by Jan Spiller
All this is part of the larger issue of Aquarius North Node people believing that if others would only relate to them according to their “script” and give them what they want, then they would be happy and their happiness would then magically make all those around them happy too. In reality, however, it is when they focus on supporting others in manifesting their dreams and fulfilling their destiny that natives do, in fact, create happiness for all concerned. It is a cooperative, win-win orientation that works best for them.
They are learning that their life can, indeed, unfold in a magnificent way when they become the director of the performance, rather than the star. The star openly displays their own talent, while everyone else takes responsibility for making the performance work on a practical level. The director, on the other hand, is aware of the unique talents and specialness of other people involved, and works to highlight and blend their individual gifts in a way that elevates the shared creative performance and brings it alive.
For instance, in a family situation, the “director” would be aware of the temperaments and passions of all the family members—what makes them happy—and then will orchestrate things so that each individual can contribute in ways they enjoy and are good at. Applied to a work situation, the “director” would be aware of strengths and weaknesses of everyone on the staff, and give each one a job they are suited for by temperament and talent. This is the way in which the native’s positive intentions can be realized.
These people are, at their core, generous and good-hearted. As they learn to let people in, they are able to see the goodness in others, and give them approval and support. In return, they will receive the appreciation and acknowledgment they have been seeking. When they are working cooperatively with others toward a common goal and the creative aim is reached, everyone is happy, and the native feels vital, happy, and secure.
Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships
When Aquarius North Node people enter into a romantic relationship, they respond like a kid in a candy store. They are so excited to feel the energy of romantic attraction and rediscover the potential of erotic love that the fear of loss arises instantly—before they have even really known the other person in terms of true compatibility. When they encounter romance, they want it so much that they become blinded and paralyzed with fear of losing the person who has evoked this happiness within them. So instead of their usual behavior of childishly insisting on having their own way, they become like a child who is trying to please the “parent,” so that the other person will love them and stay.
At this stage, the native goes out of their way to get the other person’s approval. They try to “tune in” to what they think the other person wants them to be, and then begin to play that role. They are dependent on the other person’s approval and become intensely watchful of their partner’s response to them. They constantly shift their presentation of who they are to try to be what they think the loved object wants. In this process, they lose themselves and end up becoming co-dependent. They are consumed by the intrinsic passion of their own nature that instinctively becomes totally involved in whatever it is creating.
One result of taking such total responsibility for the outcome of the relationship is that it creates enormous internal conflict. They want to please their partner, but fear taking action because they may not be able to control the results. They think: “What if I say or do something and my partner reacts with displeasure and disapproves of me?” So they begin to revolve around the other person’s world. Subconsciously, they think that if they become indispensable to the other person, they will stay. The native will do anything they can to please the love object, but it’s because they want to control the relationship they are afraid of losing—it’s still all about them!
A client said of his Aquarius North Node girlfriend: “She tried to please me because she wanted me to like her, when I just wanted her to like me for who I am. But I felt she never really saw me as an individual.” The problem is that the native becomes so involved in the process of creating “the perfect love” that they often lose touch with the reality of the actual person with whom they are in a relationship. They act out the “role” of being in love, and although they do things for their partner that would seem to demonstrate their love, they’re not really responding to the other person. This blocks intimacy, because the other person starts feeling like they are only a puppet of the native’s fantasy.
Indeed, the main reason these people’s love lives are often so unfulfilling is that they try to build a relationship with an “ideal”—not with the actual person with whom they are interacting. Over time, the native may finally notice that their partner doesn’t measure up to their ideal and become disenchanted. Then if their fantasy fizzles out, they may say: “That’s it, I want to leave,” and that’s the end of it; or they may revert back to the usual pattern of being very demanding.
In the end, they didn’t actually appreciate the other person—it was a fantasy of love. However, right up until that moment, they kept trying to please the partner and keep them in the game. This blocks intimacy because their partner perceives that something isn’t “right” and they feel insecure. They can discern the native’s projection onto them and sense that there is an incorrect motive underneath their behavior. Eventually the partner leaves—or the native leaves. The bond breaks because it was based on a fantasy of love, rather than truly seeing and appreciating the other person, and letting the other person see and respond to the native’s true self.
When Aquarius North Node people have been through enough painful romantic episodes in which they have felt consumed, then eventually disappointed and hurt, they come to the conclusion that what they need is a relationship where they don’t feel so obsessed with the other person. They begin to draw in people with whom they lack passionate affinity. Then they don’t have to face the challenge of mastering their co-dependency tendencies, because the other person doesn’t arouse the energy of intense passion within them.
