Cosmic Love

by Jan Spiller

  Thoughts are like water: Allowed to flow, they find their own natural path, but being blocked creates tension that can be destructive. That’s why it’s so important that these people overcome their resistance to communicating—just verbalizing their position can reduce the tension in any situation. Ideally, both people gain a broader perspective through hearing each other’s thoughts, which may also allow them to find a more effective resolution together. But even if both go back to their original position, positive energy is created in the relationship because each expressed their views and felt heard and understood by the other.

  It’s a challenge for Gemini North Node people to get to this point with others. Due to past lives in the priesthood, on an unconscious level they always feel that they are supposed to have the answers and be able to resolve other people’s problems—even when they can’t find answers for themselves. They fear that they won’t be able to live up to the other person’s expectations. And if they can’t provide what the other person is looking for, instead of just saying, “Sorry, I don’t know,” they feel inadequate and become aloof. These people even fear that if they ask a question, they may not know what to say to the other person’s response. It might be another question that they can’t answer. Thus their fear of not having the answer can inhibit their asking the question.

  Even though they feel they should know, the responsibility for having solutions is not part of their destiny in this lifetime. Now their job is to ask questions, gain information, and relate to others more equally by sharing thoughts and opinions back and forth. They are learning that communication is a vital exchange, a two-way street leading to mutual understanding and rapport. The native’s interactions with other people are a key to resolving their own issues. Talking it out with another brings in new information and more options. Through the process itself, new insights and answers naturally arise that can benefit both parties. Nobody has to have the answers; nobody has to be “right.”

  Another situation where Gemini North Node people tend to withdraw is when they have a problem, they may not communicate because they are afraid that the other person will want to help. Their mind tells them that they need to rely solely on themselves, but on an unconscious level they really prefer to deal with things on their own, due to their fear of social interaction. For example, if they have a health problem, they may not call their friend, since they know the other person will say, “Is there anything I can do to help?” Actually, dealing with the other person appropriately is the next thing they need to learn how to handle. First, the idea is to validate the intention behind the other person’s offer: “Thank you for offering.” Then they can share information and honestly say what they want in the situation: “I’m doing all right, but I’ll check in with you tomorrow.” They don’t have to accept the help—it’s accepting and acknowledging the goodness of the other person that completes the loving connection.

  Gemini North Node people are learning the value of communicating in a way that keeps the mood light and positive. And with this intention, the quality of tact—which they need to learn—will naturally be activated. In fact, in the process of listening to the other person’s ideas—what they are interested in, how they view life, and stories of their interactions with others—the native will become more comfortable in their own relationships. And their best bet when connecting with another—even with their partner or best friend—is to start by asking a general question: “How is your day going?” Then, after the person responds, they can ask a more meaningful question: “How did you feel when she said that?” After that, they can become more personal: “I like your hair today.” Somehow, when they start off at a very benign level and gradually work through these steps, it is easier for them to breach their internal wall and develop openness and intimacy with another.

  Another benefit of investigating the thoughts of others is that it activates the native’s own potential for mental flexibility. They will begin to see that life is about more than just conclusions and right answers—it’s also the energy created through sharing varied points of view. Through understanding others on the mundane level of daily life, the harmonious energy that is created will be able to support a positive discussion of larger truths.

  Learning to Demonstrate Their Good Intentions

  Gemini North Node people often keep their defenses up because they feel like an outsider in everyday circumstances. Their perception is that they do things out of the generosity of their hearts, and almost always they are misunderstood. They generally deal with this disappointment by remaining aloof. They may also have the belief that others don’t care about what they think. When they say something bold, they may chastise themselves later—not because they’re second-guessing their opinion—they are quite sure they’re right—but they fear that what they said might not be received in the generous spirit in which it was offered.

  They also experience this misunderstanding in other situations. For example, if they are having problems, they may not reach out to others. Then, when they do call, the other person says: “Why are you ignoring me?” The native knew that the person was busy and didn’t want to bother them with their own mundane problems. But when they’re out of touch they seem aloof, and others naturally try to figure out the reason for their lack of communication. They may decide: “They don’t care about me,” or “They’re hiding something.”

  These people will experience more positive outcomes when they go out of their way to connect, even if it’s just to say: “I’m dealing with a lot of mundane problems right now, but I’m thinking of you and will be in touch again soon.” The idea is to keep the connection going and show interest in the other person. They are learning that they don’t have to “have it all together” in order to communicate with others in a meaningful way.

