by Jan Spiller
The Soul Mate relationship is such a gift. It’s like the infinity sign: an intense flow of energy from one person to the other and back again. It is this reciprocal gift of support and acknowledging each other’s specialness that leads to mutual transformation. That’s what these natives are searching for—and are scheduled to experience—in this lifetime.
How Others Can Help Them Heal
Remind Them to “Tune In” to the Energy of Others
Scorpio North Node people often get blindsided in relationships. They become totally invested in a partner, then the partner leaves and they are devastated. Actually, they saw it coming but chose to discount their intuition. Encourage them to be aware of the emotional states of others. If the other person seems upset or distant, remind them to ASK what’s going on rather than assuming they know what’s wrong.
These natives have to be almost forced to “give,” in terms of paying attention to others. As a result, the other person may start distancing themselves because the flow of energy isn’t reciprocal. Their hearts close when they feel unseen and unappreciated. Then the sensual pleasure and open affection, so important to the native, begins to leave the relationship. Help the native to understand that when this happens, it’s a sign that they need to move beyond their own self-focus and give the other person understanding, validation, approval, and wholehearted support as a tangible demonstration of their partner’s worth in the relationship.
Encourage Them to Investigate Others’ Motives
Prompt the native to become interested in others—to ask questions, get to know them better, and find out what’s important to them and what they want to create in their life. If they do this from a place of non-judgmental openness and support, the other person will feel their good intentions and appreciate their interest. Initially, in a relationship encourage the native NOT to verbalize too much about their values and needs, but rather to probe and listen and gain an understanding of the other person’s psychology—and their motives. Then they will be able to see if the other person’s values and needs are compatible with theirs, and if they want to grow closer to them.
Help them to stop expecting that their happiness will come from another person fulfilling their needs. Instead, encourage them to determine if their needs can be met in the context of what the other person needs and values. When they care enough to link with someone in order to support them and try to make them happy, they demonstrate their own warm and loving spirit. This adds vitality to the relationship and also sets the stage for maintaining a dependable flow of reciprocity.
Help Them Appreciate the Value of Others
These people tend to pay too much attention to themselves and their own needs. Help them to notice what is uniquely valuable about others by pointing out the good qualities in their friends and family members. Encourage them to deliberately notice one good thing about everyone they meet—it may be the color of their blouse—to start a new habit that can help them create more comfortable relationships. This is important for Scorpio North Node people because relating to others frees them from the stagnation they tend to experience when they’re on their own.
These people are born with a strong attachment to an ongoing, stable situation. They are willing to make changes if they think it will increase their level of comfort or maintain a dependable, happy status quo. So if you say: “By doing ____, you will feel greater comfort in the situation,” they are more likely to do it. Encourage them to see others as their partner. Even if it is their boss or a subordinate, seeing them as a partner with whom they can experience mutual empowerment brings out the best in them.
Keep Talking—Make Them Tune In to You—Don’t Accept “No”
Scorpio North Node people are stubborn. Their first response to a new idea—to change—is “NO!” However, this can make their life pretty boring, and they know it. In fact, they are as much a victim of their own stubbornness as their partners. When approaching them with an important idea, choose an environment they are comfortable in and touch them (take their hand, put your hand on their arm, or rub their shoulders) while presenting your idea in terms of how it will increase money, security, comfort, closeness, or another of their values. Keep talking until they can really feel where you’re coming from. Then they will be able to see your idea more objectively. The sensual connections—touch, a comfortable restaurant with good food—will help them relax and be more open.
Prod them to stretch their boundaries and become aware of what the other person needs. These natives value loyalty, dependability, and trustworthiness. If you frame a change of behavior in that way—“Listen to what’s important to your partner because it’s the loyal and trustworthy thing to do”—they are more likely to go along with it. These people get so rigid—they’re afraid to step out of their isolating self-sufficiency. Encourage them to put personal needs on the back burner and experiment with investing their full power for a set time period into another person or project that inspires them to see the results. They will be amazed at how much greater the benefit will be than if they had done it “their way.”
Remind Them That Transformational Energy Is a Barometer of Being “On Track”
To rid themselves of the stagnancy of patterning resulting from past lives, Scorpio North Node people need to make choices that lead to personal transformation, growth, and expansion beyond their current limits. In order to do this successfully, they need a partner—someone they can support, bond with, and work toward a joint goal with in a situation of mutual empowerment. Embracing this kind of transformation is their personal key to fulfilling their destiny. It’s scary, but there’s no other way.
