Crazy Imperfect Love

by KL Grayson

  “No, absolutely not,” Drake declares. “Abigail is a wonderful nurse. She shouldn’t lose her job because of a mistake we both made.”

  The air is sucked from my lungs as I hear Drake describe what we’ve shared as a mistake.

  “These rules are in place for a reason, Dr. Merritt, and our non-fraternization policy is not negotiable. It isn’t enforced on a case-by-case basis.” Sarah sighs. “As for Abby, I agree with you. She has been an asset to this hospital. Cindy has had nothing but good things to say about her, and we will be sad to see her leave, but the alternative is letting you go, and that’s not going to happen. But frankly, Dr. Merritt, I’m disappointed in you. You’re in a position of authority. You know better than this,” she scolds.

  I half expect Drake to have some sort of comeback, except he doesn’t. His lips snap shut. All of the emotion drains from his face as he stares off into nothing. For a brief second, I wonder what he’s thinking, and then my mind takes over.

  What the heck am I going to do now? How will this affect my contract with the agency? Will they let me go? Will this affect any future jobs I try to get?

  Oh, God. This is going to follow me around for the rest of my career. I’m forever going to be the girl who slept with a supervisor. I’ll be criticized and judged at every turn.

  Bile rushes up my throat, and I try to swallow it down, but it’s useless. My body goes on autopilot. I look up at the ceiling and start counting as the conversation carries on around me. I can feel the weight of someone’s stare. I don’t have to look to know it’s Drake. I can tell by the hairs on the back of my neck that are standing on end. But I refuse to break my concentration.

  I count forty-two tiles before his voice penetrates the fog in my head.

  “You’re right. I do know better. It was wrong of us to continue a relationship, knowing it was against policy. I assure you we will no longer date while I’m in a position of authority over her.”

  My stomach twists, and it’s a good thing I’m sitting down because otherwise I would’ve doubled over at the pain. How could he say that after everything we’ve been through? After all the talks we’ve had, and after I asked my supervisor at the agency about staying longer? Son of a bitch, didn’t we just talk about how we were falling for each other? And now we’re a mistake, and he pretty much just ended our relationship?

  Did he get his fill of me? Maybe I was a fun fling, but at the first sign of trouble, he’s bailing. I never would’ve pegged Drake as that kind of guy.

  “But,” he says, catching my attention. “I will ask that you consider letting her finish her contract.”

  Is he nuts? He must be if he thinks I’ll continue to work here—beside him—after we break things off. They might as well can my ass, because there’s no way in hell I can stay longer now.

  “Dr. Merritt—”

  “Just hear me out.”

  I wait for Drake to continue, and when he doesn’t, I look at him. Lifting a brow, I silently urge him on. Please, let’s hear your suggestion, Dr. Merritt.

  Drake frowns and then turns to Sarah. “I would like to talk with Phillip.”

  “Who’s Phillip?” I ask.

  “The administrator,” he says without looking at me. “Let Abby go, call Phillip, and we’ll discuss my suggestion.”

  What I want to say is, what suggestion? But I’m consumed by the fact that he just called me Abby.

  Drake hasn’t called me Abby once. Ever.

  A sharp pain stabs the center of my chest. I’ve had friends tell me how much love sucks, but I never believed them until now. I guess I always looked at love as a positive thing—two people caring for each other through thick and thin, someone to spend time with and share secrets and dreams with. I never thought much about the other side of love—about what happens when one half of the whole gives up.

  Screw falling… I’ve smacked the ground face first.

  I love Drake Merritt.

  Perfect fucking timing, Abigail.

  “Abby?”

  I blink up at Sarah. “Yes?”

  “I said you can go. Please report to my office at the beginning of your next scheduled shift.”

  I should tell her no, that she can fire me right now. Hell, I’ll even make it easy for her and quit. At this point I don’t care if the agency cans me as well. I just want my boring apartment and boring old routine back.

