by Jan Spiller
These people need to realize that the idea “I only know how to focus on the details” is not the truth. The capacity to see the true visionary potential in any situation is fully integrated within them. However, due to invalidation and neglect, it is lying dormant and needs to be acknowledged and encouraged in order to become active again. They can do this by consciously focusing on their original vision in various situations as they unfold.
Resisting the feedback that the world is giving them just leads to crises and pain for Pisces North Node people. If they hold too tightly to believing that their perceptions are right, even when the facts are showing them “This road is a dead end,” they still don’t change. They think that their plan is going to work somehow, against all evidence to the contrary, and this throws them way out of balance. Eventually, the situation may show itself in a way that allows them to break through into reality, which can cause them to totally fall apart—physically, mentally, or emotionally.
An important lesson for these people is to become less rigid. Then the feedback from the environment doesn’t have to get so intense that it blows them apart before they make the necessary changes to their plan. They are learning to have a more relaxed attitude about whatever the input is—to weigh it, include it when appropriate, and adjust their plan accordingly. It has to do with staying in touch with the present moment, noticing how things are developing, and—when necessary—yielding to the inevitable. A good approach for them is to say “It’s all good. So how does my plan need to shift in order to create my vision?” rather than “Why isn’t the environment behaving the way I want it to?”
For example, maybe the native’s vision is to take their family on a trip to Disneyland. However, if they resist information coming in, they may miss the fact that their spouse can’t get a vacation until after the date of their original plan, and the airline they wanted to use is on strike. If they’re stuck in their tunnel vision and won’t change their plan, they will have to cancel the vacation.
On the other hand, by being less attached to the details and more open to the feedback coming in, the native can change the hotel dates. And when the airline goes on strike, they can choose a different airline or decide on a family adventure by train or car. Then their vision of the family going to Disneyland can be realized—possibly in a way that’s a lot more fun!
Actually, if all their plans manifested exactly like their mental blueprint, life would be dry and dull. It’s only when the “unknown” factor enters the picture that things get magical and turn into an adventure. These people are learning that when there’s a change in their plan, it’s simply a nudge for them to step back to see a larger view—the Universe has a better plan. They’re learning about “letting go and letting God” on a daily basis.
Learning to Value Themselves and Others for Who They Are, Not What They Do
Pisces North Node people always tend to think they know what’s best, which has the effect of shutting others down. They are learning to be less focused on the behavior of others, and more aware of where others are coming from—the motive behind their behavior.
When these natives gain the consciousness that everything is unfolding perfectly as the logical effect of the causes that created it, they can better understand why others behave the way they do. When they become more aware of the other person’s motivation, then they can see how to best support them on their path in a way that does not diminish them. However, it can take the native many years to embrace this concept.
For instance, a Pisces North Node friend used to yell at her two small children when they were misbehaving—according to her rules—because it interfered with her plans. But this undermined her ability to parent effectively, because she always felt guilty and then compensated by spoiling them. She was so overconcerned with her children’s behavior that she neglected taking time to actually connect with them and find out who they were as individuals, which could have helped her understand where they were coming from. This blocked intimacy, because her children didn’t feel “seen” or valued. The quality of their interactions with their mother was based on whether or not they are going along with her rules of behavior.
However, Pisces North Node people generally aren’t interested in where other people are coming from. Their excessive concern with others’ behavior blocks healthy intimacy, because they don’t go deep enough to make the true connections that allow others to feel close. In fact, sometimes the other person thinks that the only way to get the native’s attention is to exhibit “bad behavior.” Ultimately, this pattern of being critical and trying to “fix the other person” is exhausting for both parties and leads to alienation, not intimacy.
Another issue that blocks intimacy is that these folks are already so critical of themselves that when another person points out any defect, they tend to react with resentment and anger. It makes them think that the other person doesn’t understand them at all, and will never be able to see their good intentions. They tend to be constantly fearful that others will blame them for things unjustly, and worry that they’re going to be misunderstood or punished because of something they didn’t do. In fact, one of the reasons they tend to become perfectionists is to try to prevent this from happening.
These natives are learning that when things go wrong to not take it personally. For example, a Pisces North Node client was dining out with friends and paid for the meal with a credit card. The waiter came back and told him—very respectfully—that his card had not been accepted. Instead of calmly handling the immediate situation by using another card or paying with cash, the native exploded at the waiter with a long diatribe about how he must have made a mistake—his credit had to be in good standing because he always paid his bills, etc. This didn’t solve the problem, and everyone involved blamed the native for making them feel extremely uncomfortable.
