Existence

by Abbi Glines

No one giggled after Dank finished. There was no question in my mind, he’d done that for me. I turned this time to find him exactly where I’d expected. He was seated behind Kendra whose expression was so pinched you would have thought someone just slapped her. He gave me a wink and flashed that one perfect dimple. I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face.

  “Very well done, Mr. Walker. Now, let us hope the rest of you grasp this piece of literature as well as Pagan and Dank because today we embark upon a journey even further into this world created by Aeschylus.”

  Having Dank answer more elaborately than I to show there was nothing wrong with knowing the answers helped me stay focused on Mr. Brown’s discussion. Still, Dank remained at the forefront of my mind.

  * * * *

  At the end of the day I reached into my locker and pulled out the books I needed for homework. Two warm hands slid around my waist.

  “I missed you,” Leif whispered in my ear and I turned my head back to him and smiled.

  “I’ve missed you, too, but aren’t you supposed to be at practice?”

  He shrugged. “I was on my way when I thought about you standing at your locker and how easy it would be to take a detour to come see you.”

  “I’m glad you did. Now get to the field house before the coach makes you run suicides for being late.”

  He bent down and kissed me gently on the lips. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said, stepping back and turning to jog toward the front doors. I stood watching him until he was out of sight, and then I sighed and turned back to close my locker. Today had been trying and I just wanted to go home.

  A shiver ran down my spine and I froze. It wasn’t a good shiver like the ones Dank caused. It was another kind of shiver. The kind I remembered from once before. Fear caused my heart to pound wildly inside my chest. I took two deep breaths before turning around slowly. The blond soul stood watching me from across the hallway. She was studying me as she had done the last time I’d seen her. I swallowed against the nausea of overwhelming fear rising in my throat, almost suffocating me. I was alone in an empty hallway. Why had I not left with Leif? I backed up toward the front doors but they were too far away to make me feel safe. She laughed, that tinkling sound sending chills down my arms. Every step I took back she took forward.

  “Leave me alone.” I grimaced at the weakness of my demand. It was obvious I was terrified.

  She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I can’t,” she said as she approached. I thought of turning and running but I knew she would catch me easily enough.

  “Go away or I’ll tell Dank,” I said with very little conviction as my voice wavered. Her tinkling laughter rang out again.

  “He is currently busy with the blond one. I don’t know why he is putting this off,” she said when she was only a few steps away from me. I pulled my book bag closer to my chest and fought the urge to scream.

  “Dank,” I whispered past the terror squeezing my throat, hoping somehow he would hear me. The blond glanced around as if panicked, but only for a moment. Then her angelic smile returned. “Like I said, he is busy.” She reached out a hand to touch me and I cringed, expecting the cold feel of her hands.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Dank’s voice made me go weak with relief. His protective arms wrapped around me and I sank against him.

  “Leave this alone. It is for no one else to decide.” Her hauntingly-beautiful eyes glared up at him with a fierceness that chilled me. “It was never your decision to make. The rules are as they have always been. It will have to be.”

  His arms tightened around me. “You’re going to leave and stay away from her. If you come near her again I won’t forgive easily.” A flash of fear crossed her eyes and she stepped back farther from us and then she was gone.

  My legs went limp with relief. Dank pulled me up closer against him to keep me from sinking to the floor. “Did she touch you?” he asked in a cold voice I hadn’t been expecting. I shook my head, not sure my voice was ready to work. I turned my head to look back at him. He was staring down the hall. I could hear a low sound in his chest as he snarled at the now empty hallway.

  “Come on, I’m taking you home.”

  I let him keep his arm wrapped around my waist to steady me as he led me out into the parking lot. He stopped in front of topless black jeep and opened the passenger side door. I had no idea he even had a vehicle but then again nothing should surprise me at this point. He lifted me into the seat like I was a child and walked around to climb into the driver’s seat.

  “How did you know?” I asked once we were out of the school parking lot. He glanced over at me.

  “I heard your fear...and then I heard my name and the desperation in it was…” he stopped and glared back at the road. I waited in silence for him to finish but he remained silent.

