Cosmic Love

by Jan Spiller

  While this is always a consideration for anyone committing to a monogamous relationship, it’s a particularly strong issue for this nodal group. Of course, this blocks intimacy, because the other person senses that the native is not fully committed to the relationship and begins to feel very unimportant, sad, and lonely. Eventually they stop sharing with the native—they’re not listened to anyway—and finally they stop listening to what the native has to say. If the native doesn’t care about who they are, why should they care about the native?

  Another part of what is happening is that the Libra North Node people are always watching themselves. They think they need to behave in a certain way to be attractive enough to keep their partner. They don’t understand that it’s by noticing their partner that they will keep them. Their partner doesn’t feel loved when the native focuses on themselves and isn’t emotionally available to the other person. The other person may even feel that the native is being dishonest with them in some way, or having an affair. And really, they are. It’s due to their excessive self-love that they don’t want to extend themselves.

  These natives need partnership for their Soul’s growth in this lifetime. If they don’t find a way to successfully create this, they are likely to end up lonely and resentful—blaming others for the outcome. They are capable of changing self-sabotaging relationship dynamics by becoming more conscious of them, and being willing to expand into a more mature vision of life’s possibilities by putting their significant other first instead of themselves. In doing this, their motive will determine the outcome. If they are begrudging—just doing what they have to do to keep the relationship intact—their partner will sense that their giving is not heartfelt and genuine. It won’t translate as a true desire for closeness and intimacy. If their intention is to selflessly support their partner, they will be amazed at how appreciative the other person becomes.

  A good experiment for Libra North Node people is to give to the other person wholeheartedly and see what happens. Most likely, they will find that when they give in this way, their partner’s happiness and appreciation fills them in a way that’s very nurturing. The idea is for them to relax and enjoy this energetic exchange with no expectation except to share feelings of love and joy with the other person. They are also learning to become more aware and appreciative of when their partner is giving to them. Then, instead of thinking that one glass has to be empty in order for the other glass to be full, they can have the experience of pouring water between two glasses, and letting the fullness of giving keep both people feeling joyous!

  How Others Can Help Them Heal

  Prompt Them to Discover the “Rules” and Expectations of Others

  Libra North Node people project that everyone plays by the same rules, and they become hurt and disappointed when another’s behavior doesn’t meet their expectations. To help them avoid this outcome when an upset occurs, prompt them to approach the other person with curiosity and find out why they took that action or reacted in that way. Encourage them to discover the other person’s rules and expectations so that their own expectations in the relationship can be more realistic.

  Support them in understanding that when their partner gets upset, it’s because the native has broken one of their “rules” or not met their expectations in some way. Remind them that the courageous action is to ask their partner why they are upset. In the process of discovering more about the other person, the native will grow and learn more about how partnerships work.

  Regardless of the situation, always encourage the native to see who the other person really is, the kind of person they are, because then they can better determine the type of relationship they want to have with them. It will also help them to more correctly—and successfully—navigate their relationships with friends, family members, and co-workers. They can even begin applying these new skills to their relationship with you.

  Inspire Them to Notice Others and Give Them Support

  When Libra North Node people feel self-conscious and lack confidence in knowing how to approach someone, encourage them to focus on the OTHER person, with the intention of being helpful. It may be simply commenting on the weather in order to get the conversation going. Getting to know someone with the goal of being supportive takes their focus off themselves, and they feel more confident in the process of asking questions to better understand another—what they think, what their life is like, what’s important to them. Help the native to notice the areas where the other person could use some encouragement. Suggest they try putting themselves in the other person’s shoes to better understand how to give them the kind of reassurance they need and will appreciate.

  These people can be awkward socially—not knowing how to win acceptance from others. By prompting them to focus on the other person with the idea of being supportive, you can help them to succeed in this area. Another way you can encourage them to support others is to compliment and promote their ability as a peacemaker. In the process of helping others become more objective about another person’s position, the native also gains objectivity.

  Libra North Node people will be willing to experiment with approaching others in this way if you help them see that it is the courageous thing to do. By being willing to help another, they also demonstrate the power of their innate independence.

  Encourage a Diplomatic Approach

  Since these people are so protective of their independence, they often state things in a way that makes it clear they are going to do what they want to do, regardless of how it affects the other person. Instead, encourage them to employ a style of communication that the other person can cooperate with. For example: “I’m going on a camping trip by myself” may elicit resistance from their partner. However, “I feel distracted and really not here for you right now. If I go off by myself in the mountains for a couple of days, I’ll be able to be more present when I return” is likely to elicit their partner’s support.

