by Jan Spiller
If they follow you, still wanting a fight, just leave the house for a couple of hours without saying a word. This will give them a chance to recognize their bad behavior and notice it is not producing the desired result. Then you can come back in a cheerful mood as though nothing happened. Likely, they will apologize, or at least they will be in a more accommodating mood.
Discourage their preoccupation with others: Due to a lack of awareness of boundaries—theirs and others’—Taurus North Node people tend to become preoccupied with other people’s business. Discourage this. For example, if they are raging about how terrible a neighbor is for cheating on her husband, point out how that just shows that her values are different from the native’s values.
It is helpful to remind them that by being true to their own values and “walking their talk,” they can be a positive example for others, and that what others are doing is none of their business. Encourage them to refocus on how they can constructively use their energy to produce positive results for all concerned—including themselves!
Discourage rage and revenge: These people have so many unresolved past life issues of abandonment and betrayal that in this lifetime, they are quick to assume that someone close to them is going to wrong them. And when their “betrayal mechanism” is triggered, they experience feelings of enormous, intense rage and find it impossible to ever forgive the other person—sometimes even seeking revenge. Discourage this. Interrupt this pattern by encouraging them to risk personal transformation through therapy or past life counseling. This will enable them to understand and come to terms with these emotions, and release the pressure in their subconscious, resolving it through forgiveness.
Discourage them from holding on to their anger, and encourage them to forgive those who they feel have injured them. Here is one process you could suggest: They go into a room alone where they have placed two chairs, facing each other. Sitting in one chair, they close their eyes and imagine the person who has wronged them sitting in the other chair. Then the native can tell the person—silently or out loud—of the injury they experienced, and ask any questions that might help them resolve the issue, listening for the answers in their heart. When they feel complete, they can say: “I forgive you.” Then have them turn to the left and apologize to any soul—either in this life or any past life—whom they may have injured in the same way. What goes around, comes around. The apology completes the cycle and allows the negative energy that was created to dissipate.
Gemini North Node People
and North Node in the 3rd House
SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS
Honest, direct speech
Awareness of spiritual realms
An adventurous spirit
Willingness to help
Potential to think logically
Patience
Good intentions
MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY
“I am responsible for having solutions.”
“I must be true to my own beliefs at all cost.”
“Others don’t understand where I’m coming from.”
“It’s my purpose to enlighten others by standing up for what I believe.”
“People should practice what they preach.”
“Maintaining my freedom makes me more attractive to others.”
“If I listen to another point of view, it could invalidate mine.”
“What other people think is often incorrect.”
COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS
“Sometimes I can’t get them to be quiet long enough to listen to me.”
“They think they know everything and are not open to listening and learning.”
“They have their defenses up and aren’t interested in options.”
“They think that their thoughts are so much more important than anyone else’s.”
“They don’t see me—they accuse me of being everything but what I am.”
“They always need to be right.”
Activating Soul Growth Through Social Interaction
Gemini North Node people are on the planet this lifetime to master the art of social interaction. They have had so many spiritual/philosophical past lives—many of them in monasteries—that they have lost touch with the skill of participating appropriately in the mundane interactions of daily life. The issue is so profound for this nodal group that as children, some of them are actually speech delayed. Now their special challenge to continue their soul’s growth is to learn to connect with others and create successful relationships that lead to mutual understanding and acceptance.
Gemini North Node people may experience resistance in social interactions. They have a strong need to be “right,” and on some level don’t care about what other people think. So it doesn’t matter what the subject is—they have difficulty listening. As long as they have the last word, for them the issue is resolved. This nodal group is unaware of the importance of truly listening and validating others’ thoughts and feelings. Naturally, this blocks opportunities for growth and intimacy and leads to isolation.
The need to be right is so dominant that they may even change something another person has done without asking. For example, I have a client whose son has this nodal position. If a book is on the table facing one direction and he doesn’t think it should be that way, he will place it the way he wants it. And if his mother tries to move it even a little bit, he has a total fit. Often these natives will use as much emotional energy as it takes to get the other person to concede. Other people may end up feeling bullied. They can sense the wall of resistance to anything they might say—so often they just give up.
Many of these issues stem from an unconscious fear that if they become involved with others they will lose their own ego-based sense of self and transform into someone different. They intuitively know that in this life their ego needs to make some shifts in order for them to grow, but they resist because they’re more comfortable with their old familiar structure. Sometimes they don’t want to interact with others because they fear that the other person won’t be accepting, or may judge them, when they are actually the one pre-judging the situation. They psych themselves up thinking that they have to fight to maintain their personal boundaries and their beliefs. But, their rebirth into society will expand and revitalize their sense of self if they are up for the challenge of overcoming their resistance and learning to create intimacy with others.