For these people, the vital energy of transformation is a barometer that they are “on track.” If they start to get stubborn and resist, remind them: “You’re learning, you’re growing, you’re becoming more alive!” Encourage them to embrace change. Since these people are motivated by the desire to be self-sufficient, if you make a suggestion within that framework, they are more likely to do it. For instance: “If you combine resources with this other person, it will increase your level of self-sufficiency.”
Habits to Discourage
Stubborn resistance: When these people react with stubbornness, use the word “comfort.” For instance: “I’m sure you’ll be very comfortable doing it this way.” Keep talking and showing them your thoughts on the matter. As they absorb your energy it will begin to melt their inner resistance. Another good clue: Gently touch them—their shoulder or arm—since the power of touch relaxes them and allows them to really hear you.
Invalidating others: Help them to focus on the value of others. Discourage their practice of putting others down. Help them to see that everyone has valuable qualities in their own right, and to appreciate the unique specialness of others.
Preoccupation with their own needs: These people can get so absorbed in what they need that they fail to take others’ needs into account. Remind them that when they take care of others’ needs, that person will reciprocate by fulfilling the native’s needs.
Sagittarius North Node People
and North Node in the 9th House
SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS
Stimulate an exchange of information
A comfortable mode of communication
A curious spirit
A light and happy ambience
A love of physical and mental activity
Potential for extremely accurate intuition
Socially adept
MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY
“I need constant reassurance to know where I stand with my partner.”
“If I just keep things light and happy, my partner will be happy and stay.”
“If my partner and I accept the same ideas, the relationship will last.”
“If I don’t have daily contact with my partner, I could lose control and they mi
ght leave.”
“It’s okay to tell harmless ‘white lies’ in order to keep the energy positive.”
“There is no such thing as a permanent resolution.”
“If I can just gain enough information, I will know what’s right for me.”
“Others tend to be too serious and single-minded.”
COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS
“They’re so busy communicating their thoughts, they don’t always acknowledge what’s important to me.”
“They lack a moral compass…I can’t trust them.”
“They tell little white lies.”
“They use logic to manipulate others.”
“They gossip—I can’t trust them to keep my secrets.”
“They deliberately use words to hurt others.”
Reconnecting with Conscience—Discovering a Moral Compass
Sagittarius North Node people have a history of past lives where they made decisions based solely on logic and ignored their inner spiritual/ intuitive promptings. In many of these incarnations their role was to sell products and agendas to others. So they immersed themselves in understanding how the human mind works in order to more easily persuade people to buy whatever it was they were selling.
Sometimes what they were “selling” was something positive that they thought was important to society—in fact, they had many past lives as teachers. But sometimes it was strictly for personal gain. Either way, they were seeking to manipulate others to gain acceptance of their ideas, and sometimes they had to turn their back on their conscience in order to make the “sale.” And over time, this undermined their basic sense of integrity.
As a result, in this lifetime these people are often out of touch with their higher self and may have difficulty determining the best course of action. If their conscience has become dormant from not being heeded for so long, they may lack a moral compass and tend to say whatever others want to hear—or whatever will get them what they want. They are learning to reconnect with their own personal sense of integrity, rather than just going along with whatever is considered socially acceptable. Their belief that “I don’t know the right road” is NOT the truth. Something inside of them DOES know, and with a little encouragement that inner knowing will become stronger. They can begin nurturing that small voice by taking actions in alignment with their intuition and their conscience.
Lacking a moral compass means that Sagittarius North Node people don’t have a set of ethics, morals, and/or a spiritual belief system to guide them in establishing values or interacting with others. For example, the Sagittarius North Node husband of a client litters—he doesn’t think of the larger social picture. Also, my client’s family is Mormon and doesn’t drink, so she doesn’t drink in front of her parents out of respect. Her husband says: “You should drink in front of them—stick it to them.” And he looks at other girls all the time: “Oh, she’s so hot!”…once again, unaware that ethically he should be keeping his energy focused on his marriage instead of allowing it to dissipate by having a wandering eye.
Another example of not having a moral compass is that these people sometimes lack courage and don’t show allegiance at a decisive moment, so others can’t count on the native to back them up. They may yield to peer pressure—or go along with what they feel is demanded of them as a “team player”—choosing “acceptance” over honor and Truth. This lack of integrity hurts their relationships, because if they can’t be counted on to do the right thing, others lose respect for the native and question their character.
Until these folks become conscious, those who are close tend to lack confidence in them, feel they can’t depend on them, and think that the native doesn’t really love them. For example, a client’s older brother has this nodal placement. As a child, my client was tormented by older boys and his brother didn’t stand up for him. My client never forgot it. He lost confidence in—and respect for—his brother, and shut him out from that point forward.
