Jeanette pushed a folder towards Anna and opened it. ‘So, I thought we’d get stuck straight into the job search.’
‘Oh. I thought you were here to talk to Sako,’ Anna said with her mouth full of cereal.
‘I was. But I also think we should fill out these forms. You have a terrific reference from the Corrective Services Industries, so that’s a great start.’
Anna had both loved and hated her job in prison. She’d been part of an assembly line, packing mini toothbrushes, toothpaste and body wash into small plastic cases for hospitals. The monotony sometimes made her want to rip her hair out. Yet it had simultaneously stopped her thinking about Jake.
‘Do you have any other previous experience? Did you have a job before …’
‘Nope.’
‘That’s all right.’ Jeanette started ticking and scribbling notes on the paper. ‘What about education?’
‘I finished high school in Chile.’
‘Mhhmm.’ More note-taking. ‘What about in Australia? Did you do any courses?’
‘Yeah, I took an English course.’ Anna left it at that. She didn’t want Jeanette to know about the university course she had started and then quit.
‘Oh, really? But your English is perfect.’
‘It was more for writing, I could already speak English. That’s how I got my visa application approved and it helped with getting citizenship too.’
‘I’m glad you brought that up actually. Okay, so the good news is that because you’re an Australian citizen, it’s very unlikely you could ever be made to leave the country; unless you’re secretly a terrorist?’ Jeanette snorted at her joke and Anna attempted a chuckle. ‘The trickier news is that because you’re still a dual citizen of Chile, if you ever, um, I know you won’t, but if you did ever go to jail again, there is the possibility of you being extradited.’
‘I’d have to go back to Chile?’ Anna wasn’t sure if she was upset or comforted by that idea. She missed Chile – speaking Spanish, her neighbourhood, the food. Her family. But it was difficult to remember her life there without grief and shame. Her family was gone. There was nothing left there for Anna. She pushed the feelings down and concentrated on Jeanette’s response.
‘No! No, it won’t happen, even if you did reoffend, which you won’t! It’s very unlikely for drug charges. I don’t even know why I brought it up.’ Jeanette made a zipping motion to her lips and smiled. Anna couldn’t smile back; the thought of reoffending was too real. ‘I’m sorry, truly, it would never happen, I was just getting sidetracked with unnecessary details.’ Jeanette turned a page in the folder and Anna tried to concentrate as she continued speaking. ‘Anyway, back to your job application. All right, so we have a full high school qualification, English course and a great reference. This is a really good start, Anna.’
‘You don’t think it matters I’m thirty and haven’t had a job before?’ It felt pathetic to hear her own words, but Jeanette pulled a face at Anna, as though it was a ridiculous thought.
‘Of course it doesn’t matter! Trust me, we’ll get you a job in no time.’
Putting the McDonald’s uniform on for the first time was hard. Not because Anna felt too good for the job. The money was fine and she was pretty sure cooking burgers and fries would be better than stuffing mini toiletries into cases. It was because thinking of McDonald’s unlocked memories of being high. So many nights back then, she and Jake would wander into the closest McDonald’s after taking a hit. They would shuffle around the packed tables, taking meals from other people’s trays, laughing as the strangers tried to take back their food. Lashing out when they tried harder. They would get dragged out by security and run off, clutching the food they’d snatched. The memories were blurry; they could have belonged to someone else. But Anna knew they were hers. And Jake – he was the dark shadow attached to her worst memories.
Anna pushed it all from her mind, reminding herself of Jeanette’s constant assurance that this was her fresh start. She focused on taming her wild black curls into a bun. Then she applied a little mascara and lip gloss. Both were spoils from her shopping trip. Anna looked at herself closely in the mirror. She liked the way she looked, even with the dumb McDonald’s hat on. It had taken Anna a long time to look in the mirror again after she first got clean. The scabby mess of her face had shocked her when she was first sober enough to see it. Anna had stood, horrified by her reflection as she gripped the sink in the prison bathroom. Eventually, a prison officer had come and taken her gently by the arm and led her back to her bed. But Anna’s deep-olive skin had healed, leaving no scars. Unlike some of the other girls with lighter skin, scars scattered over their faces.
