by Tyler, Q. B.
“Oh, and who is right for me? You?” I don’t mean for the words to slip out and definitely not that harshly but I knew we’d be having this argument regardless of who it was.
“Well, yes.” He points at me. “But if I’m no longer an option, it definitely shouldn’t be that douchebag.”
“Well, for your information, I wasn’t going to take him back. Not that it’s your business, and I’m glad he didn’t try to come here. You wouldn’t know how to act!”
Bennett’s response is interrupted by keys in my door and Alyssa coming through it, sporting leggings and an NYU Med School hoodie. “Hiiiiii!” Her face is free from makeup and her black hair is slightly damp, meaning she probably showered at the hospital and came straight here.
“Don’t you knock?” Bennett immediately asks, crossing his arms.
“I’m sorry. Don’t you not live here?” Alyssa quips, just as Wren comes in behind her dressed in jeans and a leather jacket.
“You’ve been here thirty seconds. Already?” Wren looks at his wife, and tugs on her ponytail. “What did we just talk about in the Uber on the way over?” She makes a face behind his back and gives him her middle finger when he walks by her. “I saw that,” he says without looking at her.
She closes the door behind them and bounces her way towards me before wrapping her arms around me. “We’re here to make sure both parties are alive. Well, I don’t really care all that much about you.” She points at Bennett before she presses her hands to her hips. “You’re going out with Wren,” she says nodding at Bennett.
He looks at me and Alyssa, eyeing us warily. “And what are you two doing?” I watch in fascination as his muscles tighten when he crosses his hands over his chest. A vein pops out and I turn my gaze away from him, knowing that Alyssa will call me out for eye fucking him.
“Having a girl’s night here,” she replies.
“You’re not leaving?” Bennett asks as his eyes dart back and forth between us searching for the answer of what we’re really going to be doing.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no, we’re not. I’m getting my girl liquored up.” Alyssa does a dance where she stands and looks at Bennett. “Go get dressed and get out.”
“Excuse me?” he says.
“Come on, we’re going to go watch the game. The Giants are actually decent this year,” Wren says and points towards the door. Bennett stares at all three of us, probably figuring that he isn’t going to win this argument and pads back to the master just as Wren’s blue eyes and Alyssa’s brown ones find mine.
“You alright? God, we wanted to come last night, but we both had surgeries,” Alyssa says as she pulls me into a hug and kisses my temple. “How has it been?”
“Fine…fine…” I tell her as she lets me go and I can already see Alyssa isn’t buying it as she narrows her gaze at me and takes a step back, roving her eyes over me from head to toe. Her eyes widen and her hand goes to her mouth like she’s had a sudden realization. “OH for the love of GOD! Did you fuck him?”
“NO!” I shake my head and put my hands up. “No, no…totally did not.”
“Oh, but you want to…Jesus, Liv. I leave you alone with him for one day!”
Wren is staring at us with a mischievous smile on his face, his eyes shifting back and forth between us. “I’m really here for this.” He slides a hand around Alyssa and I glare at both of them.
“Seriously? Nothing has happened.” I resist the urge to snort at my own lie because a fuck ton has happened in the past twenty-four hours. “It’s weird having him here and it’s fucking with my emotions a little, but I’m fine. It’s fine. We’re fine.”
“Say fine, again,” Alyssa says as she pulls out of Wren’s grasp and makes her way to the kitchen. “Tell me you have food, I’m fucking starving.” She opens the refrigerator and squeals. “Oh! You went shopping.”
“Yeah, uh…Bennett ordered groceries.”
She slams the refrigerator closed behind her as she pulls a cheese platter out and some crackers from the pantry. “I’m choosing to ignore that for the time being because I haven’t eaten anything today, but we are going to talk about that.”
I roll my eyes and Wren looks me over. “You sure you’re okay.”
“No thanks to you and your bright idea.”
“Liv…I’m sorry for springing that on you and I’m sorry I was so hard on you yesterday.”