  Unfortunately, my feet don’t pay much attention to my head, and instead of saying I quit, I haul ass out the door.

  Chapter 13

  Abby

  I blow a chunk of hair from my eyes and sit back on my haunches, inspecting my work. I’ve spent the last three hours cleaning every square inch of this apartment while I wait for my contact at the agency to return my call. At this time of the evening, I half expect not to hear from her, but when I called in a complete panic, they assured me she would call me back tonight.

  Until then, I’ve been doing everything I can to kill time. I’ve scrubbed the bathrooms as well as the kitchen, pulled everything out of the perfectly stocked cabinets only to put it all right back in, and I’ve packed all of my clothes in the hopes that she’ll give me the news I want to hear.

  The first hour I was home dragged on. At first, I hoped Drake would barge through my front door to tell me everything I heard come out of his mouth was a complete lie. He would declare his undying love for me and sweep me off my feet, and we’d live happily ever after.

  Except those are the very best scenes of fairy tales. This is real life, and no matter how bad I wish Drake to be my prince charming, he’s not.

  I haven’t heard a word from him. Not a text or phone call.

  The phone rings, and I drop the scrub brush I’m using to clean the baseboards and dart across the room to grab it.

  “Hello?”

  “Abby, it’s Melanie. I got your message. What’s going on?”

  “I need you to get me out of here.”

  She laughs. “What are you talking about? Just the other day you begged me to find a way to extend your time in Montana.”

  “I know. I was delusional. I want out. In fact, I’d really like to go back home. This traveling thing isn’t for me. I thought I could do it, but I can’t—”

  “Slow down. First things first. There’s a contract in place, and I can’t just break it. But I’ve yet to find you something else in Montana to accommodate the extension you asked for, so I’m sure it won’t be a problem getting you home.”

  “Great,” I sigh, walking toward the bedroom.

  “After your contract is up.”

  “What? No. You don’t understand; I can’t stay here.” I vaguely hear the sound of a door opening and closing, but I’m too preoccupied, and I’ve got a one-track mind. “I need you to get me the hell out of here. I want out of Cunningham Falls and far away from Montana.”

  Melanie says something, but I don’t hear because the phone disappears from my hand.

  “Hey!” I whirl around to find Drake glaring at me.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” he asks, holding my cell in the air.

  How dare he barge in here and talk to me like that? I square my shoulders and lift my chin. “I’m going home.”

  “So I heard.” He shakes his head. “I can’t believe you were going to bail without even talking to me.”

  My eyes widen. “Talk to you? It’s funny you’d want that courtesy after breaking things off between us without talking to me first.”

  “What?” He has the audacity to look completely confused. “What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t break things off with you.”

  “Jesus Christ, Drake, I’m not deaf.” I yank my phone from his hand. “I was sitting right there. First you called what we had a mistake, and then you said, and I quote, ‘It was wrong of us to continue a relationship, knowing it was against policy. I assure you we will no longer date while I’m in a position of authority over her.’”

  Drake’s jaw drops. A couple of seconds later, he
snaps it shut. “This is a fucking joke,” he mumbles.

  Pushing his fingers into his hair, he turns and takes a few steps. “After last night, after everything we shared…” Hands on his hips, he looks at the floor. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

  “I’m not doing anything,” I shout, stepping in front of him. If he wants to accuse me of screwing this up, he’s going to do it to my face. “You did this. You, Drake.” I shove a finger into his chest.

  He grabs my wrist and pushes it away. “No,” he says, teeth clenched. “What I did was change my life around for you. What I did was give up the best fucking job for you.”

  My heart stops, along with everything else around me. My phone rings in my hand, but it goes largely unnoticed.

  “What are you talking about? What did you give up?”

  Dropping his chin to his chest, Drake takes a deep breath. When he looks up, his eyes are glossy. “Everything.”