  “It was what?” I asked in a whisper.

  He let out a frustrated sigh. “Terrifying. Knowing you were that scared...hearing the fear was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I was ready to cease the existence of whatever was hurting you. Then I saw her and knew it was something I couldn’t control without, without...doing something that would be close to unbearable to me, but more bearable than the alternative.”

  I heard his words but none of them made sense. I frowned and shook my head, wanting to understand and he reached over and took my hand in his. “Pagan, please don’t ask for what I can’t give you. I can give you anything but the answers to those questions.”

  I closed my eyes and turned my face away from him. I wanted to hate him for not telling me who he was or what he was. I wanted to understand him, to understand this, but he wouldn’t or couldn’t tell me anything.

  The moment the jeep stopped outside my house, I grabbed my bag and hopped out. I needed distance. Nothing about this made any sense and I wanted to understand. I turned to slam the door and saw Dank standing at his jeep with a defeated expression. I paused. The urge to call out to him was so strong, but I resisted and closed the door softly. I could not understand why he refused to explain what was happening to me. I wanted to hate him but he’d claimed a part of my soul and there was nothing I could do to stop my feelings for him. His appearance in my life had started all of this craziness. He offered to give me anything in the world other than the answers I wanted and needed. I threw my book bag down on the kitchen counter and plopped onto a bar stool. Tonight Leif would come over and we would work on his speech for this week. It would all be very normal teenage stuff. I would pretend I didn’t live in a world of haunting paranormal activity. Maybe I would even cook him dinner. All very normal, all very real.

  I finished cutting up the quesadillas as the doorbell rang. I grabbed the plate and sat it down on the kitchen table on my way to the door.

  Leif grinned and stepped inside. “Whatever I smell is heavenly. Please tell me it’s for me, because I’m starving.” I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him chastely on the lips before heading back to the kitchen to get drinks from the fridge.

  “I made quesadillas tonight. Do you want sour cream or guacamole?” I asked, turning back to look at him.

  “Sour cream,” he replied. All very normal. No crazy blond souls trying to scare the bejesus out of me. Just me and my boyfriend, working on our homework.

  “Okay, we eat first and then work on your speech about— what is it this week?” I asked as I sat the drinks, sour cream, and guacamole down on the table.

  “The importance of a college degree,” he answered, smiling with a quesadilla already half way to his mouth.

  I sat down across from him. “That should be easy enough.”

  Leif nodded and took another bite of a sour cream-smothered quesadilla. Movement from across the room caught my attention. Startled, I started to stand up, ready to bolt when Dank sauntered into the room. He saluted me and walked up the stairs to my room. I watched him go, feeling sadness overwhelm me. I’d been rude this evening and he’d come to me anyway. Secretly I’d been worrying he wouldn’t show tonight after t
he way I walked away from him. I glanced over at Leif who was taking a swig of his drink.

  “Um, I need to run upstairs and get something, I mean do something. I’ll be right back, uh, go on ahead and eat until you’re full.” He smiled and took another bite. I headed back up the stairs and walked into my room, immediately glancing toward the bed to find it empty. Instead of lounging on my bed I found him in my chair with the guitar in his hands.

  “Hey,” I said, not sure what I’d come up here to say. His grin showcasing his dimple made me shiver.

  “Hey,” he replied as he strummed at the guitar. I stood for a moment and listened to him play the tune I’d heard him sing at night when he thought I was asleep. I sat down on my bed and watched him play. He was a contradiction. A soul who wasn’t a soul but could do things a soul could do. A rock star that was supposed to be in a band that he was never with. I hadn’t thought of any of this before now.

  “Dank, why’re you here? If you sing in a band, I mean, what brought you here?” He smiled sadly and stared back down at the guitar in his hands.