The native simply doesn’t realize that if another person’s input is incorrect, it’s not personal. Maybe it’s just an innocent mistake. Or maybe that person has a habit of getting their facts mixed up, states things as facts that really aren’t, or tells lies. By not taking it personally, the native can have the objectivity to better understand the other person’s nature—what they can count on, areas where they should be cautious, and ways in which their compassion might help the other person heal.
It is not Pisces North Node people’s job in this lifetime to judge or correct the behavior of others. They are learning to let go of their preoccupation with others’ behavior and see them in a larger context. In fact, their job is to dismantle—within their own psyche—the mechanism of judgment that creates barriers between themselves and others, and to learn to love others unconditionally.
To begin releasing all these blocks to intimacy, these people need to stay focused on others’ good qualities. To help develop this new pattern, they could experiment with deliberately noticing one good thing in everyone they meet (it may be a nice smile, a hearty laugh, or an attractive shirt they are wearing). As they start to observe what is “right” about people, their body and their psyche will relax. Then they can allow the flow of Love between themselves and the other person to begin dissolving the rigid barriers.
Trusting in a Higher Power—Releasing Tension and Anxiety
As they begin the process of self-reflection and purification, Pisces North Node people will encounter internal obstacles that need to be dissolved or surrendered to a Higher Power. It is to their advantage to get in touch with spiritual principles that they can apply in a practical way to help them transform their lives. For example, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)—and similar 12-step programs that deal with other issues—provide practical, spiritually based guidelines to use in daily life. Other disciplines that could be useful include meditation and yoga.
A willingness to trust in a Higher Power is, in fact, a barometer of these people being “on path.” To access their natural connection with the flow of Life’s nurturing energy, they
need to take time alone—a minimum of forty minutes a day in quiet retreat is crucial to maintain their internal balance. If they don’t, they tend to lose touch with their spiritual connection—and themselves—and become defensive. Taking this time allows them to relax enough to become peaceful, although others may still need to remind them to chill out every once in a while.
These people hold a strong belief that they are solely responsible for organizing their environment in a way that creates healthy results. This pressure in their subconscious is coming from their past lives as healers, when others really did depend on them to “bring things into order” in life-or-death situations. However, this orientation is NOT correct for them in this lifetime, so although the native feels a sense of crisis around fixing whatever is “wrong” in their environment, their efforts tend to intensify the very issues they are trying to control.
For example, one Pisces North Node client had a vision of a happy family, but her husband was an alcoholic and often exhibited abusive verbal behavior. Because she couldn’t control her environment, she felt helpless. She thought: “I’m out of control here—he has to change his behavior or something bad is going to happen.” So for fifteen years she focused on trying to change him—being upset with him, nagging him, monitoring him, etc.
Naturally, this sabotaged any chance for intimacy they might have been able to share. She didn’t want to be close to him—even when he wasn’t drinking—because she was disgusted with his behavior. He was afraid to be open with her because he didn’t want to experience a tirade that made him feel even worse about himself when his behavior didn’t match her expectations. In fact, in response to the native’s righteous attitude, her husband felt he had to resist her rules just to maintain any sense of being his own person.
After one particularly difficult crisis, my client finally said: “I can’t do this alone anymore,” and found an Al-Anon meeting, a 12-step program for friends and relatives of alcoholics. After a few meetings she realized that the only person she had the power to change was herself. By applying the program’s practical, spiritual guidelines in her daily life, she began surrendering—a life lesson for this nodal group—and was able to “let go and let God.” She stopped being so controlling, gave up constantly worrying about her husband’s behavior, and began doing more for herself and her children.
With the help of the program, she learned how to start focusing on what was working and move forward with the good things happening in her life—her own interests and her children’s activities. In the bigger picture, this entire scenario turned out beautifully—which is often the case when these natives become open to spiritual insights and guidance. When my client’s behavior changed, naturally her husband’s did as well. In this case he joined AA and has been sober for twelve years as of this writing.
Most of us become accustomed to the fact that often things don’t go according to plan. However, when this happens to Pisces North Node people, they stress out and can become like a whirligig out of control, pulling everyone around them into their quagmire. This is because it’s so difficult for these people to be open to seeing a new vision. They are learning that if something isn’t working out, they have a choice. They can say: “Oh, well, I knew it wouldn’t work out,” and give up on their vision; or they can take a risk and say: “Things didn’t come together as I planned, but what other possibilities might work out in this situation?” Then they can begin to realize that the puzzle may still come together, even if all the pieces don’t fit exactly the way they thought they should.
