Us After You

by Claudia Burgoa

  He shakes his head. “I should’ve gone with you guys to Cancun, but my wife wasn’t having it.”

  “Fuck, what am I going to do?” I mumble the question because I have no idea where to start.

  “Where to?” Clint asks.

  “Home,” I reply and text Zeke telling him he’s fired.

  Tuck: They fired us—are you high too?

  Zeke: Fired and evicted.

  I call him. “What do you mean evicted? My grandfather owns the apartment.”

  “Your grandfather is here,” he answers. “Yes, Mr. Bradley. It’s Tucker.”

  “Tucker, what the fuck are you doing?” my grandfather growls.

  Well, I guess news among family travels faster than a fucking tweet.

  “I’m sure you already know,” I say, trying to bury the anger. “You can’t evict me from my house.”

  “It’s my apartment,” he reminds me. “When I let you stay here, we had rules. You broke several this weekend. The movers are already here, packing your shit. Let me know where you want us to send it.”

  “Fuck,” I say, tempted to hang up, but how am I supposed to find a place right away? “We need another chance.”

  “I believe in second chances, Tucker, but I gave you plenty. Also, you said you can do it all on your own. You’re tired of us. What did Tristan skip?”

  I grunt. My fucking father ratted me out and turned my grandfather against me.

  “Thanks for nothing,” I say and hang up on him.

  Tucker: Can we stay at your place?

  Ethan: What happened to the apartment?

  Tucker: Grandpa Bradley just kicked us out.

  Ethan: You fucked up royally.

  Tucker: You knew?

  Ethan: Of course. I own a telecommunications company. We’ve been trying to clean up most of the mess all morning, but I can only do so much. Go to my place, I’ll see you there.

  Tucker: What are we going to do?

  Ethan: Fuck if I know. Maybe Nana can fix you guys.

  When I look up, I see that Rocco is on the phone texting. I don’t even ask what he’s doing. He let me down—again. How many times am I supposed to cover his fucking ass and pick up after his shit?

  I love the guy but enough should be enough. What are we supposed to do now? I could start my life anywhere and show my fucking family that they don’t have to be carrying me around. I can make it on my own, but Rocco and Zeke can’t.

  Nana: Are you okay?

  “Who the fuck contacted Nana?” I growl.

  “Maybe me?” Rocco answers.

  I sigh.

  Tuck: I’ll be fine. Just not sure what I’m going to do.

  Nana: What happened?

  I laugh and text the guys.

  Tuck: Leave Nana out of this!

  Zeke: Sorry, I just need to talk to her.

  Ethan: She’s coming home. I haven’t told her what’s wrong, but I need her.

  Ethan: WE need her!

  “Yeah, man,” Rocco agrees. “I need my Nana.”

  I nod and respond to her text.

  Tuck: Google my name. It’s bad. Fucking bad.

  I’ve tried everything to calm myself, but it’s almost impossible. Zeke and Rocco are drunk and high. They are fucking useless, and what am I supposed to do with them? We’re homeless and jobless. Neither one look like they give a fucking shit about anything.

  Walking back and forth around the studio isn’t helping. If I could lose myself playing the guitar … but these assholes are going to think it’s just for fun and not because I’m about to lose my fucking shit. I stop when the loud whistle echoes through the room.

  It’s Hannah. She’s glaring at us, and her face is red.

  Fuck. She’s going to kill us.

  “Cocaine, seriously? I thought we learned a lesson. Prostitutes?” she asks, crossing her arms.

  “They were fine strippers. We invited them to join us after their shift,” Zeke, who has no fucking shame, corrects her.

  I wish I could hit him—again. But if I try this time, he’ll fight back, and we’ll both end up in the hospital with a few broken bones.

  “They’re nice ladies,” he assures her.

  “And the drugs were theirs, Zeke?” she asks sarcastically.

  “Dudette, it was less than a gram,” Rocco adds. “We’re clean.”

  I snort. My grandfather found drugs in the house. I scrub my face with both hands. They fucked up royally, and I failed them by not noticing what was happening under my roof.