  Prompt them to become more aware of the other person when they speak and how what they say may affect them. If in doubt, remind them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and imagine hearing the statement from their partner. How would they feel? These people actually have a gift for diplomacy—the challenge is for them to slow down long enough to use it. When they frame their communication with consideration for the other person involved, they are less likely to encounter resistance to their plans. And since they love to assert themselves, if you remind them that they can do so more successfully by being diplomatic, they will probably do it.

  Stimulate Them to Be a Team Player

  Support these people in learning how to integrate themselves with other people and to see others as their partners. This means finding out who the other person is by asking them questions—not by making assumptions—and then seeing how they can help make the team stronger. It’s like in sports—being aware of your teammates’ strengths and weaknesses and supporting them as needed. Point out that when they put the interests of the team above their self-interest, everyone wins—plus they have someone to celebrate with!

  These people really value their life force. If you help them understand that by supporting others and becoming part of a team they are enhancing their vitality and ensuring their survival, they will do it. And part of being a team player is sharing themselves fully—including those parts of themselves that are not yet “totally together”—so that their partner can get to know who they are at this point in their development. Remind them that it’s a matter of integrity to be honest about themselves in a relationship, and that a willingness to be vulnerable and allow others to support them builds intimacy. One-on-one relationships are actually this nodal group’s strongest suit when they become aware that their need for partnership can lead to mutual gain.

  Assist Them in Putting Others First

  In past lives as a warrior, if a comrade fell, these people would continue forward into battle instead of stopping to c
are for their friend. However, you can encourage them to remember that this is a different lifetime, where they are scheduled to learn the joys that come from putting others first. Point out that when they give to another without the motive of self-interest, it displays their innate independence in a way that others will welcome and appreciate.

  Frame the habit of giving wholeheartedly to others as demonstrating that their inner strength is renewable and self-sustaining. Remind them that they have an abundance of energy and positive support to share with others. When they use their power to support other people, Life supports them! And as they give freely to others they also become open to receive the feeling of love they are longing for.

  Habits to Discourage

  Selfishness: Libra North Node people are preoccupied with their own survival and often act from a base of self-interest that does not take others’ best interests into account. Don’t allow them to get away with being selfish. Strongly promote reciprocal sharing and help them understand that when they give freely—without an ulterior motive—they create an opening for Life to give back to them.

  Competitiveness: Due to past life habits, these people are unconsciously competing against everyone for their own survival. When you see them engaged in competition, ask them to observe how others react, how they feel about themselves, and how they usually end up alone. Point out that by supporting others they can experience a feeling of shared victory.

  Being self-absorbed: These people are generally keenly aware of how a situation affects them, and unaware of how others are impacted. Discourage them from becoming lost in themselves by directing their attention to the circumstances of others who are involved in the situation. The “it’s all about me” syndrome is a bottomless pit for these natives. Don’t allow this. Just excuse yourself, walk away, and do your own thing. This will allow them to immediately see the consequences of their excessive self-focus.

  Scorpio North Node People

  and North Node in the 8th House

  SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS

  Loyalty

  Perseverance

  Thoroughness

  A willingness to work hard

  Dependability

  A warm and loving spirit

  Sensuality

  MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY

  “If people would only do things my way, their lives would be better.”

  “If I ask personal questions, others will be offended.”

  “If I do what makes me feel good about myself, others will want to bond with me.”

  “Others who give me positive attention are a good match for me.”

  “If I fully trust someone, they will betray or abandon me.”

  “If I commit myself to another, the relationship will be a whole lot of hard work and I will feel trapped.”

  “No one can be as special as the image of my ‘perfect partner.’”

  “If I meet others’ needs, my needs won’t be met.”

  COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS

  “They don’t work things out, they just wear me down until I give in.”

  “They are so stubborn.”

  “They don’t really ‘get’ who I am.”

  “It’s all about them, all of the time.”

  “I don’t trust them to look out for my interests.”

  “Their needs are a ‘bottomless pit.’”

  Learning to Recognize and Value the Individual Nature of Others

  Scorpio North Node people always know what makes them feel good about themselves. It may be following a special diet, working out at the gym, handling their money a particular way, or acting on their political or religious views. The problem is, they believe that because a certain way of doing things works for them, if the other person would follow the same path they would also feel better and be more successful. The native often pressures others to approach life their way. They think they are being supportive, but really they are trying to make their partner fit into the box that they live in—and then they don’t understand when others resist them.

  These people can be very helpful, but often it’s in a way that reflects their own values, not the needs and style of the other person. For example, I once hired a Scorpio North Node man to clean up the yard and haul trash away from a rental unit. Without consulting me, he cut down four trees in the process of “cleaning up.” His motive was helpfulness but he did the job he thought I needed, rather than taking the time to find out my preferences.

