Us After You

by Claudia Burgoa

  "You're taking him away from me? Ha!" She takes her phone and begins tapping it. "That's rich. After everything he's put us through, you have the audacity to tell me I'm a bad mother?"

  "No. I'm not judging your parenting style. I'm afraid that, at this time, the environment that you provide for him isn't safe." The man is firm but doesn't raise his voice to make his point come across.

  "He did this to himself," Mom points out. "He's a drug addict. I found bottles of alcohol in his room."

  "Then why haven't you helped him?" Another man walks closer to her. His voice is like loud thunder. "If your underage son has alcohol in his room, you take charge and confront the problem together. Not just sweep it under the rug and wait for the issue to go away."

  "I've never had bottles of anything in my room," I finally speak out.

  "Joe found them," she counters.

  "Joe? The same guy who put me in the hospital?" I try to move, but the left side of my torso hurts.

  "Who is Joe?" the man, who I assume is from social services, questions. He's tall, his eyes a foster green, his jaw set, and there's something familiar about him I can't define. "It doesn't matter. We're taking Tucker with us."

  Fuck, now I'm going to end up in foster care. I wonder if the woman from the letter would do something if I contact her.

  Trapped.

  I'm caught in a nightmare. Suddenly the air in the room disappears. I gasp trying to breathe. I fear that the lack of oxygen will kill me. My limbs begin to tingle. The darkness threatens to take over again.

  "Tucker, stay with me." The man who threatened to take me rushes to my side and repeats the same phrase a few times. "Call the nurse, Matt."

  "Breathe, boy." Another man joins us on the other side of the bed. His soft blue eyes look at me with pain and love. He takes my hand, and the contact makes me feel safe—less lonely. His hand brushes my hair away from my forehead. "Don't panic, Tuck. We're here to help you. Everything will be alright. In only a few hours, you'll be flying home."

  "We're taking you home, Tucker." The man with green eyes observes me with the same love. As if I was theirs. "Everyone is waiting for you; your mom awaits you."

  I came to Seattle and met my biological mother. They also took me to the center to meet kids like me who needed a hand. When I met Zeke and Rocco, they both reminded me of Ethan—of me: lonely, afraid, and in need of protection. Ethan and I had the Deckers, but Zeke and Rocco were on their own. I made it my mission to watch over them, to be the family they never had.

  “Maybe we can help other kids find their families,” I say out loud. “The way we found each other.”

  Nana smiles and nods. “If only we can have Rocco back.”

  “He’ll come back,” Ethan says, and it sounds so reassuring. “Some people need time apart from their families to realize what they have is a gift.”

  “Ouch,” I complain.

  “You have to fix your shit with your parents,” Nana agrees. “But you’ll do it when the time is right. I trust you.”

  Maybe Rocco and I have more things in common than I thought. We have trouble reaching out to our loved ones, and we have trouble defeating our addictions and fighting our demons.

  The craving for some kind of love has diminished, but sometimes I want to head to a bar and just meet a woman I can fuck for the night who can make me feel like I’m not alone if only for a moment. I won’t though. I made a promise to Zeke and to myself. No more empty fucks.

  11

  Sage

  I’m putting away my weighted balls and my mat when my phone lets out a happy chirp. Seeing Sienna’s name pop up on the screen takes away all the good vibes I’ve accumulated during the day.

  Pilates, yoga, and meditation be damned. Everything is out the window.

  Her voice stresses me out. Her life is a fucking soap opera. Whoever she’s dating either works for the CIA, is some foreign assassin hiding in our country, or has another life. I choose door number three.

  It’s been almost three years since she moved to California and started dating this guy. Yet, I haven’t met him because…I can’t remember her last excuse.

  When I talk to Dexter about it, he seriously gets the popcorn out before I can even start the story.

  This guy Patrick, who she met when she first moved to Costa Mesa, is adorable. She describes him a mix between a teddy bear and a wrestler. To quote her, he’s the most loving man in the world.

