by Jan Spiller
Another serious relationship issue for Scorpio North Node people is that they hesitate to interact on a personal level unless the other person initiates. This is because they know they tend to become overinvolved in other people’s business, which can lead to anger and resistance. With these natives it seems to be all or nothing. They either get totally involved and try to take control, or they don’t get involved at all. This blocks intimacy because the other person feels they can’t share about their lives or ask for support without being taken over.
These people are learning how to be helpful in a measured way—a word of encouragement or ideas and suggestions that are in alignment with the other person’s needs—rather than their normal bulldozer approach. By being receptive to another’s input and remembering that other people have ownership over their own lives, the native can contribute and emotionally connect without violating others’ boundaries.
In fact, these natives have a tremendous ability to support others and contribute to their success if they guard against their tendency to think that they know the best way to do it, and instead allow the other person to lead. They may believe that if they’re sensitive to what others need they’ll lose their power to create success—when, in fact, just the opposite is true. They can link with another and help create success for both people, but they need to stop projecting and be open to the other person’s vision and timing. By acting on what their partner tells them they need, the native will receive appreciation, validation, and love in return.
These people can be quite rigid when focused on their own needs. However, in the process of helping another reach their goal, they will automatically learn the quality of personal flexibility, so vital to success in all areas of their life. Another benefit of tuning in to what motivates the other person and supporting them from that position is that the native will have the opportunity to glimpse the process they are learning on a Soul level that most other people inherently know: how to interact appropriately with others to merge their resources and create a powerful joint venture.
Another part of their lesson is to start making wholehearted commitments. These natives need to totally invest in another person or shared project according to what the other person values. They can start by experimenting with this for specific periods of time to see what happens. Then if the partnership energizes them and broadens their world, they can start making other commitments.
When these natives focus on themselves, their needs seem endless and feel like a huge void within them. This is also true when they make others fill their needs by doing it their way. But when they invest in partnerships and support others, the positive energy and attention they receive through the natural flow of reciprocity truly does meet their needs, and they feel satisfied. When Scorpio North Node people experience this, it is a sign that they are on track. And it is in this way, by supporting another wholeheartedly, that they can finally open themselves to being supported.
Deepening Empathetic Bonds with Those Who Are Close
Scorpio North Node people have experienced so many past lives with a heavy survival focus that in this lifetime, material accumulations can be an issue that bogs them down. Their possessions can be like an albatross around their neck, as they spend time and energy accumulating more things, rearranging things, upgrading things, storing things, etc. Unconsciously, their possessions give these people a sense of substance and security, when they really serve as a distraction from interacting with other people. Their focus on “things” consumes their time so they don’t feel the emptiness of their own inner stagnancy.
In order to experience true and lasting satisfaction, these natives are learning to look away from their preoccupation with material things and toward the challenge of profound one-on-one connections with others. However, due to their past life overemphasis on the physical and sensual dimensions of life, they may lack experience with the emotional and psychological sophistication that would allow this to happen naturally. In this lifetime they are learning to stretch themselves to appreciate the richness of deeply connecting on an emotional level by being genuinely interested in the other person and feeling the flow of their energy. This requires them to emerge from their own rigid context and empathetically step into the other person’s world so they can understand what’s important to them and how they view life. Then they can truly appreciate, acknowledge, and support their partner.
Scorpio North Node people are learning how to give to the other person and make them feel special. When the other person responds by making the native feel special, then the reciprocity of love and support can begin to flow, bringing revitalizing energy to both people. These natives will discover that they actually have a gift for initiating successful Soul Mate relationships—as soon as they start making people more important than their “stuff.”
Another issue they encounter in relationships is that these natives tend to shy away from becoming involved in the psychology of others, and are fairly naive when it comes to social interaction. Because of so many lifetimes keeping their own counsel, they often project that others also want the privacy of strict self-containment. So they don’t “intrude” on others by asking personal questions. They think that if they do ask about personal things, the other person will get upset. But what really happens is that if someone has negativity about a situation that they have not yet resolved, they may feel uncomfortable when they talk about it. The native interprets this as a signal not to approach that topic, when in fact, the other person may feel relieved that someone cares enough to ask them about it.
These folks want to find out more about other people, but may feel they don’t know what questions to ask, or how to give another a lot of attention in a way that won’t make them feel embarrassed or repel them. And when they do ask questions, sometimes it’s with so much focused energy that it’s too intense for the other person. To avoid giving too much concentrated attention, these people are learning to first tune in to the other person with small talk: “How is your day going?” etc. This can get the emotional energy moving and establish rapport.
