by Jan Spiller
In order to break this hurtful pattern and get past their inner wall, Gemini North Node people need to learn the art of small talk. They are finding that it doesn’t work for them to just jump into a conversation—they need to set the groundwork first. By engaging in small talk, they create the opening for others to care about what they think on deeper levels, and it helps them to lower their wall.
They can succeed at small talk by first asking the other person a question. Even something as benign as: “Are you having a good day?” can get them started. This is because the other person’s response opens a “channel” through which the native can sense where they’re coming from, and then they automatically know what to say next. Even in public speaking their best bet is to first ask the audience questions in order to make the connection they need to create success.
Another factor that contributes to isolation is that part of them really doesn’t want others to know their thoughts, because they’re afraid of losing their freedom. In past lives they had to be free in order to pursue “Truth,” and now that aspect of their personality is like a muscle that’s been overused—a tape in their head that says: “I’ve got to be free.” Just becoming conscious of the tape allows them to choose to ignore it. Their best bet is to risk sharing what’s going on with the other person: “I really want to be close to you, and I realize I’m also afraid of not being free to pursue other things that are important to me.” When they openly state both sides of the issue at hand, the answer will become clear, and the other person will better understand them. Using logic for debating from different sides is a good thing for them, to more thoroughly understand differing points of view. It makes life interesting.
Gemini North Node people tend to remember any past incidents where others have used things they knew about the native in a negative way. They then draw the conclusion that they become more attractive to others by maintaining their freedom and being almost an “illusion.” They may hesitate to share their thoughts and feelings for fear of becoming too familiar and losing their allure. These folks often believe that what others think is none of their business. To others, it appears that the native just doesn’t care, and they feel hurt. But from the native’s point of view, it’s just respect for the other person. However, what’s really going on is that the native doesn’t want other people in their business, so they stay away from asking about the thoughts of others to set an example. Naturally, this blocks intimacy and pushes others away, because the other person ends up feeling like the native’s freedom is more important to them than they are.
Until they become conscious, this nodal group doesn’t really care about what others think and this is a big part of their isolation. If they are not open to other people’s points of view, their world becomes narrower. It shuts down their options and limits the space to bring in the vitality of new energy and ideas. Then their expectations end up being less than the possibilities that could be available to them. Sometimes they just become totally isolated in their own beliefs and assumptions. Their life becomes routine, lacking the spontaneity and sense of adventure they need to feed their spirit and create intimacy in their life.
Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships
In general, Gemini North Node people have not had much experience with personal relationships in their past lives and tend to lack confidence and expertise in this area. They don’t know how to overcome the barriers that they inadvertently create between themselves and others—including their significant other—so they often shut down emotionally in their most important interpersonal relationships. The fear of not knowing how to respond in personal relationships is so profound that a potential partner could be trying to flirt with them and they may ignore it, or be so blocked that they don’t even notice. These people think they don’t have the tools to handle this part of their life, but the “tools” are really just showing interest in the other person and being curious about them. Often their habitual aloofness sabotages them by not allowing the openness for this to happen.
Thinking that others always expect them to have the solutions also blocks intimacy in their primary relationship because the native fears that they may not be “enough” for their partner. They know the motives behind their suggestions are pure, but if their partner doesn’t accept their idea (or other ways of giving), the resulting feelings of inadequacy can create tremendous anxiety. Then the native may respond by pressing their point more strongly or by becoming aloof—blocking intimacy either way. Their need to feel adequate may even lead a Gemini North Node person to become involved in a relationship just to be able to solve another’s problem. But if they are the dominant problem-solver in all situations, the relationship isn’t balanced, so they lose the opportunity to create intimacy by interacting with their partner as an equal. There can’t be intimacy unless both people’s thoughts and feelings are heard and accepted by the other (as true for them), since the energy created by this type of interaction is what allows issues to be resolved on a higher level that takes both partners’ needs into account.
However, instead of pursuing equality, these folks may tend to have one-way conversations in order to control the situation, because they’re afraid of being hurt or hurting the other person. They think this makes it easier because they don’t have to watch the other person cry, or talk about their feelings, or have to go to counseling with their partner. But they are learning that if they don’t communicate with integrity as they go along, their problems stay with them and they suffer later on. It just makes the situation worse, because neither person can work out the issues that created the underlying problem in the first place.
For example, I had a Gemini North Node client who realized early in her first marriage that it probably wasn’t going to work out. However, she kept silent and ended up leaving abruptly without any input from her husband. She never let him know how unhappy she was or discussed the issues with him. To this day, it’s one of the few things in her life that she regrets—not talking it out with him to reach a mutual understanding, one way or the other.