  That’s one of the reasons Grandpa Bradley kicked us out of the apartment. We broke his rules. Ethan asked me earlier why I still enabled them. Is that what I’ve been doing? Enabling them?

  I just keep an eye on them. Their childhoods were a clusterfuck. My adoptive parents treated me nicely until I was a teenager. These two never had anyone to love them.

  If something happens to Nana, she has her parents. They’re there for her—we are there for her. But them … they only have the Sinners, and I’m the front man. The leader of the crew. I have to look after them.

  Ethan, Zeke, and Rocco don’t have any family, only Hannah and me.

  Zeke lost his father in Iraq before he was born. His mom died of cancer when he was five. He bounced from one foster home to another. Ethan’s mom treated him like shit when he told her he was bisexual.

  Rocco’s mom was a junkie, just like mine.

  I’m not enabling them, only doing what I can to make life more bearable for them. Is that wrong?

  Studying them, I realize that maybe I’ve been doing this shit wrong. They’re in a hole and this time I can’t pull them out because I’ve fallen into it too.

  “Mmm, so a gram is nothing? Famous words from a guy who keeps falling back into the habit.” Nana then turns to Zeke. “Are we clean, Zeke?”

  He shakes his head. “Sorry, Nana. I … I’ve been trying to quit—again.”

  Ethan closes his eyes and shakes his head. He’s been blaming himself for this mess. Like he could’ve stopped any of it. If it hadn’t happened today, it would’ve happened tomorrow or next week.

  “Do you want help?” Nana asks Zeke who nods.

  “Rocco?”

  “It was a onetime thing,” he argues. “Why do you care? You can’t just come here and say, ‘I fixed my shit, and I’ll fix you.’ You have no idea what’s happening here.”

  “He’s high.” Zeke laughs hysterically. “We’re a mess, Nana.”

  Nana grabs the bottle of tequila Zeke’s holding and hands it to Alex. What is he doing here? I’ll ask her later. She mumbles something to him. Nana studies us one by one and shakes her head.

  Then, she says, as she hands him her phone, “Tell him that we need to send two to rehab, ASAP.”

  Who is she talking about? My parents, her dad … so many people are still involved in all our lives.

  “You can’t make me go to rehab,” Rocco protests angrily.

  Alex moves in front of her, his eyes transforming. They’re darker, and he’s ready to attack. Hannah doesn’t give a shit and walks around him, sitting next to Rocco.

  She takes his hand and says, “Would you let me help you?”

  He shakes his head. “I miss this, Nana.” He hugs her.

  I step close when Alex does the same. The guy is going to do something stupid, and though Rocco wouldn’t harm Hannah, if you fuck with him, he’ll fight back.

  “Stop,” Ethan warns Alex. “He’s not going to do anything to her, but he’ll fight you if you provoke him.”

  Nana mumbles a few words. He answers back, but I can’t hear anything they’re saying. Then he starts crying and she says out loud, “If you miss it so much, you could do your own thing.”

  He laughs hysterically. “What’s the rhythm guitarist supposed to do by himself?”

  She looks at us. I shrug because I can only do so much for him. He’s breaking down, and it’s worse than I thought.

  “Let’s make a deal,” she proposes. “You get clean, an
d afterward, we’ll discuss the future of our band.”

  What the fuck is she talking about?

  “We lost the Deckers’ support,” Ethan informs her.

  Lost is too strong of a word, but I’m sure they’re too pissed with me that no one in my family will help us. Also, they won’t let us play as the Sinners of Seattle while we’re a fucking mess, and they own the brand.

  “It might be hard to claim the name. They own it,” Ethan reminds her.

  I’d say impossible.

  It’s not the first time they take what we love the most in the name of helping us. They’ve done it before. Cancelling shows because we’re not finishing homework assignments or because we’re too drunk and not even twenty-one.

  “We can sue,” Rocco grunts.

  I shake my head, because my family has too much power in the music industry. Even if we claim the name, they could blacklist us with just one phone call.

  “What happened, Tucker?” Nana asks.

  “Have you read any of those articles?” I ask, because I’m done replaying all the shit that happened.