‘Hurry up!’ Mads shouted and thumped on the bathroom door. Anna took her time packing away her toiletries into the bright blue case she’d also bought. Then she peed again, even though she didn’t need to. She opened the door just as Mads raised her fist to bang on it again.
‘Ten-minute limits.’ Mads barged past Anna and slammed the door shut behind her.
‘Puta,’ Anna muttered. Since they first met a week ago, Anna had only run into Mads twice in the house, ignoring her both times. She didn’t see that much of the other girls either, but when she did there was always a little bit of chat, then comfortable quiet. Everyone seemed to stick to their own routine, even Mads in a way. Anna respected that. Talia was in the kitchen this morning, still in her cleaning uniform from the night before.
‘Hey,’ Anna said, popping a piece of bread in the toaster. ‘You want one?’
‘Nah, already ate. I’m gonna go to sleep after this.’ Talia held up her mug. ‘First day?’
‘Yeah.’
Talia drained her cup. ‘Have a good one,’ she said as she walked past Anna and headed to her room. Anna had about twenty minutes before she needed to leave, so she took her time eating jam on toast. Her phone beeped. Have a great first day! You are amazing and they will love you.’ Anna smiled. Jeanette was a bit over-the-top nice. But she liked that Jeanette was thinking of her today. She’d helped Anna with so much over the last week. Set up all these accounts on Anna’s phone so Anna could listen to music and interviews and do other things. She helped Anna to set up a couple of different savings accounts for her pay to be split into. Anna had scored a full-time job at McDonald’s, working forty hours a week. Jeanette reckoned if Anna saved half of her pay, she could be ready to move into a small place of her own when her six months were up. No community housing, just renting a regular unit. Anna shoved the last of her toast in her mouth as she wrote a quick reply of thanks to Jeanette. She grabbed her backpack and ignored her nerves as she left the house.
‘All right then, so you fill these baskets up with the fries, just to this marker. Then drop them into the oil. Then press this button. When it beeps, take them out like this,’ Brayden, Anna’s manager, said as he swung the basket from the oil and shook them out onto a huge metal tray beside the fryers. ‘Shake the salt shaker over them four times, then scoop the fries into the boxes. Done.’ Brayden grinned and a slight blush spread across his cheeks, transforming his pale skin. ‘Any questions?’
Anna forced a smile. He seemed nice. He would have to know that Anna had been in jail, but he didn’t say anything about that. ‘Nope, I’ve got it,’ she said.
Brayden left her to it and her day passed in a peaceful haze of routine. She was aware of the noisy restaurant beyond the kitchen, but she felt calm standing at the fryers. She exchanged a few words with some of the other workers, but mostly she filled the baskets with fries, dropped them into the oil and took them out again. By the time her shift finished, Anna’s feet were sore and she was bored, but she knew she could do this again tomorrow.
The McDonald’s she worked at was only a twenty-minute walk down Parramatta Road from the boarding house. She was hot in her uniform, the summer sun still fierce even at five pm, but it was better being outside and away from the oil and smell of meat patties cooking. The sound of the heavy traffic took up so much spac
e in her head that there wasn’t enough room for all her usual worries, so before she knew it, Anna was turning the corner into her street. As she did, a flyer in a shop window caught her eye. It was a printout of a butterfly. Black, with intricate blue patterns, just like the one she’d seen outside the jail. Anna looked around and then went over to the shop window. It was a hair salon but seemed to be closed. The flyer was carefully stuck in the corner of the window. The familiar butterfly took up most of the page, and beneath it were some simple details, followed by a phone number. Weekly Women’s Circle. Connection. Support. Wisdom. Phone Nina for details. Without deciding to, Anna took out her phone and snapped a photo of the flyer. As she walked away, she felt a gentle touch on her hand. She lifted it to her face, sure the butterfly was sitting on her finger, just like it had that day. But of course, there was nothing there.
‘Idiot,’ Anna mumbled, and shoved her hands in her pockets and went home.
CHAPTER FOUR
BEFORE
A GENTLE, RHYTHMIC bell from outside her room woke Anna from a deep sleep. She’d been dreaming of the ocean, which she had visited for the first time only weeks ago. The dream had been just like that day at the beach, Anna playing in the waves with Tia Sofia, while Mama watched from the shore, putting only her feet in the water. Mama didn’t trust the ocean.
