by Jan Spiller
Interestingly, these people often have a childhood history of being invalidated on a personal level by one or both parents. So in order to feel good about themselves in that environment, they learned to sing their own praises. However, what worked as a coping device in childhood will not bring them the relationships they long for in adult life. But until they become conscious, the native will continue to “entertain” others instead of really connecting with them.
Even though the other person can’t create intimacy with the native because everything is on such a superficial level, it is still very pleasing when both people get caught up in the euphoria of “the show.” Also, at that point, the native can be easily manipulated. For instance, if the other person wants to stay connected to the native, and they know that the native wants a partner who thinks just like they do, they may say all the right things to make the native think that’s who they are. And the relationship may work for a while, but it breaks down when the native finally discovers who the other person really is. Even if they like the other person, after a while the relationship will begin to seem like “work” to the native because there is no authentic connection from which intimacy and vitality naturally flows back and forth.
There are times when someone is attracted to the native where there may be the potential for a real bond. So rather than discount that potential, these folks need to find out more about the other person—not just entertain them. They need to hear their input and ask them questions so that the energy flows in both directions. For instance: “What do you see in this idea?” or “What makes that so much fun for you?” Then the relationship can start moving in the direction of reciprocity, and possible intimacy. If they don’t make the effort to get to know others, their relationships will be based on “shining” for others instead of creating a real connection and bond, which is why they so often end up alone.
In describing her Scorpio North Node boyfriend, one client said: “It’s all about him, his needs, his possessions, his interests—all the time.” This one-way focus is very hurtful for the native’s partners, because the partner is supporting the native, but the native doesn’t reciprocate and show interest in supporting them. The Scorpio North Node person may help with specific tasks, but even then there’s an energy of obligation about it rather than a loving desire to help. Even their giving is all about them—what they think is important and needs to be done.
In fact, Scorpio North Node people are so focused on their own needs that their partners often feel they can’t even trust the native to look out for their interests. For example, one client purchased a condo by the ocean so she could live near her Scorpio North Node boyfriend part of the year. He was thrilled because it would be so much more convenient for him. At first, in order to make the payments, she rented her unit for the summer months. Her boyfriend was furious! He wanted her to be there; he wasn’t at all concerned that she had taken on a huge financial responsibility in order to be near him.
If these folks remain oblivious to caring about their partners’ best interests, it hurts their relationships, because in order to survive, the other person has to maintain a certain level of self-protection. They can’t be 100 percent genuine, spontaneous, and giving to the native if they can’t trust them to “watch their back.” This unhealthy boundary blocks intimacy and leaves both people feeling isolated.
The irony is that if the native would stop being absorbed in fulfilling their own needs and focus on supporting the other person (the way the other person wants to be supported), their partner would give back and take care of their needs. But instead, they try to set up all the details of the relationship to guarantee that their needs will be met. They may do this with tangible boundaries in terms of their space, making rigid agreements regarding responsibilities such as cleaning the house, etc. Angry displays are another way they get others to take care of their needs—and sometimes they can be very irrational.
In this lifetime, Scorpio North Node people are learning the dynamics of reciprocity. When they finally realize that relationships require this process in order to thrive, they will be able to shift their focus to supporting their partner. And this will allow them to open themselves to transformation, empowerment, and the joy of deep bonding and intimacy.
Dissolving the Stagnant Energy of Stubborn Rigidity
In past incarnations, Scorpio North Node people attained results only through their physical force. They became so accustomed to the repetition of effort required to do this that their approach to achievement in this lifetime is repetitive and persistent. They will “hammer the point home” over and over in order to accomplish their goal. For example, if a man with this nodal position wants to buy a certain car at a discount, he will keep returning to the dealer until he gets it.
And these natives may deal with their partners this way as well. It’s like a reflex; they wear the other person down until they get their way. If this happens, it blocks intimacy because their partner feels bullied into giving the native what they want—and also, they don’t have a chance to be generous with the native in their own way.
Scorpio North Node people also have the idea that if they are happy, those around them will be happy. For example, maybe a native feels that purchasing a new pair of shoes will make her feel good about herself, but her husband objects due to mounting credit card debt. She is likely to stubbornly insist on buying the shoes because she thinks her happiness will make him happy, even if she acts against his wishes. In the end, she will probably get her way, but her husband will feel run over by a bulldozer and will not be happy.
People with this nodal position generally do well in their job or career. They excel in crisis situations and can be counted on for strength and dependability. However, with anything having to do with the emotions, it’s very different. It’s as if they are unwilling to take another’s values and concerns into account. They seem to be totally unaware of what others need in order to create a bond with them. Even in their relationships, they insist on structuring things the way they envision it, regardless of who the other person is or what their goals and values might be.
