by Jan Spiller
This aversion to addressing the deeper issues in their relationship blocks intimacy. The other person tends to feel discounted, sad, and angry that the native doesn’t care enough to engage with them on a more meaningful level. Also, the native hesitates to speak up about what is important to them. Especially with those who are close, they tend to just let things “pass.” This further undermines the relationship, because naturally the other person continues the upsetting behavior, since the native hasn’t pointed out to them how annoying or hurtful it is. However, when the native does finally risk telling their partner how something is affecting them, they are usually surprised at the easy, positive results.
For example, I have a Sagittarius North Node client who has serious abandonment issues. One time—as a joke—her boyfriend hid from her in a movie theater, and my client panicked. In this case she was so upset that she spoke to him directly and honestly: “Steve, I’ve got to ask you to never do that to me again. Apparently I have an issue with abandonment. Anytime I feel I’ve been left unexpectedly—the way you just did in the movie—the little girl in me panics.” Her boyfriend was very understanding and never did anything like that again.
When these people become willing to listen deeply to their partner’s needs, and honestly state their own needs, then they can take the next step and begin to deal with issues on a meaningful level: “What solution is going to work for both of us here?” If nothing becomes apparent and they have difficulty finding that “third insight,” bringing in a third party—such as a couples therapist—can be helpful. Whatever the process, these people will not be able to experience the intimacy they long for in their primary relationship until they take the risk and open the door to authentic self-expression for themselves and their partner.
How Others Can Help Them Heal
Encourage Them to Be Honest and Direct
Sagittarius North Node people often need prompting in order to give others forthright feedback, since they tend to withhold their authentic thoughts and feelings. Help them to see that others deserve an honest reflection so that they can learn and grow and have the option of changing their behavior. Point out that when they don’t share their Truth, it sabotages their relationships because the other person won’t know how to give the native what they want and need. To allow solutions to arise naturally in a situation, encourage them to reveal their OWN inner truths—in spite of their fear of how terrible the repercussions may be. Avoiding the truth will not work for them in this lifetime.
If their behavior becomes distant, erratic, or unpredictable, get them to tell you what’s on their mind. It may be a specific fear: “You don’t find me attractive.” Or they may be withholding information: “I don’t want to stay in this relationship.” By addressing THEIR inner secrets and thoughts and then truthfully sharing your own concerns, you can create an honest exchange of information, which usually brings about its own natural resolution.
Urge Them to Follow Their Conscience
In past incarnations Sagittarius North Node people could depend on their adroit minds to navigate their relationships. But in this lifetime, past techniques don’t work. When they follow the path of logic and go against their conscience and their intuitive knowing of which is the “high road,” they lose. They are learning to follow the promptings of their conscience, regardless of their fears of what the repercussions might be.
Encourage them to take the leap of faith required to follow the path of right action. It may go against logic, yet every time they take the risk and act in alignment with their conscience, the outcome is remarkably positive. Point out that they are developing inner strength and a moral compass by trusting in the goodness of a Higher Power to guide their way.
One of the ways these people sabotage their relationships is by not always keeping their word. Don’t let them get away with this. For instance, if they are on a business trip and have promised their partner they will call and check in every night, encourage them to do it even if they are tired or not feeling well.
Promote Prayer, Meditation, and Other Spiritual Pursuits
These people have such active minds, they are continually second-guessing themselves, which leads to increased anxiety. As a result, they cherish and seek peace of mind above all. Encourage them to develop interest in a defined spiritual path, as this will give them some guiding principles to apply in everyday circumstances. But whatever discipline they choose, the native needs to go beyond the “letter of the law” and tune in to their intuition to see how to apply spiritual principles and truths to their daily situations.
Encourage them to begin a practice of regular prayer or meditation as a way of calling on a positive Higher Power—beyond the mind—for support and serenity. Sagittarius North Node people love to stay busy and can’t stand to be bored. If they feel that aligning with a spiritual path will help keep the energy moving, they are more likely to do it. Remind them that taking the risk of applying spiritual principles to daily situations will be a new adventure for them, as they watch the resolutions the Universe provides unfolding.
Spending time in Mother Nature also soothes their active minds and helps to give them perspective. Prompt them to take trips to the mountains and to spend time sitting or walking in nature. If appropriate, encourage them to choose a home with natural surroundings, as this gives their mind a chance to relax and feel the natural energy of life’s unfoldment. Also support them in any foreign travel plans. When they are in environments with a different language, their mind automatically relaxes from feeling they have to mentally connect with others. They can just “be”—and it’s easier for them to see the larger picture of what’s going on around them.