Another obstacle is the assumption that to be in harmony with another they have to share a similar belief system. It could be religious, professional, the way you live, etc. But they think that sameness needs to exist in order to connect. This hinders their growth because they miss out on ideas and insights that they will only get if they risk communicating with those who think differently than they do. When they surround themselves with people who are just like them, it results in a flatness of the mind—and the emotions—that is not happy for them. They can only grow by truly embracing the differentness in others and being open to the new and varied ideas that they bring.
Gemini North Node people feel they don’t know how to communicate effectively unless they’re reinforcing a shared belief system. Their biggest hindrance in this area is that they’re not accustomed to small talk or interacting with others just to share what’s on their mind. They think: “What’s the purpose of small talk? Why tell someone, ‘Gee, those are pretty earrings’—it doesn’t accomplish anything.” This attitude creates a barrier between themselves and others. They are learning that Life’s journey involves many purposes, which may include your job, your family, the cause you believe in, and the daily interactions you have with others, through which we all have an opportunity to gain new information and grow.
These folks tend to not communicate if they can’t say something positive—they don’t want to initiate a conflict or bring the other person down. Yet when
they don’t share what’s going on, others feel rejected and left out. Then the native feels misunderstood and hurt and may decide that the other person doesn’t care about their good intentions. They can become insecure, or even bitter and resentful, especially if the other person is someone they care about emotionally. Then they may end up pushing the other person away even more by being defensive.
Gemini North Node people can get stuck in negative situations. They are learning to talk to others who could help them consider their options. They may stay in unpleasant conditions and complain. Others know the native isn’t learning and growing in their current circumstances, but also sense their resistance to any outside input. The native thinks they have to put up with the situation until “the time is over”—when they retire, when the lease is up, etc. Sometimes they seem to be waiting for something special to lift them out of themselves instead of acknowledging the specialness of what they already have. This blocks intimacy because just as they are rarely content with their own circumstances, they are often unsatisfied with the people around them. Others sense this and pull back because they don’t feel accepted for who they are.
Despite all this, these folks don’t think they have a problem with communication, because they express their opinions so directly. However, when they interact with others as if their point of view is “absolute truth,” it’s not really communication, and it doesn’t create the rapport and understanding that could lead to a higher truth. That requires being more concerned about what others think so they could connect in ways that open the door to intimacy instead of slamming it shut. As they become more aware of how they affect others, they can learn to develop the tact and social consideration that allow intimacy to be created, and is so essential for their Soul’s growth in this lifetime.
Appropriate interactions with others are important for a number of practical reasons as well. For one thing, it’s difficult for them to gain information and knowledge in any area if they won’t listen. Another benefit is that taking time to understand the other person’s point of view—and being willing to accept it as true for them—allows the native to present their ideas in a way that takes their partner’s needs into account as well. As a result, the other person is more likely to respond positively. They are learning that to grow and thrive they need others’ ideas, and by sharing information, everyone involved can live more effectively—and more fully—with a greater sense of adventure, connectedness, and accomplishment.
Lifting Resistance to Input from Others
Gemini North Node people give the impression of always having to be right. It doesn’t matter what others say or how much evidence they have to back up their point of view. Others often feel they are not heard or acknowledged in any way. This disinclination to listen to others is a big block to creating intimacy. The other person doesn’t feel he has any way to connect with the native and he doesn’t know how to change it. So after a while others just give up trying to share their thoughts and feelings or to get close to the native.
It’s difficult for others to be loving with these people when they put up a wall and refuse to hear what the other person says. They get tired of being discounted and just start tuning out the native and doing their own thing. And then the native feels hurt. These people are often very loving and they don’t mean to hurt others; they honestly don’t understand the connection between their need to be right and those around them always distancing themselves.
These people usually feel the most resistance to communicating with someone who has a different view of the matter at hand. Besides the need to be right, they are also afraid that if they really hear another point of view they may lose their own truth, since they have a tendency to follow what they listen to. Also, when others have an opinion that’s not the same as theirs, they tend to take it personally. They don’t understand that the other person is just communicating their own ideas—which happen to differ.
