Cosmic Love

by Jan Spiller

  Discourage their tendency to sabotage themselves by not taking on responsibility. For instance, if you hear them say: “I know that house is a good buy, but I don’t really want the responsibility,” immediately prompt them to buy the house. When they avoid taking responsibility, they short-circuit their own personal power. Help them develop a greater comfort level with being the person in charge.

  These people will never feel ready to take on more responsibility, but it will support the best in them if you prod them to go ahead and take the risk of demonstrating their ability to others. Because family and home are so important to them, if you say: “If you take responsibility for being the one in charge, it will bring greater security to you and your family,” they are more likely to step forward. And when they do, life will reward them with abundance, and most importantly, they will have security they can count on because they have created it themselves.

  Support Them in Taking Charge and Being “The Boss”

  These people are learning to accept the position of the person in charge, demonstrating to themselves and others that they have the courage to do this. One of their biggest obstacles is their emotional insecurity. Remind them that reaching their tangible goals has nothing to do with emotional readiness. In fact, it is often through the process of attaining the goal that one gains the emotional maturity to handle the outcome. So, regardless of their perceived inadequacies, remind them to focus on the goal rather than dwelling on their fear of failure.

  These people have a deep need for security. If you frame suggestions in the context of “By taking charge, you can create results you can depend on,” they are more likely to take the risk. When they are in charge, they can easily succeed, since they have the ability to be sensitive to the feelings of those they are directing. Remind them to stay focused on the goal, and to support others in keeping their minds on the goal as well.

  Remind Them That Self-Respect = Empowerment

  Capricorn North Node people need to follow the path of self-respect in order to reclaim their sense of personal power. Encourage them to make decisions that allow them to feel good about themselves. For example: “If you call your mother about this, will it give you a feeling of self-respect?” Help them get in touch with their underlying motive. If they’re doing something because they think they need another’s support to take action, they will lose. If it’s to increase their sense of self-respect, they will win.

  Help them understand that self-respect and the regard of others comes by reaching a goal that in some way requires growing beyond their normal comfort limits. It may be attaining their ideal weight, successfully running a business, or leaving an abusive relationship. For these people, creating success requires taking charge, displaying competency, and not allowing themselves to be distracted from their goal by negative thoughts that stimulate self-sabotaging emotions.

  Help Them to Avoid Overemotional Reactions

  Capricorn North Node people tend to have overemotional reactions. They often interpret things personally—for instance, interpreting an honest sharing of feelings as criticism. They can become very defensive if they feel in any way attacked or rejected.

  These people may use their moods to get attention, gain control of a situation, and/or coerce others into supporting them. Discourage this self-sabotaging habit. Point out that when they indulge their emotions in an unhealthy way, it distances others. And because they become so stirred up in their own negativity, it also robs them of their power. Encourage them instead, to really listen to how others feel without taking it personally.

  Habits to Discourage

  Spending too much time in their home: Discourage them from spending excessive time at home—bringing people home to eat (rather than meeting in a restaurant) or becoming overinvolved in maintaining their home—as this is one way they avoid the challenges of expanding beyond their personal limits.

  Blaming others: Do not allow them to get away with blaming others for their circumstances. If they do this, do not be sympathetic or indulge them.

  Making excuses: Do not allow them to get away with making excuses for not taking charge and creating success. They’ll never feel that they are “ready”—prompt them to just do it!

  Aquarius North Node People

  and North Node in the 11th House

  SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS

  Generosity

  Good-heartedness

  Creative power

  Loyalty

  Determination

  A playful spirit

  Innovative insights

  MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY

  “If others would just give me what I want, then I would be happy.”

  “Others should notice how special I am.”

  “If a person loves me, they’ll demonstrate it in the way I expect.”

  “Others have no right to oppose me in getting my way.”

  “If others really knew where I’m coming from, they would always approve.”

  “I have to rely totally on myself to fulfill my own destiny.”

  “There’s nobody really ‘out there’ for me who can be my equal.”

  “If I allow myself to fully receive the love that is offered to me, I will lose the passion I seek.”

  COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS

  “They are so strong-willed—they always have to have their way.”

  “Everything has to revolve around them.”

  “They are emotionally unavailable.”

  “They have too many expectations.”

  “They aren’t interested in me or what I’m doing.”

  “Nothing I do really pleases them on a deep level.”

