by Jan Spiller
When others obstruct their will, it’s only because the native isn’t seeing where the flow of energy is going and what will actually work in that particular situation. To succeed, they need to discover what others want so they can reconnect to the Big Picture. They can begin by listening to what others say they want—what is important to them, and their dreams for their own lives. By actively seeking more information from others before making decisions, they gain the knowledge they need in order to adjust their direction and take creative action that will allow the situation to manifest positively for everyone involved.
Ironically, Aquarius North Node people are uniquely gifted in being able to support others in making their dreams come true. This requires a willingness to step back, see things from the other person’s point of view, and then offer suggestions that are in alignment with who that person is and what will work for them. If they don’t take time to tune in to the bigger picture, they may inadvertently withhold positive solutions that could greatly benefit themselves and others.
The habit of viewing all relevant input as part of the Big Picture can have enormous ramifications in these natives realizing their life goals. An example of this is Albert Einstein—an Aquarius North Node person. He exhibited the gift of being able to tap into the Big Picture of what is going on.
Einstein spent his final twenty years attempting to find the “theory of everything” that unified the laws of gravity with the laws of relativity. Quantum physics sprang up during that time, but because of its basis in random motion (rather than the predictability of both gravity and relativity), Einstein discounted the validity of the findings. Perhaps if he had included in his calculations the knowledge that was emerging, he would have had the pieces of information he needed to have a “Eureka!” moment into the “theory of everything” he was seeking. These natives are learning to include “opposition” as part of the bigger picture of pieces being given to them to successfully realize their goals.
Breaking the Cycle of Expectations and Disappointment
Aquarius North node people have the idea that they know how the “script” should unfold in each situation, and if others would only do things their way they would be happy. So their whole idea of happiness is limited to this childish orientation of others giving them exactly what they want on a moment-to-moment basis. However, if this were to actually occur, it would just create a state of non-disturbance and not the vitalizing flow of energy that they are seeking. But as long as the native holds on to this notion, when the other person doesn’t do what they want they become stubborn and willful. This blocks emotional intimacy on the native’s part because they are constantly on the alert for any little thing where the other person is not meeting their expectations. They feel like they have to step in and take charge to bring the other person back in alignment with their agenda. This creates pressure in relationships because others are never allowed to simply be themselves.
These people can behave very selfishly—like royalty—taking only their own needs into account, and expecting their partners and loved ones to meet those needs. For example, the father of one of my clients had this nodal position, and when she was a teenager he expected her to come home from school every day to fix his lunch. When she didn’t perform the way he wanted her to, he wouldn’t support her—even though he was the parent. His childish self-focus blocked the development of their relationship. For instance, it never occurred to her father to use lunchtime to talk with her and establish intimacy and friendship by learning more about the current events in her life. In fact, she remembers thinking: “Who the hell are YOU?” in response to his expectations and his imperious attitude.
People with this nodal position are capable of indulging in very childish behavior. I had another client whose husband’s North Node was in Aquarius. When they renovated part of their home, things were in upheaval for longer than they expected. He couldn’t imagine it ever getting done, and was furious every day because he refused to look at the bigger picture. He went on and on about how it was never going to happen, all the months he had to put up with confusion. These folks are learning that situations in their lives become much more joyful when they shift their focus from how things are inconveniencing them to helping the other person manifest their dream.
Typically, these natives don’t believe the other person will do what they say, and forget the importance of the step of acknowledging how much progress the other person has made. This blocks intimacy because instead of being supportive, they assume that their partner will not follow through and keep their word. So the other person is constantly fighting the native’s negativity about the future. In this case, rather than support my client by helping her finish the project, her husband stayed apart and complained about how hard the whole lengthy process had been on him. Like a child, he only saw that he wasn’t getting his way on an immediate basis.
Another way Aquarius North Node people’s willfulness blocks intimacy is when they don’t acknowledge any good that happens apart from their expectations of how things ought to unfold. When others fail to perform according to their “script,” they interpret it as disloyalty and may become furious. Rather than support their partner in the process of growth and affirming the progress that was made, they tend to dramatically point out how disappointed they are because the partner hasn’t met their expectation. A shortsighted reaction to not getting their way blocks intimacy because it gives the other person the message that the native doesn’t care about them as an individual.
Not only do these people have expectations about how others play their roles, they also tend to project what action is going to make the other person happy. For instance, they may say, “This is what you need to do to make you happy,” but it may actually be what would make the native happy. This blocks intimacy and true rapport, because the other person doesn’t feel “seen”—and they’re given instructions to do something that they may know intuitively isn’t going to get them what they want.