  For some reason she’s yet to explain, she quit her amazing job and is working at a private practice. She can’t tell me who she’s dating—more like living with. The guy is supporting her. Not that they have that much money. Apparently living in California with their incomes is hard.

  Coming from Sienna, that must include buying the latest fashion trends and drinking organic shit from some fru-fru restaurant.

  See, all the zen is gone. She just kicked it out on the curb and now I’m salty. I take one look in the mirror, saying goodbye to my smile, and I step into my room, plummeting on my bed, before I slide my finger across the screen and answer the call.

  “Hey,” I greet her.

  “We’re getting married,” she says, and I’m not surprised.

  What I should ask, did he finally get a divorce?

  What I actually ask, “When is the big day? Next year?”

  “No, we’ve been planning this for a while. Don’t think this is last minute,” she begins her story, and knowing her, she’s about to drop a bomb.

  “Long time, huh?” I ask incredulously, setting my head on the pillow and closing my eyes. “What do you have in mind?”

  “A small wedding,” she proposes.

  “Where?” I ask, because I’m sure she has a few tasks for me to organize.

  “We’re not sure. The decision is between Seattle and New York,” she explains. “The most pressing matter is the engagement party.”

  “That’s going to be in California?”

  “No, I was thinking Baker’s Creek—at our grandparents’ house.”

  Umm, let’s see. No, hell no, over my dead body.

  “Please, Sage, help us. Their house is old but big enough.”

  My grandparents’ house is in great shape. I don’t tell her that.

  “Look, Sienna, I love you very much, but if you want the party to happen, you’ll have to come over and organize it.”

  Dexter would be proud of me. After the mess she put us through with her last wedding, I’m not going to enable her a second time.

  “I’d appreciate if you were a little more supportive.” Her tone is disappointed, and even though I’m doing better, I hate when people don’t like my answer so … I give in.

  “Look, I’m going to talk to our grandparents to see if you can borrow their house. You can do the rest.”

  “Fine, I’ll add that to my list. With the wedding, finding a house, and trying to set up my own practice, I’m beyond exhausted,” she complains.

  That piques my curiosity. “When is the wedding?”

  “June,” she answers. “If I’m moving to Seattle with him, I want us to be married.”

  “That’s next month,” I state the obvious. “When are you planning on having this party?”

  “Next weekend. It’s just a few of our friends. Some family. No more than fifty people.”

  God help me, I mutter.

  “Fine, I’ll do it, but don’t expect me to do anything for your wedding.”

  “You’re being a little hard on me.”

  “You disappear for months at a time, and when you reappear, it’s to ask for something, never to just check on me.”

  “Sorry, I’m working on myself,” she says.

  I sense there’s more to this ‘working on myself’ business. It could mean that she’s working on herself and that’s why she doesn’t have time to reach out. Or, she’s working on herself, and she’ll do better in the future.

  “Why even have this party when you’re marrying next month?” I ask.

  �
�To give the news to our parents. You know they’re not going to like this.”

  “Well, it sounds like Patrick has money. I’m sure they’ll be delighted with that detail.”

  “But he also has tattoos and… look, he’s not the guy they’d want me to be with.”

  “It’s for the best. As long as you love him who cares about our parents?” Then I ask because I’m curious about him, “Why Seattle?”

  “Patrick is from there. He wants to go back with his family.”

  Military, maybe he is special ops or something so secret no one should know he even exists.

  “Have you met his parents?”

  “No, his family is unconventional. A bunch of brothers, uncles, aunts, grandparents. He assures me they’re going to love me.”

  Maybe that’s our problem. We seek approval from our parents and love from whoever is available. We didn’t get much of it while growing up—if we can even consider what we did get as love.

  I listen to her plans, how she wants the wedding, they’re scouting houses this weekend. I’m not sure what to say because she sounds so excited, but as she continues speaking, it all sounds like a fantasy.