  “I do sing with the band when they have gigs. Cold Soul isn’t a headliner yet. I can come and go easily, Pagan, you know that. Keeping up with my other life is easy enough.” Of course he had it all under control. He was a jack of all trades: High school heart throb, singer in a band, the ability to become like a ghost and my bodyguard. His dark blue eyes glanced back up at me. “Why are you up here when Mr. Wonderful is downstairs?” he asked and the strumming ceased.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know, you just looked like you might need me,” I said, hating the way the words sounded. He sat his guitar down and stood up. I watched as he knelt down right in front of me. I sat hypnotized as he traced my jaw line with his finger and then gently touched my lips. Desire surged through my body so strongly I grabbed a handful of the quilt I was sitting on.

  “I need you. Never doubt my need for you. But right now is not the time to explore my need. You have a love-struck boy downstairs needing your assistance with his homework,” he said gently as he stood up and stepped back away from me before turning his back on me and vanishing. I stood in my empty bedroom and took several deep breaths to steady my racing heart before heading back downstairs to help Leif write his essay. I realized my hands were trembling when I closed my bedroom door behind me. If just his touch made me react so strongly, how much more would his actual lips on mine affect me? I closed my eyes against the need coursing through me and mentally shook myself.

  Later that night, after my shower, I walked into my room and found Dank already sitting in the corner chair, strumming on his guitar. He didn’t glance up at me.

  Disappointed that he didn’t seem to want to finish what we’d started earlier, I pulled the covers back on my bed and slipped inside. I wanted to ask him why he’d left but he didn’t appear to want to talk to me. Had he seen Leif kiss me goodnight downstairs? Was he upset? I hadn’t heard the familiar growl that normally meant Dank was witnessing Leif kiss me. It no longer made me smile. It chipped away at my heart a little. I didn’t like the thought of hurting him.

  “Dank,” I whispered in the darkness but he didn’t look up at me. His voice joined the music and I fought the urge to close my eyes and drift off into the sleep the comfort of his voice seemed to induce. I watched him, silently pleading with him to look at me. Had I hurt him?

  “Close your eyes, Pagan, and stop worrying about me. The life I’ve placed myself into is mine to endure. You have no reason to worry that you cause me pain. You do the exact opposite to me than what you fear.”

  I watched him, not sure what he meant by my doing the opposite.

  “As for the kissing, you’re right, I don’t like to see it. If I choose to watch it, it’s my fault. I’ll deal with it.” He lifted his head from the guitar in his hands this time and stared straight at me. “The emotion he evokes in you is not strong. There is only comfort, not passion, running through your thoughts when he holds you.” His attention turned back to the guitar in his hands.

  “Will you hold me tonight?” I asked. His beautiful eyes lifted and gazed at me with so much emotion it took my breath away.

  “There is nothing I’d rather do, but tonight my strength is weak. I can’t hold you right now. I want too much. Please, Pagan, tonight just sleep.” I watched him strum the chords on his guitar until my eyes grew heavy. Dank was right. Leif was my safe haven. My touchstone for normalcy. He was a friend. It was Dank who consumed me.

  Chapter Nine

  “It doesn’t look a thing like our gym! GAH! How fantabulous does this place look?” Miranda swirled around to smile at us, extremely pleased with the decorations in the gym. She was right. They had done an excellent job making the gym into an oceanic starry night.

  “It is impressive,” I agreed as Leif’s arm pulled me closer to his side.

  “Do you feel like dancing?” he asked as the music changed from a slow song to Lady Gaga’s Just Dance.

  I shook my head and glanced over toward the tables. “Can we sit this one out? I’m not sure my rib is up for that kind of movement.” He steered me toward the tables as Miranda grabbed Wyatt and pulled him onto the dance floor. I laughed at Wyatt’s pained expression and turned to say something to Leif when I realized his attention was focused on the entrance. There was a scowl on his face. Dank had just walked in, looking breathtaking in a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, and army boots. It took me a moment to take my eyes off of him to notice Kendra was plastered to his side. She had been melted and poured into the red dress she had on. Either that or it wasn’t really a dress at all but something she had painted on her body. Jealousy flared up in my chest at the sight of Dank’s arm around her waist. I glanced back up at Leif who was still staring at the couple with dislike.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, and he jerked his gaze away from Kendra and Dank.