  She shakes her head.

  “Mom’s name got mixed in all this shit. It pissed me off.” My hands tighten into fists, and I look at Zeke because this is all his fucking fault. “I would do anything to clean it up, except my father wouldn’t listen to me. They just fired me for being irresponsible.”

  “Tristan Cooperson fired us,” Rocco says. “Coop’s the chilled one of Tuck’s parents. Tuck told them to go fuck themselves. That he doesn’t need them.”

  Hannah closes her eyes, and I think she finally understands the gravity of what’s happening.

  “What’s the plan, Tuck?”

  “I need to get out of Seattle. Afterward, I’ll start a business.”

  “If you want, you can stay with me,” she offers. “At least while they’re in rehab.”

  But, Hannah, at this moment, I don’t fucking care what happens to them. The least of all Zeke. They can die in a hole, and this time, I won’t give a shit. I lost everything, not that I fucking care that much.

  Fine, I do care.

  Fuck, there’s just so much going on in my head. The loathed feelings of my past. I hate that, in a way, my parents were right about me and how I always allow my friends to do whatever the fuck they want and cover for them.

  Zeke and Rocco don’t care about the consequences of their acts. They keep behaving like they’re teenagers. I shouldn’t enable them and even find ways for them to party like life doesn’t matter. But how can I stop when all I want is for them to be happy?

  Though, maybe I’ve been doing this shit all wrong. They don’t look happy and our lives are a fucking mess. I look at Hannah and remember what she once told me.

  “You need to stop trying to make people happy, so they feel like you’re enough. You’re plenty and we love you for who you are, not for what you do for us.”

  What am I supposed to do now?

  Leaving them isn’t an option, though, because what would happen if I left them completely on their own?

  “Your dad’s manager is sending someone to pick them up in thirty minutes,” Alex says, then looks at me. “From experience, I can tell you that you can only be jobless for so long. Even when you have money to live without worries, you need something to do.”

  “I will,” I say, clenching my teeth and cracking my knuckles. “I’m going to show them that I don’t need their connections or their fucking last name.”

  “So … no music,” Nana concludes.

  I shake my head, thinking of the possibilities. I could open a bar. Dad owns several, and I know how to run them. Maybe that’s a bad idea. I glare at Zeke and Rocco because when they come out of rehab, they’ll need a job. A bar isn’t a place for these two.

  “Before you two leave,” I tell them. “I need a loan. You owe me that much.”

  “So, where are you planning on setting up this empire?” Hannah asks condescendingly.

  I glare at her, and she rolls her eyes.

  “Anywhere but here,” I answer, sweetening my tone, because it’s not her fault that we’re in this mess, and I have to uproot my life and start over—again. “Or California.”

  Suddenly, at the same time, she and Alex say, “Denver.”

  I glare at him, because he shouldn’t be part of this conversation. Unless … “Why is he here again?”

  “He came with me.” Hannah sounds a little defensive.

  “Are you having accidental sex with him again?” I ask, not taking my eyes off Alex.

  “This isn’t the time to discuss my love life,” she says with a warning tone that only I recognize.

  Okay then, she just confirmed they’re together.

  “We like you, man, but if you hurt her, I’ll make sure you don’t see the light of the day ever again,” I threaten him.

  Rocco agrees with me.

  “Where’s your stuff? I’ll pack for you,” Hannah asks Rocco, disregarding my warning.

  “Upstairs,” Ethan tells her.

  “Zeke, help me. You need to get ready too,” she orders, and I’m sure there’s going to be more than packing upstairs. She’s going to chide him.

  5

  Tucker

  At the end, I agree to start again in Colorado. Alex Spearman hooks me up with the right people. His brother-in-law owns a furnished penthouse and he agreed to lease it to me. His sister-in-law owns a virtual assistant agency and if I’m lucky, she might agree to be my assistant for the next couple of months.

  His brother, Jason, is good at setting up businesses, and he’s willing to help me.

  “What’s your ulterior motive?” I ask.

  He smiles. “You’re like Hannah’s brother. That makes you family.”

