by Jan Spiller
A different aspect of this issue is that the native may get so focused on what their partner wants from them that they don’t stay in touch with what they want for themselves. They want to be seen as selfless—because that would be perfect behavior—but at the same time they’re aware that they do want something, and it’s confusing for them. This problem is compounded by the fact that they don’t feel “seen” and, in fact, how can the native be accurately seen by their partner—and how can there be intimacy—when they aren’t being authentic? All the other person sees is their presentation of the “perfect person,” not their feelings and needs.
In their primary relationship—as in the rest of their life—until they gain awareness, these people tend to magnify problems, turning molehills into mountains. At any time, something could trigger the native to lash out in objection to the way daily events are unfolding. This blocks intimacy because it’s difficult for their partner to be open and vulnerable when the native is so unpredictable with their anger and anxiety. Also, the other person doesn’t trust that they can honestly reveal themselves without the possibility of long-term repercussions. Even if it’s a small thing, if the native takes it personally it can become such a Big Thing that it causes them to erupt—and then their partner has to deal with the native’s irrational, negative energy. No one wants to risk being vulnerable with someone who explodes unexpectedly.
It is especially damaging to the relationship when what sets the native off is feedback about their behavior. If the native is always defensive about the other person’s input and responds with anger, it blocks intimacy because their partner feels shut down—there’s no room for discussion or compromise.
These people can also become anxious as a way to control the situation and get the other person to defer to them. If every time their partner broaches a difficult issue the native has a “panic attack,” deeper problems in the relationship never get resolved. Panic creates confusion and blocks what’s really going on. These people are learning to look beneath the panic and risk taking an honest look at what they’re feeling. If they don’t, even though they’re in a relationship, there can be no intimacy and both people will continue to feel alone.
Until they become conscious, Pisces North Node people tend to focus on where they think things are “wrong” instead of on everything that’s going right. This preoccupation with always seeing the flaws is especially problematic in their primary relationship. It blocks intimacy because their partner often gets the idea that the native thinks the relationship is not going to work out, which naturally makes them anxious. They may feel like they have to maintain emotional distance for their own self-protection.
Also, when something goes “wrong”—according to the native’s judgment—they can fall into a state of full-blown anxiety. Their energy field becomes so chaotic that it makes those around them back away. They don’t want to be caught up in the tension the native is creating, since there’s nothing they can say or do that seems to help.
Until these folks learn to take the time alone each day that they need to stay connected to a Higher Power, if something doesn’t meet their picture of perfection, they feel anxious and expect the worst: “I’m not surprised—I knew it wouldn’t work out.” The native does enjoy life, but it’s from a defensive position of being prepared for the ax to fall at any moment. So they can’t feel deeply intimate with their partner because they think: “Well, this is good now, but it’s only temporary.”
So until the native learns to trust the Universe and acknowledge that things are always working out perfectly—regardless of how it seems in the moment—their relationships are subject to constant upset and blocks. They are learning to focus on actively creating their vision of a happy relationship—applying objective intelligent effort to solve problems so that their relationships can succeed. These people have the power to create the nurturing intimacy and joy that they seek with their significant other, they just have to be willing to claim it.
How Others Can Help Them Heal
Support Their Conscious Connection with a Higher Power
Help the native to see the importance of taking time alone each day to consciously connect with a Higher Power. Remind them how much better they feel—and how much more effective they are—when they make this a priority in their life. When they lose touch with this awareness, these people tend to become anxious about how events in their life are unfolding. Keep putting them in touch with the idea that everything that happens is somehow correct in the bigger scheme of things, with phrases such as: “No worries” or “It’s all good.” Emphasize that through the process of trusting in a Higher Power, they will be able to see how best to align themselves with the path that will create highest right order.
Being of service is very important to Pisces North Node people. If you frame these ideas in the context of seeing that the greatest service they can be to others in this lifetime is to stay immersed in the energy of their own personal connection with their Higher Power, they will do it. When that link is intact, the energy of outer reality changes and obstacles magically disappear, which creates healing for themselves and others.
Help Them to Suspend Judgment
Pisces North Node people are overly attached to being right, which leads them to be highly judgmental of others’ behavior. When you see them becoming upset, combative, and defensive, your best bet is to say: “You are 100 percent right, and from another point of view, ____.” Their need to be right must first be acknowledged before they can relax enough to actually hear other ideas.
When these people start to overanalyze a situation and judge the people involved, encourage them to step back and remember that the other person didn’t mean to make a mistake. Remind them that everyone is learning and doing the best they can with the tools they have. If you encourage Pisces North Node people to suspend judgment of others so they can discover any flaws in their own behavior and make self-adjustments, they will be more likely to do it.
