A Heart's Design

by Natalee Cooper

  The heady scent of nature greeted her outside, the rich layers striking at least three of her five senses. Grateful for the distraction, she filled her lungs with the fresh country air. Even the crunch of gravel embedded in the scattered clumps of grass filled her soul.

  Who knew Idaho would find a place in her heart?

  Eric took her bag wordlessly, placing it next to his and slammed the trunk shut. He had the engine running before she could open her door and slip inside. A cringe tensed her shoulders as he tapped the window seal in that way he did. They had plenty of time to make their flight, but the way he gave the car gas had her double checking the clock on the dash. He stopped at the main road and flipped the blinker.

  “Wait. Turn left.”

  For the first time that morning, he looked at her. “Left?”

  “Let’s drive by the ranch before we go.” An overwhelming pull to see Jase’s land one more time poked at her every nerve, spurring her to the edge of her seat, her leg bouncing as she waited.

  His eye roll was subtle, like he hadn’t meant to let it slip, but he switched the blinker and headed away from town. “You’re the boss.”

  Right. The boss. She absently smoothed the fresh tape of her bandage in place, welcoming the breeze from her open window as she chose the best opening to tell him the news she couldn’t the night before. “I heard from Camille yesterday.”

  Dark lenses covered his eyes as he pushed his sunglasses in place. “Was it the contract?”

  “No.”

  He pressed the stereo dial, cutting off the low music.

  “Camille says they’re going a different direction. With a different firm. One that has more experience under them.” Despite her best effort for a strong voice, her answer barely carried over the car’s engine.

  “Another firm? Like who? The woman loved your ideas.”

  Madison’s phone call with Camille still didn’t sit right. There had been something oddly close to regret in the business woman’s voice, contradicting her decision to walk away, which somehow felt worse than a flat-out, cold rejection would have. “I don’t know who. Guess she didn’t love the ideas quite as much as we thought.”

  Maybe it was the vulnerability coursing through her, or maybe she just missed younger days, but she pulled her feet up underneath her like she had as a little girl playing shotgun in her dad’s truck. The familiar position brought a token of peace, but it lasted less than a mile. “I don’t know what I could have done different. Maybe La Jolla was a bad idea. What if now isn’t the right time to change the company’s direction?”

  “Don’t say that.” His tone clipped the air inside the small car. “There’s never going to be a perfect time for anything. That is why you chase after what you want. And if you trip a few times along the way, no sweat. That’s what tomorrows are for.”

  Easy for you to say, with your trust fund security blanket.

  She didn’t have that fallback. Eric meant well, and he was probably right, but her current scary leap seemed riskier than ever. “Maybe.”

  His hair fell across one eye as he shook his head, but nothing else was said as he turned toward the Cutter Ranch. She was out of the car the minute the tires stopped.

  Lifting her face toward the sunlight, Madison listened to the battle between the insects, quaking aspen, and the trickling stream, all creating a soundtrack worthy of any playlist. With one full circle, she took it all in but stumbled when she spotted Jase’s rental car parked several yards away along a row of pine trees. Shielding the sun from her eyes, she searched until she found him.

  He stood, unmoving, in front of the pile of wreckage she’d noticed the day before. The lonely structure hid something—secrets, stories, or both—but, at the moment, her mind only stirred for the man standing in front of it. The realization unbalanced her.

  “You can't seriously want anything to do with him?”

  She startled but didn't turn as her long-time friend stepped up beside her.

  “Look at all the women he’s been with.”

  Madison stared at him, about to return his earlier eye roll, but as countless media photos crept into her thoughts in one continuous loop, she dropped her gaze.

  “He hasn’t earned his bachelor title for nothing. You’ve seen the pictures. It’s a different girl in each one. Guys like that are all about making the most of every opportunity before moving on to the next one. Real estate deals, girls. It doesn’t matter. Trust me, I know.” The veins in his arms bulged where he’d folded them tight against his chest. “That’s exactly what my father does. And he’s married.”

  She peeked at Jase’s stooped frame, and even from this distance sensed a shadow over him. A defensive reply bubbled up inside her, but she couldn’t have this conversation right now. “I’m going to go tell him good-bye.” A tug on her arm shot pain clear to the bone where her cut stretched beneath its bandage.

  “Sorry, I forgot.” He winced and let go, raking his hair back from his face. “It’s just… I’m not the bad guy here, Mads. I’m trying to protect you. I care—”

  “I don’t need you to protect me. I really don’t.”

  Eric’s footsteps through the grass were the last thing she heard before the car door creaked as he opened it and slipped onto the driver’s seat, and as she walked away, the most insecure parts of her wondered if what he’d said was true. Maybe Jase was one of those guys. The type that didn't think twice about taking advantage of a situation. Like Eric’s dad. And his mom, if half of what he told her over the years was true.

  She twisted her bracelet, her thoughts leading her down a murky path, but it had a few specs of light impossible to ignore. Like Jase’s compassion toward the loss of her father. And she'd never once detected a cavalier attitude during any of their conversations.