I cross my arms and give him a glare, though I don’t totally mean it. It’s hard to stay mad at Wren. He’s like a giant teddy bear with a warm heart and the ability to make you feel better with the best hugs. “You should be; you were a jerk.”
“I know and I’m sorry. I had just spent the last three days running on practically no sleep and dealing with my banged up best friend who doesn’t remember anything from the last two years other than the fact that he’s madly in love with you. We did a lot of talking the night you didn’t stay and…I’ve never seen him like that.”
I frown at his choice of words. “Like what?”
“Broken.” He shrugs. “That’s a broken fucking man in there.” I go to protest when he puts his hand up. “I know he hurt you, Liv. I know he crushed you and you were devastated…are devastated. But he doesn’t remember any of that, and you’re so much stronger now. You’ve moved on and now you have the power to completely destroy him, and despite the anger you feel towards him, I’m just asking you…begging that you don’t.”
Thirty minutes later, Wren and Bennett have left for the night. I had to tear my gaze away from him when he emerged from the bedroom wearing dark jeans and a white button down with his sleeves rolled to his forearms. That was what he wore when he wanted my full attention. When he was trying to seduce me. And he fucking knew it. He shot me a wink just as he followed Wren out the door along with the instructions to “behave ladies.”
Now I was sipping a gin and tonic because we needed something stronger than wine, as Alyssa stretches out on my couch with a bowl of popcorn in her lap.
“So, you told him everything and…?
I scoop my hair off my neck and into a ponytail on the top of my head. “And he didn’t take it well. I mean better than he could have but I think the whole situation has him thrown.”
“Well, it should. It stunned me when you told me he slept with someone.” She stuffs a handful of popcorn in her mouth and crunches loudly.
“You and me both.” I take a sip of my drink, wondering if I should tell her everything that’s been happening between us knowing that she’ll probably have a lot to say. I take a long sip, the gin burning my throat all the way down and my eyes water at the strength of the drink. “Jesus, Lys is there any tonic in this?”
“A splash.” She shrugs as she swirls her straw around her tumbler. “I need honest Liv.”
“I need to not be hungover tomorrow,” I tell her as I think about the conference call I should probably be on at eight am.
“Why? Aren’t you on “taking care of my sick husband” leave or whatever?”
“I’m technically still working, but…”
She scoffs. “God, I want your job.”
“No, you don’t, you’re saving lives and you love your job!”
Her eyes narrow and she shakes her head. “I’d love my job with your salary and work-life balance more.” She chuckles and rubs her forehead. “I’m off tomorrow and as much as I love you, I wish I was spending tonight sleeping and-or sleeping with my husband.”
“I didn’t invite you over, Lys.” I snort into my drink before scooping a chip around the guacamole that she’d whipped up.
“I’m half kidding. Though I am coming off an eighty-hour work week.” She takes another sip and burrows herself into my couch. “But Wren is so worried about Bennett, that asshole.”
“Lys…”
“I wasn’t in love with the idea of him coming here to live with you, you know.” She takes a long sip and I hear her obnoxiously get to the end of her drink.
“Could have foo
led me,” I reply, sardonically. It only took Wren seven minutes to get Alyssa on board with the idea, and while she was hesitant, she did believe I was the best choice of caretaker while Bennett got better.
She pours more gin in her glass, foregoing the tonic this time. “Wren did make some good points. Everything aside, Bennett doesn’t trust many people.”
“But I don’t trust him, Alyssa.” I remind her. I’m glad that he felt comfortable here and with me, but what about my feelings?
“You surely still love him.” I hate that Alyssa can read my emotions even when I’m desperately trying to hide them.
“Precisely why I don’t need him in my house,” I blurt out, followed by a sigh when I realize I’ll need to explain what I mean. “He’s already getting in my head.”
She bites her bottom lip and takes another sip before letting out a breath. She stares off into space and purses her lips before looking at me, and it looks as if she’s nervous to say whatever it is she’s thinking. “Do you miss him?”