In every aspect of their life, these folks honestly think that if others would only play their role right, everything would work out for the best. Their child ego is so strong that when something doesn’t go their way, it’s actually “crazy making,” because it feels like a survival issue to them, which is why they overreact. Of course, this mechanism further blocks intimacy, because their partner begins to withdraw—they don’t want to confront the native’s craziness and they get tired of feeling like they don’t ever measure up to their expectations. The native pulls back because they think the other person doesn’t want to please them. They create distance by holding on to ideas that others have to show their caring in particular ways. For example, they may say: “If you really loved me you’d pick me up at the airport.” But this may not have anything to do with their partner’s level of caring. The other person may feel: “It doesn’t make any sense for me to pick you up. It would take me two hours, when it only takes forty-five minutes for you to get here on the shuttle—and then I’ll have more time to spend with you.”
When others don’t do what the native wants, their first thought is always: “Why are they doing this to me?” But very seldom are others really being spiteful or mean. The other person is usually just being themselves and trying to express Love in their own individual way.
These people need to recognize that everything that happens is part of the Big Picture, and that their worst enemy is their own resistance to life leading them in this way. Opposition or a difficult interaction is their friend, because it forces them to identify the next quality they need to integrate into their personality in order to learn to interact with others on a higher level, to successfully create the results they want. They are learning that happiness is in the exchange of positive energy between two people. When they explore something outside of themselves to see what the other person wants and help them to get it, then the Aquarius North Node person experiences the vital flow of energy they have been seeking
, and feels true happiness.
Learning to Receive Love
Aquarius North Node people have a strong sense of self-direction—they want to stay in control and do things that they think will make them happy. They don’t want to be subject to somebody else’s idea of how to spend their time, what to do, etc., even if it means that their partner feels left out, sad, and lonely. For example, I had an Aquarius North Node client whose boyfriend said: “Come and sit on the sofa with me and watch the game.” When she said no, he responded: “Well, gee, you’re not doing anything…why won’t you just sit and watch the game with me?” Her attitude sent a signal that said: “What I want to do is more important than what you want us to do.”
This lack of receptivity to invitations from others defeats intimacy for both parties. The other person feels unimportant and left out of the native’s world, and eventually stops trying to create closeness because the native always rejects their invitations. And the native thinks that their relationships only work when they initiate closeness. They are learning to recognize when the other person wants to be close and be more responsive to their overtures. Then they won’t end up appearing to be emotionally unavailable to those who are closest to them. Until they become conscious, their will is so strong and their attention so totally focused on what they want, often they are not deeply aware of those in their immediate environment or open to meaningful interactions with them.
Aquarius North Node people can be so caught up in the role of giving love in order to impress their partner, they aren’t, in fact, present to the love the other person is giving back. Their partner senses that it’s pointless to share their emotions with the native—there’s no receptivity, which of course blocks the flow of Love. When others do risk sharing their feelings, the native usually doesn’t respond with compassion or understanding, which definitely shuts down intimacy. Over time, this can make the other person consider looking around for someone else with whom to share an emotional bond.
These natives are learning to be more open to receiving and appreciating the Love that others are bringing them. Until they do, if things don’t unfold according to the way they think others should show their caring, they interpret it to mean that the other person doesn’t love them—and then they withdraw their heart. They end up feeling constantly disappointed and unloved, because their expectations and the role they are playing prevent them from receiving the Love that is actually being offered. For example, a suitor may go out of his way to bring exotic flowers, but because they expected roses, the native may be disappointed rather than pleased.
One of their important lessons this lifetime is learning how to receive Love—how to be open to others demonstrating their love in their own way. This means really seeing what the other person is offering and the intention behind it, and graciously accepting it. They are finding out that other people are simply being themselves, and that we all have different expectations and ways of demonstrating Love. They are learning to go beyond the limits of their own expectations so they can recognize, appreciate, and accept the different ways that the people around them show their caring and support.
This lesson can be difficult for an Aquarius North Node person. Because of their past life experiences, they carry an innate fear of “loss of self” if they don’t totally rely on themselves to create their own destiny. They feel that if they let go of the control, and let someone in, they won’t have enough creative power to manifest the things they want. And yet it is crucial that they learn to let go and open their awareness and their heart to others, because this is not a “do it yourself” lifetime for them. Their life won’t really work and they will not be able to create true happiness if they stay isolated in the center of their universe.
