Forget Me Not

by Tyler, Q. B.

  “Take Amanda out of the equation for a second. You hated me on sight.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Really?”

  “It’s hard letting your only child go, Olivia.”

  “So you hated me because you wanted him to stay a mama’s boy forever? Please.” I snort. “I hope you have something better than that because that is weak.”

  She sighs. “You weren’t like the other girls he brought home.”

  “What? Black?” I raise an eyebrow at her, not in the mood to hear about the parade of Barbie dolls he’d brought home before me.

  “No, Olivia. You speak your mind. You are smart and well-spoken and outgoing, but you have a mouth on you and a fiery streak. You have gumption that so many of his past girlfriends lacked and a part of me resented you for being a woman who spoke her mind so freely when I’d been taught to be seen and not heard. My son came alive when he met you. I saw it from the moment he first mentioned you. And then he just…stopped coming around because you became his entire world.” She gives me a smile that most would consider warm and genuine, but nine years of interactions have me skeptical.

  “So you didn’t like me because you felt like I was taking your son away from you?” I roll my eyes. “I never did understand these unhealthy co-dependent relationships between mother and sons. It’s strange.” I snort as I take a long sip of my vodka water.

  She chuckles. “See and that,” she points at me, “that’s what I’m talking about. You’ve given as good as you’ve gotten it over the years, Olivia.”

  “Hardly. I was taught to respect my elders, and while I might have given you my sarcasm, I’ve always erred on the side of respect. You however, have not.”

  “I’m not proud of how I’ve treated you.”

  “You shouldn’t be.”

  She nods. “I’ve been hurtful and rude and inconsiderate and I’m sorry.” I stare at her before staring down at my drink. I’m a forgiving person by nature, but I swear these Clarke’s love to test my resolve. “Now Amanda…No bullshit?”

  My eyes move to hers hearing her swear, having rarely heard her say anything more than damn or hell. “Sure?”

  “I gave my son hell for cheating on you. You may not know that. I knew he loved you, and I was furious at him for taking the coward’s way out. Regardless of how I felt about you, I’ve been there, and it’s nothing I’d wish on any woman.” My eyes widen. No way. Bennett’s father loved Caroline. Surprisingly. “Bennett doesn’t know, and I’d like to keep it that way.” She swallows and dabs at her eyes with a tissue she pulls from her purse.

  “Senior?”

  She clears her throat. “Don’t think he’s so perfect now, do you?” She gives me a weak smile and pulls my glass of vodka from my hands and takes a long drink.

  “Ummm, when?”

  “Bennett was about four.” She takes another sip and I watch as her throat wobbles as she swallows. “So, he won’t remember that there was a time when his father wasn’t around.”

  “You separated?”

  She nods. “For about two months.”

  “But you took him back?”

  “Because I was twenty-five, with no college degree and a five year gap in my resume. It was the eighties, and I didn’t know what to do with a child and all of those very inconvenient characteristics. So I went back. For security and the life I’d grown accustomed to.” She sniffles.

  “Did he ever…?”

  “No, never again.” She shakes her head. “At least, not that I know of. Olivia, it took me a very long time to forgive him and I never forgot.” She sighs. “But what I’m saying is, you don’t have to be me. You have a million choices and options and you have all the tools to make the best decisions. You don’t need my son to live the life you want,” her eyes well up with tears but she swallows them down, “but I think you need him to live the life you love.”

  I’m silent as her words seep into my soul. Maybe she’s full of shit, but her words still ring true. I don’t need Bennett in the same way she needed his father. But I need him in ways that I feel deep in my heart. His love courses through me and I feel the absence of him every time I move. Every time my heart beats it feels the loss of the only man I’ve ever loved. “What if we can’t get past it?”

  “Have you tried?” she asks. “Or did you just jump ship when it got hard?”

  “I didn’t…” I start when she pins me with a hard glare.

  “Bennett has been fighting so hard for you and for your marriage, and I know he hurt you. Believe me, I know. But I know you love him enough to give him another chance, so I’m just curious what you’re afraid of?” I don’t answer because really I’m not sure. “I made my relationship with…Amanda so in your face because my son was devastated when he found out you moved on. I was angry at you for leaving him broken.”

  “What about me? I was broken too.”

  “Yes. But you left him. So by every rule of life there ever was, it meant you were stronger.”

  “David didn’t mean anything,” I tell her honestly.

  “Neither did Amanda.”

  “It doesn’t change what happened.”

