The third and final tear of the dirk was the appearance of two strangers who claimed to know her from her past life. A man and a woman, the man worked in the stables and the woman worked in the kitchens with her. Both had arrived just as the chief was on his last leg of life, they and arrived with odd words.
“Milady,” the woman had called her much to Lili's shock and it had stirred up a feeling of danger from her.
The man had said nothing, just stared as though he knew all of her secrets and heart's desire until she had to turn away and leave. Thankfully, the chief had died a few days later and with the castle preparing for his funeral, Lili had tried to be as busy as possible to chase away the dark feelings that were enshrouding her and also to escape Peigi and her eyes that kept following her everywhere, full of emotions that made Lili uncomfortable and curious as well but her instincts warned they would bring hardship into her life so she had stayed away.
Her nightmares had begun again and now she could see the man she was with face as clear as day. He looked just like the chief but with a few differences. Lili thought the sadness about the chief's death was imposing itself into her dreamscape so she can't even escape it. Trapped in day life and tormented in dreams.
Wee Laird gave a little whine and lifted his huge head off his paws, looking at her with one milky eye and the other soft and brown.
“I reckon everyone will be there, in the chapel, hearin' Father Colum speak about the chief. But I cannae do it Wee Laird, I cannae go there and hear them talk about him in that manner.” Her voice was quavering and soon tears started leaking from the corner of her eyes her mind went to Dougal and it filled with sympathy as she wondered how he must be feeling now that his father was dead and the burden of the clan fell on him. He must miss his father something fierce.
Lili had seen precious little of him this past few days. He was always surrounded by people when she went on about her chores, always deep in a conversation but she could swear she could feel his eyes following her as she walked past. It made her flush with pleasure and embarrassment thinking about it, just as the memory of their last kiss made her. It had been something she wanted to relive and relive again until the day of her death, then she would go to heaven in peace. It made her feel wicked just thinking of it, of the strange yet normal reactions he had evoked from her with that simple kiss. She hadn't wanted him to stop, losing her sense and reason into the passion. She shuddered as the memory of the thrill ran through her and for a moment, her face lit up.
“They should be done by now, dinnae ye think so?” She asked from the dog who merely yawned. Frowning but coming to a conclusion, she stood up. “C’mon wee Laird, let's join then as they come out.”
Chapter 15
It's my solar now, I should start thinking of it as so. Dougal ran his fingers along the broad sweep of the chair's curved back. His great great-grandfather had carved the chair from an oak his father had loved to seat under to hear dispute, back when the castle had been a simple motte and bailey constructed from logs. When his great great-grandfather was named chief, he had cut down the tree and painstakingly carved the chair from it even as the castle was erected in stone and mortar and when he was done he had set it in the great hall and heard dispute from his dais. Dougal’s grandfather had replaced the chair with another that was more refined, condemning the former as crude and it had been sentenced to spending the rest of its life in the solar.
The chair had so much story to tell, Dougal thought as he felt every knot in the wood, every warp from its age and the notches. A story of brave and wise chiefs that had come before him, that Dougal was supposed to be now.
A knock sounded upon the door, jerking Dougal from his thoughts. He slid behind the table and said: “Enter.”
The door opened and admitted lady Caitir in her dark clothing, her fingers clutching on a rosary. This was the first time in a week they've been this close to one another, ever since the chief died and in a flash he remembered the request she had made of him. She was perhaps here to remind him to honor her request.
“My husband is dead,” she began, took a pause and pinched her quivering lips.
“Aye, father is dead,” Dougal said filling the silence while lady Caitir gathered herself.
“And ye are chief now.”
“Aye.”
“Ye ken I've never loved ye Dougal and mayhap I could have but I couldna bring myself to love the wean of my husband’s love. He gave your mother his love and gave me only duty. And I did my duty as a wife and a lady of Domhnall, I gave him two children but I never had his love.”
Dougal wondered where she was going with her tale.
“I ken ye must hate me like I hate ye. Nay, dinnae bother denying it. This I ken so well.” Dougal wasn't going to refute her claim. “Because I cannae bear to see ye in the seat my husband ruled from and I cannae bear to be at your mercy, I will be removing myself back to my father's halls. And I will be taking Lucas with me, he's young and he needs his mother's love to comfort him now that his father is dead.”
“Weel, I cannae stop ye if you want to leave the castle but I willna let ye take Lucas with ye.”
Lady Caitir's back stiffened and from the look on her face it appeared she didn't think she would be opposed.
“Lucas is a wee Laird, too young for the hate ye bear him. Let me take him with me…”
It infuriated him beyond reason that she would insinuate that he hated his brother. Before he knew it, he was rising from the chair in his anger, towering over her so she was forced to looked up at him. “Let ye take him so ye can pour hate into his heart and twist him against me?” he thundered.