In general, these natives resist going in the direction others want to go. Despite any success the other person demonstrates, the pressure for them to do things the native’s way is unrelenting. And they can be extremely dismissive and rejecting of anything outside their own narrow interests, beliefs, and values. As long as things are going their way, they’re fine. But as soon as the situation requires them to accommodate the other person’s concerns, they feel resistant and may become angry.
As a result, others feel that they can’t really speak their mind. It’s as though the native’s first reaction to another’s idea is “No!” Naturally, inflexibility blocks intimacy in their relationships and severely limits their circle of friends. Not many people want to be close to them if they spurn any interests outside of their own narrow scope.
The other person may feel they have to “build up their strength” just to be able to talk with the native about a problem. They don’t want to hurt the native’s feelings and they certainly don’t want to evoke the anger that comes from a direct confrontation. The native’s stubbornness creates a barrier that is so powerful that sometimes it’s impossible for others to break through. However, if the other person gives up and goes along, after a while they feel like they’re just an appendage to the native instead of a person in their own right. Often, they begin to distance themselves emotionally, and sometimes they feel that they have to leave the relationship in order to maintain their own values, regain their vitality, and be free to pursue the activities they enjoy.
In nature, when two flowers cross-pollinate, both are transformed into something new and different. In relationships, this growth occurs through a combining of energy and interest in each other—each person expanding into the other’s world. These natives are learning that stubbornness prohibits them from blending with another’s energ
y and keeps them feeling stuck. It also prevents their relationships from growing—so the energy tends to become stagnant.
A lot of this has to do with the issue of boundaries. Scorpio North Node people’s boundaries are TOO RIGID, and isolate them from the natural give and take of mutual support necessary for successful relationships. They think they’re “taking care of themselves” with these boundaries, when actually they are keeping themselves in such a tight box that they don’t know how to respond when someone asks them to step out of it. So sometimes they use anger as a way to maintain their boundaries—and their comfort level.
One of their lessons this lifetime is to incorporate the concept of putting others first. But again, the native’s subconscious habit of narcissism and projection can get in the way. Ironically, they may think it is the other person who is being narcissistic, just because they want some attention and support. But when they suspend their own projections and see who the other person is, they can understand that their partner is not narcissistic—they truly aren’t as self-sufficient as the native, and they really do need their support.
If these natives would focus on fulfilling the other person’s needs, the stagnating energy of rigid stubbornness would begin to dissipate. By really listening to what the other person is saying, the native can allow the content of the communication itself to dissolve their resistance. They are learning that partnership means releasing their rigid boundaries and embracing reciprocity on a personal, emotional level. When they act on what makes their partner happy, the native’s needs will be taken care of through the natural flow of give and take that has been created. And through this process, the native will find the revitalizing energy they have been seeking.
Avoiding Disillusionment: Discerning Reality vs. Projection
Scorpio North Node people long to experience the vitality of bonding with others, but often miss the essential step of accurately discerning who the other person really is. More than any other nodal group, they need to see the true identity of the other person in order to avoid disappointment. However, they also have the strongest tendency to project their own values, needs, goals, and fantasies onto others.
These people spent many past lives alone, so preoccupied with their own physical survival that they didn’t have the opportunity to form relationships. As a result, they learned to satisfy even their needs for bonding on their own by creating an ideal partner in their imagination. In this lifetime, they are usually so idealistic and romantic that it’s easy for them to spend their time daydreaming. Especially when they’re attracted to someone, they tend to project their image of the perfect partner onto the other person. Then, up the road, they are surprised and hurt when that person’s behavior doesn’t fit the image they’ve created. When they finally realize that the partner they’re fantasizing about doesn’t exist, they feel disappointed because they think that their imagination is greater than reality. But it’s their image of the “perfect person” that is limiting. It’s a small, inanimate box into which they’re trying to fit a real person.
Actually, Scorpio North Node people are very psychic and can tune in to another person’s true identity quite accurately when they are willing to invest the time and energy. In fact, they would prefer to limit the verbal exchanges and simply experience the other person. Their discernment comes from focusing on psychic cues rather than verbal ones. But either way, it is essential that they discover the other person’s true nature so that an appropriate, reliable bond can be created.
Every person they meet brings a different potential for relationship. However, they can’t know what the potential is unless they take time to get to know them and see what actually emerges as the potential. If the native shares what’s important to them first and the other person seems to go along with it, the native will be more likely to project their fantasy onto them—then they’re just back to relating to their projection. Instead, the native needs to find out what’s important to the other person. Then, if it truly excites them, it will be easy for them to support the other person and work with them to achieve mutual goals.
