Never Again, No More 4

by Untamed

  My voice thick with emotion, I struggled to say, “I can’t get over what you did.”

  With his forehead pressed against mine, he pleaded, “There has to be something we can do to save us. Please tell me how I can help us to move on from this. If I could take it back, I would. Tell me what you want me to do, Lu, and I’ll fix it.”

  I was so weak for him. Even with what had nearly transpired with Mike and me, I loved Aldris. Now I fully understood why Mike wouldn’t go there with me. My heart still belonged to Aldris. My mind hated him, but my heart loved him, and I hated that I loved him so much.

  “I don’t know if I can,” I said weakly as Aldris tried to get me to look him in the eyes. “You hurt me so bad and cut me so deep.”

  “I know I did, baby. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Just give us a chance again.”

  We held each other close as we looked into each other’s eyes. “I don’t know,” I said softly, and silent tears rolled down my cheeks.

  “Do you love me? Because I love you. I love you so much,” Aldris whispered sweetly in my ear. “Tell me you still love me, Lu.”

  “Yes, but—”

  Before I could finish, Aldris brought my face to his and kissed me deeply.

  “Come home, baby,” he said breathlessly. “Come home with me.”

  Could this work for us? I loved Aldris, but was love enough? Would I be enough for him this time around? Would he be enough for me? I was so unsure about everything regarding my relationship with Aldris. I wasn’t ready to marry him. I wasn’t even ready to be committed to him. All I had was my love for him, and even that was on shaky ground.

  “Lu, please. Please. I’m begging you. I can’t make it without you,” he pleaded. “I’m nothing without you. I’m stripped down to nothingness. All I have is God and you. I can’t lose you.”

  I didn’t know what else to say or do, so I gave in. “Okay.”

  He picked me up, hugged me tightly. I could feel the wetness from his tears as they hit my shoulder. “Thank you, Lu. I love you so much.”

  “We have to see where this goes, Aldris. It’s not concrete, nor are we together. I’m trying to find my way back to you.”

  He nodded happily, wiping the remainder of my tears away. “Okay. Understood.”

  “Let me go grab some shoes and my purse.” I turned to walk back to the bedroom that I had been staying in.

  When I opened the door, Mike was sitting on the bed. “Going back to Dri, huh?”

  “You heard?”

  Downtrodden, he nodded and stood up. “It’s all good. I’m happy for you two.”

  His visible agony shredded me. “I’m sorry—”

  He grabbed my hands before I could finish. “It’s cool. I hope it works.” With that, he let my hands go and left the room.

  After slipping on my flip-flops, I grabbed my purse and left the bedroom. When I came back into the living room, Aldris was sitting on the sofa, and Mike was sitting in his favorite chair. They were both quiet and were staring at each other.

  “I’m ready,” I said softly.

  Aldris stood up, walked over and hugged me, then grabbed my hand to lead me out of Mike’s house. “Holla at you later, bruh,” Aldris said to him.

  Mike never looked up at us. He threw up deuces. “Indeed.”

  I couldn’t even look at Mike. I shut the door behind me and followed Aldris to his car.

  “We’ll get your car and things tomorrow,” Aldris said.

  I nodded as he opened the passenger’s-side door for me. He walked to the driver’s side and got in. “I love you,” he said and leaned over and kissed my cheek.

  As he backed out of the driveway, I could see Mike staring at us through a window. He looked so devastated. And honestly, so was I.

  Chapter 14

  Trinity

  It was truly a blessing to be back in marital bliss again. Terrence and I had overcome so many obstacles in our past, and I was looking forward to a bright future with him. The natural balance of our life was finally being restored.

  With Big Cal leaving me alone behind his fallout with Terrence, my Dreads was the carefree, laid-back man I was used to having around the house. It also paid off that Pooch’s ass was still locked up because of the bribe money. Truly, for the first time, I felt comfortable.

