‘Hello?’
‘Anna! It’s Leah, how are you?’
Anna smiled. Leah was in most of her uni classes and studied just as hard. They enjoyed getting coffee together most days during their
breaks. ‘Great, what’s happening?’
‘I’m going to pick you up in an hour, all right? We’re going to celebrate now that you’re an Aussie!’
Anna laughed and her chest puffed out, enjoying being asked to celebrate herself. ‘Where are we going?’
‘A new club I heard about, you’ll love it. Dress slutty! Ciao!’
Anna hung up the phone, shaking her head. But she glanced through her small wardrobe and quickly picked out a dress she’d bought a few weeks ago at a small store in Newtown. She had seen it in the shop window on her way from campus to the bus stop, her breath catching in her throat as she examined its deep red colour, the low cut at the front, and the way the material gently gathered on one side, creating a ruffle. She’d closed her eyes and remembered her mama swirling around the house in a dress just like that, her lips painted deep red to match. Her silky black hair had fallen down past her shoulders and she’d picked up Anna and twirled, her hands securely around Anna’s middle. They’d laughed and flopped down on the couch together.
‘You’re so pretty, Mama,’ Anna said and Mama kissed her cheek.
‘And so are you, mi amor. Don’t let anybody make you forget that.’
With the image of her mama clear in her mind, Anna had walked in and bought the dress, not bothering to check the price tag first.
As Anna slipped into the dress to go and meet Leah, she decided it was the perfect dress for a night of celebrating.
Anna knew that her dress was drawing the attention of some guys in the club and as much as she hated to admit it, she loved the feeling. Being short and naturally muscular, she didn’t always turn heads as easily as this. She was nice looking, but she wasn’t beautiful like her mother had been. Nevertheless, in her figure-hugging red dress, with matching lips and her straightened hair, Anna felt pretty. Holding Leah’s hand, she led the way to the bar, her head high. Once they had shoved their way through the crowd for a space, Leah announced that she was buying a round of shots to celebrate. They slammed down two tequilas, followed by another shot of something that Anna didn’t catch the name of. Her mouth burning, Anna giggled as Leah demanded they dance.
‘Can I join you?’
Anna recognised the guy standing by her side from outside the club earlier. She’d caught his eye and he’d winked at her, grinning and revealing a set of dimples that made Anna smile back. She turned to him now, tilting her head up to lock eyes with him, noticing his were an unusual shade of grey; almost like a storm cloud.
‘It depends. Can you dance?’
He shrugged and grinned. ‘Everyone can dance, you just move around to the music.’
Anna laughed and shook her head. ‘No, Gringo, not everyone can dance. But we’ll give you a shot.’ Anna raised her eyebrow at Leah, who nodded.
‘Yeah, all right, just come on,’ Leah said.
Leah led the way to the dance floor, swaying a little as she walked. Anna’s head felt nicely light, but she was steady on her feet and very aware of the guy walking right behind her, his hand brushing hers every few steps. Once they had pushed their way to the middle, Leah began jumping around with no rhythm, while Anna swayed her hips in time with the music, raising her arms above her head and letting the music fill her body. The guy stood close to her, so close that their hips touched as they danced. Which, Anna was pleased to notice, he did fairly well. Their bodies grew closer with each song that passed, until Anna didn’t know where Leah had jumped to and she was now in the arms of the guy.
‘What’s your name?’ he asked, his lips so close to her ear his breath tickled it.
‘Anna.’ He moved his hand down her back, letting it rest on her hip.
‘I’m Jake.’
‘Hi, Jake,’ she said, running her hands up his chest and resting them on his neck.
‘Do you like to party?’ he said, pulling her closer to him.
‘We are partying, right?’
He laughed. ‘I like your accent, where are you from?’
‘Chile.’
‘Chile,’ he repeated. ‘Hot!’
The heat from Jake’s body entwined with her own. ‘What do you mean by party, then?’ she asked, feeling a rush through her stomach and below when his grey eyes darkened for a moment.
‘Come with me and find out.’ He leaned his head back, raising his eyebrows and waiting for her answer.
Anna looked around for Leah, noticing her with a small group of friends from uni. She waved at her and Leah gave Anna a thumbs up and waved her off. Without thinking any more about it, Anna nodded. ‘Let’s go.’