For example, I had one client whose Gemini North Node mother-in-law would drop by unexpectedly to see her three young grandchildren on school nights. The kids always got so excited that they wouldn’t go to bed. The mother-in-law berated my client: “These kids should go to bed at 8 P.M. every night, just like my kids always did.” My client tried to explain: “Ma, most nights they are in bed on time—they just get too stirred up when you’re here.” But the mother-in-law wouldn’t listen. “No, they’re never in bed on time!” The native believes that what they say is Truth, and what the other person says is either discounted or not even heard. And from there they jump to their own conclusions: “These kids are always sick because they’re never in bed on time.” This creates a lot of struggle and blocks intimacy because the other person has to constantly defend their position. Sometimes they just give up.
Also, since the native isn’t listening to what others tell them about themselves, they tend to form their own opinions about who the other person is. The classic example is the woman who still sees her mate as exactly the same person on their twentieth anniversary. Instead of a twenty-year marriage with all the growth and change that has occurred, she experienced a one-year marriage repeated twenty times! When others try to reveal themselves, these natives usually discount their input because they think their opinion of who the person really is is right. For example, I have a client who is at least 100 pounds overweight; she has a Gemini North Node mother. Her mother thinks she never has any money because she has a drug problem. My client tells her: “Mother, look at me! I don’t have a drug addiction. I have a FOOD addiction—that’s where my money goes!” But the mother ignores any information her daughter tells her about herself. Until they become conscious, Gemini North Node people will stay true to their opinions, regardless of any new information that changes the overall picture.
Sometimes their allegiance to principle—combined with their resistance to accepting input from others—can override their common sense. When others give these folks alternative ways to view life or solve problems, they usually won’t consider them. Eventually, others get tired of being ignored and just quit trying to help the native.
Gemini North Node people tend to get stuck doing things one way and it can be very difficult to get them to try something new. For instance, when one client with a young Gemini North Node son would pick up her daughter at school, the son would insist they go through the same door each time—she couldn’t bring him in any other way. These natives rigidly attach to what is familiar and what they deem is “right” and they’ll fight to keep everything the same. And if they have to do something different—i.e., the door is locked or a rockslide has blocked the road—they may panic. It’s like a superstition that if they don’t do things a certain way something bad will happen. But things are constantly changing and people are constantly growing, so until the native overcomes this reaction, they are blocking intimacy.
It’s as if these people have a room in their brain marked “social interaction,” but with so many lifetimes isolated from others, they have just bypassed that door. Now they have a lot of resistance to opening it—and even when they try it’s difficult because the hinges are rusty. However, in this life it’s their destiny to open that door. And when they do, they’ll find that this room has all the tools they need to create successful social interactions. These natives actually have more talents than most in this area—it’s a matter of intention: finding the awareness and courage to walk into the room and begin experimenting.
Embracing the Natural Flow of Communication
It isn’t that Gemini North Node people don’t talk—they can talk up a storm. But they don’t communicate in the sense of a two-way conversation. When they aren’t in tune with the other person’s words or ideas, it often ends up being a one-way flow of communication, like a monologue or sermon. Sometimes, when another person is talking, they look at the native and can see that nobody’s home—they aren’t listening or taking in the information. When this happens, the best bet is for
others to just keep talking, and try to get the native to respond, to establish some interaction.
Gemini North Node folks often withdraw as a means of avoiding conflict. They don’t want to argue, and they think that by not communicating, the problem will clear up by itself. They don’t realize they have natural sales abilities. When they don’t know how to connect with someone, becoming aloof is often their defense. They begin to make assumptions about the other person—“He did this, so he thinks that”—and assumptions are always a red flag for these folks—an indication they are off track.
This is all due to their underlying fear that what they have to say won’t be understood and accepted. There are times when they want to be open, but they hold back because they are so sensitive to any kind of negative response. However, this blocks intimacy and creates tension.
For example, a Gemini North Node client was helping her cousin, who was ill. However, when she was in her cousin’s house she felt anxious because of the history of withheld communication surrounding the situation. My client thought her cousin needed a lot of support in order to get well, while the cousin’s husband felt the best thing for his wife was to just get out of bed and resume her life. These natives can almost always get through such blocks and establish rapport by first asking the other person what they’re thinking and feeling. When they understand what’s going on with that person, from their point of view, they will know how to connect successfully with the other’s energy so they can have a positive interaction. For instance, my client could have asked: “Do you feel that the way I’m taking care of your wife is constructive in terms of the bigger picture?” Or “What are your thoughts about the best way to support her recovery?”
When Gemini North Node people try to communicate without first finding out where others are coming from, they don’t feel a safe space to share their position. So the key for them is to get some conversation going and create a connection with the other person so they know what “channel” to tune in to. They are learning that the essence of communication is not a battle about who’s right, but understanding the other’s point of view and accepting it as being true for them. And they are finding out that it’s okay for two differing points of view to exist simultaneously.