I ponder her question as I look down into my drink not wanting to speak the three letter word sitting on the tip of my tongue. The three letter word that welcomed Bennett back into my life.
“Yes.” I look up at my best friend, her mocha colored eyes full to the brim with warmth and comfort and I don’t see an ounce of the usual sass or snark that I usually see. I just see my best friend, that I’ve known for years. The woman who was my college roommate for four years, my best friend, my maid of honor, and at times I felt like my true soulmate. I loved her even when I didn’t, and I knew she only had my best interest at heart, especially when it came to the man that had broken mine
She moves closer to me, engulfing me in a hug and resting her head on my shoulder. “Wren said he was a wreck when you left the hospital. He kept asking him what happened, but Wren said he needed to talk to you.” Her voice is quiet and timid, and unlike how she usually sounds. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“I know, Lys.”
She perks her head up and looks at me, sadly. “But I also saw the way you two acted just in the ten minutes I saw tonight. I saw the spark that’s always been between you. The way he looked at you, like you’d disappear if he didn’t constantly have his eyes on you. Like you were the most perfect woman in the world and he was lucky to be in your presence.” I shift my gaze towards her, wondering where this sudden change of heart has come from.
“You saw all of that in the few minutes you were around us?”
“Your chemistry could stop anyone in their tracks. Watching you two together is like…witnessing magic.”
“You’re drunk, Alyssa.” I knock my shoulder against hers.
“No, I just…I know he hurt you, and it kills me that he did that to you but…I think not being with him hurts you just as deeply.”
The feeling that I’m moving has my eyes fluttering open. I’m immediately disoriented until I realize I’m being carried. Warm hands are wrapped around my back and under my legs and that smell…fuck…that smell. It smells like home. Like being madly in love. It smells like happiness. People always say that your sense of smell is most connected to your memories. It has the power to spark nostalgia instantly, and currently, I’m remembering a particular instance of me and the man carrying me sixty-nineing on the floor of our bedroom.
I let out a whimper, just as he sets me on soft, plush blankets, and I realize in my sleepy, intoxicated haze that I must have fallen asleep on the couch and he’s putting me to bed.
“Bennett…” It sounds almost like a moan but also like a whine and I hear a chuckle as my body tries to pull myself out of this in between.
“You have fun getting drunk with Alyssa?” He sits down next to me and I blink my eyes open and sit up slightly. The only light in the room is from the hallway, leaving the room somewhat bathed in darkness.
It’s dark.
I’m drunk.
I’m drunk in the dark with my almost ex-husband that’s still in love with me.
I bite my bottom lip and look up at him. “Did you have fun with Wren?” I move closer to him, wanting to feel his body heat against me and he nods.
“I did. I couldn’t stop thinking about you though.” He smiles and my lip finds my way between my teeth as I stare at his mouth. “I know we left things kind of unsettled.”
“I’m okay…” I run a strand through my fingers and look up at him in the sexiest way I can when I’m this drunk and he chuckles in response.
“That’s right. How could I forget, you get horny when you’re drunk?”
I drop my hair from my hands, cursing him for being right…I do play with my hair when I want his attention. “No, I don’t. I mean I’m not…” I look away from him towards my nightstand that just happens to have a vibrator that I’ve spent quite a bit of time with the past six months. Go for it, Olivia. “You don’t want me?” Fuck, I might need more alcohol, so I can just forget this embarrassing interaction ever happened.
His eyes darken and he grabs my hands, squeezing them gently. “More than my next breath. But you’re drunk…very drunk, and I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow morning and hate me more than you already do.”
“I don’t hate you…”
“Well, you don’t like me very much, and I just don’t want you to regret anything. You should get some sleep, Livi.” He stands and makes his way towards the door. He’s almost out of my door completely, when the words leave my mouth almost on their own.
I snort and roll my eyes. “God, when did you become such a pussy?”