  I swear I hear him murmur, including my heart, but I can’t be sure because he pushes past me and reaches for the door.

  “Oh no, you don’t get to tell me you gave up everything and then just leave,” I say, grabbing his arm. I dig my heels into the floor to keep him from walking away.

  “Why not? You were going to walk away from me.”

  “You said—”

  “I know what I said, Abigail. I know what you heard. But what you didn’t hear was me stepping down from my position as chief surgeon into a staff surgeon role. When I said we wouldn’t date while I was in a position of authority over you, I meant it literally. I gave up that part of my job so we could be together without breaking their stupid policy. And they agreed not only to keep you on until your contract expires, but longer, if you wanted.”

  I stand still, unable to find words. I thought he had given up on us…on me. All of the shattered pieces of my heart somehow snap back in place. Every doubt melts away as though it was never there.

  My heart starts beating again, only this time it’s stronger. This time, it slams against my ribs so hard I’d swear the stupid thing was trying to throw itself at Drake. But with the pained look on his face—a look I caused—I’m not sure he’d want it.

  “I’m sorry.” I take a tentative step forward, but Drake holds up his hand, stopping me. “I didn’t know. You should’ve told me. You should’ve let me sit in on that meeting.”

  “I should’ve done a lot of things differently.” His tone is cold and emotionless. “The first being thinking long and hard about giving up so much for someone like you.”

  His words are a slap to the face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’re being a coward, Abigail. You say you’re leaving because of what I said, but I think you’re using that as an excuse. I think you’re too scared to stay. You’d rather have safe and comfortable than something scary and new, and I gave you the excuse you needed—handed it over on a silver fucking platter.”

  I can’t believe he thinks that. Pinching my lips together, I shake my head. “That’s not true. I was ready to move here, to change all of my plans to be with you.”

  “Then why were you trying to bail at the first sign of trouble? Trouble that didn’t even really exist if you would’ve taken the time to talk to me. God, Abigail,” he growls. “I was excited to come over here and tell you what I’d done. I figured you’d be just as thrilled. We would celebrate, make love, and then I’d take it a step further and ask you to move in with me. And now everything is fucked up, and my position is gone.”

  “I didn’t ask you to give that up. I never would’ve asked you to give up your job for me!”

  “I know you didn’t. But I wanted to, Abigail. That’s how much I care for you, that’s how much I want to see where this thing between us could go. That’s also why I didn’t want you in there. I knew you would’ve thrown a fit if you knew what I was about to do.”

  I hate this. I hate that he did something so amazing for me and we’re fighting over it. Mostly, I hate that I was about to walk away. He’s right; I am a coward.

  “I’m sorry, Drake. You’re right. I should’ve talked to you first.”

  Slowly, the insecurities start to creep back in, wrapping themselves around my brain and my heart.

  Maybe he’s right. Maybe this was my way of getting out. I thought I was ready for such a big change, but what if this was my subconscious telling me I’m not?

  “Now what?” he asks. “Are you going back to Texas? Is that what you want?”

  “I don’t know.” I raise my arms and drop them. “I don’t know what I want,” I say, trying to make sense of the thoughts racing in my head. “I need a minute to process everything and think about it.”

  “What is there to think about?” he asks desperately. “You either want to be with me or you don’t. Which is it?”

  “It isn’t that easy.”

  “It is,” he shouts. “It is that easy.”

  “Not for me,” I yell back, hating the sound of my voice. Huffing out a breath, I take a step back. “It’s not that easy for me. I need some time to think about what I want.”

  “Take all the time you need.”

  Drake doesn’t look at me as he walks out of my apartment…and my life.

  The door slams shut.

  I sit down and rest my head in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut tight.

  God, he’s so infuriating.

  And sexy and sweet and kind and thoughtful.

  I’m an idiot.

