by Piper Stone
Furious with herself, she blinked several times, her eyes flitting back and forth, refusing to see the torn contract. The words written had been the only method she knew of to help their failing marriage. Sniffing, she found herself sliding to the floor, her heart aching. Every part of her wanted to scream out to him, beg David to come back. She’d shout to the world that she’d figure out what went wrong, perhaps to make a promise she’d be a better woman. Sadly, she didn’t have any idea where to begin or what to say.
Easing all the way to the floor, she crouched on her hands and knees, the tears falling fast, clouding her eyes. “God… please…” The agonized whisper mixed with her raspy breath sounds as she crept forward, trying to grab the contract. Why? Why had this gone so awry? Why were they continuing to argue all the time, hurt each other? Now weeping uncontrollably, Shannon grasped the torn pages between her fingers, bringing the pieces to her face, trying her best to read the words.
“I won’t backtalk. I won’t lie. I will always tell you what I’m thinking. God!” The screech boomed into the room. She’d failed the first three on the list. And there were more, so many more she’d let him down on. They were nothing but basic rules, things to help her improve and their marriage thrive. Or at least they were supposed to help get them on the right track. There hadn’t been a track, only a few fleeting moments of something that resembled a marriage, a light toward the past meshing with a possible future. For a few minutes, she’d had hope. And now? There was little left she could hope for.
Pushing her back against the side of the island, she brushed the slip of paper against her lips, gulping in the very simple scent of the linen paper. She could almost swear she caught a whiff of his cologne and the fragrance alone made her tingle all over. Shannon smiled then laughed, the tears continuing to fall rapidly as she rocked back and forth. For a few minutes, fleeting visions of times shared, laughter and good times, holidays and shared intimacies, the kind few couples were able to understand, flashed in her field of vision. She loved him. There wasn’t any doubt, but they had grown apart. They’d refused to embrace the last chance they both had of healing and mending what had been so trying.
Closing her eyes, she did something she hadn’t done in so very long. Shannon prayed. Rusty, she tried to think of words to say in her mind, thoughts about what she could do better, or more of or… She folded her arms across her chest and lowered her head, finally resigned. Her marriage with David was over. Maybe it was really for the best. Yeah. Maybe it was. Maybe it was time to move on and do something else. And then she could… Well, with her career she could…
“I… don’t know… what to do.” The words whispered, she bit back a scream as she slammed her fist into the cabinet. The thudding sound made her laugh. Hollow. Bitterly hollow was the way to describe the noise.
Tilting her head, she continued rocking for a few minutes, then knew, she just knew she wanted nothing more than a stiff drink. Maybe two. Hell, maybe ten. Who the hell cared any longer? She needed something to keep her from becoming hysterical. With every ounce of strength she had left, she managed to rise to her feet. Very gingerly, she set the papers down and brushed the tip of her index finger across them. The words had been spelled out carefully, thought about for a few days, no, months, and they’d been so heartfelt when written down. Now they were nothing more than words.
Every step becoming more difficult, she moved toward the back counter, her hand shaky as she grabbed a wine glass from the top cabinet. The Merlot was open and she poured a full glass, barely registering the fact the pour sloshed over the rim and onto the counter. The moment she pulled the glass to her lips, she felt better, stronger. Yeah, so much stronger. The gulp was long and as the liquid slid down the back of her throat, she shuddered. How in the world was she going to make it alone?
Taking two more hefty gulps, she wiped her eyes and wanted nothing more than to slip into something soft and very comfortable. She wanted to merely curl up and cry herself to sleep. Exhaling slowly, Shannon dug her nails into the marble counter before moving toward the door. I’m such a fucking idiot. Stopping short, she sniffed, glared at the wine, took another sip, then reached back and grabbed the bottle around the neck. She certainly wasn’t going to stop drinking tonight.
Her feet heavy, she walked toward the kitchen doorway, stopping just long enough to scan the room. There was little in the way of love in the gleaming kitchen space, nothing that would indicate a loving couple. Instead, there was nothing but a quiet space, a ticking refrigerator and a reminder of what was so very cold. She turned off the light and walked into the living room, passing by the single potted plant they owned together and couldn’t help but wonder who was going to take the ugly fern. She giggled and flicked her finger across the top leaf, now strutting into the room.
What the hell. Let him leave. Let David be the bad guy. As she headed for the family room, her blood pressure began to rise. Yeah. She’d show him and he’d never forget what he was losing and… “David.” The sight of him, his head lowered, his hand on the glass, strangled whispers coming from his mouth, managed to still her. For a few seconds, she remained quiet. When he finally turned his head, acknowledging she’d discovered him, she was taken aback by the look on his face. In a few short minutes, he seemed to have aged so much.
“David.”
“Don’t,” he breathed, the sound barely audible. “I can’t.”
Shannon bit her lower lip and took two tentative steps forward. He was sweating and she could tell he’d been crying. “I thought you’d left.”
“I… uh, did. I got in the car, started the engine and rolled out of the driveway. Then I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed.”
“Why?” Easing the bottle of wine and glass on the coffee table, she held her arms, the chill deepening.