Their best bet is to start by asking questions about something that’s important to the other person but not of a too personal nature. For example, if they ask about their work, pets, or hobbies, and then really focus on seeing the picture they portray, the native will automatically get a feel for the person. The native doesn’t have to know anything in advance. They just need to have the willingness to listen and learn about the other person—what’s important to them, where they’re investing their energy, what their problems are, and what excites them. Then they will know how to ask more sensitive questions in an appropriate way: “How is your relationship with ____ progressing?”
Scorpio North Node people are psychically tuned in to others and can feel when someone isn’t in a good space. However, the native may respond with a “who cares” attitude because they don’t feel like investing the time and energy to deal with the other person. Or they may decide to just give them space to work it out on their own. But unless the native overcomes their laziness and personal discomfort to engage with the other person, their relationships will be far less profound and satisfying than they could be.
When the native does take time to ask questions and find out about the other person’s dilemma, they can offer a suggestion they think will help. Even if the other person rejects the idea, the native’s best bet is to stay engaged and continue to gather information about how the other person feels and what will make a positive difference for them. Through this process the other person often gains the gift of deeper psychological awareness of themselves and their situation. Whether or not they act on the native’s suggestions, they will feel grateful that the native cares enough to be concerned about them. And the priceless bond of empathy—which has a healing power of its own—will have been established.
However, if the Scorpio North Node person doesn’t overcome their reticence to investig
ate the other person’s psyche, it blocks intimacy—especially with those who are close—because revealing deep inner feelings is an essential part of any authentic bonded relationship. The native is learning to overcome their fear of the emotional process. They tend to feel uncomfortable about getting into those realms because it brings up so much sadness and intense emotion—they would rather avoid it. But if they do, their relationships remain superficial, with the other person skirting any deep emotional spaces because the native tries not to go there. Sometimes these natives may even become inappropriately angry or be “short” with a loved one to prevent dealing with deeper levels of emotion. The result is that their partner begins to shut down, and both people miss the opportunity for mutual vulnerability and nurturing.
Until Scorpio North Node people become aware, the native tends to choose comfort over what is vital and alive. But without the deep exchange of emotions to help transform each other and the relationship, there’s no growth and excitement. It is only by being willing to explore together deep, unresolved feelings from the past that the intense emotional exchange necessary for true healing can occur. Through such interactions, natives can gain the emotional richness that has been missing from their lives. It also adds a whole new level of depth and intimacy to the relationship, and the resulting bond of love creates energy and joy for both people.
Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships
Scorpio North Node people have been so concerned with the material aspects of life in past incarnations that now they have a tendency to relate to themselves and to others as objects. Subconsciously, they strive to be “the object most worthy of being accumulated,” and are apt to see others as objects to accumulate, discounting their unique emotional and spiritual natures.
One client said of his Scorpio North Node girlfriend: “She just likes what I bring to the relationship in physical terms. But she doesn’t recognize who I am on an emotional and psychological level, or appreciate my generosity. Sometimes I feel like I’m just here to satisfy her needs.” When the native remains unaware of their partner’s internal worth, it creates distance. Others want to be seen for themselves—a real person with their own unique nature.
Another common complaint of Scorpio North Node people is: “They’re so possessive, they always keep track of me.” When these natives become attached to someone, they usually want to know where they are. This is because instead of taking risks that would encourage true intimacy in their relationship, the native creates a superficial bond based on frequency of connection, rather than depth. As a result, their partners may hesitate to get too close because the native’s behavior interferes with their sense of personal freedom.
Although these people take very good care of their “partner-possession,” there’s no intimacy if their partner doesn’t feel free to be themselves—and if they don’t feel understood or supported. If the native doesn’t acknowledge their partner’s unique energy and allow it to blend with their own to generate mutual empowerment, the relationship becomes stagnant. The cross-pollination that creates a new and transformed life cannot occur. As a result, the relationship drains the other person’s vitality. Eventually they either give up and live their life feeling trapped in the native’s world, or leave to find a reciprocal relationship where they can co-create vitality and intimacy. But this stagnancy only happens when the native stubbornly insists that the other person bond with them and come into their world. When the native experiences mutual attraction with someone whose world is broader—and whose energy inspires the native to step into their world and support them—then the relationship works.