  Holy shit, what have I done? The first little spark of anxiety, and I let it control me. I allow it to cause doubt. And maybe a small piece of me wanted to hurt him the way his words hurt me. But now I feel like shit because Drake’s gone, and he thinks I don’t want to be with him. He thinks I have second thoughts, when really I don’t.

  I want Drake Merritt more than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone.

  Grabbing my purse, I race out of my apartment, but his car is already gone. I watch his taillights as he turns right at the end of my road and disappears from sight.

  Chapter 14

  Drake

  I pull into my garage, throw the Tahoe in park, and stare sightlessly at the stethoscope sitting in my passenger seat, wishing I’d waited to step down as chief. I made it through medical school and my residency without letting a woman cloud my judgment. And then Abigail walked into my life.

  Fuck.

  It’s only been ten minutes, and I already miss her. How had she become such a big part of me in such a short amount of time? And how in the hell am I supposed to forget about her? Before Hannah’s wedding, I was certain I’d never find a woman to hold my attention. And then Abigail caught my eye. One taste and I was hooked. She ruined me for every other woman because she’s so goddamn perfect. Now nothing less than her will ever do.

  The sound of a car door slamming shut snaps me out my funk.

  “Please, Lord, don’t let my neighbors throw another party tonight,” I mutter.

  My patience is wearing thin. I’m exhausted, irritated, and a little heartbroken. If they start blaring their music again, I just might snap.

  I grab my stethoscope and drape it around my neck, then slide out of my car. Rather than going in through the garage, I head to the front so I can grab my mail.

  “I lied.”

  I stop mid-step at the sound of Abigail’s voice, but I don’t turn around. I can’t look at her or I’ll cave, and she needs to try a little harder.

  “I want you, Drake Merritt. I don’t need to think about it.”

  I take a deep breath, gathering all of the strength and willpower I have. “Go home, Abigail.” I proceed to the front porch, where I open my mailbox and pull out a stack of mail.

  “No. You might be ready to give up, but I’m not. If you’re not ready to fight for us, that’s okay. I’ve got enough strength for both of us, and you’re not going to walk away from me.”

  I hear her shoes crunch against what’s left of the snow, and this time when she speaks,
her voice is much closer.

  “You asked me if I was going back to Texas, and the answer is no. And I don’t need time to think about it or process things. I just need you, Drake.”

  “Abigail…” I stick my key in the lock and push open the front door. “I can’t do this with you right now.”

  “You were right. I’m a coward,” she says. Her voice is shaky and desperate, and it pulls at something inside of me.

  I turn around.

  “I’m uptight, and I’m a coward, but I’m also determined.” Tears fill her eyes, and she takes a hesitant step forward. “And I’m going to fight for you, Drake. I’m going to fight for you, and then I’m going to move in with you like you wanted, and then I’m going to organize the hell out of your kitchen…” She takes a shuddery breath before continuing. “And laundry room and bathroom and probably your bedroom too.”

  Her words cause the tiniest crack in the armor I’ve put up around my heart. And I think she can see it, because she takes another step forward. “I’ll set two alarms every night so we both get up on time, and I’ll check those alarms a million times until I get settled in.”

  Fuck, that’s what I want. That’s what I’ve always wanted.

  “Abigail—”

  “I’ll check the refrigerator at least twice every time I shut it.”

  This time, I take a step toward Abigail, and her eyes widen.

  “I like it when you check the refrigerator,” I tell her. “I think it’s cute.”

  Her smile almost brings me to my knees.

  “I’ll touch the outlet every time I unplug something, no matter what it is.”

  “I’m okay with that.”

  “Sometimes when I get nervous, I count my steps, or tiles on the ceiling, or cracks in the floor—whatever I can find. It’ll get annoying.”

  “Numbers are my thing.”

  She tilts her head. “I thought biology was your thing?”

  “Biology, numbers, and you. You’re my thing.”

  “I’m highly imperfect.”

  “Perfect is overrated.”

  “People will laugh at me, and they’ll laugh at you for being with me.”