“But... I ken ye bear no love for him. Ye consider him yer rival…”
“It was ye who thought that, not me. Ye sought to keep both my brother and sister from me in your dark hate. It was ye who thought that because ye hate me I will become the dark creature ye think me to be and I'll take my vengeance on your children!” He could hear the heat in his voice and saw he was frightening Caitir seeing as she had turned white. He had never spoken to her in this way before and he thought it was past due.
“Lucas will stay her, in castle Alban, with me and surrounded by the men who will give him comfort and happiness.”
“Dougal, if this is your scheme to revenge yourself for my hate for you.”
Dougal gave a great roar that made Caitir jump a few steps back. “God give me the strength to deal with you, wummin. Are ye so wrapped up in your own bitterness that ye are not hearing me? I love my siblings, despite all ye effort to not make it so and I will continue to love them until the day I die. I have no dark designs for them. Lucas will be safe here and happy and away from your bitterness just like father would have wanted, just like I want for him.”
“He is my son!” Caitir said, reasserting herself.
“He is my father's son, my brother and he will stay right here, in his home.”
Caitir glared at him for a moment and Dougal could see she was thinking, thinking of a way to lash out at him, to wound him.
“Ye claim you have my children's best interest at heart, yet no sooner is my husband in the ground and ye are already plotting to get Seonag away from Marcus McLagan.”
So that was the bone of contention! Dougal eased him frame into the chair and looked up at Caitir, an amused smile on his face. “If that is your worry, then ye should set your mind at ease. 'Twill not do ye good to arrive in your Father's halls with a heavy heart”
“What do ye mean?” There was a wary look in her eyes now.
“Marcus McLagan is a good lad and after I thought about it, I reckon ye and father were right in your choice of husband for Seonag. Seonag will remain married to Marcus McLagan, dinnae worry your head about that Caitir.”
“Oh! I see,” she started inching backwards, embarrassed beyond words.
“That’ll be all Caitir,” Dougal enjoyed saying that, knowing she held no more power over him.
Her eyes flashed with impotent anger
. “I’ll be leaving upon the morrow. I need to say goodbye to my son.”
“By all means,” Dougal told her and her eyes burned with impotent fury before she whirled about, storming out of the solar. Her storming out amused him for a moment before the somber thoughts began to creep up on him.
Dougal knew his father had friends in chiefs of the other clans but he just didn’t know how much and had been surprised by the amount of delegates that had come to pay their respects to his dead father and now he had to cater for a host of people now living under his roof and eating his food. Even the chief of Campbell had come to pay his respects although his entourage had been a lot lesser than the others. Dougal had been surprised that he had come, the rumor was that he was a notorious recluse and what went on in his clan was worse than the McLagans. Seonag hadn’t come home after he sent news of their father’s demise, her reply had told him that she had fallen gravely ill and she wouldn’t make it. Marcus was staying behind to take care of her and the chief had gone to England for some unknown business, so they had sent delegates in their stead. From the message, Dougal gleaned that they were at least getting along and he took a measure of peace from that, feeling a part of his guilt wane. Maybe they would grow to love one another, they were both young and had a lot of time on their hand.
Of all the people that had come, there was one Dougal had been expecting and she hadn’t shown up. Lili. He missed her fiercely that it was almost an ache and yet just the mere glimpse of her had done nothing to ease that need that had been broiling and was still broiling in his heart. Dougal thought she was avoiding him and he had thought it was because of the kiss before he saw that there was a faraway look in her eyes that told him she wasn’t avoiding him; she wasn’t just seeing him. Then his mind had switched to what could have been worrying her. He was well aware of her devotion to his father and she must have taken his death hard. But there was something that told him that hadn’t been her only worry and he wanted to take her into his arms and comfort her. He wanted to go on a ride with her and show her the secret places in the woods, the cave he had found beneath the lake when he had gone swimming as a lad, that no one else knew about. He wanted to adorn her with the wild flowers and kiss her again. He wanted to ride far away from here and take her with him but he knew she wouldn’t come with him.
Another knock sounded on his door, a timid one this time.
“Enter,” he said, massaging his temple wearily.
The door opened and Lili came inside, bearing a wooden platter. Dougal sat upright, feeling as though a bolt of lightning lanced through his body, waking him up in places.
“Mistress Eubh thought you might need some victuals as ye’ve been on your feet since daybreak.” She softly, coming forward and looked at the cluttered table uncertainly. Dougal cleared off most of the papers, arranging them in an untidy pile to create a space for her to drop the platter. She did so and moved back, looking everywhere except him. An awkward silence had descended and Dougal was unsure of how to fill it. He had gotten his wish now and she was right here before him, so beautiful it took his breath away and here he was acting like a tongue-tied lad on the cusp of adulthood meeting a woman for the first time.