  I worried about Big Cal, though. As his friend, I wanted nothing but the best for him. He’d had my back for so long that it saddened me to think I couldn’t give him the same in return. His loyalty to me was without question. I knew it seemed weird at times, but what Dreads didn’t understand was that when Pooch was really dogging me out when he was locked up, Big Cal was the one who was there for me. At the time, I had felt like he was doing a lot of it because he was Pooch’s right-hand man and he generally felt sorry for me. I believed Big Cal had first started looking out for me because he was a UC and Dread’s cousin, but it had developed into our own personal bond. Now that I knew that Big Cal had infiltrated Pooch, rather than being solely his boy and main man, I understood fully why Big Cal had kept his affiliation with me under wraps even from me. At the end of the day, during my Pooch era, he’d been a friend who truly understood when I hadn’t had one. No one would ever know all the lengths that Big Cal had actually gone to for me during that time, and for that, I would be forever grateful.

  However, if sacrificing my friendship to Big Cal meant saving my marriage, it was a no-brainer. Terrence Kincaid came first and always would. I hadn’t learned what happened between Terrence and his cousins until after our amazing night together. Cruising out in my baby’s Range Rover, dressed in our designer duds, and eating at one of my favorite five-star restaurants, L2O, then ending the evening at our luxurious condo was the icing on the cake, especially taking into account how that day had started.

  It had me in the perfect mood to hear about the American Gangsta story that involved my hubby and Big Cal. Otherwise, I would’ve gone off, and we would still be at odds. It had nothing to do with protecting Big Cal, but rather it was about turning the corner to a different lifestyle. I understood Dreads was pissed, but damn, that hood mentality and penal system lifestyle had to end. When I’d walked out of Pooch’s house for the final time, I’d left that life and I’d left him to rot in fucking prison. I didn’t want to relive it. I was finally a certified five-star chick, and that was how shit was staying with me.

  Luckily, all had been well, so I decided I was due for another check-in with my girls. I didn’t know what the hell was going on except that Lu was supposed to marry Aldris. Outside of that, I was out of the loop. I missed spending time with my girls—my sisters. I longed to see them and know what was going on in their lives. Maybe now that we were secure that Pooch was gonna stay behind bars, I could go and visit them, or at least have them visit me. Even though I loved my life now, I longed for that connection.

  As it turned out, we all got together remotely. Lucinda and LaMeka gathered at LaMeka’s house so they could be on the webcam together, and Charice linked in from New York. Seeing each other’s faces come through on the camera made all of us resort to our teenage years before we dived in to talk about our current lives. We were all giggles and sniggles for at least the first fifteen minutes in. My soul felt quenched. I needed that.

  Kicking off with Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, Charice dived in first and shared her drama with Lincoln and Ryan, and the fact that Lincoln now knew about Lexi. My concern at that point was for Charice’s feelings. She loved hard and didn’t do well with betrayal of that love.

  “Are you freakin’ serious?” I asked her, tossing my hair.

  “Yes,” she said. “Honestly, I’m a bit relieved, though. I have it in the open about Lexi, and I know that Lincoln is gonna do his part to take care of her.”

  “So, is it going to be cool with the three of you interacting on a consistent basis? Clearly, Ryan is not comfortable with the history that you and Lincoln have. Not to mention, he betrayed your trust again with his narcissist
ic ruses.”

  “Trinity, what’s with the hair tossing and your bourgeois ruses?” Lucinda cut in, and they all laughed at her comment.

  “Whatever, Lucinda.”

  “No, seriously. What kind of water do they have in Evanston?” LaMeka asked. “Shit, you’ve got Ms. Scarsdale beat, and I know she dwells in the land of bourgeoisie,” she said in a playful sophisticated tone.

  Ignoring their banter, I waved them off. “Anyway, Charice, is it really going to be cool?”

  “I don’t know, but I have to try for the sake of Lexi.”

  “But what about the sake of your marriage?” LaMeka asked, taking the words out of my mouth. “Putting Lexi aside, are you okay with being around Lincoln, especially after finding out that he didn’t just leave you, and that it was Ryan’s fault?”

  “I put all of that aside because I’m married now. I took vows with my husband. My loyalty lies with him.”

  “And where does your heart lie?” Lucinda asked.