He tilted his head, his brow furrowing. “Because that would have just been running away. From us. From our problems. From the fact that…”
When his eyes glazed over, his voice trailing off, she bit her lower lip. “And?”
“And that would mean the end. I know that. I realize that I’m to blame for this.” Slapping his hand on the glass, David groaned and lowered his head. “I’m to blame.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Oh, yes I am.”
She closed the distance, unsure of how to get through to him any longer. Maybe she was trying too hard, or not hard enough. What is wrong with you? This is your husband, the man you’ve spent every good and wretched moment with. “It’s not your fault. It’s both of ours. I’ve been horrible to you. I broke our contract. I lied to you. I’ve kept things from you. I’ve, in a sense, betrayed you.”
“Betrayed?” He snapped his head in her direction.
“I mean… I mean that I haven’t held up my end of what we agreed on.” Why did her voice sound so tiny, so fearful? Because you feel guilt. You stupid idiot. You’ve wanted another man. Any man. Licking her dry lips, she gingerly placed her hand on his arm. When he recoiled, she whimpered.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t have any idea how we can fix any of this.”
“We talk. We listen. We learn. And…”
“And?” David’s voice was hopeful.
“And you do what you’re supposed to do. You discipline me.” Shannon realized her voice sounded stronger, full of conviction. The question was, did she really believe being spanked in any way was going to do her any good? By the wary look on his face, she knew he doubted anything was going to help.
“Shannon… I…”
“Please don’t!” she interrupted.
David’s eyes flashed.
“I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated.”
“And you think I’m not?”
The exasperation in his voice was horrifying. Turning toward the window, she gazed out at the street, the well-coifed homes and manicured lawns, and wondered whether any of her neighbors were going through something just like this, something they could control. She also won
dered if it showed that they’d changed as people, as a couple, or did they simply appear to everyone like the perfect match. The words she’d heard frequently. How untrue they were. “Of course, you are and you have every right to be.”
A few minutes passed and David shook his head before walking toward her. Glancing down her length slowly and back to her eyes, he exhaled, the sound strangled. “I honestly think we’re at an impasse.”
“Don’t say that.” Trembling all over, she reached out, her fingertips barely touching his arm.
“Shannon, you don’t want to do this. Let’s face what’s really going on here. You’re too strong and willful to be able to submit to me, or to anyone, in my opinion, so…”
“What makes you mention someone else?”
David glared at her. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You have to get in the last word. You’re overtly opinionated and while I originally not only thought your overzealous and quite frankly ballsy attitude was cute, there is no place for this kind of behavior in the relationship I thought we were trying to build.”
Shannon realized a sharp comeback was on the tip of her tongue. Just like normal. He was right. She hadn’t changed at all. After the conversations and serious talks about her challenging mannerisms and constant battles over nothing that truly mattered, she was doing the exact same thing. Every part of her humbled, she lowered her head, hoping the simple gesture might help. She knew better. David was a multi-faceted man. He wasn’t going to allow her to get away with what he perceived to be unforgivable actions very easily. And that she so loved him for.
“Well, for once, you’re quiet. Perhaps you’re listening to me. Perhaps.” David laughed, then patted her on the arm. “I’m going to grab a drink. Maybe we can just be together tonight. Watch a movie or try and not argue.”
The words were so hollow, so controlled. She knew how much he wanted to say things to her that he was worried would hurt her. Of course, she deserved to hear them. “That sounds nice.” Jesus Christ, nice?
“Yeah.” David seemed to be studying her, perhaps calculating if she was paying any attention to the fact he was stiff.
She knew him well enough to know he’d already shut down and pushed her away, maybe completely out of his life. When she said nothing, freaking nothing, he walked back to her, his shoulders slumping. “Spank me. Punish me fucking hard.” The words seemed to echo.
“What?” David stopped. “No. We’ve been over this. Domestic discipline doesn’t work for us. We gave it a good try and for a little while, we both thought changing our lifestyle could work, but it’s not.”
“But you know, sometimes, everything you want in life is filled with strife. You know habits take time to break, to change.” Now, Shannon was desperate.
“Not for four months, Shannon. Not at all. By now I would have expected more from you.”
“More? What more did you want? What do you need?” The moment David turned to face her, his eyes shimmering in the warm glow of the early evening sunlight, she knew exactly what he was going to say.
“Obedience. I’ve at least come to terms with the fact I need a woman to obey me. I’m still not sure if what I want is some maniacal control thing that really is a bit sick, but that’s the truth. I want you to be my submissive and I want full control over you. I didn’t know how important being in control was to me. Shit, I have no clue what to do with the knowledge, but I need this in my life. I don’t think you can handle it.” His words were tight, almost harsh, but she knew they were honest.
“Please let me try.”
“This isn’t about trying. It’s about needing to the point you must live this way. You taught me that. You did.”
