by Jan Spiller
If these people are in a situation where they feel powerless, they may overcompensate with rage or other strong emotions in an attempt to intimidate the other person so that they will withdraw. Although this reaction is appropriate in a life-threatening situation, it is not acceptable behavior in close relationships. Taurus North Node people feel “entitled” to be treated in a certain way according to their values, and when this doesn’t happen, they can be abusive. This is almost always verbal abuse aimed at bringing the other person into line. The native may not even be aware of it, because this “bully response” stems from their unconscious lack of boundaries.
They may also use psychological intimidation to gain power and they know just what buttons to push. For example, one client had a boyfriend with this nodal position who had been living with her and her daughter for several months. When she tried to talk to him about her feeling that things weren’t working out, he would always put her off by focusing on how hard a breakup would be on her daughter. And he said: “It would be a shame if anything happened to her as a result.” He knew that my client’s greatest fear was for her daughter’s safety. And while his tactics did keep her in the relationship a while longer, she hated him for it and kept her distance.
In an intimate relationship, manipulation and intimidation are out of place and they certainly block intimacy. The other person feels betrayed, and angry with themselves for allowing the native to get away with it. They think: “What’s wrong with me? I should be stronger.” But the truth is that when these people annoy or frighten someone long enough, they usually give in—and the native knows it. To avoid their destructive reactions, those who are close usually either “go along” or else flat-out lie to the native. It can be the only way to get away from the negative energy.
Due to unresolved past life issues of betrayal, these people also have a tough time forgiving. Others feel that if they wrong the native even once, that’s the end. They just don’t let things go. In fact, when they perceive that another has wronged them, they may label that person a certain way, and then collect evidence to justify their position. Once this occurs, there’s no way the other person can open up the channel of Love again. Others feel that there’s no hope since nothing they do makes a difference, and eventually they give up.
This dynamic occurs because if these people trust someone and that person betrays them, it triggers a seething rage. It’s a bottom-line survival issue and they experience absolute terror and rage inside. They’re afraid to let it out, and keeping it under wraps means that they are in protection mode all the time. So they are very discriminating about who they allow to become close, and just how close they allow each person to be.
Taurus North Node people are terrified of losing control and releasing intense destructive energy. And since the rage is emanating from unresolved past life experiences, subconsciously they believe that resolution or healing isn’t possible. But when they consciously channel that energy into building something they feel is worthwhile, the pressure can naturally express in a controlled manner. Then the native can direct that energy in ways that make them feel good about themselves. It’s the difference between turning a faucet on full blast so it erodes the earth, or attaching a hose to it and using it to gently water a garden.
Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships
Due to significant issues regarding their sense of self-worth, Taurus North Node people often maintain a veil of secrecy, thinking that being mysterious makes them more attractive. They believe if they reveal themselves and really let the other person get to know them that their partner may not think they’re good enough. And regardless of how handsome/beautiful or gifted they are, these people don’t think they can survive without their partner.
Yet feeling dependent on another also makes them feel weak, and unconsciously they often begin to resent the other person. They have the belief that they must pour all of their energy into their partner for the relationship to work. But when they give without any limits, it further diminishes their sense of self-worth and creates even more resentment.
These people think they are empowering their partner, but when they compromise their own needs to fulfill their partners’ needs, the truth is that they are enabling them to not take responsibility for creating a reciprocal relationship. It doesn’t occur to their partner to give back if the native never lets them know what they need. As a result, over time their partner becomes insensitive to their needs, and the native ends up feeling taken advantage of because their partner doesn’t validate and take care of them in return. But since it’s never stated, when the native “punishes” their partner by pulling away, the other person doesn’t understand why. And even if their partner responds by giving to them, the native feels like they’re just appeasing them rather than demonstrating true caring. The native thinks that by distancing themselves they can avoid conflict, but if these issues are not resolved, they just keep creating more problems.
These people understand that bonded relationships are meant to be reciprocal, but they have the idea that if two people love each other they will just automatically take care of each other’s needs—and it doesn’t work that way. Successful, healthy relationships require a lot of feedback, vigilance, and constant mutual adjustment. The native wants to receive sensitivity, love, and support back from their partner without having to ask for it. But this can only manifest through their willingness to train the other person how to be the reciprocal partner they seek. It’s when they take responsibility for making sure that their own needs are met that the energy they’re longing for comes back to them.