  12

  Tucker

  Nana: Can you talk?

  Tucker: Yes?

  She calls me right away.

  “What’s with the weird question?” I complain, but maybe I should’ve asked why she’s calling at seven o’clock on a Saturday morning.

  Wait, isn’t it six in Seattle? What the fuck happened?

  “Well, I didn’t want to interrupt your coital activities.”

  Fuck, she’s never going to let go of that one time. It was long ago. I haven’t fucked in years. She still makes me sound like a complete womanizer—which I’m not.

  “It was one time,” I grunt, relieved that she’s not calling because something bad happened. She sounds totally chilled.

  “You answered the phone while having sex. Who does that?”

  “I’ve apologized plenty of times,” I insist. “You were calling me and texting me. I thought it was urgent. Excuse me for making you a priority.”

  She sighs, “You never said that before.”

  “Could you two let it go?” Alex asks in the background. “We’re trying to get this little party started—or cancelled.”

  “You guys are finally getting married?” I ask, wondering if she gave up on Rocco or…

  “Rocco is here,” she says, instead of answering my question. “Before you get ready for an unforgettable wedding, that doesn’t mean we’re getting married.”

  “She’s getting cold feet,” Alex says and laughs.

  “As I was saying, before the funny man tried to make a terrible joke, Rocco came to Seattle,” she explains.

  I’m not exactly sure what to say, because he’s been in Seattle. Midnight Buzz played at the Silver Moon, one of the bars my parents own, a couple of times. I know because my cousin told me and asked if I’d be there.

  “He’s in your house?” I question.

  “No, he’s in the studio,” she explains.

  “In our studio?” I frown.

  “He doesn’t know we bought the house from Ethan, and we converted the entire place into a studio,” she reminds me. “Can you come over?”

  “Look—”

  “It’s Saturday, and it’s important,” she interrupts me, before I can find an excuse. “We haven’t seen him in almost three years.”

  “Whose fault is that?”

  “You need a new catch phrase,” she jokes. “It might not be his fault. Something could’ve happened. The point is we have each other, and he is alone. He’s reaching out, and we have to at least listen to him.”

  She has a point, but do I actually want to spend my weekend in Seattle? Maybe I should work remote and stay at least until Wednesday.

  “Fine, let me call the pilot.”

  “The plane is ready for you,” she says.

  “What? Why?”

  “Well, I knew you’d say yes, so I texted Em and asked her to get it ready for you.”

  “My PA being your sister-in-law is not working in my favor,” I protest, but, in fact, I’m delighted that sometimes they can rearrange my schedule so I can stay in touch with my friends and family.

  “See you in a couple of hours?”

  “Where are we meeting?”

  “At the airport. We’ll fly to Bainbridge Island together.”

  “You aren’t there yet?”

  She laughs. “No. Now that you said yes, I have to convince Ethan and then work on Zeke. He might reconsider his fuck no. You people have become very difficult.”

  “Rocco fucking ghosted us for fuck knows how long. Can you blame us?”

  “He ghosted me too, and my wedding is still pending because of him,” she says, but her tone is not even angry. “He better have a good excuse and a tuxedo ready.”

  “Wait, I thought the wedding was going to be laid back,” I protest.

  “It’s going to be in my backyard, but I still want it to be classy and elegant. My fiancé looks so hot in a tuxedo. I can just unwrap him and eat him all night.”

  “Are we braiding our hair tonight, Nana?” I joke.

  “And doing our nails too,” she answers with a laugh. “Have a safe flight!”

  “Okay, but I’m crashing at your place, so make sure to keep your toys out of sight.”

  “Maybe you should stay away from our room,” she advises with a chuckle.

