‘Sirs,’ he said and dipped his head.
‘What’s this?’ the larger of the men asked.
‘I’m sorry; it was an accident. I’ll clean this up right away.’ The smaller of the Enforcers lifted his chin. ‘Get to it then, man. Now.’ His voice was louder than it needed to be for the small distance between them. Joseph dropped to his knees and continued scraping up the mess. Aisleen remained standing as she was, hoping the Enforcers would leave without addressing her.
‘Woman,’ one of them said, ‘get down on your knees and clean the mess.’ She kept her eyes on the ground as she knelt down beside Joseph, fury radiating from his tense arms. As she gathered the soil from the gravelled road, she heard the heavy footsteps of the Enforcers walking away and the doors close behind them.
‘I want to kill them all,’ Joseph hissed.
‘Quiet.’ Aisleen glanced around, relieved there was no-one close enough to hear her husband.
‘Who do they think they are? Forcing you on your knees? I want them all dead.’ Joseph’s voice shook and he stood up in one fast, jerky movement.
Aisleen stood and gripped his arm. ‘Do not speak another word until we’re home.’
Joseph let out a long, shaky breath, nodded and wiped his hands on his trousers again. Then he took hold of the cart’s handle and began walking beside Aisleen. They maintained a steady pace and were almost at the end of the road when a woman crossing in front of them tripped on a loose stone and tumbled to the ground. Aisleen recognised the woman’s distinctive husky voice as she cried out.
‘Maeve!’ Aisleen was by the woman’s side before she had even made the decision to move. She held onto Maeve’s arm and gently helped her to sit up before Joseph grabbed Aisleen from under the arm and yanked her away.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked, his eyes wild with fear as he looked back towards the Enforcers’ quarters, which were now only just visible in the distance. Aisleen realised the severity of her mistake. They were right outside the establishment selling alcohol, most popular with Enforcers. It seemed empty, but as she looked around, Aisleen’s throat constricted when she saw a couple of villagers across the street watching the situation intently.
‘My wife’s feeling poorly,’ Joseph called out to them, placing his arm around Aisleen. Although the excuse made no sense, it seemed to satisfy the couple, who kept walking.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ Joseph asked. ‘Why would you do that?’
‘I don’t know, I just … It was a reaction; I didn’t think.’ Aisleen looked over to Maeve, who was trying to stand. She was wincing at the scrapes on her knees, the small stones having torn right through her stockings. ‘Please, can you go and help the woman? She used to be our teacher, you remember her, don’t you?’ Joseph’s face twisted in confusion. ‘Please, she’s hurt, Joseph, go and help her. I’ll stay here.’ Joseph shook his head but walked over to Maeve all the same. He squatted beside her and spoke and although Aisleen couldn’t hear what he said she could see that Maeve was nodding. Joseph placed a hand on Maeve’s back and gripped her arm as he guided her to a standing position. He said something else and Maeve nodded again as she adjusted her dress and dusted off her hands. Maeve then looked directly at Aisleen and smiled. It was small and fleeting, but it felt as warm to Aisleen as a hug. Without a word, Joseph collected the cart and began walking towards home. Aisleen trailed behind him.
The cart stood by the front steps, the seedlings ready to be sorted and planted. Aisleen had served a hurried lunch of bread and cheese, which they ate in silence. From the doorway, she watched Joseph put on his hat and jump down the few steps to the ground. His silent treatment assailed Aisleen’s nerves and when she was too annoyed to stay quiet any longer, she finally spoke.
‘You caused a scene too.’ Her words hung in the air. Joseph continued pulling pots out of the cart, acting as though Aisleen had not spoken. ‘You lost your temper and if I hadn’t stopped you, you may well be in a cell right now.’ Joseph placed the pot from his hands on the ground and stood by the steps, looking up at Aisleen.
‘I muttered a few empty threats. You spoke to a woman, and in public. You could have been hanged!’ Joseph’s voice broke as he shouted the words.
‘You’re overreacting.’