  Releasing Willfullness

  Aquarius North Node people are dealing with an unbridled will that allows no interference. From a positive perspective, this can take the form of the sheer determination needed to accomplish goals for the common good. However, even the best intentions can be presented in an overpowering way that won’t win approval from others. They don’t want to hurt anyone, and it’s not their intention to boss people around, but they do insist on getting their own way without bothering to take others’ wants and needs into account—and they get angry when they don’t get what they want. It’s like a tug-of-war. Usually, Aquarius North Node people get their way because the other person gets too tired to keep arguing.

  Sometimes they exhibit their willful temperament overtly, or they may appear to go along with another’s plan. However, if they don’t get immediate gratification they may go behind everyone’s back and do what they want—just like a child. These people are not by nature deceptive, so if they do resort to deception they often become angry at the other person, whom they blame for the fact that they had to indulge in deceptive behavior to get what they want. Naturally, this hurts their relationships. The other person gets furious and feels that the native doesn’t really “see” them or care about them. However, Aquarius North Node people honestly think that if others knew the purity of their deeper intentions, they would approve, and it hurts them when they’re not thought of in the best possible way. They want others to always see them in a positive light, yet when these childish parts emerge, people pull away.

  Their willfulness is evoked in relationships when they’re afraid of giving up control and not knowing how things will turn out. But the other person only sees: “Wow, he’s got to have his way 100 percent of the time or he’ll get upset.” It leaves others feeling that they always have to go along with the native, and this makes others want to keep their distance. One of their lessons this lifetime is to become willing to work things out with others instead of forcing others to give in to them, getting their way behind the other person’s back, or breaking from the relationship to get what they want with someone else.

  These people’s belief that things should happen
immediately—that they should never have to wait to get what they want—also blocks intimacy, because they aren’t taking the circumstances and timing of others into account. Their impatience rushes relationships because they are looking for the end result instead of tuning in to the process. The other person feels uncomfortable and may wonder: “What is this person in such a hurry about?” Often, their relationships blow up before they can even be explored. They aren’t allowed to evolve naturally through the elements of time and proven interaction.

  If a man meets a woman and says right away: “This is the girl I’m going to marry,” her natural response may be: “He’s not even taking the time to get to know me. He just wants me to fulfill his destiny.” Others feel resentful when the native doesn’t take the time to get to know them. They feel involved in the native’s fantasy, rather than being seen as a real person whose dreams for the future also have merit. This can cause others to feel that the Aquarius North Node person only wants to be in a relationship with them for what they can get out of it for themselves.

  Overcoming Attitudes of Superiority

  People with this nodal position have strong past life memories where their superior positions in society set them apart. Many lifetimes of being the king or queen activate them to be in the driver’s seat, and they have no qualms about telling others what to do, often in a rather imperious manner. On one level, this blocks intimacy because the other person feels that they’re being “commanded” all the time. But on a deeper level, it interferes with the native’s ability to create intimacy because they feel that they have to be in charge and totally rely on themselves and their own vision in order to fulfill their destiny. They think that they can’t stay on track if they let anyone else in—that no one else can bring them happiness or help them discover the right thing to do. They may not even see or acknowledge how others have helped them along their path so far.

  Despite these unconscious issues, Aquarius North Node people come into this lifetime with a deep longing to feel equal with others. However, they are confused about how to bring this about, due to their innate sense of superiority. Often, they feel that they can’t connect with someone 100 percent because that person isn’t smart enough, rich enough, capable enough, etc., to be their equal. There’s always some way that others don’t measure up to their unconscious standards, because they’re seeing the other person’s flaws rather than what they actually have to offer. They focus on ways that others are inferior to them—rather than the areas where another may be superior—so they are always creating a sense of inequality in their relationship that blocks intimacy. The other person feels like they are never good enough.

  For example, a client with this nodal position was with her boyfriend and mentioned the movie she had seen the previous night. He said: “Oh! I wanted to see that with you!” She shrugged and replied: “Well, you weren’t here.” He said: “But I told you I wanted to see it with you.” She responded: “Well, you can go see it by yourself.” He replied: “You know I don’t like to go to movies by myself.” Then she responded: “You know, it’s not a big deal—you buy your ticket, you take a seat…” Her attitude said: “I can go to the movies by myself, why can’t you?”

  The result of this interaction was that my client felt superior and her boyfriend felt like she didn’t really see who he was or care about what he wanted—it was isolating for both of them. In fact, when these folks respond from this position of willfulness and superiority, everyone loses. One way they could work to overcome these innate feelings would be to deliberately notice the ways in which those close to them are superior to them. Maybe they play volleyball better, exhibit more self-discipline, or have better people skills. By becoming aware of others’ strengths, they can more easily relate to them as equals.