Shannon nodded. “I know I did. And that’s what I want.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes! I… I do… I.” In the seconds that passed, she knew she did indeed want to give up all control to him and yet the fear was still there, remaining like a noose wrapped around her neck. Her past was the noose, the strangling moment that kept her from being the woman she wanted to be, the one he needed. And still she couldn’t confide in him. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
“Let’s not do this, not tonight. Okay? I was wrong to almost walk out. That wasn’t fair for either one of us. Maybe tonight we just try and be friends. Okay?” Smiling, David cupped her jaw, brushing his thumb back and forth across her mouth.
She could easily tell he didn’t want to let go and her pussy clenched, desire sweeping through her. Yet the yearning was for the man from before, infused with the man who’d taken her in hand. Sliding both hands town the length of his chest, she fumbled with his belt.
David seemed stunned, his eyes opening wide. “Shannon, I just don’t feel that way. I mean not… not right now,” he stuttered.
“I’m not asking for sex,” Shannon whispered as she concentrated on tugging his belt from the tight loops. When she finally was able to pull the thick leather free from his pants, she lifted her gaze. “I’m asking you to understand I’m afraid. I know I’ve been a horrible spouse to you and very disobedient.”
“You’re asking me to belt you?”
“I’m asking you…” Swallowing hard, she realized she was swaying back and forth, her nerves on edge. “I’m asking you to… to be strong enough… to give me what I… what I need as a woman and…” Why was she having so much trouble breathing? “And I’m asking you for another chance.” Please God. Please, oh please God. Allow him to give me another chance. Allow him to believe in me. Please. She wasn’t entirely certain any amount of pleading was going to matter. The hesitation was tense and she bit her lip, unable to think clearly. When she heard David’s deep sigh, she cringed.
“I do believe in you, but I don’t know if I can be the man you so obviously need.”
“One more chance. I know what I’m doing is wrong. I’m sorry for the ticket and not telling you. I’m sorry for keeping things from you. I’m so upset I can’t seem to talk to you about everything.”
“I’m your husband. You should be able to talk to me about everything.” David said, his voice barely audible. “But I’m not the warmest man. Am I?”
“I just don’t think you know what to do with me,” she stated nervously.
The sounds seemed to echo in the room as a full minute, maybe more, went by.
“It’s all right. I think you’re right, we need to talk. I’ll make you a drink if you’d like.” Without waiting for his answer, she moved away, walking with heavy feet toward the kitchen. She was shocked when his hand wrapped around her arm, his grip firm.
“There has to be a new set of rules, ones that are much stricter. Do you understand that?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And I won’t take any lying. Period. In fact, we’re going to begin every day maintenance spankings and discussion until we can figure this out and break through whatever barrier you’re creating. Do you understand?”
The voice pattern was much stronger, the timbre dark and almost sensuous. She quivered, but she was so enthralled by the subtle differences in his demeanor, she was breathless.
“Do you understand what I’m saying? Gone are certain freedoms. If you truly want to commit to me, you honestly have to do this without any reservation and go in knowing I will be in control of everything. From your schedule to your spending habits, you have to clear everything with me.”
Shannon’s lower lip quivered.
David exhaled. “I ask you again. Do you completely understand what I’m saying to you?”
She knew. There wasn’t any doubt this was the last chance they both had. Was she ready for something so all encompassing? If she had to face the inner girl, the one she had continued to fight, she had to be honest. “Yes, sir. I understand completely.”
“Mmm. All right. Then tonight, you’re going to get the punishment you so deserve. Go into the bedroom and remove all of your clothes, then find me. Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir.” Now she was quaking all over. The f
eel of the belt in her hand, the coolness of the leather and the weight in her palm was daunting. He’d never whipped her with his belt, preferring his hand or a paddle he’d purchased on some trip. She realized she’d never asked him where he’d bought the hard wood.
“Do you have a question?”
David’s voice wasn’t terse, merely filled with trepidation. “No,” she whispered as she fingered the belt again before slowly lifting her hand. There was such reverence in not only giving him the slick of leather but also in accepting what she knew would happen. They’d both crossed the line into another realm. What they did with the understanding now would shape or destroy them.
David watched her walk away, her movements jilted. She was exactly like him, so unsure. He wiped his face and slowly looked down at the belt, fingering the soft leather. The belt had been one he’d had for a while, unlike the cheaper ones that never seemed to last. The thick strand of leather had been a find, fifty percent off during a raging sale at Macy’s. He chuckled remembering Shannon had hated the fact the belt was brown – her least favorite color.
As he rubbed his fingers back and forth across the grain of the strap, he tried to comprehend spanking Shannon with the damn thing. Snorting, he had to admit he had thought more than once about the very notion, but now. But now? Goddamn. He had to be nuts. But she asked for this. She wants you to take control. Yeah, well, he was about ready to punch his little voice. What the hell did he, the asshole, know anyway?
Shannon was right about so many aspects. Of course, she was. She’d hit the nail on the head. There was little intimacy and less trust between them, almost from before they’d started the journey. Perhaps there was no way they could figure their way through this. Twirling his hand around the strap, he knew she was trying to please him more than anything, giving him the opportunity to help her understand the level of tension he was feeling. He’d learned a hell of a lot over the last three months, even aspects about living a domestic discipline lifestyle he hadn’t shared with her.