‘No, I’m not. Aisleen, if they had seen you touching that woman, speaking to her, you would swinging by your neck right now. You know it.’
Aisleen couldn’t meet his gaze. She climbed down the steps, walking past Joseph and staring off into the thick woods that surrounded their property. Her fury that they lived in a world where she couldn’t help another woman up from the ground burned in her like a vicious fire. Why was this the way? How had their village let the Enforcers take control and make them live so inhumanely?
‘We’re as guilty as they are,’ Aisleen said, her voice low.
‘What are you talking about?’ Joseph was beside her now.
‘Every person living in Quarrendon is as guilty as the Enforcers. We let them take over; we gave up. Our way of life is our own fault.’
‘No. It’s their fault. Every single person who stood against the Enforcers was killed. They were merciless. It was either concede to them or die.’
Aisleen watched a bird take flight, flapping its wings furiously until it was one with the wind, gliding effortlessly. ‘Perhaps we should have all died, then.’
Joseph placed his arm around Aisleen’s shoulders and leaned his cheek against her head. ‘I believe one day we’ll be free of them.’ But Joseph’s words of hope had become meaningless as the years dragged on unchanged.
Aisleen watched four other birds join the first, moving together in a silent, unified formation. She thought of the women. It would be only two more days until she could see them again. Unbeknown to the Enforcers, the women would continue to gather. And perhaps in their gatherings they would find a way to change their world.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
A STEADY VIBRATION against her leg roused Anna from her sleep. She sat up stiffly and looked around, trying to remember where she was. As she rubbed her neck the memory of falling asleep on the park bench unravelled and she tried to clear her mind of the woman she’d been dreaming about. Aisleen. That was her name. She’d heard it this time. Anna simmered with anger at the unfairness of Aisleen’s life. Aisleen couldn’t even speak to another woman for fear of being killed; what kind of life was that?
It was a dream, Anna scolded herself, shaking her head to rid the remnants of the dream. Her phone was still vibrating in her pocket and Anna was grateful for the distraction. When she pulled it out she saw it was Jeanette calling. Anna coughed to clear the sleepiness from her throat and forced a bright tone into her voice.
‘Hey, Jeanette, how’s it going?’
‘Oh, Anna you sound happy! Did you have a good day?’ Anna could imagine the glow in Jeanette’s face at Anna’s chirpiness.
‘Yeah, not bad. What about you?’
‘Good, good. Listen, this is just a super quick call to double-check you’ve followed up about those one-on-one sessions?’ When Anna didn’t answer, Jeanette continued. ‘Remember we spoke about the extra counselling? I really need to insist upon it, Anna. I’m feeling guilty for not reporting your outburst the other day. If it had been anyone else, I would have. But I won’t live with the guilt if you don’t get more help and have another outburst. You could really injure someone next time.’
Anna was glad Jeanette wasn’t there in person to see her rolling her eyes. Anna understood that jumping at Mads like that the other night had been violent. But she still believed Mads deserved it. She wouldn’t have really hurt her; she was just making a point.
‘Anna?’
‘Yeah, um, yes I’ve messaged her,’ Anna lied.
‘Great. Well, let me know how it all goes. I’ll pop over next week for a tea and chat, sound good?’
‘Sure. And thanks, Jeanette. For not reporting me. I promise it won’t happen again.’ Anna hung up and began writing a t
ext to Nina. After a few tries, she was finally happy with the wording and pressed send. She gripped her phone, her heart in her throat, worried that Nina would think she was an idiot for asking for private sessions with her. Maybe it was arrogant for Anna to even ask. She was probably way too busy.
Only a minute later, Nina’s reply came through. Of course! Let’s chat an extra hour every week after circle. What do you think?
Anna smiled as she texted back. Perfect, thank you. She put her phone away and let out the breath she’d been holding. Looking around, she saw the kids and their parents were gone and the group of teenagers were standing up, brushing off their uniforms and walking out of the park together. The sun was beginning to set and Anna supposed she should start walking back home too.
