‘I will stay, no matter what,’ Anna had said. Sofia had held Anna’s face gently in her hands and kissed both of her cheeks.
‘You are so much like your mama,’ she whispered. ‘Never lose your courage, Anna.’ Anna had held on to her butterfly necklace tightly and fought back tears as she’d hugged her aunty goodbye.
As the plane landed, Anna again held her necklace. She would be brave, just like her mama, and make this new country her home.
A month later, Anna was living in the bustling inner-western Sydney suburb of Marrickville, in a granny flat at the back of a property owned by a Chilean couple. She had met the pair, Sonja and Miguel, the day she’d enrolled at the International College of Languages. They had listened carefully as she completed her paperwork with the desk clerk, recognising her Chilean accent and asking her to help them complete their own applications, on account of her fluent English. Anna had smiled at the compliment and taken the time to translate for them, realising they spoke next to no English. They were so grateful, they insisted she come over for dinner, promising to cook her a hearty Chilean dish to help soothe the homesickness Anna reluctantly admitted she was feeling. By the end of the night, the couple had offered her their small granny flat, saying it was only used for storage and they could clear it out for her within a few days. They said that she could live there rent-free for the first few months if she promised to tutor them in English so they could learn more quickly. The three of them shook hands, then laughed and kissed and hugged instead; it was all set. True to their word, two days later, Miguel and Sonja had cleared the granny flat and Miguel had even installed a mini refrigerator and portable cooktop.
‘I told him not to bother, you can eat your meals with us,’ Sonja had said, shaking her head. The look Miguel gave Sonja reminded Anna of her Tio Manuel and she felt like an intruder once again.
‘This is perfect,’ Anna rushed, ushering them to the doorway of the granny flat. ‘Thank you so much. I’ll unpack now and just let me know whenever you’d like your English lessons.’ Sonja seemed a little confused, but Miguel grabbed his wife’s hand and led her towards the main house.
Anna sighed and sat on the single bed. There must be something about her that made people feel crowded, she decided. Miguel clearly didn’t want her around all the time, despite how well they’d all got along the other night. And Sonja would agree with her husband, just like Tia Sofia had agreed with Manuel that it was better for Anna not to live with them. Tita had made it clear how difficult Anna had been to live with. The poor old woman, always shaking her head, the lines around her mouth becoming deeper over the years they lived together. It was only Mama who had seemed to love Anna unconditionally. Her mama’s face was a blurred memory; Anna had to shut her eyes for a long time to remember it clearly. But when she touched her butterfly necklace, she remembered the way her mother’s face would brighten like a sunrise at the sight of Anna when Anna woke up in the morning or came home from school, a slow, deep smile spreading across her face, always making Anna feel loved.
Anna lay down on her bed and let a few tears escape. In moments like these, she missed her mama as though she’d lost her only days ago, rather than years. After a few moments, Anna stood up and unpacked her bags carefully, telling herself that living in this granny flat would just be temporary. She would put all of her effort into her English classes, and once she finished the course she would apply for a working visa or maybe even permanent residency and try to land a job. Then she’d be able to find her own place to live, somewhere that was all her own, and she would never feel unwanted again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ANNA SAT OPPOSITE the parole officer she had been assigned. Ian was young and the opposite of Jeanette in every way. He was dressed in trendy clothes, and had a meticulous haircut and a constant frown. Even when he was complimenting Anna he seemed depressed.
‘Really good report from your employer, Anna, well done,’ he said, keeping his eyes on the iPad he was holding, reading over the forms Anna had provided. ‘And I’m impressed with the savings accounts you have set up.’
‘Thanks.’
He nodded. They were sitting in a small cubicle at the local police station. As part of her twelve-month parole, Anna would have to present herself here every month. ‘Interesting therapy choice,’ he commented, but he didn’t ask for further information.
Anna checked the time on her phone. Jeanette had told her to expect a thirty-minute initial meeting with Ian, but after five minutes, Anna couldn’t imagine how it could drag on much longer. What else was there to say?