  “You two are serious?”

  He looks toward the studio’s door, where Hannah disappeared with Zeke. Is he thinking that there’s something between them?

  “She needs time,” he answers. “The first fucker she dated messed her up. I didn’t help when we met. Convincing her that I’m here for the long run is going to take me more than a few dates.”

  His phone rings; he looks at it and says, “It’s Emmeline. I’m pretty sure she’s going to take the account but let me see what she needs from you.”

  They ask me a few questions. She wants to know my educational background and asks for my resume. I send her a couple of emails with my personal information. My background check for the lease comes back immediately, since they use my uncle’s high-intelligence security agency for their screening. I’m not too happy that my uncle knows what I’m up to, but I don’t say anything.

  “Colorado?” Hannah asks, once she’s back and sits next to me.

  “The Speedman convinced me to go there. It’s not too expensive. It has the right market,” I explain and look over at him waiting for some reassurance, but he’s still on the phone. “He has people there.”

  “But you’ll be so far away from us,” she protests.

  “Two and a half hours,” I correct her. “Apparently, I’m buying a plane too. Because, even when I’m flipping the finger to my family, according to your boy, I can’t cut ties with everyone because I’m pissed at my parents.”

  “Wow, Golden Boy is giving advice,” she sasses me.

  “So … Ethan doesn’t want to tell me the story, can someone give me the 4-1-1 on his breakup with Lori?”

  Zeke looks at me. I look at Ethan who shrugs. Do we give her the short or the long version?

  “Picture this, boring party, too much booze, nothing to do,” I start the tale. “Someone picks up an empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s and says, ‘let’s play spin the bottle.’”

  “Leaving wasn’t an option?”

  Zeke laughs. “Told you we should’ve skipped the party.”

  “Don’t digress,” I order him, because I didn’t want to go in the first place. Lori is the one who insisted, and Ethan did fucking everything for the bitch.

  “So, there were more
guys than women in the room. Lori was horrified because how that would work. I explained the rules to her. You kiss whoever the bottle points at. She asked, ‘what if it’s a guy’s turn and it points to a … guy?’”

  “They kiss,” Hannah answers promptly.

  I look at Ethan and then at Alex. Alex doesn’t know much about us, and since Lori, I’m not sure if Ethan is comfortable with this conversation. Hannah, on the other hand, might get pissed at this shit show.

  “Rocco was drunk, and he said, ‘Don’t be such a fucking prude. It’s hot to see two guys kissing,’” Zeke takes over. “Then, he pointed at Tucker and said, ‘He was your guy’s first kiss. I’d pay to see that.’”

  “I’m guessing she didn’t know Tuck was his first kiss?” Hannah asks.

  “Or his first love,” Zeke adds.

  Oh, great, he’s bringing up more than I bargained for during this conversation. Alex looks at us but doesn’t say anything. Look, I love Ethan like a brother. I’d do almost anything for him. There’s a snort inside my head because fuck if my friends don’t get me in trouble because of drugs.

  I remember that time, when we were high, and he told me he loved me.

  "I love you," he suddenly says, and I jolt. "You're the only person who ever listens to me."

  "You know I don't feel that way about you, E," I remind him that we've tried. Because I was curious and so was he.

  "No, I just wanted you to know that I love you," he repeats, letting a loud breath out. Then, he hands me over his shit. "Save it for me, just in case."

  "In case what?" I grab the baggy of pot and everything else he has.

  He shrugs. His body is approaching mine, his lips settling on my cheek. It's a quick kiss and then he's gone.

  That bag got me in a shitload of trouble. I almost landed in juvie, but instead, I came to Seattle. To live with my birth mother and her partners. Of course, I brought Ethan with me.

  Yet another family I had to please, so they would accept me. Maybe that’s why I love these guys. I don’t have to prove that I’m enough to them. If only I could have been more for Ethan.

  Unfortunately, you can’t choose who you love. It broke my heart that I couldn’t reciprocate, and it breaks my heart every time he falls for someone who doesn’t understand him. Sometimes, I wish he’d find someone like my parents did.