Anna was stunned by Jake’s apartment. It was open plan, his king-size bed in plain sight of the huge, endlessly white kitchen. One wall was glass, displaying a breathtaking view of Sydney Harbour. Anna ran over to the window, leaning her forehead against the cool glass and gazing out at the lights of the Opera House and Harbour Bridge. Jake was by her side, watching her.
‘Like it?’
Anna gaped at him. ‘I love it! What a view. You’re very lucky.’ Anna looked back outside. She had thought the windows of Tita’s kitchen, which looked out over the garden, were impressive. This view was beyond belief.
‘Well, lucky for the weekend anyway. This is a friend’s place, I’m just minding it for a few days.’
Anna relaxed at the revelation, feeling more comfortable to be hanging out with a guy housesitting a place like this, rather than living in it. ‘Your friend lets you stay here?’
‘Yeah.’ Jake took her hand and led her to the couch. Anna leaned towards him, enjoying the scent of his spicy aftershave. Jake shifted on the couch, reaching down. For a moment Anna thought he was taking off his jeans and she was turned off by him thinking it would be that easy – not even a kiss first. Then she realised he was reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a little plastic bag containing white powder.
‘Coke?’ Anna asked. One of the guys she’d dated in high school had been wealthy enough to score cocaine on the odd occasion. Anna had tried it once, but she’d hated the insomnia that had accompanied the high. Jake shook his head.
‘It’s better. Ice. Have you heard of it? Just as big a high, but half the price of coke.’ He dangled the bag in front of her.
It sounded too good to be true. If something was half the price, it stood to reason that it was half the quality. But the way Jake was looking at her, drinking her in, made her want to experience something new with him.
‘I’m not sure I can believe that,’ she said, teasing him with a smile.
‘I’ll have to convince you, then.’ He opened the bag, dipping his little finger into the white powder. He drew a small amount out and brought it to her lips. ‘Open,’ he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. Anna opened her mouth slightly, letting him place his finger on her tongue. He traced his finger around her lips, not taking his eyes from hers. Then he leaned in and kissed her. His lips were warm and firm, moving easily against hers. He pulled her onto his lap and she straddled him, her hands running through his hair as they kissed. His hands ran up her back, over her shoulders, pulling on the straps of her dress. He drew away, breathing heavily.
‘Wait,’ he panted. ‘Let’s take a hit together first. The sex will be epic, trust me.’
This whole experience already felt epic to Anna, but she was curious to know why he liked ice so much, so she agreed. He prepared it in lines, explaining they’d snort it, but you could have it in heaps of other ways; it was a versatile drug. Anna laughed.
‘You sound like a salesman,’ she said. He grinned and puffed out his chest, clearly liking the compliment, then snorted the white powder and let out a loud ‘Wooo!’ They laughed and he passed the rolled piece of paper to Anna.
‘All right, your turn. Actually, wait.’ Jake removed his
shirt and Anna admired the lean, muscular build of his body as he scraped the white powder of her line into his hand and prepared it again on his bare abdomen, lying on the couch so she could snort it off him. When she breathed it in, the tingle in her nose made her eyes water, but she licked the leftover powder. In one swift movement, Jake picked her up, took her mouth in his and carried her to the bed.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THE REST OF the week dragged for Anna. Her days at work felt longer and pointless, but coming home was no relief, either. Her thirty-first birthday was coming up soon and she was haunted by how much of her life she had wasted. As Anna took customer orders, gathered the food and handed it over, she wondered what else she could be doing if she’d never met Jake. Soon she was drowning in other, unanswerable questions: how different would her life be if her mama had fought the cancer and lived? What if Anna had been kinder to Tita, been an easier granddaughter to live with? Maybe her grandmother’s heart wouldn’t have failed and they could have lived peacefully together for so much longer.
The violent cycle of thoughts kept Anna from sleeping most nights, and when she did manage to rest, she dreamed about her life in Chile and her early days in Australia. All week, Anna had felt torn between her present and her past, reliving all her mistakes.
Anna sighed loudly as she leaned on the counter at work, waiting for a customer to make up his mind.