He turns around instantly before he’s in front of me, gripping my jaw hard. “That was your one. So, I hope it felt good.” He grits through his teeth. “I actually want us, and you just want to get off because that piece of shit frat fuck didn’t dick you down well enough,” he snaps. “Don’t take your sexual frustration out on me because I’m trying to do the right fucking thing.” His tone, the grip on my face, the alcohol coursing through my veins, makes my clit throb painfully and all I want to do is rub it on him. I don’t even care if he’s a willing participant. He lets my chin go turning towards the door and I let out a pained, “Wait.”
The Bennett I knew—all versions of him, couldn’t walk away from me, and certainly not while he’s angry so he freezes in the door. His back is tense, his fists are balled, and he turns slightly, so that I can only see his profile. “I’m sorry…that I said that.” I let out a breath.
He doesn’t say anything at first, and then I see him nod. “You’re forgiven. Get some rest, Olivia.” He’s out of my room, shutting the door behind him and leaving me in the dark.
I manage to drift off to sleep despite the humiliation flaring up in my chest. Despite the alcohol fueling my feelings, telling me that I’d just been rejected, somewhere deep down, I commend Bennett for not letting us go down that road of complicated sex, awkward conversations, and tense interactions.
I wake up the next morning, my head throbbing worse than the day before and I make a mental note that I don’t want this to become a habit while Bennett was staying here. I shouldn’t need alcohol to deal with him…especially if it’s going to lead to what happened last night. I slam my pillow over my head and groan as I think about having to face him after I all but threw myself at him. I peep my head at my phone and notice that it’s only seven in the morning and I let out a sigh of relief that I could probably make it to the bathroom and the kitchen and back to my room without running into Bennett. I jump out of bed before I can change my mind and wince at the brief moment of nausea that overtakes me.
I pull my door open, grateful that my apartment is still new enough that there aren’t any creaks or noises allowing me to move from my room almost silently. Once out of the bathroom, the Advil slides down my throat as I make my way towards the kitchen. I press a hand to the refrigerator, trying to open it slowly and as quietly as possible, grab a bottle of water and prepare to dart back to my room, moving as quick as I can past his room when I h
ear my name.
My head snaps towards his door when I hear it again. I go to respond, when I hear it again.
“Fuck. Livi. Fuck fuck fuuuuuuck.”
I yelp, when I realize he’s not calling for me, and more importantly what he is doing. The bottle slips from my hands and hits the ground, and although it’s carpeted, the apartment is silent enough that he definitely heard it, as well as my squeal. I press my hand over my mouth, and reach down, fully prepared to grab it and run when the door opens as I’m huddled on the ground.
I look up, reluctantly, to see Bennett staring down at me in nothing more than a pair of sweats, his erection semi-hard and pressing against the fabric, making me believe that I probably overheard his climax. “Olivia?”
“Hi…I…uh…I just needed…water.” I stand up, holding up the water bottle. This is the first time I’ve seen Bennett Clarke shirtless in months and I have no idea how I’m supposed to string together a coherent sentence. I try to pull my eyes away from the perfectly sculpted body, but I can’t stop staring at a tattoo I’d never seen before. I take a step closer, ignoring the look that I’m sure he’s giving me as I stare at the black ink tattooed directly over his heart. He didn’t have a ton of ink on his chest, most of the tattoos taking up real estate on his arm and a few on his back. I was only aware of the one on his ribcage for his father.
No, this is new.
As in after I left him.
I look up into his eyes that are staring down at me, a smile pulling at his lips. “See something you like?”
“Is that…I mean…” I take a step back, my heart, body, and mind all on the same page that I needed space before I try to mount him in this hallway. “They say it’s bad luck to tattoo your lover’s name on you.”
He looks down, and I think he realizes that I’m not just ogling his body. “I take it this is the first time you’ve seen this?” he asks and I nod, the words failing me as I take in my initials written over his heart with the words ‘forever and ever’ written in neat script underneath it. But not just any script.