“Ye should eat it before it grows cold,” she said nervously, fiddling with the hem of the apron about her waist. “It wouldna taste nice if it’s all cold and now that ye are chief and all ye’ll need your strength to…” she trailed off looking deeply uncomfortable, her cheeks were pink again and Dougal thought she was thinking of their kiss.
“Thank ye Lili,” Dougal finally said, finding his voice was husky. He cleared his throat. “I shall do that.” He drew the platter close to him still looking at her.
“By your leave my Laird, I have to return to the kitchen Mistress Eubh needs my help ye see…” she trailed off again.
Laird. It felt odd to be referred to as laird but that was what he was now. A chief of a clan. It wasn’t what he wanted. It was the last thing he had wished for in his life and now he had it thrust upon him and he couldn’t reject it. His father had always taught him about duty and responsibility to duty. Dougal guessed it was his new title that made Lili skittish about him, she had always been open about her feelings, her anger, with Master Dougal, the chief’s son but she did not know how to react to Dougal the chief now. She couldn’t be familiar with him; not like she was when he was a chief son. She had spoken to him because he had approached her first and refused to speak until he got an answer out of her. He was sure if he repeated that now, she would stubbornly refuse to speak to him in that familiar tone, sticking to his honorific. Dougal felt depressed by that.
“Lili,” he began to say but stopped when someone knocked and it opened to reveal Calum, the steward.
“My laird, the Campbell’s chief is here to see ye.”
Dougal nodded, his brow furrowing in a thoughtful frown as he pondered on what the man might want.
The chief was a thin tall man with a dark red beard that reminded Dougal of blood and a shadow of a jeering smile that seemed strongly like that of a stalking predator on a hunt. He took an instant dislike to the man and his curious pale eyes; he felt his hackles rise at the sight of him as his instincts tried to warn him this was not a man to be trifled with.
Chapter 16
Lili felt as though she had been doused with cold water as ice trailed its way down her spine and her muscles were gripped in a lock. She was aware she was staring and the blood was gone from her face, her mouth opening in hope of letting loose a scream that would never come out. She wanted to run away from the presence that felt so despicable that it was tainting the very air, but her body wouldn’t respond. It very well wanted to shrink into itself so that he wouldn’t swing those cold, pale eyes to her.
She dimly wondered why he had evoked such a visceral reaction in her but she had no answer as her mind was searching ways to escape. Laird Dougal hadn’t dismissed her yet and it would be rude to his new rule if she just upped and left without his permission. She had constantly reminded herself that he wasn’t the master Dougal she argued with or the one that had kissed her so passionately, stealing her breath and heart. He was the chief now, and she couldn’t talk anyway to him, even if she wanted to comfort him and maybe kiss him again in the garden, under the moonlight like the dreams she had. Even if she wanted him to talk to her about his hardships and worries and have him tell her about his day and she would do the same thing. They were all a foolish girl’s dream. He was a clan chief now and would have to marry a lady from one of the clans that had arrived for the former chief’s funeral and she would be left in the kitchen; just a memory of a carefree time; a past dalliance to him but she knew she would love him till the day of her dying breath.
Lili had volunteered to bring the tray up to him after Mistress Eubh had complained he was skipping meals. Moiré had tried to accept to task but pushed by worry and envy, Lili had gotten there first and practically snatched the tray from Mistress Eubh’s hand while directing a fierce glare towards Moire that the voluptuous redhead had no other choice but to back off. Then she had schooled her face and smiled at Mistress Eubh before saying she would make sure his new chiefship ate even if she had to stand over him to do so. Words she couldn’t back with actions, the nervousness that had gripped her when she got within inches of his door had been so devastating, she had turned around and started heading back for the kitchen, unsure of what excuse she would give to Mistress Eubh for her failure. The thought of Moiré’s smug face had stopped her when she was halfway back and she had turned back. She was sure the guards would have been wondering why she was going back and forth.
The image of a smug Moire had carried her all the way to his door and it had given her the strength to knock until she heard his deep voice say: “Enter.” She became all aflutter and weak in the knees with desire and the way he had looked at her when she came in; with naked desire and longing. It had made Lili want to toss the tray away and throw herself into his arms but she had controlled herself
and did her task. Even then, even with how uncomfortable his stare had been making her, she had wanted to remain with him. He looked so exhausted and it was just his first day at his wheel but she had refrained, even with what she was seeing in his eyes she was scared he was going to rebuff her when she tried to offer comfort. She couldn’t bear for that to happen. Maybe she should have let Moire come instead, she would have known how to handle him.
Healing the Highlander's Heart Page 10