‘Your living arrangements are working out?’ Ian asked, finally looking up at her.
‘Yeah, it’s fine.’
‘Good. It can be tricky with different personalities thrown together. What are your housemates like?’ Ian could not have looked less interested in his own question.
‘They’re fine.’
‘Great.’ Ian turned off the iPad, replaced its cover and stood up. ‘That’s all I need. Keep it up.’ He held out his hand and Anna shook it; it felt like the stiff hand of a mannequin. ‘I hope you can keep up this momentum. Statistically, the second and third months out of prison are when most people reoffend.’
Anna pulled away her hand. ‘Interesting fact,’ she said and left the cubicle. She made her way through the maze of desks back to the reception area, signing out before she left. She was still in her McDonald’s uniform, as she’d rushed from work to make it in time for the meeting. What a waste of time, Anna scoffed as she walked towards the bus stop. She didn’t really care what a guy like Ian thought of her. She didn’t care about statistics either. What really bothered her was the split-second relief she’d felt when Ian had mentioned reoffending. The thought of being back in prison wasn’t the worst. She’d see Sam again and go back to the daily basics of her confined life; eating, working and sleeping. She wouldn’t have hours every evening and weekend to fill, or the constant worry that she would cave and go out to score. Or the stress about seeing people or places that reminded her of Jake.
By the time she got home, Anna’s mind had settled down a bit. She was obviously still adjusting. Six years was a long time to be in the same place, especially a shit place. She guessed it was logical for her to miss it. If she was being honest, Anna preferred her life now. If she went back to jail, she would miss going to the Women’s Circle and talking to Nina. She’d probably also miss Brayden and her job. And she would definitely miss Jeanette pottering around all the time, trying to fix her.
The house was quiet when Anna let herself in. She had already eaten a burger for dinner before she left work, so after a quick drink of water, Anna headed to her room for the night. She could hear Mads’ mumbled voice from her room as she walked past, like she was talking on the phone.
As soon as Anna opened her bedroom door, she could tell someone had been in her room. Her bed was messier, the blankets no longer tucked into precision corners. Anna looked around slowly. The couple of magazines on the top of her shelf and a little potted plant that Jeanette had given her seemed to be in the same position. She looked through her drawers and sucked in her breath when she realised her neat piles of clothes had been rifled through. She checked under her underwear for the gift vouchers she still had left – they were there. Whoever had been through her stuff was either useless or hadn’t been trying to steal anything.
The last place Anna checked was under her bed. The sarong was still wrapped around the crystal, but in a haphazard way. As she unwrapped it completely, Anna’s pulse filled her ears. The crystal was broken. The top, where there had been a deep, delicate crack, had split all the way. The tip of the crystal had broken off completely into a separate piece the size of Anna’s palm. With shaking hands, she placed the two pieces of the crystal down and stormed to Mads’ room. The door was locked and Mads ignored her knocking, so Anna gave the door a swift kick. It creaked and gave way a little. She kicked again, harder, and this time the door opened, the lock splintering
from the doorway. Mads was already on her feet, looking as though she had been dragged along a gutter, dressed only in a stained, ripped t-shirt and underwear, her hair matted and eyes smudged with black.
‘What the f —’
Anna already had her on the floor. She sat on top of Mads, hands around her throat. ‘You broke it,’ Anna managed to say, her breathing rapid and out of control. She wanted to squeeze the life from Mads’ throat.
‘Broke what? You broke my door!’
Anna pressed her knee into Mads’ ribs and Mads cried out. ‘My crystal. You broke it. Why were you in my room?’
‘I wasn’t. You crazy, ah, ow! Stop!’ Mads’ voice was hoarser than ever and her breathing ragged.