Of all the issues this nodal group faces in their sexually intimate relationships, the one that usually has the greatest negative impact is the primary position of their “cause.” This is always something that is “justified”—that genuinely needs to be corrected, and that the native feels very strongly about. In many areas of their life they often feel like other people don’t care about them in a personal way, aren’t interested in what they think, and don’t understand them. But they know others do care about their ideas in terms of whatever cause they’re involved in. They may rationalize: “They don’t understand me, but as long as I can further the ‘cause,’ it doesn’t matter.” Their energy gets totally focused on the cause—the one thing that makes them feel effective, important, and unique—and personal considerations are overridden. This blocks intimacy because they’re not really aware of—or interested in—how they are affecting their partner. As a result, the other person often feels like they aren’t important or loved. They say: “How about us?” But the native says: “We’ve always got us, we can do that later.” Consequently, their relationships are often short-lived; their partner thinks: “They aren’t even trying to connect with me, so what’s the point?” and may just walk away.
Anything can trigger the “cause mechanism” for a Gemini North Node person. The issue may be political, social, environmental, spiritual, or it can even be something directly involving their partner or someone else who is close—i.e., they want their partner to lose weight, their child to learn about money, or their best friend to avoid hurtful relationships. But even if it’s an issue focusing on their partner, it blocks intimacy because the cause becomes the key for the connection. Their partner can sense that the native isn’t really relating to them, so in the end, their “cause” prevents them from experiencing true intimacy with their partner and adds to their sense of isolation.
Hopefully, over time t
he native will come to realize that the only way to break through their isolation is to take the risk of truly interacting with their significant other. Just by asking: “What do you think about ____?” and really hearing the other person’s answer, they can start seeing who the other person is and making a connection. They often hesitate to openly question their partner for fear they won’t have a response to what the other person says. If the native asks, “Honey, do you feel that we have a great relationship?” and their partner says, “Yes, but I would like it better if we would ____,” they are afraid they won’t know what to say. The native is learning that it’s okay to just take in the information and say: “Oh, okay!” They don’t have to have an immediate, profound response. Their partner will feel cared about just because they asked. They are finding out that communication is about more than answers and solutions. It’s the interactive process of exchanging thoughts and perceptions that allows the intimacy to flow through the creation of mutual understanding.
And it’s greatly to the native’s advantage to want to know how their partner thinks and what they’re going through. Maybe they just need someone to listen, or maybe there’s something helpful the native can say. If they care about their partner, their best bet is to step up to the challenge of finding out how the other person perceives life and be interested in their opinions, ideas, hopes, and dreams. Then they will naturally see how to establish the bond of intimacy that they crave and that can be so satisfying—for them and their partner.
How Others Can Help Them Heal
Influence Them to Understand That the Opinions of Others Are True for Them
Gemini North Node people have experienced so many past incarnations submerged in religious doctrine that their definition of Truth can be abstract and theoretical. They need help in learning how to incorporate the personal aspects of Truth that allow for connection with others. For example, if a friend is very careful with money, these people may respond with: “There’s abundance everywhere! They’re wrong to be so cheap!” However, the Truth for their friend may be that they come from an impoverished background and have had to be cautious with their resources. The native needs to be interested in WHY their friend displays this particular behavior. Then their naturally benevolent spirit may be able to help their friend expand beyond perceived personal limits.
You can inspire the native to embrace the habit of asking about other people’s points of view by framing it as a matter of integrity—to discern the “truth” of where the other person is coming from. If someone was in the military for twenty years, they may have conservative political views. In this case you could encourage the native to ask about the person’s experiences so they could better understand the connection between their past and their current opinions. These people need to SLOW DOWN, FOCUS on the other person, and LISTEN. As they learn to accept that the input of others is true for them, given their own personal life experience, the native can benefit by gaining new information and being exposed to exciting ways of viewing life that they hadn’t thought of before.
Encourage Them to Use Logic
Gemini North Node people tend to take a leap of faith and jump into things without really checking them out. Remind them to engage logic before making decisions. What is the track record of the stock they are thinking about buying? What are the life goals of the person they’re engaged to? Have them check out the facts of any situation and list the pros and cons objectively. They will do best when their choices are based on the facts of the situation, rather than acting on intuition or blind faith.