For instance, it’s important to most Taurus North Node people that they and their partner exchange concrete expressions of their value to each other. So they have to share this information and set it up with their partner so this need gets met. Internally, this can feel like a catch-22, because Taurus North Node people also think that if they state their needs directly, the other person will leave. And since they believe they need their partner to survive, they may compromise themselves to keep a relationship going, even if it isn’t meeting their needs and their boundaries are being violated. Often their anger and resentment have to build to the point where they decide “I don’t care if they leave” before these people will risk revealing their true needs and boundaries. They are learning that if they never ask for what they need, they’ll never get it.
In healthy intimate relationships, one person doesn’t just adapt to the other—both must reveal their needs for true bonding to occur. These people are learning that just because they are psychically attuned to others doesn’t mean that their partner has the same ability. As long as the native just expects their partner to know how to support them, they will continue to feel disappointed. The key to successful relationships for this nodal group is to clearly define their boundaries so their partner can become more aware of their needs. The idea is to be willing to teach the other person about reciprocity and the process of mutual awareness and sensitivity.
For example, a Taurus North Node client was in crisis because her mother was dying. She was spending every day taking care of her mom and supporting her dad. Exhausted, she returned home one night and her husband said, “Well, are you going to spend some time here?” She replied that she needed emotional support in the situation instead of her family just wanting more from her. The husband’s response was: “We’re trying to do what we can”—he really didn’t know what she needed.
These natives are learning to be more specific about what they need, to define exactly how they want their partner to support them. For instance, my client might have said, “When I come home each night, I want you to give me a big hug. Then I need you and the kids to prepare dinner while I take an hour for myself. And after dinner, I want us to spend some time together as a family.” When these people own their needs and take responsibility for integrating them into their relationships, it works. They get back the energy th
ey need from their partner, which opens the door for intimacy to be created.
Another issue is that Taurus North Node people want their partner to be more ambitious and excel according to society’s standards. They don’t just accept their partner for who they are. They tend to twist and manipulate things to make what THEY want for their partner look like the best thing for them. Naturally, this blocks intimacy because when their partner is continually pushed into things, after a while they start feeling disempowered and resentful. They may start fighting back—which can take the form of not doing anything.
When this happens the native is shocked because it seems like the other person has suddenly changed—but they’re simply refusing to be manipulated anymore. This dynamic is a formula for disaster, especially in a sexually intimate relationship. A partner who feels manipulated and discounted won’t want to share physical affection. Their libido may even begin to dissipate because they feel impotent in their life. So if these people want a happy sex life, they need to stop draining their partner’s power by thinking they know what’s best for them.
Tension also occurs in their primary relationships when Taurus North Node people become so overidentified with their partner that they don’t have any sense of separation or privacy. Sometimes they even feel entitled to investigate their partner’s life in outrageous ways—by reading their journal, listening to their phone conversations, etc. Part of this issue stems from their past life memories of betrayal. On an unconscious level they are driven to understand the deep motives of others in order to try to avoid betrayal in this lifetime. Also, because the native gives excessively to the other person, they feel justified in taking from them without considering what’s appropriate or what the other person wants to give. The native thinks: “I gave you all my resources and energy, so now you should give me all that you have.” But in reality, life doesn’t work that way.
These people are learning to mitigate their giving in a way that is more balanced with their own needs, so when they do give, there are no strings attached. Until they become willing to do this, they will continue to think there’s always something else they need in order to feel validated by their partner. It’s a bottomless pit. And the other person feels inadequate because they can’t fill the native’s needs—it would cost them their own identity. What the native is really looking for is to be forced to maintain their own boundaries by a partner who is as strong—or stronger—than they are and who refuses to become enmeshed with them.
All of these unhealthy dynamics block intimacy. The ongoing psychological battle drains both partners of the energy they need to satisfy each other’s basic need to be nurtured by physical affection, so they miss out on feeling close and enjoying the sensual beauty of life.
Taurus North Node people are learning to avoid creating negative energy in their relationships and find ways of relating that allow the other person to feel understood and validated. This will open the door for their partner to reciprocate by being more aware of wanting to pamper the native and satisfy their needs. And when the native makes this shift, they are among the best of love partners since they are naturally curious about the psychology of others, desire emotional closeness, and recognize its value. More touching or massage really helps in their intimate relationships.