The teenage boy, dressed in a carefully ironed school uniform, looked at her. ‘Sorry, sorry. Um, I guess I’ll just get a large cheeseburger meal, thanks.’ He held out his card and tapped the machine. Anna nodded at him as it beeped and the sale went through.
‘Won’t be long,’ she said, her voice sounding like a robot in her own ears. Anna collected the burger and fries and poured a large coke, then handed the packed meal to the kid, nodding again when he thanked her. She shuffled back to the register, resigned to surviving the two hours left of her shift.
‘Hey Anna, how’s it going?’ Brayden came up to her. He’d been out for some of the day, attending meetings at head office. He looked around. ‘It’s quiet. Hope you’re not too bored.’
‘Yeah, pretty quiet.’ Anna wondered if that could be a way out of the monotonous afternoon ahead. ‘Hey, since it’s so quiet, would you mind if I finished up early? Just for today.’
Concern crossed Brayden’s face. ‘Are you all right? You’re not sick?’
‘No, not sick, I’m just really tired and have a bit of a headache. It’s cool if you’d rather I stay,’ Anna offered half-heartedly.
‘No, no, that’s totally fine. You go get some rest, I can handle the register for the rest of the afternoon.’ The eagerness in Brayden’s eyes to reassure Anna was obvious. She could tell by now that he had some sort of crush on her, although she had no idea why. He was such a clean-cut, normal guy. Too nice, almost. How could he be interested in an almost-thirty-one-year-old ex-prisoner who had absolutely nothing going for her? Still, she didn’t hate the thought of him liking her. She gave him a warm smile.
‘Thanks, Brayden. You’re the best.’
Anna decided to walk a different way home. She turned into streets at random, having only a vague idea of which direction she was heading. After an hour, when her feet started hurting, she stopped at a small park and sat down on a graffitied bench. The sun was warm on Anna’s face and if she had had a pillow, Anna would have curled up and taken a nap. The sleep she had missed over the last few nights suddenly felt heavy in her eyes and Anna yawned loudly and stretched.
There were only a few people in the park – two little kids playing on a single set of swings, and a couple Anna assumed were their parents standing close by, both looking at their phones. Over on the patch of grass sat a few teenagers in their school uniforms, chatting. Anna wondered if she had looked as carefree as them when she was their age. She should have. She’d had her grandmother looking after her every need, waiting up for her, worrying about her, caring about what happened to her. But all Anna had felt at the time was suffocation. And a grief for her mama so heavy there were times it hurt to breathe. On her birthday, Anna would be five years older than her mama was when she died. It was bizarre to think of being so much older than her. Her mama had always seemed so wise. As a little girl, Anna had believed there was nothing her mama didn’t know.
Anna laughed out loud, causing one of the parents to look up from their phone at her and frown. What could Anna’s young mother have ever really known? Feeling a lump form in her throat, Anna tried to clear her mind of the memories. It was ridiculous that so many years after losing her mama and grandmother, she could still cry so easily when she thought of them. She swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears away. The emotion made her feel even more exhausted, so Anna decided to close her eyes for just a few minutes before heading back home. She put her bag on the bench and rested her head on it. The warmth of the sun on her body made her feel like she was wrapped in a blanket. A bird in a branch above her shrilled and as Anna drifted into sleep, she was somewhere else, resting her forehead against a wooden frame, listening to the same bird.
QUARRENDON VILLAGE, BUCKINGHAMSHIRE ENGLAND 1770
As she stood by the kitchen window, leaning her forehead against the frame, Aisleen closed her eyes and listened to the birds singing their late morning tunes from the surrounding trees. Joseph sat at the table by the fireplace, discussing his plans for further planting. Rainfall for two days straight was cause for celebration. After the Floods, it had stopped raining for years, as though the clouds were exhausted. But recently, there had been increasingly solid rain, allowing crops to thrive once again. Joseph told Aisleen that the soaked ground was the perfect opportunity to extend their fields and plant a greater variety of vegetables.
‘The rain is clearing. As soon as it’s stopped, I’ll go into town and purchase some new seedlings. I’ve got enough cuttings from what we have, of course, but I’d like to try some new varieties. What about carrots? Could you use those for dinners?’