These people not only tend to project who others are, but also how things will unfold. And they do this without taking the other person’s unique nature—their wants, needs, personal timing, and style—into account. Until they become conscious, they determine what they need to be happy, and then try to bend their partner’s will to get them to fulfill their needs. Also, when the native psychically senses that the other person is upset, instead of asking them what’s wrong, they just assume they know the reason and go about “fixing” it. They try to change the energy in the situation rather than checking with their partner to clarify the problem. Actually, it is arrogant of them to act on their assumptions rather than just asking the other person: “Am I on target in thinking you’re upset because of work?” And when they do ask, they need to be willing to really hear—and empathize with—their partner’s response.
Even when Scorpio North Node people feel the other person is drifting away, they project reasons for the distance rather than asking questions. To some extent, this is because they don’t want to hear anything negative. Part of them thinks: “I want to know why things aren’t working out.” But they don’t want to sound critical—or be criticized. And if the criticism happens in a blaming way, it isn’t productive. So when there’s a problem, their best approach is to ask the other person: “What do you think keeps our relationship from really flowing?” By putting it in the context of desiring union, it creates the space for a non-blaming exchange of information.
Figuring out how relationships work is essential for this nodal group, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passports to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime. Even though they tend to lack emotional and psychological sophistication due to past life emphasis on physical survival, they do have the potential for psychic attunement and emotional depth that could allow them to find—and bond with—a Soul Mate. This is another reason why accurate discernment regarding others is so important. When these people allow themselves to empathetically “tune in” to the other person—their feelings, desires, what motivates them, their very spirit—then they could find a true Soul Mate. It’s rare, but they’ll know it: “There’s something in this person that I really want to bond with. I can feel it.” It’s like a calling.
Subconsciously these people know it’s possible for them to bond with others on a deep level, but often their beliefs about relationships get in the way. For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work—which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they’re with the right person, it doesn’t feel difficult. But if they’re caught in their projection, the relationship will feel like too much work and they will begin to feel restless and resentful.
On one level, these natives tend to prevent deep bonding because they never really pledge themselves, even if they think they do. They may commit to their projection of who the other person is, but not to the actual person and the process of mutual growth and development. Sometimes this is because the native finds that—on a deeper level—the other person doesn’t really excite them and prompt them to grow. If they didn’t see who the other person really was and have pledged their loyalty to an illusion, both people get hurt. So once again, it’s a question of accurately discerning the other person’s true nature. But even if a particular relationship doesn’t endure over time, the benefits of blasting the native out of stagnant patterns will become clear with hindsight.
Expanding Receptivity to What Others Are Offering
In past lives, Scorpio North Node people have a history of being solely responsible for their own survival. For instance, an isolated farmer eking out a crop that would sustain him over the winter, or a nomad whose survival in the desert depended on knowing how best to utilize their scanty resources. As a result, in this lifetime unconscious fears regarding survival can cause
their accumulation needs to seem like a bottomless pit. One of their lessons is that “more is not necessarily better.” In fact, they can be so focused on accumulation that they miss opportunities for true abundance when others offer them the chance to step into a broader, more bountiful world than what they are experiencing on their own.
Until they become conscious, these people’s receptivity to others is usually very narrow. One client said about his Scorpio North Node sister: “She’s not interested in meeting anyone who isn’t directly involved in her line of work or in one of her favorite pursuits.” They seem to only be interested in other people who they perceive can benefit them or fill their needs, or who think like they do and have the same interests. This hurts their relationships and increases their sense of isolation because others can only connect superficially, on subjects that are on the native’s “list.” Even those who are close resist being vulnerable. It doesn’t feel like a true friendship when the native is so closed and judgmental about anything that isn’t in direct alignment with their own world.
Scorpio North Node people don’t want any feedback that they consider negative. However, there are Universal Laws that govern the interactions between people and make things work. There is also a “transmitter” in each of us that is aligned with this system, and when someone is ignoring the rules, we automatically signal this other person that we feel violated. But with this nodal group, when their partner signals that the native has done something to upset them, they don’t tune in to the CONTENT of the signal. They just notice that their partner is upset, and tend to rationalize it: “She’s tired; she’s had a tough day at work;” etc. After a while, if the native doesn’t get the message, their partner may signal them in a more drastic way—perhaps by leaving the relationship. When these natives are not receptive to honest input from others, they miss the opportunity to learn how to create more successful results in their relationships.