  Another issue for this nodal group is when they get so focused on creating what they perceive to be “permanent solutions” that they ignore opportunities to demonstrate their good intentions in immediate, concrete ways. For example, during the holiday season of 2005, huge earthquakes resulted in a gigantic tsunami that laid waste to coastal settlements in much of the Asian world and caused a horrific number of deaths. In the wake of this disaster, people needed immediate help in order to survive. They requested three basic things: water purification tablets, rice, and medicine. U.S. President George W. Bush—a Gemini North Node person—did not respond immediately to these requests because he felt he needed time to ponder a long-term solution. The tsunami hit on Sunday and he did nothing until Wednesday, when he solemnly guaranteed that the United States would be there for the long haul to help these countries “rebuild their infrastructure.”

  President Bush promised billions of dollars toward a long-term goal, when he could have responded immediately to their urgent needs for far less cost. And while it’s true that offering food to a starving person is a “temporary fix,” it gives the person time to recover, gain strength, and then begin to rebuild their life. And had President Bush responded to the actual need presented, he would have created the sense of goodwill that he so greatly desired. It’s a temporary fix, but out of that gesture the next appropriate step would become clear. And since the immediate generosity is heartfelt, it is genuinely appreciated. Gemini North Node people are learning that when they ACT on their good intentions by handling things as they arise, they are much more effective and others see their generous nature.

  However, this insight may not come easily to these people. When others do not accept what they give, rather than asking themselves whether their offering is appropriate in the situation, they tend to take it personally and think that others don’t understand their positive motive or are questioning their integrity. But really, it’s just that the other person doesn’t want or need the particular item, information, or opinion at that time. For instance, if they offer someone advice about cell phones when that person already has a cell phone they’re happy with, the native may become ferven
t in pitching the new phone’s advanced technology. And when the other person isn’t interested, the native may feel misunderstood.

  These people are learning that when others don’t accept their input, it’s simply because they have a different goal or value in the situation. But until they get this, their reactions block intimacy because if they feel that the other person doesn’t understand their intention, they withdraw from that person, become aloof, and then they don’t know how to reestablish the connection. Their idea of how to go about it might be: “Who the hell do you think you are?” rather than seeking a common ground through sharing thoughts and feelings.

  By using communication to work things out with others, these people can also begin to distinguish between the validity of their information or belief, the appropriateness in the current situation, and their motive for sharing it. This nodal group is motivated by a tremendous sense of integrity, morality, and ethics. However, their motive can be correct and their conclusion may still be in error in terms of appropriate application in a particular situation. For these folks, resistance from others can be a useful barometer that lets them know when their conclusions may need some adjustment. If someone is resisting them, their best approach is to ask questions. “What’s your feeling about this?” or “What are your thoughts about how we should do this?” They need to keep the exchange on an informational level to maintain rapport. And for successful results, their motive needs to truly be gaining a deeper understanding of the other person’s position. They don’t have to agree with that position, just understand that it’s true for the other person.

  Healing Self-Righteousness

  Gemini North Node people tend to be opinionated and very certain that their opinions are correct—and their self-righteous attitude often evokes anger in others. They are usually not aware of how other people react to them or how their self-righteousness can put others off and block true and open communication. In fact, they don’t think they have a problem with communication because they are so direct in expressing their opinions. But this is not true communication of exchanging information and understanding one another’s point of view.

  These people can have a very cerebral approach—like a lawyer in court presenting “truth” that is cut and dried, black and white. But this mind-set damages their relationships because it locks them into their mental framework and distances them from their feelings. Often when the native takes a position, they do it with such a sense of righteousness that it intimidates others. Their enthusiasm for their own “truth” can block the input of more sensitive souls; others can see that there’s no room for their point of view. Rather than hearing another’s communication, these folks tend to immediately overlay it with their own assumptions about that person and the situation.

  Family members know the native and love them for who they are, but they usually don’t let themselves get too close or become too vulnerable. People who do become involved with them soon discover that it’s all about what the native thinks, and what they expect the other person to be. And if they risk giving the native honest feedback about their authoritarian style, Gemini North Node people are likely to respond in a dramatic way: “Well, I guess I’m just not allowed to have an opinion!”

  They place no value on what others say and often just ignore them. Other people end up feeling like their ideas aren’t important, and therefore they aren’t important. They get tired of being invalidated and dealing with the native’s fiery rampages, so they start to censor what they are willing to share. Naturally, there can be no intimacy without openness, and after a while the other person may think: “Why even try?” They get that the native isn’t invested in listening to them and learning to understand them, and start to distance themselves.