She found her way back to the main road easily but she had walked a lot further than she’d realised. By the time she was close to home, the last streaks of deep pink in the sky had darkened. Anna quickened her pace when she noticed the sound of gaining footsteps behind her. Her feet ached from walking so far and fast in her work shoes, but she didn’t stop. The main street was busy, so Anna wasn’t too worried, but she would have to turn into a quiet, dark side street that led to the boarding house soon and she wanted to lose them before that.
‘Anna, is that you?’ Anna froze at the unmistakable Chilean accent. She turned around slowly and recognised the older couple immediately. Bile rose in her chest as they smiled, running the last few steps over to her.
‘Anna, it’s been so long. We worried for you all these years, but you look good.’ The woman spoke in rapid Spanish. Anna felt like she had teleported back in time. She stared at them, unable to speak.
‘Anna? Anna de la Mercedes? It is you?’ The woman seemed uncertain now and looked at her husband.
Anna shook her head, covering her accent as she spoke. ‘No, I’m not Anna, wrong person,’ she said, trying to smile and shrug. But her voice was shaky, her lips trembling.
‘Oh.’ The woman seemed confused, looking from Anna to her husband. She switched to English. ‘I’m sorry for the mistake. You look so much like a girl we knew.’
Anna forced a laugh. It came out twisted and hollow. ‘No problem.’ She turned and walked away, not even looking back when the man called out to her in Spanish again.
‘If it is you, we are glad you’re all right.’
Then the woman joined in, shouting even louder. ‘Anna, we forgive you, for everything. Take care!’
Anna rounded the corner and walked faster, her chest burning. The shame was so heavy on her shoulders, Anna felt as though she were carrying a sack of dead weight. She could see the boarding house but her legs were shaking so ferociously she wasn’t sure she would make it. Dragging her feet the last few steps, Anna sat on the crumbling front step and placed her head between her knees, trying to breathe, but her chest felt blocked. Air gathered in her throat and escaped again in quick succession. Anna’s head felt light and she worried she might pass out. She heard the door open behind her, Talia’s voice asking if she was okay. She tried to answer, but the burning in her chest wouldn’t allow it. The world turned white and Anna fell into the emptiness.
CHAPTER TWENTY
BEFORE
THE LETTER IN Anna’s hand was difficult to read because her eyes were blurry and her hand shaking. Anna wasn’t sure how much she had slept the night before, but guessed it had only been an hour or so by the way she was feeling. Her mouth was dry and sore, her eyes felt puffy and her head was throbbing. But her hands had never shaken like this before. Anna was sleeping at Jake’s place – or at least, one of his friends’ places. They had come back here after a night out at the clubs to continue partying, but there hadn’t been a bed for them, so she and Jake had curled up on the living room floor. Anna had woken gasping for breath, not knowing where she was. It had taken her a few minutes to calm the violent thumping of her heart and to catch her breath. Then she’d crawled out from under Jake’s heavy arm as he snored beside her and managed to find a bathroom. It was filthy, but at least there was toilet paper. Anna splashed her face with some water and stared at herself for a long time in the dirty mirror. What was she doing, sleeping in a dump like this when she had a perfectly clean and well-stocked granny flat to go home to? Although, things had been a little tense with Sonja and Miguel lately. The couple didn’t approve of Jake coming over, especially when he brought friends with him.
‘Why are you dating a loser like this Gringo?’ Sonja had asked her one afternoon after Jake had left. ‘I know so many South American boys for you. Dump this guy and let me introduce you.’ Anna had told Sonja that was racist. They lived in Australia, why couldn’t she date an Australian boy?
‘You can, but this one, he is very different from you, from us, I can tell. He has no morals. Be careful, Anna.’ Sonja’s forehead had creased with concern as she warned Anna. And now, standing in a filthy bathroom, her head throbbing, she wondered if Sonja was right. Was Jake pulling her down? She knew she acted differently with him. Taking drugs, staying out till late, missing classes. But she was having fun. She was only twenty-three and during her entire time living in Australia she’d taken everything so seriously. Wasn’t this a time for experimenting? For having some fun?