Although there is no vitalizing energy or love available to them when they aren’t taking others into account, Aquarius North Node people fear that if they fully open to another and receive the Love currently offered to them, they will lose the passion they seek—the ideal love partner. What is actually true is that they would lose the “high” they get from their fantasy. They are learning that a true “high”—the deep satisfaction of closeness and intimacy in a relationship—is created by also being open to the other person and what they want—working it out together and doing things together. Even when they forget and react in a way that hurts their partner’s feelings, it’s always possible to apologize and go back to get it right. This demonstrates that they do care about their partner’s feelings, and are trying to be aware of what is important to them.
In this lifetime, they need the talents and energy of others in order for their aims to be realized. Maybe someone else can see the native’s destiny and could help them achieve it. They are learning to avoid allowing their total self-reliance to block their partner from really affecting their destiny, in terms of what they do, where they live, the interests they pursue—as well as how they get from point A to point B. They are learning to let others help.
One way to begin exercising this new muscle of cooperation in their psyche is to create situations where they are fully participating with others and using their innate talents to further a mutual goal. This will relieve the resentment that results from thinking “I have to do it all myself,” and build intimacy by allowing their partner to feel that they have an impact on the native’s life. These people are learning that when others enter their world, they change their destiny—and can make it better.
Decreasing Egocentric Tendencies
Aquarius North Node people see themselves as “the center”—everything revolves around them. Subconsciously, they may even set up crisis situations in their family, professional, or romantic life in order to keep all of the attention revolving around them. It can be hard to get close to them because they are so passionately involved in the drama of what’s going on in their world that they lack awareness of—or interest in—what goes on in others’ lives. For example, one of my clients was going away for the weekend, and her Aquarius North Node daughter was worried because her mother wouldn’t be there if she needed a break from her children. Her mother’s need to get away for a few days wasn’t meaningful to her. Naturally, this made her mother feel like she wasn’t very important to her daughter except to fulfill her daughter’s needs.
These people can be so lost in their own drama that they become insensitive to the upsets or crises that others are going through. They may make offhanded remarks like “Everything will be all right—just get over it,” with no awareness of the bigger picture of where the other person is at in the situation. A lack of willingness to relate to another’s drama blocks intimacy, because the other person doesn’t feel cared about or deeply understood. They may think: “They’re just telling me what to do rather than seeing who I really am and sincerely trying to help me.”
One reason this nodal group is so self-absorbed is a strong, internal feeling hidden in their psyche that they are single-handedly responsible for creating everything that they—and those who are close to them—need on a survival level. They honestly believe that they can hold everything together—for themselves and for everyone around them—if they stay at the center of their universe. Because they take total responsibility for what is created in their life, they want their choices to be totally based on their own inner persuasion—not dependent on others in any way—since they hold themselves completely accountable for the outcome.
Over time, feeling like everything is up to them becomes exhausting. Also, this issue blocks intimacy because the focus is always on them—they are constantly at the center of the drama—and on their interactions with others. This places the spotlight totally on the native and gives them an exaggerated sense of the importance of their role in their own destiny and in their relationships. They feel that everything that happens to them—including others’ reaction to them—is caused by something they’ve done, so they take everything personally. When someone is simply being themselves, and in some w
ay criticizes the native, the Aquarius North Node person tends to think that something they did provoked it. This blocks intimacy because they are afraid to truly be themselves and express who they really are since they don’t want to experience disapproval.
In fact, these people’s desire for the approval of those who are close to them is insatiable—they can never get enough. They view approval as a sign that others see the purity of their intentions. They normally go through life feeling that others don’t really understand where they are coming from. So they tend to act out a role—trying to be what they think will please the other person instead of showing their real self. They also have a tendency to glamorize themselves in order to appear more attractive to whomever they are trying to impress. This usually has the opposite effect, since true communication breaks down when the need for approval dominates.
The desire for approval also blocks intimacy because if the other doesn’t approve of them in a given moment, they think it means that their partner doesn’t understand and love them. This strains the relationship on both sides: The native feels rejected and unloved, and the other person feels forced to respond a certain way. Both parties end up withdrawing from trust and closeness. However, it is much worse for these people when someone doesn’t respond to them at all.
They are so accustomed to being seen as “special” in past lives, when people don’t respond to them, they feel invisible. This triggers insecurity. They can go out of control trying to force a response one way or another. In this type of situation they will push others because they feel that even a negative response is better than no response at all. Their pride gets hurt, it becomes a big drama, and it drains them. It also disorients their worldview. They think: “How is it possible that I can be operating under one set of assumptions, and someone else has a different set of assumptions?” They are likely to take the responses of others personally—as a reflection of them—and feel defensive.