These people are often so unaware of others that they tend to call at the last minute to see someone, and often the other person isn’t available. If they want to spend time with someone, encourage them to call in advance to make plans. If they become upset with a friend’s behavior, encourage them to approach the situation logically and find out what their friend was thinking before they take action. In a relationship that is difficult for them, suggest that they view the other person as though they were a brother or sister, and they will automatically know how to relate to them in a way that will feel easy and natural and will help them to establish the rapport they want.
Prompt Them to Ask Questions
They say “curiosity killed the cat,” but for these people healthy curiosity is to be strongly encouraged. You can help them become more comfortable with the process of asking questions by asking them questions: “Why are you so strongly set against going to this new restaurant? What do you think will happen if we go there?” Ask them questions that help them uncover the specific thought, superstition, or belief that led to their decision. This awareness can support them in operating from a more conscious level, which—for them—is a better position for interaction and creating rapport. These people need to gain as many facts as possible before making decisions or coming to conclusions. Facts give them a strong base that supports accurate intuition.
The values of freedom and adventure are important to Gemini North Node people. If you present the challenge of asking questions and seeing more options as an “adventure” that could lead to more freedom for them, they will be willing to try it. If a friend doesn’t show up for an appointment, suggest that they call the person and seek factual information by asking questions in a non-blaming way: “I thought we had an appointment at three. Did I write down the wrong time? Is everything okay?” After their friend responds, the native can more intelligently form an opinion and will know what action to take.
When they are feeling socially insecure, encourage them to show interest in the other person by asking them questions. Being curious and asking questions is a way of connecting: “It was tough for me to find this place…was it easy for you?” “What kind of business are you in? Do you like it?” Genuine curiosity about others, coupled with a desire to share a spirit of lighthearted connection, is the key that will allow these people to move beyond their anxieties.
Help Them to See Their Options
When Gemini North Node people become set on something, they often need help in seeing their options. They have an intense need to be “right,” so first validate their stance: “Yes, you are 100 percent right. And, from another point of view…” Using these words relaxes the mechanism in the native’s psyche that has to be “right,” and then they may be open to seeing other possibilities. Encourage them to consider optional ways of viewing any incident—“Well, I can understand how you came to that conclusion. What are some other possibilities? It might be that ____”—and bring in other factors that could be affecting their situation. This will help them form the habit of staying open to more than one insight and develop greater mental flexibility.
When these people are making a decision, they generally tend to remain silent until they are “clear” on the solution, and then take sudden, irrevocable action. This process bypasses the input of others and the possibility of gaining more information that is pertinent to the situation. On a daily basis, encourage the habit of seeing their options. For example: “Well, you could go to the dry cleaners after work, or another option would be for me to pick it up when I’m out running errands.” Using the word “option” helps them become accustomed to seeing life from various points of view.
Urge Them to Communicate
Often Gemini North Node people avoid communication in order to avoid conflict. Naturally, this blocks intimacy because without communication there can be no understanding or mutual acceptance. Sway them to see that it’s a matter of integrity to communicate, to be curious about the other person’s views, and to share their own. These people are motivated by their sense of integrity, and if they see that withholding communication is a form of unethical behavior, they will be more willing to take the risk.
Those with this nodal position are solidly pledged to Truth, ethics, and morality. They are learning that in their interactions with others around the mundane matters of daily living, Truth is expressed through honesty and
fairness with the other people involved. And through the process of honestly sharing what they are thinking and feeling with the other person, they will learn how to state their opinions more tactfully, in a way that doesn’t evoke negative reactions from others. Risking authentic communication in this way will also help them gain understanding of others’ attitudes and ways of viewing life.
Habits to Discourage
Discourage assumptions about people or situations: When these folks use the word “assume,” it’s a red flag. Encourage them to get more information and seek out the facts of the situation. Help them to understand that when they assume anything, they are on the wrong track.
Discourage attitudes of self-righteousness: This person is a born believer in ethics and integrity, and will go all out to promote any cause they believe in. Discourage them from making the “cause” more important than the people they are relating to in various situations.
Discourage blunt speech: Gemini North Node people tend to speak with such direct certainty that it almost feels like law—whatever they say, it must be right. An acquaintance who has this nodal position told my brother and his wife: “Don’t have another child—it will eclipse your life, it will be a mistake.” Though she hardly knew them, she said it with such authority that it made them doubt their decision. However, they did have the child, who has proven to be a true blessing to their family. To discourage this trait, whenever the native says something that is abrasive or hurtful, say it back to them and ask: “Did I understand you to say ____? Is that what you really mean?” Help them to see how being too direct in their interactions hurts their relationships and is a disservice to others.