Aisleen opened her eyes and turned towards Joseph, nodding. ‘I can use anything, you know that.’ Joseph smiled and agreed. Aisleen was a fine cook. Her mother had taught her and Mary from a young age to help in the kitchen. When the sisters were tall enough to reach the bench, their mother patiently showed them how to knead bread dough, to chop and cook vegetables and, when they were lucky enough to source it, to fry meat. Her mother had told them that it was important to cook well. They would want to keep their husbands and children healthy with good food.
‘And when your neighbours visit, you can show off a little,’ she would say with a grin that reached her eyes. ‘If you live next to a good woman, though, be sure to become friends. A good friend is priceless,’ her mother would add, and she would go on to praise her own friends. Her mother had often spent an afternoon with the women from neighbouring properties, sitting around the table sharing a cup of tea and a laugh, Aisleen and Mary joining in as they grew older. Aisleen ached for those moments with her mother and Mary. Doing nothing and everything at the same time. Her mother would never have imagined how quickly their world would change. Even when their village was cut off from others because of the Floods, her mother didn’t appear to worry.
‘This village is stronger than others,’ her mother said more than once. ‘Almost everything we trade is amongst ourselves. What need do we have of the rest of the country?’ She laughed as she assured her girls that with their cooking and developing sewing skills, their futures would be secure. Perhaps if she’d known the brutality that was to come, the lessons she passed down to her daughters would have been different.
‘Aisleen, what are you thinking about?’ Joseph’s hand was on Aisleen’s shoulder. She blinked, looking down at her clenched fists where her nails had drawn blood from her palms. She buried her pointless rage. The Enforcers were not going anywhere, and replaying what-ifs in her mind achieved nothing. ‘I was just thinking that I will come into town with you. I’d love some new flower beds, perhaps there will be some see
dlings to choose?’
Joseph studied her face as he slowly agreed. ‘The clouds seem much lighter today. If it’s dry enough, let’s go later this morning.’
Joseph kept his arm bent at the elbow, providing Aisleen with a steady place to rest her arm. They walked into the main street of town, their boots becoming muddy and wet. But the sky was a brilliant blue and the air still and almost warm. After picking up a few staples they needed, they would go to the furthest stall on the main street and choose enough seedlings to fill their cart. Joseph dragged his sturdy cart with his other hand, the clinkity-clink of the wheels providing a perfect walking rhythm. As they passed the material store, Aisleen slowed and peered through the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Amelia.
‘Do you need more material?’ Joseph asked, confused.
Aisleen worked to keep her voice light. ‘No, no. Just checking to see if they have anything new on display.’ Joseph continued and Aisleen hurried to keep up with him, disappointed that she hadn’t spotted Amelia. Only a few nights ago the small group of women had gathered for the second time, talking and laughing as one, and the memory of this sent a giddying thrill of rebellion through Aisleen. She imagined walking up to an Enforcer and shouting, ‘Guess what, we’re not listening to you and your pathetic rules. If women want to meet, we’ll meet! If women want to speak, we’ll speak!’
‘Ow!’ Joseph exclaimed and pulled his arm from Aisleen’s grip. She hadn’t realised that her exciting thoughts had caused her to squeeze Joseph so tightly. Her hands flew to her mouth when she saw her fingermarks across his forearm.
‘I’m sorry! I thought … I saw a bee. You know they make me nervous.’ Joseph rubbed at his arm and tilted his head as he looked at Aisleen. She knew he didn’t believe her, but he would never make a scene in town. He turned and continued walking, dragging the cart with both hands now instead.
‘Come on, we’re almost there.’
With their cart full of vegetable seedling pots and two rosebush cuttings for Aisleen, she and Joseph headed towards home, walking a little more slowly through the street as Joseph worked at balancing the overloaded cart. As they reached the Enforcer quarters, Joseph tried to speed up and the cart tipped over, several pots falling and smashing to the ground, scattering soil and seedlings everywhere. Joseph cursed and quickly tipped the cart upright as he began to scoop up the broken pots and seedlings that could be saved. Aisleen worked with him until she heard the heavy brass doors of the Enforcer quarters open with a thud. Two Enforcers strode out and examined the scene in front of them. Aisleen stood first, head down, holding her breath. Joseph stood also, brushing the dirt from his hands onto his trousers.
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