Until Sagittarius North Node people reconnect with their conscience and acquire a moral compass, sometimes they may also speak or act in ways that are hurtful to others. This tends to happen when they are angry, but have become so caught up in their overactive thought processes that they have lost touch with their feelings. For others, it can be like being with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, in that the native may be happy and laughing one moment, then say something unkind or abrasive the next.
For example, one Sagittarius North Node client was always hoping he would meet the right woman—someone who didn’t have a “flaw” that made him feel he didn’t want to be in the relationship: “Why isn’t she a size 6? Why isn’t she taller/shorter? Why doesn’t she have better manners?” Whatever it was that made him think the relationship wouldn’t work made him angry on an unconscious level—and he would often say something harsh. At one point he was dating a girl who had recently arrived in this country and didn’t speak much English. Finally, he told her: “You don’t understand anything. You need to learn more English.” It was an indirect way of saying: “This relationship won’t work because of your flaw.” She “got it,” and it hurt her.
Their mind tends to dwell on whatever isn’t working in their relationships. And when they vent their frustration by getting angry with their partner, it hurts the other person’s heart. They feel they don’t “measure up” to the native’s expectations. If instead the native was honest with their partner, they could work together to find solutions to whatever was bothering them. In this case, the native could support his girlfriend in taking classes to improve her English. And he might even consider expanding his world by taking classes to learn her language.
Until these people become more conscious, lacking a moral compass blocks intimacy because the other person doesn’t trust that they can count on the native to deal with them from a position of integrity. It blocks intimacy for the native because they have nothing that gives them a sense of the security in themselves that could allow them to be intimate and trusting with another. One of their missions in this lifetime is to develop this inner strength by forming an indomitable alliance with morality and ethics, listening to their conscience and intuition, and standing on a foundation of Truth—trusting in a Higher Power to help them create positive outcomes.
Finding Peace of Mind: Embracing Intuition and Spiritual Awareness
Sagittarius North Node people have had so many past lives intertwined with society that they have lost touch with their ability to tap into spiritual guidance. They usually don’t have a strong belief system or any sense of a personal connection with spiritual Truth, and little innate interest in this area. Yet the anxiety and insecurity they feel is because they rely on their hyperactive mental processes for guidance, instead of their intuition and developing patience and trust in a Higher Power.
One of the things that keep these natives from experiencing peace of mind is their tendency to think too much. They worry about whether they’re in the right career, with the right person, etc. They put a lot of pressure on themselves; if the situation isn’t right, they want to figure it out and move on without delay. Trying to be logical and scientific, they get as much information as possible before making a decision. And since their overactive minds can see things from all points of view, they end up with long lists of pros and cons for every situation.
The problem is that they tally their lists quantitatively—by the number of “points” on one side or the other—rather than qualitatively—i.e., realizing that some of the items are more important (or less negotiable) than others. As a result, they often feel uncertain about their choices and are always second-guessing themselves. Part of them is constantly looking for more “logical” options. This leads to never feeling fully committed to any situation, and intimacy cannot be created.
Sometimes if these people let their mental activity get out of hand, their behavior can become almost compulsive and they feel
driven to communicate in an endless torrent of words. For instance, in the middle of a business negotiation they may start mulling over all the things they said, what the other person said, etc., and feel convinced that they “must” call to emphasize or clarify a particular point. However, this compulsive energy often stems from their own insecurity, and usually doesn’t lead them in a positive direction. Instead, it would be better for the native to quiet their mind and tune in to the person intuitively. If they “get” a sense of confusion, they could go ahead and call. But if the energy feels peaceful, NOT calling will probably produce the best result.
In fact, their lives—and their relationships—would be much easier and happier if Sagittarius North Node people would just develop patience and follow their intuition. Their innate “intensity of knowing,” which they are learning to trust, would give them the answers they need more quickly and accurately than relying on their “logic.” They also have clear intuition about other people. Since they understand how people’s minds work, they know how to deal appropriately with the counterproductive thoughts of others, and are excellent at inspiring them to reach their goals. And using their talents in these positive ways helps the native to achieve greater peace of mind.
Unfortunately, until they become conscious, these people tend to discount their intuition and base their whole belief system on a mental construct—which they view as reality. If they cling to their own personal realm of facts and logic, it keeps them “stuck” at a lower level of understanding, because really listening to other people and allowing the energy behind their words to reach us is one of the fundamental ways we can all change and grow. However, these natives can tend to memorize data and “logical arguments,” then engage in long diatribes—regurgitating information as opposed to really processing and demonstrating it.