  “With my family.” Charice switched gears. “Now, LaMeka, move on to you and Gavin.”

  Not missing Charice’s effort to get the focus off of her, I decided to halt my interrogation. Besides, I had to know who this mystery man was, so I moved on and didn’t delve deeper into Charice’s life. “Who is Gavin?”

  That was when LaMeka filled us in on the entire story about her getting her own house, going through Tony’s fight for his life, and finding her new love, Gavin. I was happy for her until I found out that he was white. It wasn’t that I was against interracial relationships, but I thought that minorities could relate to each other on a level that no one else could.

  “White?” My disdain was apparent in my tone. “Damn, Tony wasn’t bright enough that you had to go to other side?”

  LaMeka rolled her eyes. “Hater.”

  “Hatin’ on what? The fact that there are some good black men in the world and you give your heart and sex to the token white boy? Girl, stop.”

  “Ay, I am offended,” Lucinda said angrily. “I’m not black, but black men are my preference. I can’t believe you said that shit. We’ve been best friends for how long, and you go there?”

  “Lu, don’t be upset. It’s just that there’s a shortage of black love, and LaMeka could at least try to give the few good black men left a chance first,” I said.

  “So I guess you’re saying that I’m taking away from the pool of black men, the same way LaMeka is not making herself available to the pool, right?” Lucinda asked with an attitude.

  “No, Lu, please. Hispanics are minorities too.”

  “And that’s supposed to make me feel better? You didn’t say for LaMeka to make herself available to the ‘minority ethnic groups.’ You said to ‘black men,’” she said, using those damn air quotes.

  “So what you’re really saying is he could’ve been any color other than white and you would be okay with it?” LaMeka asked, diving in behind Lucinda.

  “Ugh!” I flung my hand in the air. “This is retarded. I called you all to catch up, not to argue. And yes, I would feel better about it if he was another minority and wasn’t white, but if you like it, sweetie, I love it.”

  LaMeka turned to look at Lucinda. “So you got your answer. She’s not upset about minority groups, just white people—”

  “Ladies, come on. Let’s get back to the purpose of the call,” Charice interrupted. “Meka, don’t take offense to what Trinity is saying, because more than just her thinks this way. You have to know that if you’re going to be in an interracial relationship, you’re gonna run across it. It’s not like what Trinity said isn’t true. How many times have we—Lucinda, you included—had comments about white girls and black men? Come on now.”

  “No, I never had ill comments about interracial dating, because I get ragged on too,” Lucinda said in her defense. “My only statement was about noticing the type of women black men date outside their race. I hate when I hear a black dude judge a black woman about her appearance, weight, or the way she acts, and he refuses to take care of his kids with her, and then he turns around and goes out in public with an ugly-ass white chick lookin’ like and acting like trailer trash, with all her little white unkempt kids in tow. All I’m saying is don’t down your own people and then go get another race’s sloppy seconds.”

  We all paused and then burst out laughing and clapping.

  “Hell yeah! Now, that’s the truth.” I agreed.

  “You ain’t lying,” LaMeka said, then high-fived Lucinda.

  “You got a point, mamacita. I hate that.” Charice laughed.

  “Well, anyway, I guess I get your point a little bit, Trinity. But all I’m saying is don’t knock it until you try it, because Gavin is as black as any black man I’ve dated, and more importantly, he’s a real man. You would love him if you knew him. At the end of the day, I just want to be with someone who is going to hold me down,” LaMeka said.

  “And trust me, Gavin damn sure ain’t sloppy seconds, by no means.” Lucinda laughed. “Papi is a hottie,” she cheered as she and LaMeka gave each other pound.

  “I hear what you guys are saying, and, Lu, your argument is one that we all can agree on—”

  “But?” LaMeka and Lucinda said in unison, looking at each other as if I was aggravating them with my opinion.

  “But . . . I’m still not comfortable with the fact that Gavin is white. I don’t know him, true. He may be a good man, true. But there’s something about a strong black man who can relate to you in every way that’s just different. Acting black and being around black people don’t help a white person truly understand our struggles,” I argued. “You’re a good woman, Meka. I’m sure there is a good black man just waiting on a woman like you. In all fairness, we can’t complain about white girls and black men and then turn around and jump ship on those men.”