‘We can see only the very edge of it, mi corazón. It continues out there infinitely – who knows what’s out there? I don’t trust anything I can’t see.’
But Anna loved the ocean. The way the water frothed and bubbled and the saltiness of it on her lips. She loved the way the waves would pull you out deep and then release you towards shore with the coming and going of each wave. As though it were alive. Tia Sofia had taught Anna to lie on her back and float, and when she lay still like that, staring at the open blue sky, Anna felt like the world was magical.
‘Good morning, nanita, good morning.’ Tita’s singsong voice filled the room and Anna opened her eyes, realising her mama wasn’t in the bed and she must have slept in. She sat up, hoping she wouldn’t be late. Tita sat beside her on the bed and embraced her tightly, kissing first her forehead followed by both cheeks.
‘Did you sleep well?’
‘Yes, Tita. Good morning,’ Anna said, rubbing her eyes. She followed her grandmother to the kitchen, where a breakfast of fresh bread and fried eggs had been set for her at the small table. Anna started to say thank you, but stopped when she caught the frown on Tita’s face. Tita had told Anna many times to stop thanking her for breakfast every day. ‘It is my role, nanita, as head of this household to prepare the food, si? One day it will be you looking after me,’ Tita would say and laugh.
‘Where’s Mama?’ Anna asked as she settled into her seat and sipped her sweet tea.
Tita’s face darkened. ‘Out. I’ll walk you to school this morning. Eat up, come on.’ Tita turned her back to Anna and began clanging dishes loudly in the sink as she rinsed them. Anna tried to remember if Mama had come to bed last night. She often came in later and Anna would sleepily cuddle her. Mama had been going out more and more frequently – sometimes she wouldn’t come home for a few days at a time. She’d confided in Anna that she was dating a very nice man and that she was in love.
‘When will I meet him?’ Anna had asked.
‘When I’m ready for you to,’ Mama had replied and kissed her nose. Mama had never dated a man before. Or at least, not since she’d had Anna. Even though she was only seven, Anna understood the way she’d come into the world. Mama had explained when Anna was very young that Anna’s father was a man Mama had thought she’d loved but realised quickly that he didn’t love her back.
‘I was only fifteen, mi amor, but I thought he was the love of my life.’ Her face was dreamy for a moment and Anna imagined herself standing between her mama and this tall, handsome man who was her father, holding their hands. But then Mama had narrowed her eyes. ‘He didn’t want us. He chose someone else and refused to even believe you were his daughter. He accused me of sleeping with other men and blaming it on him, the arsehole!’ Then her mama had grabbed Anna’s shoulders tightly and looked her right in the eyes. ‘But I forgive him, because he gave me you. And you, my darling girl, are the love of my life.’ Mama had held her for a long time then and Anna had felt very lucky to have a mother who loved her so much. Anna hoped that the man Mama was dating now was a nice one, someone who was going to choose her and love her back.
‘Anna, hurry up, stop daydreaming and finish your breakfast!’ Tita said from the kitchen sink. Anna shovelled the rest of her food into her mouth, washed it down with the remainder of her tea and then ran to the bathroom to get ready. But she had a funny feeling in her tummy that wouldn’t go away.
Mama was waiting for Anna outside of the school gate that afternoon. She was wearing a long flowing dress, made from soft, blue material that reminded Anna of the ocean. Her long black hair was loose, falling over her shoulders in waves, and when she spotted Anna, a smile lit up her face.
Anna threw her arms around her, but Mama kept her arms behind her back as she leaned down and kissed Anna’s forehead.
‘Hola, mi amor, I’ve missed you! How was your day?’
‘Good,’ Anna mumbled into her mama’s stomach, not wanting to let go of her yet. But Mama took a step back.
‘I have something for you.’ Her grin was crooked, so Anna knew it was a good surprise. She tried to grab at Mama’s arms but her mother darted about, laughing. ‘No. First you must tell me something you have learned today and then I will give you your surprise.’