  A carefree breeze tumbled by, twisting the hem of her red Venetian blouse. Eric’s accusations, along with her angst from losing a client, started a dull ache at the base of her neck like the one from yesterday. Her uneven heartbeat as she approached Jase didn't help.

  Only feet from the bruised wreckage, he stood with his head hung low, and his shoulders sagged as if bereft of their strength. The twisted and splintered wood lay in a heap, the charred pieces looking as if they'd suffered the pains of two wars, and Madison realized too late she was probably trespassing.

  “It used to be our horse stables.” His voice was quiet but clear on the early morning air. “Lightning struck it, starting a fire on the roof.” He slipped his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his attention not straying from the torn rubble.

  Her heart stilled, sensing what lay beneath his words was difficult to bear, and that same reverence from before returned.

  “You know, I’m not sure if I would have followed in his footsteps. My father's.” He laughed softly and kicked at a rock. “I was always restless. Mom used to tell Dad all I needed was a little adventure, and then I’d settled down.”

  Her lips curved up at the picture of a teenage Jase, eager to take on life, but it sobered as he continued.

  “I think I would have ended up back home, though. Maybe not to take over the ranch but, well, I don't know. I don't think I would have left Sam to do it alone.”

  “Sam is your father?”

  “He was my older brother…well, only brother. It was the two of us and Mom and Dad.”

  The past tense in which he spoke of his brother wasn’t missed, and her heart broke. “How long ago did you lose him?”

  His focus seemed fixed on something far away. “I lost them all over eleven years ago.”

  As if weights were shackled to her chest, the air squeezed from her lungs as all of the pieces began to fall into place. “I had no idea.”

  “Sam and I had just gotten back from old Pete’s place, helping him round up a loose bull. We'd seen the first strike of lightning when we pulled up and noticed how close to the hill it hit behind the house. We thought it was pretty cool.” His humorless laugh cut the air between them. “And the
n it struck the stable. The whole ranch lit up.” He absently rubbed his left arm. “I remember the hair on my skin prickling. It was almost painful.”

  For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of insects and the distant bawling of cattle. She wasn't sure what to say or even how to act, only had the strongest desire to reach out and show him some kind of support, but hesitated.

  “My parents raced past us, heading straight for the horses inside. I don't even know where they came from. And then…the little fire that had glowed so weak…” The words seemed to catch on his lips. “It was eating up the entire roof. I ran forward, but Sam held me back. He yelled at me to call for help and to go get Dustin’s dad.”

  Nothing but the black and grayed remains filled her vision. His nightmare.

  Her throat thickened. She could almost taste the choking smoke and couldn't help glancing at him. His absolute stillness and unblinking stare broke the damn holding her tears.

  As if he needed to touch a piece of the wreckage, he stretched out his left hand, but his fingers didn’t make contact. They only trembled slightly before falling back to his side. She slipped her hand around his and squeezed, but when she started to let go, his grip tightened.

  “Everything happened so fast. Sam hollered at me again to get going, but I froze. Stood there and watched as he darted inside the stable after Mom and Dad. The smoke billowed high into the night sky. I remember how it blocked out the stars,” he whispered, sounding ashamed for remembering that detail.

  His struggle for composure caused her tears to spill over, wetting her checks. Her own loss was gentle compared to the torment he must have endured at losing his family so horrifically. And then guilt slammed into her. No wonder he asked for privacy.

  And we let him down.

  “Sorry.” His voice hitched with a shallow laugh. “I’m sure you didn’t want to hear all of that.”

  “No, don’t apologize. Please.”

  “I realize I should be over it by now. Or at peace, or whatever, it’s just…if I’d followed Sam, or not hesitated. I mean, I didn’t even move until…” His eyes filled with self-blame. “Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. I don’t know, but…” He took a deep breath and looked down. “Seeing—hearing the roof tear away, collapsing…”

  He rubbed his jaw. “Dustin was right to call me a coward.”

  Right. His unfinished business… “You’re not a coward. You were practically a kid.”

  “I was almost nineteen.”

  Her jaw hurt from biting back her emotion. She didn’t dare speak further, knowing the tears wouldn’t stop.

  “That small fire spread. It not only took my family, but everything. The house and all of the outbuildings.” His attention strayed across his land. “So, yeah. No family gatherings.”

  She leaned her head against his arm, giving him the only support she could, and, for several long seconds, they stood on that spot of dried grass and dark soil. Time ticked by, leaving her with little left before she and Eric needed to catch their flight, but how could she go?

  “Has it gotten easier for you? Living without your father?”

  “Yes.” She waited until he raised his chin slightly and then held his gaze. “But I haven't forgotten him. And I hope I never do. Even the moments at the end when he was so sick. It makes all our good times that much sweeter.”

  Jase regarded her before focusing on what had been the stable—or the few pieces left.

  “Storms and lightning still mess with my head. Fires, too.”

  His sideways glance whispered he expected her to think less of him, but then his expression shifted, and the tightness in his jaw eased.

  “How’s your arm feeling?”