How Others Can Help Them Heal
Prompt Them to Express Personal Needs
Taurus North Node people are overly focused on the needs of others and tend to discount their own needs. Encourage them to get in touch with—and communicate—their needs in any particular situation. For example, if the room temperature is too warm for them, they may simply endure it, thinking: “Well, everyone else seems to be comfortable.” In these circumstances, encourage them to get in the habit of speaking up: “Is it warm in here, or is it just me?”
Since these people love crisis, if you say: “I realize that letting me know what you need is going to feel to you like ‘living on the edge,’” they are likely to be more willing to try it. And because bonding is so important to them, if you present the challenge of letting their partner know what they need as something that will deepen the bond between them, they will probably take the risk. It’s also helpful to remind these people that if they never ask for what they need, they’ll never get it.
Encourage them to begin verbalizing what they need in order to experience physical comfort, by letting them know that you want them to tell you. Explain that partnerships are give and take, and when they don’t verbalize their needs, they deprive the other person of an opportunity to support them in return. Help them to understand that when they express their own needs, it empowers their relationships because the energy can flow in both directions.
Encourage Them to Stay Within Their Boundaries
These people are learning about boundaries in this lifetime. Encourage them to mitigate their excessive giving in a way that is more balanced with their own needs. Then their giving won’t always have an agenda and a hidden price tag in terms of what they are supposed to get back from the other person. Help them to understand that even if they give everything they have, it doesn’t entitle them to take whatever they want from others.
Remind them to tune in to their “comfort zone” in various situations. In troubling circumstances or when they are distressed, ask them, “What do you need right now in order to feel comfortable?” Their sense of inner comfort is a true barometer of whether or not they are on track for staying within their boundaries. To maintain their balance in terms of giving and receiving, support them in setting aside enough time to nurture themselves by pursuing activities they enjoy and that bring them a sense of contentment, such as music, gardening, or massage.
Stimulate Them to Embrace Financial Responsibility
Becoming conscious about money is essential for Taurus North Node people—it’s the key to their sense of well-being. Due to unconscious past life memories of being taken care of financially by others, in this incarnation they resist being responsible for money. They almost have a disdain for it, which is why they spend without ever considering the future consequences.
Encourage them to see money as their friend, welcoming money and consciously appreciating the money that is coming into their lives. Money is a form of power, and by regularly putting part of their income into a savings account, they will begin building a solid sense of their own power. And this will bring them feelings of comfort and emotional stability. Tell them that by accumulating money in a responsible manner, they will be demonstrating their worth in a concrete way—to themselves and others.
Rather than losing themselves in desiring “more,” encourage them to appreciate what they already have. The energy of conscious appreciation is essential for nurturing their emotional bodies. It can be as simple as being grateful for having a comfortable home, enough food, and people in their life who care about them. And as they learn to be more appreciative of what is in their life they open a channel for more good things to flow to them.
Assist Them in Strengthening Their Sense of Self-Worth
Encourage these people to be interested in themselves—to find out what projects, causes, or activities they feel good about. Once they discover “their thing,” encourage them to focus their intense, internal energy in that direction. They have the innate ability to empower anyone—or any cause—that they consider worthy. Encourage them to empower their own cause and build something for themselves that will enhance their self-esteem.
If they are uncertain about a decision, ask them: “Will doing this increase or diminish your sense of self-worth?” If it is an action that makes them feel better about themselves, encourage them to do it regardless of the outcome. When they experience a social upset, ask them, “What do you need to do to feel good about yourself in this situation?” And once they get in touch with their personal values, encourage them to take that action. It will directly help to strengthen their sense of self-worth.
Influence Them to Be More Accepting of Others
If these people erupt in a judgmental tirade about what someone else is or isn’t doing, help them see that they are upset because that person’s values are different from their own. Point out what the situation has shown them about their own values, and how important being true to their values is to them. The I Ching says that the best way to fight evil is to “make energetic progress in the good,” and this is a positive mantra for Taurus North Node people.
When they become involved in a crisis with another—which is often of their own making—support them in turning their back on the fight and focusing on what will make them feel good about THEMSELVES in the situation. See if they can come up with a practical step they can take independently that will put them on a more constructive path. Help them to get in touch with their own options in the current stage of the situation rather than trying to change the behavior of others.
Habits to Discourage
Discourage crisis: Taurus North Node people have an addiction to crisis situations as a way of getting attention from others and because, on an unconscious level, the adrenaline rush makes them feel alive. But in fact, this dynamic is destructive for all concerned, including themselves. If they become combative with you during one of these episodes, your best bet is to just leave the room and simply refuse to interact with them on a destructive, combative level.