Help Them Connect with Their Intuition
Encouraging Sagittarius North Node people to get in touch with their intuition can help slow their overactive minds long enough for them to experience some serenity. Also, prompting them to connect with their intuitive feeling and their spiritual guides will allow them to rise above the density of their own mental constructs and create better resolutions in any difficult situation they encounter.
For instance, if they are stewing about a decision they need to make, ask them: “What do you feel intuitively is the right thing to do?” This reminds them to be aware of—and to consult—their intuition. When they get into their worry mode about a recent personal interaction, you can help them by asking: “When you tune in to that person intuitively, do you get a sense of well-being or of distress?” Consistently point them in the direction of using their intuition as an accurate guidance system.
Welcoming their highly accurate intuition into your own life will help build their confidence. If you are facing a difficult decision, or not understanding a current relationship, ask them for intuitive feedback: “I don’t know if I should change jobs at this point. What’s your intuitive feeling?” Or “Something about my relationship with Bob is bothering me. Do you get anything intuitively?” Keep prompting them to access their intuition to provide you with insights, and don’t settle for their logic. As you consistently point them in this direction, over time their intuitive sense will become stronger.
Encourage Them to Listen on a Deeper Level
Help these people to gain the awareness that they need to listen more deeply to what others say, and seek resolution rather than just attaining temporary mental accord. These natives are born communicators. They value having happy mental connections with others and they like the energy of acceptance. If they think that by telling their truth—and asking others what is true for them—their thoughts will be more readily accepted by their partner, they will do it. It’s scary for them, but encourage them to try this.
Don’t allow them to short-circuit this process and settle for temporary mental accord by superficially accepting the other person’s point of view. The idea is for them to really hear their partner’s thoughts and allow their input to affect them on a feeling level. And don�
��t allow them to “not hear you.” In the context of your relationship, encourage them to open their minds to a deeper connection, so you can appreciate each other on a more meaningful level.
Help them to see that by venturing beyond a lighthearted mood and dealing with others on a level of depth and significance, they can discover answers that bring lasting serenity and create positive energy in their lives. If they think that by being open to more deeply understanding the other person’s hopes, dreams, and beliefs they will be able to connect with their partner on a more satisfying level, they are likely to take the risk.
Sagittarius North Node people also love new information. Encourage them to look beyond the facts to gain more profound information from whomever they are connecting with. Everyone is a messenger, and those who appear in our life have a special message for us. By listening deeply, their intuition will guide them to the piece of information they need to hear next in order to navigate their life successfully.
Habits to Discourage
Manipulating others to attain superficial agreements: Do not allow them to keep things “light and airy” in order to cover up a deeper concern. Discourage games and experiments that test the other person in their relationships.
Telling little white lies and gossiping: Discourage these practices. Remind them how, in the past, gossiping has backfired against them. Every time they make these choices they lose energy, and the results are not happy for them in the long run.
Overthinking: Discourage them from second-guessing themselves. Support them in not questioning their initial, spontaneous inner knowing.
Capricorn North Node People
and North Node in the 10th House
SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS
Empathy
A caring spirit
A desire to nurture
Emotional attunement
Tenderheartedness
Fairness while managing
A desire to protect loved ones
MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY
“I need to wait until I feel secure before taking action.”
“Avoiding taking risks is the best way to maintain my safety.”
“Family members should be there for you no matter what.”
“If others depend on me, then I’m important and needed.”
“I don’t trust that others see the real me.”
“I don’t know how to take charge and set goals.”
“It’s not safe to be spontaneous—I have to stay in control.”
“I must go out of my way to avoid making a scene.”
COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS
“I feel controlled by their overemotional reactions.”
“They blame everyone but themselves for their problems.”
“They are overly influenced by their mother.”
“They are unaware of what OTHERS need to feel supported.”
“They get too bogged down in details to accomplish anything.”
“They don’t take charge in an effective way.”
Releasing Unhealthy Patterns of Family Dependency
Capricorn North Node people have had many past incarnations playing a subservient role in family relationships during times when close family bonding was essential for survival. As a result, in this lifetime they are overidentified with their family of origin. In fact, their greatest obstacle is a tendency to shrink everything down to the perspective of “family” rather than viewing their family within the larger context of their whole life.
These natives see themselves as dependent on, protected by, and protective of the family unit instead of as a separate entity, responsible for creating their own destiny. Because their concepts of “security” and “family” are totally enmeshed, they often compromise themselves. If they think that pursuing their own dreams would in any way undermine the security of their family ties, they may unconsciously sabotage their own efforts to create success.