  Gemini North Node people tend to give strong advice. They give the impression that they have “traveled the journey”—that they are connected to “rightness” and spirituality. When they think they have already “arrived,” they’re not open to hearing about other philosophies and viewpoints. And even if they do seem to listen, they may use what they hear to reinforce their own opinion. Until they become conscious of this, they may act as if they don’t really care about the other person’s opinions or what’s on their mind, and others don’t feel accepted—or even seen—for who they are. In fact, it is likely that the native doesn’t really see the other person—they see them as they think they are.

  And once they make a judgment about someone—“they’re cheap,” “they’re weak,” “they’re a bully”—they tend to hold on to it forever. The person may change, but they won’t see it. They will continue to look for any sign that the “defect” they saw still exists. And when they spot it, they often display an unpleasant energy of self-righteous arrogance. Their judgments—which are based on their own interpretations of events—become self-fulfilling prophecies that invalidate the growth and progress of those close to them. Others soon realize that if they become part of the native’s world, it is unlikely that they will ever be related to as who they really are in the moment. This alone makes trusting intimacy with Gemini North Node people very difficult to risk.

  This nodal group also tends to have their own private rulebook—their “Universal Truths”—about how life works. As an example, one of their rules may be: “Everyone operates from their own frame of reference.” While this “rule” may, in fact, be true, the way these people use it can further interfere with intimacy. If someone says: “I like the color blue,” instead of hearing their preference as something personal, the native will likely process it as part of that person’s rules. It’s another layer of “mental conclusions” that they interject between themselves and others.

  Gemini North Node people often feel that their path is to share their truth with others. Sometimes this can take the form of religious zealotry, where the native thinks they have been “chosen” to convert others—especially their partner—to their newfound Truth. In the process, they may berate the other person: “I can’t continue to see you if you don’t believe this, because you’ll drag me down.” From the other person’s point of view it’s an infringement on their own personal beliefs, and they feel violated. When the native feels so strongly about something, they may become rigid, abrasive, and egotistical. But this is really a defense mechanism, because internally these people fear that if they listen to the other person’s point of view, it may contaminate their belief. This blocks intimacy, because the other person feels rejected and their input is completely invalidated. They are learning that it’s okay for people to co-exist having different points of view.

  People in this nodal group are very much into living their life according to their principles. They take pride in being an example to others, and they can be pretty judgmental if others don’t always act in alignment with their own beliefs. This self-righteous position blocks intimacy, because if they think that someone doesn’t always live the Truth they are espousing, they don’t want to be associated with them. This seriously limits their circle of friends, and blocks intimacy, since few people are “perfect.” But when others don’t practice what they preach, it’s hard for the native to feel respect for them, and they become aloof.

  When the native sees a discrepancy between what someone is aiming for and what they are demonstrating, their best bet is to ask questions to better understand where that individual is on their personal path. Tolerance and patience with others are two of the things these natives are learning this lifetime.

  Overcoming Isolation

  Due to past lives in the priesthood, Gemini North Node people feel responsible for having the solution. In this role they maintain a certain aloofness because they feel it’s inappropriate to relax and be spontaneous. To them, there are so many problems that others expect them to handle that they even limit the time they spend around people they truly love because the “role” feels like such a burden. This false sense of responsibility blocks intimacy because they are afra
id to get really close to someone and then not “have the answers.”

  These people also have internal programming telling them that they’re responsible for furthering any causes they believe in, and this creates an even greater pressure. The cause is of prime importance, all-consuming. They know that others involved in the “cause” rely on them, and they accept this responsibility even though they often feel that these people don’t really care about them as an individual, which creates a sense of loneliness for the native. Then, if they make the “cause” so important that they neglect spending time with the people who are important to them, their loneliness increases and eventually creates an inner “wall” that makes it even harder for them to connect. On an unconscious level, this isolation feels right, due to their past lives as priests and holy wo/men, where it was appropriate to keep a certain distance between themselves and others. But in this lifetime it hinders their growth.

  The belief that others don’t understand them further blocks intimacy, because the native thinks: “Why bother to communicate, they’re not going to get it anyway”—but internally they feel angry and isolated. Often when they don’t share their thoughts it’s because they’re shut down from fear of many different things. They’re afraid of not being accepted; but their greatest fear is that others won’t see the good intention behind their interactions. They hesitate to risk letting anyone get close enough to try to understand them, because they feel too vulnerable and are afraid of getting hurt. So they keep building the wall that blocks any opportunity to create the closeness and intimacy that they so deeply desire.