‘What the hell?’ A voice boomed from the doorway and strong hands pulled Anna away from Mads. Anna stumbled back, trying to catch her breath. Talia stretched her arm across Anna’s chest, holding her back. Jeanette ran in, handbag still on her shoulder, and crouched over Mads. She eased her into a sitting position and checked her over while asking if she was all right. Jeanette’s bewildered face turned to Anna.
‘What was that all about?’ she asked.
Mads coughed. ‘She stormed in here and attacked me! I told you she was crazy.’
Anna tried to jump at her again, but Talia’s arm was rigid. ‘She was in my room. She went through my stuff. She broke …’ Anna didn’t want to mention the crystal again. ‘Stay out of my room,’ she spat at Mads.
‘You’re in my room, you psycho. Seriously, she’s a psycho.’
Jeannette patted Mads’ back and shushed her. Her eyes filled with disappointment, Jeanette asked Talia to let Anna go back to her room. ‘I’ll come talk to you in a minute, Anna.’
Anna marched back to her room, slamming the door behind her. She pushed the broken crystal and sarong under her bed and then lay down on it. How was she going to face Nina and tell her the ancient crystal with which she’d entrusted her was broken? What if Anna’s connection to the woman she’d been seeing was lost? Anna cursed herself for not finding a better hiding spot. She was thinking of how much she hated Mads when Jeanette knocked and let herself into the room.
‘Have you calmed down?’ she asked, sitting on the edge of Anna’s bed. Anna sat up, leaning against the wall, hugging her pillow. She shrugged.
‘Mads is adamant that she didn’t come into your room.’ Anna went to protest but Jeanette raised a hand to silence her. ‘And even if she did, do you really think that warrants kicking in her door and strangling her?’
‘I didn’t strangle her. I was warning her.’
‘Anna, she has fingermarks around her neck. The door almost came off its hinge. You had an incredibly violent outburst.’
Anna took a deep breath. ‘Yeah. Okay.’ Anna didn’t like the way Jeanette was looking at her. Anna had let her down, big time. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry to me. You have to apologise to Mads.’
‘No. She came into my room and went through my stuff.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘My stuff was in different spots and … I just know.’
‘Okay, but why is it Mads? Could it not have been anyone else?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You need to apologise to her, Anna. I won’t report this to your parole officer, but I’ll only make this exception once. I also want you doing more than the Women’s Circle for your therapy. Your anger can’t get out of control like that again.’
Anna let Jeanette’s words soak in. She knew she had a temper. But she couldn’t see how going to some counsellor or support group was going to help her tame it. If anything, she would probably feel angrier.
‘Anna, did you hear me?’
‘Yes. All right. I’ll say sorry.’
‘And you’ll go to some counselling sessions about your anger issues? I know a great therapist.’
‘No. I’ll … um, I’ll meet more with Nina.’
That odd look in Jeanette’s eyes again, as though she were about to say something but was holding back. ‘From the circle.’
Anna nodded. ‘She offered to help me if I needed it. I’ll, like, organise some meetings with her or something.’
‘Some one-on-one sessions? Does she do that?’
‘Yeah. To talk and stuff.’ Even if Nina did one-on-one sessions, she definitely wouldn’t once she found out about the broken crystal. But Anna wanted Jeanette to leave her alone, and she couldn’t stand looking into her disappointed face any longer.
Jeanette nodded slowly. ‘All right, I think that sounds fair. But I’m serious, Anna, organise it as soon as possible. And apologise to Mads. Tonight.’
‘All right.’
Jeanette patted Anna’s knee. ‘You’re better than this, Anna. I know it. You just have to learn to channel that anger into something positive.’ Jeanette’s smile was forced. ‘I’m sure Nina will help you do that.’
Anna lay on her bed for a long time after Jeanette left. She heard Sako in the kitchen for a while, but by ten pm the house was silent again. Anna got up slowly. Mads’ broken bedroom door was slightly ajar as it could no longer shut completely. Anna knocked gently. There was no reply, so she leaned close to the gap in the doorway.
‘I’m sorry about your door. And hurting you.’