Another lesson around manifesting their vision is that as long as they are depending on others to make it happen, the other person will never be able to do it “right.” As with my client and her alcoholic husband, these people need to get in touch with what it is they want to experience in the situation (she wanted a happy family), and then take action themselves to make it happen.
Pisces North Node people don’t trust the Universe in terms of positive outcomes, and often feel they’ve been shortchanged in life and that “everyone else has it better.” Instead of feeling betrayed by life when things don’t work out their way, it would be a far better choice for these folks to form the habit of greeting every turn of fate with the mind-set “What is Life showing me here? What can I do to make this work?” Then, because they would no longer be resisting what Life presents them, they could learn their lessons without so much drama. Until they become conscious, these people can be so resistant to accepting the deeper Truths that sometimes it’s as if they need to be “beaten down” by circumstances until they get it.
For example, the Pisces North Node son of a client recently fathered an extremely premature baby—less than two pounds. His first response: “Well, here we go again. Everybody else in the family has healthy babies and mine is born like this.” Having such a premature first child rocked this man’s world, but from a larger perspective, it was the perfect learning experience for him. The details of his plan hadn’t worked out, there was nothing tangible he could do to change the situation and no one he could blame. And he was forced to include the emotional component of unconditional Love because it was his child.
In this most intense situation, he had to let go of his old way of being and just feel all the Love from everyone around him, which created a deeper level of closeness between him and his wife. The situation also forced him to become more reliant on a Higher Power. It was exactly the perfect thing because it forced him to pray. And when he “let go and let God,” and accepted the situation instead of railing against it, his child began gaining strength. The entire process resulted in a newfound beauty and lovingness in his nature.
These people actually have an innate ability to access mystical forces that can help them see the higher reason behind unfolding events. But until they give themselves the gift of spending time alone on a daily basis, they may not even realize they have this connection. As a result, they go through life so tightly wound that they almost appear to be obsessive/compulsive. Often the tension builds to the point that they just blow up emotionally. Then they lose their power and it sabotages any chance of intimacy.
This is why—after consulting with a health care professional—a chemical relaxant could be of real temporary help for many of these natives at some point in their life. It’s only by finding a way to relax their overanalytical mind that they can experience inner peacefulness. And it’s only when they accept the Truth of a Higher Power being in charge that their inner anxiety can be healed permanently.
Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships
Pisces North Node people are flexible about some things in their primary relationships. For instance, they may happily let their partner decide what restaurant to go to, but be very attached to their plan about what time to leave and what time they have to be back. When they can’t pin down a time or place and have to “wing it,” it’s very stressful for them. This blocks intimacy in their relationships if their partner is spontaneous. Their partner can end up feeling like the native is more attached to the plan than to them.
For example, if they’re running late to get to a party, not only would the native be upset while they were getting ready, but would most likely remain stuck in upset energy about their plan not working out for the rest of the evening. As a result, they would miss out on the closeness of the connection with their partner and others at the party. This creates anxiety for their partner because they always fear: “Oh, my God, if anything goes wrong with this plan, they’ll be upset for days.”
Also, when the native does plan time with their partner, they tend to spend so long getting prepared that there doesn’t end up being much time for togetherness. If they set aside an hour, they may spend fifty-five minutes in preparation and five minutes in enjoyment. One experiment that could greatly benefit their relationship would be to allow themselves only fifteen minutes to organize, and then spend forty-five minutes really being present with
their partner.
It’s also difficult for these people to relax if their environment is not in order. They feel a compulsive need to “clean up”—they can’t just let it go. So instead of relaxing and spending time with their family, they’re running around picking things up. Their partner may say: “Let’s just let it go—the cleaning lady is coming in a couple of days.” But the native just can’t do it—and then they get frustrated with others for not being as neat and tidy as they are.
Pisces North Node people tend to discount what the other person needs in order to make things “perfect.” For instance, their spouse may feel that things are truly perfect when on one day of the weekend they just lie back and let the adventure of the day unfold spontaneously. If the native will consciously allot time to support their mate’s picture of perfection, it will promote intimacy in their relationship.
Another issue in their sexually intimate relationships is that these natives can become so immersed in what other people want from them that their service orientation gets out of control and they end up living their life for everyone else. This blocks intimacy because then the native doesn’t have enough time to give to their partner because they’re giving too much of themselves to so many other people. They often deal with this in a way that further blocks intimacy—by focusing on satisfying their partner’s wants instead of really being present and nurturing their connection.