  “And in all fairness, why can’t we? The good black men you speak of are going after white women by the busloads and leaving us at the bus stops, so excuse the hell outta me for switching my bus pass,” LaMeka countered, defending her point. “I’m taking my blessing in whatever color, shape, or form it comes in.”

  Seeing that LaMeka was ready to go to war for Gavin, I backed down. Besides, I didn’t get the opportunity to talk to my girls often, so I wasn’t going to waste my time arguing over something that I could not change and that was not my personal business. Rather than defend my “Black love matters” stance, I opted to revel in the fact that LaMeka had found love.

  “I can’t argue with God’s blessings, LaMeka,” I conceded. “So, what’s the deal with Tony?”

  LaMeka shrugged, then finished her story about all the troubles she’d been having with Tony since she began dating Gavin. Of course, she praised Gavin—who, I had to admit, didn’t sound bad at all. In fact, she showed me a picture of him over the webcam, and I had to agree that he was cute as hell for a white boy. And I knew Lucinda didn’t vouch for nobody unless they were certified for real, so I felt more comfortable knowing that LaMeka did seem to have a true stand-up gentleman by her side for once.

  “Well, I’m glad you didn’t take Tony up on his offer. That fool is crazy,” I said. “Nobody wants to risk their life for some sex, especially from a man like him. Nobody told him to go out and act stupid when you two were together. Everybody makes mistakes, but some of them we have to learn to live with.” For once in the conversation, I saw everyone nodding in agreement.

  “Speaking of mistakes, Aldris and I aren’t getting married,” Lucinda blurted, ripping the Band-Aid off her news.

  “What?” I hollered, damn near spitting out my Fiji Water.

  “Yeah, Mami. He cheated on me with his daughter’s mom—”

  “Hold up, daughter!” I flung my hand up, signaling to her to stop and back up with that explanation. “What the fuck is going on down there in the ATL? And I thought he didn’t have any kids?”

  Lucinda tapped her forehead, as if she’d just remembered something. “Damn. That’s right. You don’
t know the whole story, so I have to go back to the beginning.”

  Lu told me the whole story. She recounted how she had received the petition for paternity and had found out Jessica was Aldris’s child, how Aldris had started putting her and Nadia second to Jennifer and Jessica, and how he had engaged in the ultimate betrayal. She went through her friendship and brief stay with Mike and the scene that had unfolded when Aldris found out.

  “So back up to Mike. Anything going on with you two for real?” Charice laughed. “That’s what I wanna know.”

  “She says not,” LaMeka said, rolling her eyes in disbelief.

  Lucinda gave us the middle finger. “There isn’t. So you don’t have to worry about me taking him from the pool of good black men, Trinity.”

  I shot her a bird in return. “Don’t start.”

  “Please don’t.” Charice sighed.

  Lucinda relented. “Anyway. Honestly, I don’t know what I feel. I won’t lie. I feel something for Mike. What exactly, I don’t know. All I know is that I love Aldris, but I’m so hurt that it’s hard for me to allow him in that space again. I need some time to sort through things on my own. Get my head in the right place, so I’ll know what I really want for myself,” Lucinda confessed.

  “Or who you really want,” LaMeka added, and we all agreed.

  “Enough about me and my situation. When the hell are you coming out of hiding?” Lucinda asked me.

  “Hopefully, soon. We took care of Pooch, so maybe now we can live our lives.”

  “Took care of him?” Charice asked worriedly.

  One look at her and I was sure our previous conversation had invaded her thoughts. In an effort to put her at ease and explain to the rest of the girls, I told them how we guaranteed his pleas weren’t being heard and I explained about the rift between Terrence and Big Cal over me.

  “Oh, well, I’m glad that’s secure, because a couple of months ago, Chocolate Flava was asking a whole lot of questions about you and Terrence. That heifer cornered me in the grocery store, talking about she was just wondering. Bullshit and die. She was asking for Pooch,” LaMeka said.