  He nodded, stopped, and studied me a moment. “You have some classes with Dank, and you’ve spoken to him a few times, haven’t you?” I nodded, not sure where this was going so I waited for more. “Something about him concerns me. Kendra has some issues that make her unstable and I’m beginning to worry that Dank isn’t the kind of guy she needs. He seems dark and sinister.”

  My jealousy was forgotten and quickly replaced by anger.

  Leif thought Dank wasn’t good enough for Kendra, the town slut? I managed to hold an angry burst of laughter in and I glared out at the dance floor wishing I could somehow get away. I needed to calm down.

  “What? You look mad. Don’t get me wrong I don’t like Kendra, Pagan. That isn’t what this is about.” He reached for my other arm and pulled me around to face him. His earlier hostile expression toward Dank had vanished. Now he was worried and for the first time I didn’t care about easing his concern. “Look at me. I don’t want her. You’re all I want. I love you Pagan. It isn’t like that with Kendra. I just don’t want her hurt. She has—”

  “Issues, yeah, I heard you,” I said, cutting him off before I forgot myself and made a scene. I took a deep breath reminding myself I was taking this personally because of my feelings for Dank. “Look, if Dank Walker has any interest in Kendra then she should count herself lucky. From what I know of him he is intelligent, honest, talented, and compassionate.”

  I glared back at Leif who seemed to be taking in my words. I wanted to say more and continue defending Dank but I knew I’d said enough. “I need something to drink. I’ll be right back,” I said before turning and walking away. It was abrupt but I needed to put some space between my anger and Leif.

  Miranda waved at me as I passed by where she and Wyatt were dancing. I forced a smile but kept walking. Kendra’s skin-tight red dress caught my eye and I turned to see her wrapped around Dank, laughing and dancing in such a way that would have the chaperones on her within seconds. Jealousy knotted in my stomach at the way Dank held and touched her in ways he’d never touched me. I didn’t head toward the refreshment table. Instead, I headed for the back doors. I neede
d to get away from Leif and Dank. I paused at the door. Being alone in the dark might not be such a good idea. Kendra’s laughter rang in my ears and I decided right now, I would rather face the touchy creepy blond soul than watch Dank holding Kendra.

  The night breeze had cooled down in the last couple of weeks. I wrapped my arms around my waist and walked toward the deserted football field. The emotions churning inside me gave me a sense of bravado. I walked on, away from the music and laughter. I thought back to last summer at my aunt’s ranch and how easy things had been. I’d spent my time riding horses and helping my aunt deal with the death of my uncle. Mom had suggested I go visit her so she wouldn’t be alone. I’d agreed to go, thinking that being away from this town and my memories of Jay would help. It had, in a sense. After a few weeks, I’d come to realize Jay and I were never meant to be. Another pro about being on the ranch had been the wandering souls had seemed to be sparse. It had been a brief reprieve from my life. However, the last few weeks of the summer, I’d looked forward to coming home. I glanced back at the gym and thought of how crazy things had gotten since my return.

  “Why aren’t you inside dancing with your date?” Dank’s voice broke the silence and I turned to see him leaning up against the cement wall of the stadium. I shrugged and ducked my head as if studying my feet. I didn’t want him to see the hurt or jealousy in my eyes. It was bad enough he probably already knew. “He’s looking rather forlorn sitting at a table all alone,” Dank said quietly into the night. A flicker of guilt deep in my stomach wasn’t enough to send me back inside. I shrugged again and didn’t meet his probing gaze. He chuckled and the low, sexy sound sent a shiver through me. “So, have you decided to try the ignoring me thing again, to see if I go away?” he asked with a touch of humor in his voice.

  I bit my lip to keep from smiling and shook my head no. “I know that doesn’t work with you.”

  “Why are you out here, Pagan? What’s wrong?” he asked quietly. I reluctantly glanced up at him. He was so incredibly beautiful standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest. The dark hair that curled at the ends seemed to dance in the breeze.