

  “I’ll let Polls know you have Brinley taken care of. I don’t know how long I can hold her off, but I’ll do my best.”

  “Thanks. I need a favor, though.”

  “Anything.”

  “Send a couple of boys to install a system.”

  He stands up straight and narrows his eyes at me; the instinct that all the guys at Royal have when they even suspect some type of danger. “You got a problem?”

  “No. Not like that.” I debate how much I want to tell him but decide he deserves the truth. “She tried to run away.” I leave out that she did it more than once. “I just need the added warning even though I think she’s good now… at least as good as she can be.”

  “Why did she run?”

  “Fuck if I know. Fear?” I hate the reminder, but she is young. Even though she may have been through some shit, she’s still inexperienced so when she does stupid shit like running away, I need to understand she doesn’t know anything else.

  “Think that proves my point that you need to get her help, don’t you think?”

  Okay, I’ve been cool with him, but I’m a grown ass man who doesn’t need someone up in my shit. “You’re crossing a line you don’t wanna cross with me, Erik.”

  “What line is that? Pointing out the obvious?”