For example, I had an Aquarius North Node client who, after numerous painful love affairs, finally met a man with whom she did not feel obsessed. She thought it was great—she was sleeping with him but wasn’t consumed by her feelings for him—so she married him. But as it turned out, she wasn’t really connected with him and didn’t appreciate him as a person. At their wedding reception, he was on one side of the room with his friends, and she was on the other with a different set of people. Their marriage lasted two years.
Intimacy is based on true affinity—an innate connectedness where something in the other person naturally resonates with something in you. Marriage is the most intimate of unions, and without true affinity it doesn’t last, although the outer appearance of union may still be there due to the tacit agreement of both people.
Instead of turning their back on strong feelings of connection, these folks can learn to avoid the pain resulting from their tendency to romantic fantasy by following up true mutual attraction with gaining more actual knowledge about the other person. The idea is to respond to a potential mate by first getting to know them better: “Do they want to be in a relationship at this point in their lives? What are their dreams and aspirations? What things inspire them?” Then they would need time to observe each other’s talents and personalities; what they each enjoy doing and each person’s individual “style.” The appreciation of each other as individuals will either grow or lessen—at least it will be based on the reality of innate affinity.
Aquarius North Node people need to be with someone who INNATELY wants the same things in a relationship that they do. Both parties would need to look at the Big Picture of what will work over the long haul for them as a couple. This requires being aware of who the other person really is, their dreams, and actively encouraging the best in them. It’s not about being “the star” and waiting to be courted in a certain way, or playing a role to please the other person. It’s about finding true a
ffinity and then taking the creative stance of doing what is necessary to invite the best in both parties to shine through—seeing the Big Picture of how both people’s dreams can be filled in the context of the relationship. And in the process of listening to what the other person wants and their ideas for how to keep the fires of passion burning, the native will have the opportunity to see new ways of relating and maintaining a healthy relationship over the long haul that are beyond what they had imagined in any fantasy.
How Others Can Help Them Heal
Urge Them to Be Aware of the Wants and Needs of Others
Unconsciously, Aquarius North Node people are constantly seeking approval. They get hurt easily because if someone doesn’t give them their way, they tend to take it personally as a sign of disapproval. Increasing their awareness of the aims others have in the situation—and why the other person said no to the native—can help prevent this problem. Beyond their own goals, they are learning to consider what the other person wants for their own life as well. Others resist cooperating with these people when they fail to take into account the other person’s dreams. For instance, they may fall in love with the perfect partner to travel with, not seeing that, in reality, this person views their entire life as happening in the suburbs. Then when their partner doesn’t want to travel, they take it as a sign of personal disapproval.
Before they become involved in a long-term relationship—either personal or professional—encourage them to find out if the other person’s aspirations are the same as theirs. You could say: “If you expect to get your way, you have to see the bigger picture that includes the other people involved and what they want. Then you can see how to navigate the situation successfully.” People take actions that they think will further their own goals. If a person has a dream of pursuing comedy as a profession, they may move to New York, but leaving their hometown is not a personal rejection of the native.
Promote Friendship, Group Activities, and Humanitarian Pursuits
If these people are having problems with a relationship, encourage them to view the other person as their friend, an equal they want to understand and support. Then they will instinctively know the best way to approach them. This is true whether it is their boss, their child, or their romantic partner. Their strongest suit is a friendly attitude of equality, and genuine interest and concern for the other person. You do them a tremendous service when you encourage them to spend time with their friends and to make new friends. Their friendships act as a positive balance for the other parts of their life and bring out their giving nature. Friends enhance their objective view of their current situation, sustain them, and provide them with the kind of support they can most easily accept.
Whenever you can encourage Aquarius North Node people to become involved in a cause that truly engages them—such as promoting equality, animal rights, protecting the environment, etc.—it brings out the best in them and they feel excited about their life. Involvement in a humanitarian cause gives them a purpose broad enough to accommodate their energy and their fiery, creative talents. These people are born performers—they love the drama—and they are likely to be able to exercise their will and determination to create anything that they deem worthy. Also, serving a larger purpose enhances their sense of self-esteem in a healthy way.