But Anna couldn’t deny the sinking feeling in her stomach as she read the letter for the tenth time. It was a formal warning from the university. If she missed one more tutorial without presenting a doctor’s certificate, she would fail the semester. How had she managed to miss enough classes to warrant a formal warning? Anna was sure she’d only missed one or two. Perhaps this was just an overreaction – a letter designed to scare students into regular attendance. Although, she had also forgotten to hand in a couple of assignments. Jake was behind her then, his arms wrapping around her middle, and she jumped in surprise, grabbing the basin for balance.
‘Hey, it’s just me,’ he soothed, kissing her neck and holding her tightly. She spun to face him and wrapped her arms around his middle, burying her head in his chest. She breathed him in. This was the problem. When she was holding him like this, he was all she wanted. She didn’t care about uni or her future; she just wanted to be with him. He kissed her slowly and before she knew it, they were back on the floor where they’d been sleeping and she hoped no-one was home to witness the way they threw themselves into one another.
Afterwards, as they lay naked on the floor, legs intertwined, Jake asked her what she’d been reading. Anna sighed, reaching for the letter from where it had fallen earlier.
‘A letter from my university. I’ve missed too many classes and they’re going to kick me out soon if I continue like this.’ To her surprise Jake laughed and she elbowed him hard. ‘It’s not funny. I gained my citizenship because of my teachers’ references and now I’m failing them.’ The truth of that statement hit Anna hard and she felt ashamed. Jake grabbed the letter and ripped it up into tiny pieces.
‘Hey!’ Anna slapped his arm as he threw the paper like confetti over them.
‘Forget the letter.’ He kissed her. ‘Forget your teachers.’ Another kiss. ‘Forget university.’ This time, he didn’t pull away and kissed her deeply for a long time. When he kissed her, she could feel how much he wanted her. That he wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him. Too soon, he pulled away, but he kept his face close to hers, his eyes bright with excitement.
‘I’ve got the best idea!’ He sat up, the smooth skin of his naked body catching the daylight peeping through the closed curtains. ‘Work with me!’
Anna laughed. Jake didn’t have a job. He received the dole and sold small amounts of ice for some of his friends.
‘I’m serious,’ Jake continued quickly, looking up at the ceiling as though downloading the idea from it that very instant. ‘I’ve been wanting to go out on my own, get my own buyers. The ice market is growing; it’ll be the biggest drug around within the year – we could make a fortune.’
Anna shook her head, still unable to take him seriously
. ‘I’m not making money from junkies.’
‘Ice isn’t for junkies, babe. It’s not heroin. It’s just for people who like to party, like us. We’re not junkies, are we?’
‘No.’ Jake certainly wasn’t what she would call a junkie, but she did notice that he had to have a hit every day and he started getting pretty irritated just before he took it, like he was counting down. Anna admitted that she looked forward to her weekly hit, trying to keep ice just for the weekends. Although, she guessed she was using a few times during the week now too. Was that how addiction started? she wondered, biting at her nails.
‘Anna, I’m serious. With your brains and business knowledge and my connections, we could seriously do this. Remember my friend’s place we went to on that first night?’ He grinned. ‘A few months of dealing big time and we could buy a place like that. We could be rich!’
‘Jake, I can’t just drop out of university, I’m almost finished … I …’
‘What? Why can’t you drop out?’ Jake put his arms around her waist and pulled her on top of him as he lay down. ‘Anna, we only live once and it’s short. Why don’t we do this together and have some fun? We’ll have more money than you could ever earn with some degree.’ He looked up at her with such passion in his eyes. He half sat up and she leaned down to kiss him, her butterfly necklace pressing between their skin. Anna thought of her mama, dying so young, missing out on sharing a life with someone she loved. What if being with Jake was more important than university? She could always go back later, after all.
The Women's Circle Page 14