Help them to become aware of the causes they are putting into motion. Instead of working to change other people and external circumstances, their power lies in turning inward and changing their own thoughts and behavior. As they see and correct self-sabotaging behaviors, they gain a greater sense of personal empowerment. And when you assist them in recognizing behaviors that are sabotaging the results they want to create, over time it will help them to begin placing more importance on their inner world and less on external circumstances.
Remind Them to Stay Focused on Their Vision
When these people interact with others, especially in the workplace, their focus on the details and setting of procedures doesn’t work for anyone. When instead they remind co-workers or employees of the common vision they are all striving to create—and then allow others to get there in their own way—positive energy is created, the job gets done, and everyone wins. So encourage them to keep their eye on the vision of what they want to create, and be flexible about how to get there.
Pisces North Node people are born analyzers. If you remind them that by keeping their eye on their vision, they can access more data that can empower them to be able to “put the puzzle together,” they will do it.
These folks are very motivated to fix situations. Every time they feel upset by how a situation is unfolding, they could experiment with silently saying: “All is well, and everything is unfolding as it should.” This “mantra” will help them to disconnect from the situation and gain the perspective they need in order to see the appropriate next step.
Encourage Their Compassion for Others
Pisces North Node people have a special ability to access the energy of bliss that comes from recognizing the union of all that is. As they learn to stop judging others and remember to stay consciously aware of their connection with a Higher Power, they will be able to understand others’ actions with their heart and develop greater compassion. You can help this process by encourag
ing them to consciously notice at least one good thing about someone who is faltering, instead of passing judgment on them.
Since these natives are so deeply motivated by wanting to be of service, if you recommend that they approach the situation with compassionate understanding by saying: “It will be the meaningful way you can be of service to the other person,” they are likely to go along. Remind them that we are all learning and growing and that it’s all God’s job. Then when another around them falters or falls, they are more likely to open their hearts and feel compassion.
Support Them in Surrendering to “What Is”
Pisces North Node people are learning to give up trying to control everything and surrender to a Higher Power. In past lives they became so entrenched in being the one responsible for fixing everything, in this lifetime when something goes against their plan that they can’t control, they panic inside, and when they “go ballistic” because some detail isn’t perfect, those around them tend to become anxious themselves. You can help by choosing not to get caught up in this. If you stay relaxed around the native, it affects them in a positive way so that they can start to relax too.
By framing the idea of surrender to “what is” as the first step in seeing how to change a situation, they will be more willing to try it. Remind them to take some time alone so they can see the bigger picture of what’s important. Tell them: “If you really want to get this right, you first need to accept that the current results are ‘correct’—given the input—and then see if you want to change what you’re adding to the mix.” These people are learning to trust Life itself to take care of them. Phrases like: “It’s all God’s job” help shift them into the best part of themselves.
Habits to Discourage
Overanalyzing situations: When these people start analyzing things, they tend to get caught in a force field of anxiety that they can’t control. Discourage them from trying to “figure things out.” Remind them to “let it go, it’s God’s job.”
Scrutinizing others’ behavior: Discourage this habit. Judging the behavior of another blocks them from Love. Refuse to join in or listen when they are being critical of themselves or others.
Obsession with details and perfectionism: Don’t allow this. When they start to become fixated on the details, tell them to relax. Phrases such as: “It’s all good,” “No worries,” “All is well” can have an amazing impact on relaxing their anxieties.
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PART II
The Houses
Destiny’s Gifts
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Introduction to the Houses
The following sections define the exact nature of the flow of Love between you and another individual as shown by the nodal axis. In every relationship there are gifts that we are destined to bring the other person, and gifts that they are destined to bring to us. When you know what it is that another person is predestined to give you, you can choose to be receptive to honoring and receiving their gift.
And when you know what gifts you are meant to give another, your awareness and active cooperation make your support much more powerful. Also, since the gifts you are giving come from your own North Node attributes, consciously participating in the process will activate these strengths—and energize all areas of your life.
Receiving and Giving Love
The section “Receiving Love” describes the gifts that people in your life are bringing you (where their North Node falls in your birth chart), and the section on “Giving Love” discusses the gifts that you are bringing to others (the placement of your North Node in their birth chart). To calculate these placements go to www.cosmiclove.com. Even though these gifts are usually exchanged on an unconscious level, when someone is destined to help you develop in a certain way, they will inevitably impact your life and cause you to grow in that area. Sometimes you can feel their loving influence, and sometimes it may feel like you are making these changes as a reaction against them. Either way—with or without their conscious awareness—their presence in your life will help you to develop the attributes depicted by the position of their North Node in your natal chart. And in the area of your life influenced by the house where their South Node falls, they will tend to diminish you—most likely in a totally unconscious way.