Support Them in Helping Others Make Their Dreams Come True
When these people are helping others, they are filled with energy and enthusiasm. If they are feeling lonely or isolated, encourage them to use their creative power to help a friend or to further another person’s dream. When they activate their giving nature with no expectations except helping someone to reach their goal, they don’t experience the chronic fear of rejection. In fact, this is their path to experiencing their own personal happiness and sense of inner equilibrium. They also have a very generous nature, and if you prompt them to help out on the grounds that “it’s the generous thing to do,” they will likely feel motivated and confident enough to proceed.
Focusing on supporting others naturally prompts them to begin asking questions to find out what it is that the other person wants to create in their life at this point in time. Encourage them to gain more information about the other person, especially in their more intimate relationships. Their intention to support their significant other in having their dreams come true can give them the objectivity they need in order to interact with their partner successfully. If the other person resists them, encourage them to step back and see the bigger picture of what their partner wants and needs in the context of the situation.
Encourage Actions and Behaviors That Enhance Their Self-Approval
Support Aquarius North Node people in sharing their insights and their forward-looking, unorthodox ideas, as they are able to give others a sense of future trends. Also, encourage them to be fair with others. For instance, if someone is attracted to them romantically and they don’t feel the same way, support them in being honest with the other person. When they reveal their true self, it allows others to relate to them based on a true appreciation for who they really are. This will lead to more lasting and mutually satisfying relationships. These people value loyalty. If you say to them: “You should _______, you owe the other person that loyalty,” then they will have the inner strength to do the right thing.
If they feel mentally paralyzed in knowing what action to take in a particular situation, you can help by asking them: “What action will bring you an enhanced sense of self-approval, regardless of the outcome?” At the end of the day, if they have taken an action that makes them approve of themselves, it doesn’t matter whether or not the other person approves of them.
If they are conflicted or unclear, it is best for them to withdraw and wait until they see a bigger picture—time is their friend. When their powerful will becomes frustrated, encourage them to repeat the mantra: “I don’t know what ought to be.” That phrase will help them to disengage the dominance of their will long enough to step back and allow things to unfold naturally.
Assist Them in Taking the Time to See the “Big Picture”
When they don’t see the “Big Picture” that clarifies the intent of the other person’s actions, they often take things personally and start making demands on others. This is when you need to encourage them to slow down and gain more knowledge. For example, one Aquarius North Node client told me: “People don’t ‘get’ me. I might state something very strongly and believe it at one moment, but I could possibly change my mind if I get more information. Sometimes people are afraid of me because I have this domineering attitude, but I’m not really as rigid as I appear. I’m very able to be flexible and go in a different direction if somebody gives me more information.” Keep prompting them to see the “Big Picture” behind unfolding events.
Sometimes these people think that it’s all up to them—that what they do or don’t do can determine the results in a particular situation. Encourage them to realize that success or failure is on the shoulders of both people. For instance, if their partner wants to have children and they don’t, nothing they do or don’t do will change their partner’s innate longing.
It helps natives to receive Love when you bring to their awareness the ways in which others are demonstrating their love for them. For example, a boyfriend may not bring flowers, but he does show his caring by helping to fix things around the house. Also, encourage them in pursuits that can give them a greater objective understanding of themselves and others: astrology, numerology, the tarot, feng shui, psychology, or metaphysics. They are gifted in these studies, and through this learning they will gain self-confidence from their talents and objective understandings of the events that concern them. This will allow them to make more positive decisions about their life.
Habits to Discourage
Dramatic displays: These people seem to forget that they aren’t the king or queen in this lifetime. In fact, they are here to learn equality and mutual helpfulness wi
th others, so exhibitions of pride and a demanding attitude are always counterproductive. You can best discourage such displays by ignoring them or simply walking away to give them time to think about it on their own.
Role-playing and “games”: When they want to impress someone—especially a new romantic interest—these people look for “the script” that will show them how to please the other person and win their love and/or approval. Discourage their habit of appeasing others by diminishing their own individuality and personal energy. Prompt them to reveal themselves as they would with a friend.
Diminishing others as a way to increase their own status: In order to establish their superiority in the eyes of someone they seek to impress, Aquarius North Node people sometimes bring up past incidents that diminish the worth of another person. Discourage this negative habit when it occurs by politely excusing yourself from further interaction and giving them a “time out” to consider their words.
Pisces North Node People
and North Node in the 12th House
SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS
An orientation to service
An analytical mind
Attentiveness to detail
Willingness to process issues and change their behavior
A helpful spirit
Conscientiousness
Organizational ability
MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY
“If things don’t unfold according to my plan, the results won’t be workable.”
“Things should always be in order.”
“There’s a right way of doing things.”