  This issue is most difficult with their close one-on-one family, romantic, or business relationships. With their friends, a sense of equality comes more naturally because they relax their awareness of themselves and their “role.” Rather than focus on what they want, they are concerned with promoting their friend’s happiness, and then find that they feel happier as well. This is why they have such good luck with—and are so fulfilled by—their friendships. In this same way, when they learn to be truly concerned with increasing the happiness of business partners and close loved ones, they will also experience greater joy and satisfaction in their own life.

  Intimacy and caring can only flow freely through a bond that is based on a mutual sense of equality, where both parties can express their views and have a say in creating mutual goals in the relationship. Unconsciously, Aquarius North Node people often enter into partnerships with people whom they could never be with permanently. Because they believe that there’s no one out there who can be their equal, they tend to settle for less. One client with this nodal position told me: “I choose men who are very damaged—or men who are beneath me—so I always feel that I’m not being met as an equal intellectually or emotionally.”

  What keeps these folks from being vulnerable and intimate is the idea that they are not with an equal, and so the relationship won’t last. But when they say, “There’s no one who’s my equal,” what they are really saying is that there is no one who is exactly like them. In truth, no one has their exact strengths, but no one duplicates their exact weaknesses either. They are learning that healthy relationships are usually comprised of similarities and individual differences. In intimate relationships, they are learning the importance of feeling affinity in the areas of common enjoyment and compatible goals as well as basically liking the other person and their style. By constantly judging others “inferior,” these people can lose the ability to accurately recognize their own healthy attraction to those with whom they could experience true affinity and create happy and successful long-term relationships.

  Seeing the Big Picture—Including Others

  Aquarius North Node people have had many lifetimes in positions of power, focusing on what they wanted and successfully using their will to get their way. Over time, the deliberate self-focus that was necessary for their creative will to manifest has resulted in a loss of sensitivity to the bigger picture. This includes a decreased inclination to take the wants and needs of others into account before making decisions or taking action.

  In this incarnation, those unresolved habits from the past can cause these people to have a difficult time experiencing success and happiness in their relationships. They are good-hearted, but have become accustomed to ordering others around. It’s all about them and what they want, which is actually a naive quality that stems from this missing awareness of what others want. Before summoning their powerful will to go forward in a direction that affects another, they need to learn to check in with the other person. When they experience resistance, it’s an indicator that they’re not paying attention to what’s going on with that person.

  For example, I had an Aquarius North Node client who told her husband: “Honey, either we find a bigger house in New York or we have to move to a different state where we can afford a bigger house. We have to do what’s best for our children.” She came across to her husband as: “I already know what I’m going to do and I’m just letting you know,” instead of “I want to discuss this problem with you so we can find a solution together.” She had even decided that her parents should move, too, so that they could continue to babysit the kids—and she hadn’t consulted them either!

  These people think they know what’s best, and are positive that they can manifest whatever they have in mind. Their energy and attitude make others hesitate to give them feedback because they think the native has already made up their mind to proceed and doesn’t care about how it affects them. The other person feels like they don’t get to vote on what is supposed to be a mutual decision. And if the native hasn’t allowed the other person to help create a solution, then they feel totally responsible for fixing the problem. This blocks the joy of taking time to find a shared
solution, and in this way they often miss the opportunity to seize moments for the closeness of co-creation when they emerge. In the above example, the wife could back off from her “solution” and deal more with the problem by saying: “Look, now we have three kids and a house that’s too small. What do you think we should do?” This would help create feelings of equality and intimacy as she and her husband both shared ideas for a solution and shared responsibility for making it happen.

  Aquarius North Node people think they lack diplomacy in knowing how to express their wants, but actually what’s missing is this factor of first checking in to discover the wants and needs of others in the situation. This myopic tendency can bring them a lot of hurt in relationships. Even when they are helping others, it has to be their way, and they don’t always keep the other person’s limitations in mind. The person they are helping often feels the demand: “If you don’t do what I want, I won’t be nice to you,” and in fact, if others don’t agree with them or bend to their will, they can turn on them without thinking. But the end result is that when they don’t take the Big Picture into account and consider the needs of others, they meet with resistance.

  Conversely, when they DO take a moment to glimpse the Big Picture that includes the wants of others involved in the situation, they are masters at creating a scenario that others will joyously cooperate with because their needs are also getting met through the plan! In this way, the natives have an uncanny ability to create win-win situations. Obstructions are part of the process of creativity, showing us how to navigate toward successful outcomes. In fact, the opposition of others can show these folks exactly where they need to pull back, reevaluate, and tune in to the individuality of the other person—their talents, strengths, and weaknesses.