The Nodes function in this way because there is a certain karma attached to them. (See Frontmatter for more information on karma.) So all those who play important roles in your life are there for a reason. Different parts of ourselves need to develop at different times in order for us to attain heightened levels of awareness, inner balance, and vitality. We unconsciously attract those people to us who can bring out the qualities that need to be stimulated at a certain point in our life.
When a significant person enters your life, notice in which of your houses their North Node falls. This is the area of personal and spiritual growth where you need strengthening at that time. For instance, if their North Node falls in your 3rd House, the Universe is telling you that it’s time for you to expand your ability to communicate effectively—which is a 3rd House attribute—and this person will have a unique capacity to stimulate your growth in that area. It is then up to you to graciously accept their gift, allowing their influence to advance your maturity in that specific way. And when we consciously accept another’s gift and grow from it, both parties benefit and a channel of Love is opened between you.
Disappointment and difficulties occur in our relationships when we expect the other person to show their love and caring for us according to our preconceived expectations of what Love looks like. Our relationships will prosper to the degree that we allow the other person to demonstrate their love in alignment with who they really are, and accept the gifts they are destined to bring us. The Nodes are operating at a tremendously deep, foundational level in the personality, so wherever a person’s North Node falls in your chart, be open to letting them use their unique ability to teach you how to “get it straight” in that area. If you resist their gift, you will get nothing but resistance back from that person.
We can always get our needs met in our relationships if we maintain an objective awareness of this natural flow of energy and learn how to cooperate with it. It brings out the best in the other person when we accept the particular gifts that they, on a Soul level, are meant to give us, and it brings out the worst in them when we don’t. By remembering that Love depends on the reciprocal flow of giving and receiving, we can experience Love in our relationships more consistently.
To activate the flow of Love between you and another, become aware of the special gift that you are destined to give them, as shown by the house in their birth chart where your North Node falls. As you consciously take action to bring them your gifts, they will become more aware of you, and the flow of Love between you will be stimulated. When you graciously receive another’s gifts and allow their influence to help you develop the qualities they were destined to encourage, it validates and strengthens them and allows the flow of Love to continue between you.
It is also useful to understand that a whole different orientation and awareness is required for receiving gifts than for giving gifts. You will notice that the sections on how to receive gifts are longer than those on how to give them. This is because when we give our gift to another, we have no control over the outcome. It is completely up to them what they do with it. However, we are in control of what we do with the gifts that others give to us. Therefore, more guidance is given for how to accept another’s gift and use it to our advantage.
Reciprocity
The way that reciprocity works in astrology is that when we benefit someone in a specific area of their life, they simultaneously begin to benefit us in that same area. For example, if your North Node falls in another’s 10th House, you are a helpful influence in terms of their profession. And regardless of the placement of their North Node in your chart, they will also be a positive influence in your profession. So in a way there
are two gifts: the gift another is destined to give us through their North Node placement, and the reciprocal support they will give us simply because we are giving it to them!
Identical Gifts/Opposite Gifts
When you and a significant person in your life have your North Nodes in each other’s same houses, destiny has chosen you to encourage the same area of Soul growth in each other. For example, if their North Node is in your 1st House and your North Node is in their 1st House, you are meant to encourage each other to take independent action and develop your leadership potential. Being aware that you are giving and receiving the same gift gives you both a greater degree of understanding that can be helpful in breaking through each other’s natural resistance to change.
If you and another person have your North Nodes in opposite houses (six houses apart), you have been given the opportunity to create a unique kind of give and take in your relationship. Like an Infinity Sign, the flow of energy between you needs to keep looping back and forth.
In order to reap the rewards of this relationship, it is especially important to follow the recommendations for receiving Love in the house where their North Node falls, and be generous in gifting them in their house where your North Node falls. For example, if their North Node falls in your 2nd House (boundaries and self-sufficiency), and your North Node falls in their 8th House (bonding and merging of energies toward a joint goal), then through a conscious reciprocal give and take of these polarities it is possible to activate the full scope of material and physical sharing.
If an imbalance should occur, make sure that you remain open to receiving the gifts they are bringing you and become more conscious in giving them your gifts. The idea is to reactivate the energy so you can keep it flowing back and forth between you. A truly remarkable and satisfying exchange can occur with this house reversal of the Nodes, but both people must stay tuned in so that the energy does not stagnate in either house.