Even when the Scorpio North Node person finds a partner whose energy attracts them in this way, they may still hesitate to make a commitment. They have had so many past incarnations where their survival depended on being free to take care of themselves, in this lifetime they carry the belief: “commitment = being trapped.” This unconscious fear is a catch-22: It blocks intimacy and prevents the native from getting close enough to another to make the agreements that would allow them to feel safe in making a commitment.
Also, due to all their past lives relying on their own efforts, these people tend to assume that if they link with another, it will still be all up to them. They want their life to be fun and exciting, but they hold the belief that a committed relationship will be “a lot of hard work.” They’re learning that this is only true when they try to pressure their partner into meeting THEIR needs, THEIR way. But when they link with another, with the intention of expanding beyond their current limits, it generates so much vitality that the union doesn’t feel like hard work. They are learning that one of the benefits of partnership is that the other person brings their own style of creating success that can make life a lot easier as a joint effort. In fact, merging talents often results in accomplishments that are mutually more successful and more lucrative, while being easier and more fun.
Because they’re so afraid of losing their self-reliance, these natives are conflicted. Their heart longs for a committed bond, while unconsciously they may be holding on to their sense of independent self-sufficiency. Part of them thinks they can create what they want on their own, but in this lifetime, true satisfaction depends on finding a special partner with whom to build the supportive, emotionally renewing experience they long for.
Timing can be another issue for these natives, because they tend to make decisions and take actions at a slower pace than others. And if they feel someone is trying to force them to move more quickly, they can become very stubborn. But by the time a Scorpio North Node person decides they do want to commit to someone, they may find they have missed their chance. They were so focused on their own timing that they ignored the readiness of the other person. To prevent this, they are learning to drop their resistance and be aware of the opportunity inherent in their partner’s timing. It’s only by going beyond their own comfort level that they are scheduled to grow in this lifetime.
Another way these natives need to take action beyond their comfort zone is to verbalize their desire for a deeper commitment if it arises within them. For example, a Scorpio North Node client told her boyfriend: “Having a monogamous relationship makes me want to be with you more.” He responded that although he cared about her, he wasn’t interested in a deeper commitment. Even though she felt disappointed, she needed to know where he was in order to avoid being seriously hurt later on. If these people don’t reveal their feelings and the other person is a Soul Mate, they may miss the chance for union. And if the person isn’t a true potential partner, they miss the chance to move on and find someone more appropriate.
These people really enjoy being in a successful committed relationship. They like doing things with their partner and creating a sense of community. They truly feel that having a partner completes them. Even so, their fears can create resistance to commitment, sometimes in subtle ways. For instance, the native may choose partners who can’t commit due to their own fears. Until they become aware of these dynamics, they may continue unconscious behaviors that sabotage their relationships.
This is why this nodal group likes sex so much. They are so comfortable in the physical realm that sexual involvement allows them to form a real connection with the other person without resistance—and the transformational energy invigorates and expands them. If the relationship is monogamous, it makes them want to know their partner on a deeper level and be with them. They automatically become emotionally bonded—but it’s a commitment to the energy and transformation, and they may not even be consciously aware that it’s happening.
Because of this, these natives need to be more discriminating than some of the other nodal groups in terms of their sexual partners. Bonding in this way with partners who are not appropriate can lead to deeply hurtful experiences and disillusionment. So it is important for them to take time to accurately discern the other person’s true nature, instead of acting on a projection of their own ideal
image.
Bonding with someone just because they are attracted to the native will only lead to stagnation—a situation that repels them. It’s especially important that they bond with a suitable partner because Scorpio North Node people are loyal to a fault—even staying in a relationship that doesn’t work. So they need to pledge themselves to someone who genuinely values the vitality of mutual change and growth. And the native’s commitment must be to creating something with their partner, not just to the person themselves. What the two of them agree to create together is the commitment that will generate reciprocity and feelings of closeness over time. It could be a family, a business, a project, a cause, etc. The result will be a relationship where the native doesn’t feel trapped, and where the vitality and intimacy creates happiness and fulfillment for both partners.
This is a promised Soul Mate lifetime for Scorpio North Node natives. Special people will come across their path who offer this potential, but the native has to be paying attention. If they are constantly focused on themselves and projecting their own values and ideals onto others, they may not recognize the right person when they come along. So when someone is attracted to them, these people need to bypass their projections and tune in psychically to the other person. Then they can discover whether they feel the same innate vitality that the other person feels around them. It’s rare, so if they find it, they need to take that person very seriously. As the relationship progresses, if the energy continues to build and the native is excited by the other person’s values and their world, then they will be willing to do the necessary work to make sure the relationship succeeds.