‘Fuck off,’ came Mads’ hoarse reply. Anna nodded; at least Mads had heard her. Jeanette couldn’t deny Anna had apologised.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
BEFORE
‘ANNA, COULD I please speak with you for a few moments?’ Anna’s English teacher Mrs Braxton asked once the class had finished for the day. The other students were gathering their things and walking out of the classroom in small groups, many chatting in their native language, which was technically forbidden at school in an attempt to practise conversational English as much as possible. Anna took her time packing away her books and pens, wondering what she had done wrong. She loved coming to class, attending four hours, five days a week. Mrs Braxton reminded her of her kindergarten teacher, Señora Allende. She spoke with such passion, often going on tangents to elaborate on what could have been a simple answer. For the first time since her early days at school, Anna enjoyed learning.
‘Please, sit down,’ Mrs Braxton said and Anna complied. ‘Anna, have you thought about what you would like to do once this course is finished?’
‘Oh. Not really,’ Anna answered, surprised by the question. Maybe she hadn’t done anything wrong.
‘Would you ever consider applying for a university degree? Your English is good enough for any course, I’d say. You would have no problem writing essays and competing against students who are native to English.’ Mrs Braxton paused and then smiled. ‘That’s how good your English is, Anna, but I have a feeling you don’t realise it.’
Anna’s cheeks felt warm as she grinned. ‘Thank you, that’s so nice of you. But I’m not sure how I would go at university, with my accent and …’ Anna couldn’t think of any other excuses. The truth was, the thought of continuing to learn excited her. And she had enough money. Her share from the sale of Tita’s home had come through and she had a healthy savings account.
‘Your accent is beautiful and again, your command of the English language is perfect. And as much as it pains me to say it, because I will truly miss having you in my class, you don’t need to be here. I am going to grant you an accelerated pass and recommend that you apply for university now, so you can start next semester, which is only a couple of months away. What do you think?’ Anna sat back in her chair and let out a long breath. Excitement prickled her skin and she knew her answer before she even spoke it.
‘I think that sounds amazing.’
*
Grinning, Anna held the phone away from her ear to save herself from Sofia’s excited squeals. When her aunty had finally settled, she explained all the details.
‘My citizenship has been approved, I just have to wait for the official ceremony, but yeah, I guess I’m Australian now,’ Ann
a said, letting the truth of that settle in. She’d been living in Australia for four years and while there were still some things that she didn’t understand about the country, she loved it here. If she were honest with herself, the only thing she really missed about her home country, besides the food, were Mama and Tita, and they were no longer there. She would like to see Sofia again, but speaking to her on the phone most weeks felt like enough for now. She and Manuel were busy with their little boy and Anna’s conversations with Sofia were usually very brief, and consisted mainly of Anna confirming that she was safe and eating well. Anna would ask how her cousin was doing and enjoyed seeing photos of him, but she felt distant from them.
‘This is so wonderful, Anna. I always knew you were clever, but wow. A university degree and now this. The world is your oyster, is that the saying?’
Anna laughed. ‘Well I’ve still got a couple of years left of uni, but yes, this does feel pretty good!’ Anna’s cheeks hurt from smiling so widely. On recommendation from one of her university lecturers, Anna had applied for citizenship. During her first year at university, she had been granted a permanent residency, which would expire after five years. Despite the glowing references from her English teacher Mrs Braxton and professors, along with her high distinction average, the application had been an overwhelming experience of confusing paperwork that she wasn’t keen to repeat. Considering that Anna was certain she wanted to keep living in Australia and hoped to start her own business here, it made sense to become a citizen. Receiving the news that she’d been accepted as a citizen had filled Anna with a glow that hadn’t left her since. For the first time in many years, she belonged somewhere. She was planning to move out of the granny flat, despite the cheap rent, after her current semester and move to a small apartment closer to the university; a place that was all her own.
Anna thanked Sofia for her excitement and encouragement, promised to call her again in a week and then hung up. The moment she set down her phone, it rang again.
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