  The dull throb from where Eric had grabbed her was nothing to what he’d shared. “Fine. And, it was an accident,” she reminded him again, hating the thought of adding to his troubled conscience.

  Sounds of a car door shutting from several yards back, carried her way. She untwined her fingers from Jase’s grasp, scared by the ache in her heart at leaving him there. “Thank you again for everything.”

  “You know I can’t let you go.”

  “No?” She swallowed hard as his gaze, dark as honey, searched hers. Like they had the night before.

  Goose bumps feathered her skin as she recalled their moment on the steps—his fingers brushing back her hair, the way he’d leaned in—of the kiss that never happened. Was it going to now? Would she let him?

  “Nope.” A beautiful, amused grin lifted one corner of his mouth. “Not until I get an answer.”

  “An answer?”

  “Want to make sure you haven’t changed your mind.”

  He’s talking about the house.

  What she was sure was red hot embarrassment replaced the heat on her skin. “Right. My answer hasn’t changed from last night. I’d love to do the design.” Her voice was that of a weak-kneed girl, rather than a professional woman.

  She wanted to slap herself for being such a dummy.

  All mischief faded from his smile. “I’m in your debt. Especially for fitting in such a small design compared to your usual, larger projects. But, after hearing your ideas and your process, you’re the only one I trust to do this.”

  If only she were that swamped with large projects.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, of course.” She tried for a more convincing smile, but his forehead creased.

  “Listen, last night—”

  “It’s work.” For reasons she couldn’t explain, she didn’t want to hear any apologies or regrets from him. “One of my accounts is reconsidering. That’s all.” But, too late, she grasped what she’d said and bit hard on the inside of her cheek.

  Seriously? You did not share that with him.

  What Madison hoped was sympathy and not concern, flitted across his face. The last thing she wanted was him thinking he’d offered an incompetent architect a job.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  She waved it off and tried for a bigger smile. This time he seemed to buy it. “Most likely they’re only putting it on hold.”

  “Well, good luck.”

  Her glance followed his to where Eric’s back rested against the car, his arms folded.

  “I think maybe your accountant has had enough of Idaho.”

  “I’m sure he just doesn’t want to miss our flight.”

  “Uh huh.” He rubbed his jaw. “Guess I better let you go.”

  “Hopefully, I’ll see you soon. To…you know,” she stammered, “show you the designs.”

  His deep chuckle followed her to the car.

  He totally enjoys playing with my nerves.

  Without words, she slid onto the passenger seat, and Eric drove them away from the Cutter Ranch, but her mind stayed welded to the story of the land’s owner. A story too personal and too tragic to repeat.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jase stood by the window next to his desk, the afternoon sun not quite as bright with the lingering smog. The ugly grittiness usually stuck to the L.A. area, which he preferred. One place it never crept up was the ranch. And, not for the first time since being back, his mind slipped to Idaho. And to a certain beautiful woman.

  His phone vibrated with a new text, and he wondered if Madison’s ears were burning.

  —Radiant heated floors on main?—

  He couldn’t remember how their almost daily texts started—some trivial project question like this maybe—but the first one had popped up the day after they’d returned four weeks ago.

  —Does get cold up there in winter—he typed.

  —Good option for staying toasty—

  His office filled with his laughter.

  —Then yes, please—

  —Smart man. How’d mtg w/Simon go?—

  —It’s in 5—

  —Lucky you ;)—

  He only had two words typed before another message lit up his screen.

  —*Face Palm* I meant that winky face for the mtg, not
Simon!!—

  A grin pulled at one side of his mouth. Their conversations had become less business-y and more friendly with every send.

  Just like in Sun Valley.

  Only now, due to several untimely scheduling conflicts on his end, the conversations were just bubbles across a screen. His grin slipped. Black text didn’t translate the way she talked faster the more excited she got, nor did it allow him to see her fidget with her bracelet when he made her nervous.

  The gloom beyond his window seemed to darken, the gray, hazy mess the opposite of everything she was…

  —Meet over lunch tomorrow to discuss the garage designs?—

  The cool screen beneath his finger as he typed the invitation contradicted the warmth at the back of his neck. He drummed his foot against the hard floor as he waited for her reply, but when a full minute passed without one, he dropped the phone back on the desk.

  He tugged on the corner of his calendar to see it better. To his relief, his day was free after Simon. He intended to make the most of it with a run along the beach, followed by relaxing under the shade on his deck to get his brain in the right game.

  “Mr. Weston is here to see you.”

  Jase straightened his calendar as he looked up at Penny just inside the door. “Great, thank you.”

  “Oh, and Missy Oldman says she can meet you Thursday at seven and to dress nice.”

  “Seven? In the evening?” He rolled his eyes. “If I don’t close this deal Thursday, I’m swearing off real estate.”

  Penny stifled a chuckle but didn’t argue. “I’ll send Simon in. Would you still like me to stay and take notes?”

  “Please.”

  The architect entered his office a moment later, impeccably dressed as always. His combed and gelled hair swept across his forehead with angled precision. Jase doubted there was much that could move it out of place, but he suddenly had a strong urge to try.

  Just one little flick.