Their constant involvement with family, home, and personal security creates a myriad of issues that block intimacy. For one thing, when their focus is the family, they tend to develop an urge to dominate. They want to protect the family—and they want to do it on their terms. This keeps them in a constant state of anxiety, because on an unconscious level, they believe that they have to control everyone in the family in order to keep the family secure.
It’s as if they see their family as a medieval clan, always acting as a united force in order to ensure survival. So when a family member in any way offends the native’s rigid expectations of family relationships or ideals, they tend to overreact emotionally. They may “go into a mood” or throw a tantrum to coerce the other person back into alignment with whatever it is the native thinks they need to ensure their personal sense of safety. This blocks intimacy because others often feel smothered, and feel like they have to walk on eggshells so they won’t trigger one of the native’s emotional outbursts.
However, regardless of the circumstances, Capricorn North Node people are extremely loyal to other family members. They feel family members should always be there for one another, uphold the family’s values, and maintain the traditions. Even if they disagree with some of these specific concepts, their family loyalty will override their personal opinion. The native may even feel like they can’t be who they really are because of their family. But this is true only as long as they cling to the belief that family members should all behave according to the same values. By holding others to that standard they become subject to it themselves.
Because these people put family first, they have the unrealistic expectation that every family member should put them first. And when this doesn’t happen, they feel let down—like their family doesn’t understand them or support them. The native has a sense of entitlement within the family. They don’t go out of their way to make other family members feel special, or show their appreciation for what the family gives them—they just take it as their due. They believe that family members should treat them better and give them more just because they’re family. As a result, the native often comes across as dependent, demanding, and somewhat of a whiner—exactly the opposite of how they want to be seen.
These people can make other family members a bit nervous, because it feels like the native thinks the family is somehow responsible for meeting their needs. Family members may feel they have to compensate for the native’s vulnerability, and they don’t know why the native reacts so emotionally. This makes the native feel even more strongly that their family doesn’t understand them.
Often, the basis of this dynamic is that the native has gotten stuck in an early developmental stage and has a hard time growing up. Regardless of their chronological age or position in the family, their need for attention and protection seems endless. Even if they are the parent or grandparent, on an unconscious level they still feel like an infant and want the whole family to unite to care for them, tell them they’re the best, treat them as the most loved, etc.
These natives just assume that their family will listen to them, cheer them up, entertain them, lend them money, and see them through every crisis. And, like an infant, the native doesn’t use words to communicate what they need and want—they just expect others to automatically take care of them. Naturally, this frustrates other family members who are trying to relate to the native as an equal, not as a needy child.
This orientation blocks intimacy because it makes other family members resent the native and want to push them away or force them to take responsibility for their own needs so that everyone can relate as an equal. It blocks intimacy for the native because, when family members don’t meet their needs, it feels like a survival issue. However, if the family does cater to their needs, it actually postpones the native becoming more independent and taking charge of creating successful outcomes on their own.
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pricorn North Node people often resist taking this step, because on an unconscious level, they feel that they need the support and encouragement of their family before they can pursue their goals. In fact, they are always looking for that support before stepping forward to take charge and create success. But this holding back is a major mistake on their part, because others can never give them enough support for them to feel confident. Their lesson is that it’s ultimately up to them to take responsibility for achieving their own goals—with or without their family’s support.
Ironically, even though these natives want their family’s support, if they think that the family is making demands on them, they tend to resist—even if it’s in their best interests. For example, a Capricorn North Node client is being denied family inheritance until she completes her tax returns for the past three years. Even though she needs the money badly, she has so much resistance that she hasn’t been able to do it. She is sabotaging her own financial independence because—unconsciously—she is rebelling against her mother’s “rules.” And she wants her family’s understanding and sympathy; she wants them to just “take care of her.”
To get around this kind of illogical resistance, these people are learning to experiment with adopting a different mind-set. For instance, my client could tell herself: “This has nothing to do with my family. This is the Infinite telling me that it’s time to demonstrate that I’m a responsible person who can take care of business.” In fact, one of their lessons this lifetime is that the more self-discipline they exhibit, the less is imposed on them.
Another part of this issue is that another family member’s image of them—especially if it’s someone they see as being in a position of authority—can deeply affect the native’s self-image. Even if they honestly think the other person is wrong about them, on an emotional level they may begin to doubt themselves. Until they can separate themselves from the family’s image of who they are, going out on their own is difficult.