Mama always wanted Anna to tell her one new thing each day that she’d learned. She’d said, ‘If you are not learning at least one new thing a day, then it is a bad school and we will find a more exciting one.’
‘Well, I learned lots of things today. I learned about the battle of independence and why we celebrate on 18 September!’ Anna’s teacher, Señora Allende, knew everything. She was an older woman with deep lines around her mouth, but when she smiled, which was often, the wrinkles faded and her eyes glistened. Señora Allende had spent the entire afternoon explaining how their country gained its independence.
‘Did you really?’ Mama asked with raised eyebrows, amused. Mama didn’t believe in armies or fighting, Anna knew that, because she’d told Anna that soldiers were nothing more than robots under the control of the government.
‘Yes. It was a noble battle, Mama. We wouldn’t even be Chile today without it!’
Mama rolled her eyes and shook her head. ‘Ai, mi Dios. What is this school teaching you? Never mind, it’s a thought you didn’t have before, therefore it counts. Anything else?’
‘We learned about this amazing country, Australia! Have you heard of it, Mama?’
‘Yes, it hear nice.’ Anna laughed at Mama’s attempt at English. Anna’s school taught five hours of English a week and she found the language easy to pick up, teaching Mama and Tita what she learned. ‘Why is it so amazing?’ Mama asked.
‘Señora Allende says there are many jobs in Australia, and you can be anything you want if you live there. The whole country is surrounded by ocean, it’s a giant island!’
‘Wonderful. You have learned a lot today, so …’ Mama brought her hands from behind her back and held up a shimmering necklace. The chain was thin and delicate, but on it hung a golden butterfly adorned with small pink stones that looked anything but fragile. The butterfly appeared alive, with its flurry of colour and sturdy wings.
‘Do you like it?’ Mama whispered and Anna realised she had been holding her breath; she was frozen in the beauty of the magical butterfly. She tore her gaze away from it to look into her mother’s eyes.
‘I love it, Mama!’ she squealed and threw her arms around her once again.
This time her mama hugged her back, holding her tightly and whispering in her ear. ‘When you wear this, you will never forget that dreams come true, mi amor. Sometimes, dreams come true.’
CHAPTER FIVE
&
nbsp; HER MOTHER WAS gently shaking her leg. Mi corazón, it’s time to wake up. Anna wanted to see her, but she knew if she opened her eyes, her mother would disappear. She held onto the dream, gripping it as hard as she could. The shaking got harder.
‘Oi, no sleeping on the couch.’
Anna opened her eyes and jumped up, swinging at the person leaning over her.
‘Hey! Settle down, you nearly hit me.’ Anna looked around. It was dark, but she could see the familiar corny printouts on the wall. Talia was looking at Anna as though she was crazy.
‘I’m sorry,’ Anna muttered and sat down, the vividness of the dream making her feel like the floor could collapse beneath her at any moment.
‘It’s all right. But you can’t sleep on the couch; it’s a house rule. Yeah?’
‘Yeah. Sorry.’
‘All good. Jeanette’s here to see you.’
Anna’s head felt fuzzy as she walked towards the kitchen. She’d felt tired when she got home from work, and she couldn’t stop thinking about the butterfly on the flyer, so she’d decided to watch some television to distract herself. She remembered her eyes feeling heavy, but not falling asleep. And then, for the first time in years, she’d dreamed of her mama. Anna felt so weird now. Like she wasn’t supposed to be walking down this hallway, but instead she should be in her home in Chile, with her mama.
‘Hey, how was your first day?’ Jeanette was sitting at the kitchen bench, a mug of tea in her hand.
‘It was good.’
‘You must have worked hard! I didn’t want to wake you, but it seems Talia did anyway.’
Talia walked past but stuck her head through the doorway. ‘She was sleeping on the couch. Sorry for scaring you, hey.’ Anna nodded. ‘I’m off now.’ Talia walked away. When they heard the front door close, Jeanette spoke.
‘She’s a stickler for rules,’ Jeanette explained. ‘Heart of gold though, right?’
‘Yeah.’ Anna made herself a cup of tea as Jeanette quizzed her about her first day. Anna used as much detail as she could to describe the hours of frying chips, until Jeanette seemed satisfied that it had been a successful start.
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