  During the flight to Seattle, I text my family, telling them that I’m going to be in town. Hopefully, I will get to see them. The only one of my siblings who is around is Winter. The twins are in Vancouver for a hockey tournament. Grey is in college—I should fly to Philadelphia soon. Piper is in New York. It’s cool. I saw her a couple of weekends ago. Maybe I’m not on great terms with my parents, but I’m tight with the rest of the family.

  Once I land, Alex and Hannah are waiting by the side of a sleek car.

  “Hey, Tuck,” she greets me, giving me a hug.

  “You’re glowing, Nana. Are we pregnant?” I ask jokingly because Alex’s family is pressuring them. They both shake their heads.

  “We’re going to try soon, but not yet. Maybe when you move back so you can babysit for us,” she jokes.

  “It’s good to see you, man,” Alex says, patting my back lightly and taking my bag. “How was the flight?”

  “Uneventful. Thank you for picking me up,” I answer and get into the car. “Where’s Zeke?”

  Nana tilts her head toward the other side of the airport. “Already waiting by the helicopter with Ethan.”

  “So how did this miracle happen?”

  “If you’re asking why he’s looking for us, I don’t know,” Nana says, and she turns her body slightly to face me. “All I know is that security called Ethan, but he didn’t answer his phone.”

  “So they fucking called us since we’re the second emergency contact,” Alex protests.

  “I made it up to you,” Hannah says sweetly, and I change the subject immediately because I don’t want to know what she had to do.

  “What happened then?”

  “Well, they said a guy named Patrick Rokus demanded to enter the premises,” Alex responds. “Obviously, I told them to keep him outside. We don’t know anyone under that name.”

  Nana laughs. “I took the phone and asked to speak to him.”

  “Wait. He’s using his real name?”

  Hannah nods and shrugs.

  “What I don’t understand is why his nickname isn’t Rokus. It’s so perfect,” Alex says.

  “Get over it, babe,” Nana responds. “Anyway, I talked to him. Told him Ethan moved out of that place the summer he left.”

  “Why didn’t you ask him to come to your house?”

  “We need a neutral place,” she answers. “I love the guy, but he disappeared on us, left rehab without finishing his treatment, and now he’s saying his name is Patrick.”

  I arch an eyebrow in
disbelief. That’s not my friend. He hates that name, his last name. The only reason he hasn’t already changed his name is because he’s a fucking procrastinator.

  “He’s still playing for the Midnight Bozos,” I remind her.

  She smirks when I called the assholes Bozos—I hate those clowns.

  “Sure, he’s not the lead guitarist anymore,” I continue. Since Karls came back he’s now the rhythm guitarist, but all the same. “For the public, he’s Rocco.”

  When we arrive at the other side of the airport, I spot Zeke and Ethan. Eth is looking fresh and sharp.

  Zeke’s eyes look stormy. “He’s angry,” I point out and shake my head. “No, he’s sulking.”

  “Brooding,” Hannah corrects me.

  “Hey, man,” I greet him, giving him a hug. “What’s eating you?”

  “She woke me up—too early. I had a long night.”

  I shake my head. “You’re getting old. How’s school?”

  “It’s all good. Two more semesters, and I finish my master’s degree in education. What I do is great, but I want to teach college level too.”

  “Next thing you know, we’re starting our own college—Sinners University,” Ethan jokes. Nana and Zeke glare at him. “What? We have two professors. I can see the potential. Maybe a media and music school for problem children.”

  “That’s something I’d be on board with,” Nana says. “It can go along with the program Alex and I started last winter.”

  “Snowboarding and music?” Alex asks.

  “No, they wouldn’t be snowboarding and playing music. We can set up a school, and include weekend trips to a ski resort,” she explains.

  “Okay, get ready. They’re starting the helicopter,” Alex warns us before the blades of the helicopter begin to rotate.

  I look at Ethan who shrugs. Since when did he become one of us? I think, and he tilts his head toward Hannah.

  They might not be married yet, but they’re a couple. He’s our friend. But this is the first time we let an outsider become one of us.

  Are we losing our family or are we evolving?