  The native not only fails to take the other person’s goals into account, but also their individual temperament, needs, and values. Everyone has their own way of doing things—their own personal techniques for getting from point A to point B—that they feel comfortable with and that work for them. Understanding this requires the native to listen to the other person’s response when ideas are presented, without hearing it as opposition that they need to overcome. Then they can see how to support their partner in a way that doesn’t elicit resistance.

  For example, one Scorpio North Node person needs to work out with weights at the gym four days a week to stay in shape. Since this helps them look and feel great, they might pressure their partner to lift weights with them. The other person may not want to lift weights, but could be interested in taking a yoga class at the gym. If the native doesn’t really “hear” what their partner is saying, they will continue to pressure them about lifting weights and will likely encounter resistance and resentment.

  These people are learning to sidestep their self-focus and actually listen to others. Then they can encourage the other person in doing what they want to do, in accordance with their own individual nature. In the above example, if the native encourages their partner to take the yoga class, both people win. The partner will happily go to the gym with them because they’re doing what they want to do, and they appreciate the native’s support. This allows for the empowerment of true bonding, based on recognizing and respecting each other’s values.

  However, this approach is difficult for Scorpio North Node people until they develop an appreciation of others’ unique qualities. It’s almost like other people are all the same to them. For instance, they may use a lot of stereotyping phrases like: “You know how men are,” or “Women are all the same.” There’s a laziness in not wanting to invest the time and energy to discern others’ individual differences. They tend to see them as “all the same” as a way to simplify things in their mind.

  Obviously, relating to others this way blocks intimacy. The native can’t feel close if they never really get to know who the other person is, and others feel like they’re just an object to the native if their uniqueness is never acknowledged.

  The native may not show interest in the other person’s talents and validate what makes them shine. They don’t offer to help them just to encourage them or make them happy. This hurts their relationships because their partner can feel that the native isn’t really interested in supporting them and that the full scope of who they are isn’t seen or valued.

  One client said about his Scorpio North Node sister: “It actually surprises me when she shows any curiosity about my life. She doesn’t really know who I am. She thinks she does, but if I try to correct her misconceptions or give her additional information, she’s just not interested.” Because of this dynamic, others don’t risk being vulnerable and connecting with the native on a deep level—they keep things superficial. As a result, the other person may eventually lose interest, and once again the native experiences what they see as betrayal and abandonment.

  This pattern can only be disrupted when these folks become more interested in who the other person is rather than in getting them to meet their needs. Actually, the native’s ideas about how their own needs must be met are quite limiting. In fact, if all their needs were met in exactly the way they imagine, it would not result in th
e happiness they envision.

  Scorpio North Node people are learning that relationships go beyond the fulfillment of their personal needs. It’s the powerful bond between two people who recognize and validate each other’s uniqueness that allows intimacy to be created. And this, in turn, is what can bring about the revitalizing flow of energy that they are seeking.

  Releasing Self-Defeating Narcissism

  Scorpio North Node people are very much concerned with self. Their focus tends to be on “me, mine, now,” because they are dealing with a heavy overlay of narcissism. For example, a client’s Scorpio North Node father got married unexpectedly to a woman my client had never met, just two weeks before her own wedding. Her father said: “Hey—Alice and I got married yesterday, and I want her to come to your wedding.” He knew that the only people invited to the ceremony were the two sets of parents and the groom’s best friend from childhood. My client responded: “I’m sorry, but we don’t even know her, and this is a very intimate time for us.”

  On her wedding day, within minutes of the couple being pronounced husband and wife, her dad told her: “Alice has a meeting with a caterer for our dinner party at 2 P.M., and I need to be there, so can you hurry this up a little?” She couldn’t believe it; it was so hurtful. A few days later he said to her: “You have fence-mending to do with Alice. She’s upset, and I had a really bad weekend.”

  When these people focus so completely on themselves, it blocks intimacy and creates issues of trust in their relationships. My client couldn’t be open and vulnerable with her father, because he acted like he didn’t even see her. In turn, he felt her holding back and continued relating to her on a superficial level. It becomes a catch-22 that leaves both people feeling lonely and isolated.

  Scorpio North Node people are hyperaware of their own needs. In order to get their needs met, they seek attention by displaying their wealth, status, talents—or any other area in which they shine. It’s all about them: “This is who I am—aren’t I great?” And they do get noticed by those people who find their display attractive. However, this dynamic blocks the possibility of depth in the relationship, because instead of disclosing who they really are, the image they present is superficial and fragmented. And when the native is caught up in showing how “worthwhile” they are, they can only relate to others superficially, because they can’t focus on the other person and keep “the show” going at the same time.