  “No. Nothing can change the past. But you can change the present. You can do better for the future. There’s no room for pride in love, Olivia. Marrying someone is the most humble act. You’re promising to put another person first. Sometimes even before yourself. I can’t make you do something you don’t want to do. But I can empower you to make the choice you want to make but are too afraid to.”

  Ninety-eight

  Ninety-nine

  One hundred

  Sweat trickles down my face and back as I finish the last round of push-ups. I hadn’t been working out much and my body felt the difference. I lift my shirt, rubbing it over my brow and down my face. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically. I haven’t done much the past week besides wallow in my own misery and ignore the outside world. I haven’t gone back to work and I think they are beginning to wonder when their top realtor will return, but I honestly can’t be bothered to care. I’d signed the deal of a lifetime before my accident and the commission on the house I’d sold was obscene. I could take the rest of the year off, and still live comfortably.

  I stand up on shaky legs, my muscles tired from the workout I had just put them through and grab my mother’s yoga mat I’d been using. I opted to work out on her terrace as to not give my mother a heart attack by dripping sweat on her white carpet. My mother still lives in the apartment she shared with my father, as she couldn’t bear to move after he passed. I look off the balcony, and over the city. It’s officially fall, and the thought chills my bones that I’m going into another season without Olivia.

  I wonder what she’s doing right now.

  Is she thinking about me?

  Anxiety zips through my body as I walk back into the apartment just in time for my mother to enter the room. She scrunches her nose, shaking her head. “Go straight to the shower, do not sit on anything.”

  “I wasn’t going to,” I tell her as I take long sip from a bottle of water. “Where have you been?” I know she’s been out all day and more importantly not seeing any shopping bags in the living room means she actually wasn’t at Bergdorf Goodman.

  “Out.” She frowns as she slides her gloves off her hands. “I didn’t realize you were the parent here.” She raises an eyebrow.

  “It was just a question.” I shrug, not in the mood to deal with my mother’s attitude. I start walking through the apartment towards the guest room where I’m staying when she stops me. “When is the last time you left the house?”

  “I don’t know.” I turn around and give her a shrug.

  “You should go out and get some fresh air.”

  “I got plenty of fresh air on your terrace.”

  “I’m serious, Bennett. You can’t stay cooped up inside. You have to get out and live your life.”

  I don’t say anything. I just stare at this woman who clearly has never ha
d her heart broken, if she thinks I’m in any mood to be around a bunch of people. “You done?”

  She shakes her head and crosses her hands across her chest. “She wouldn’t want this for you.”

  I snort. “And you know anything about what Olivia wants.” I walk away not wanting to entertain my mother’s thoughts about the woman she basically treated like shit. “As a matter of fact,” I turn around, “if by the grace of God or divine intervention, Olivia does take me back, you need to deal with whatever issue it is you have with her, because I’m tired of you treating her the way you do. That ends and I mean it, Mother.”

  She lets out a small puff of air and nods. “I know.”

  I’m shocked by her response and the fact that she’s not putting up a fight. “Okay. Well. Good.” I nod. “Olivia will probably never take me back, but…” I shrug. “At least I know you’ll make an effort. Thank you.”

  I turn again, heading down the hall when she calls after me. I turn and she gives me a smile. “You fight for that girl, Bennett. What you two have is special. You do whatever you can to hold onto it. Fight for it. And when you get it back, protect it.” Her eyes are hard yet I see so much wisdom in them, like she has firsthand experience.

  I can only nod at her words. “I have an appointment at the hospital. They’re going to run some tests. It’s my last follow-up, and now that my memory is back they just want to make sure everything looks good.”

  “Of course. Shall I come with you?”

  “No.” I rub a hand behind my neck as I turn around, surprised to see my mother had followed me. “I’ll be fine, but thank you.” She presses a hand to my cheek and gives me a smile.

  “Give her some time, Bennett.”

  “She’s had six months, Mom,” I sigh as the weight of that time apart beats down on me “Either she wants me or she doesn’t.”

  “Your scans look great, B.” I nod at Wren as he jots something down on his clipboard. “The swelling is completely gone.” He points to the photo scan of my brain.

  “Great, I definitely feel better. Physically. The rest of my life is a fucking mess, but at least I’m alive.” I do my best to sound optimistic, but to be honest, it hadn’t felt all that great to be alive the last week. I lean over, resting my forearms against my knees. “Has Alyssa talked to her?”

  He pulls his glasses from his face and slides them across his desk before pressing his hands to his face. “No.” He shakes his head. “Olivia has asked for space.”

  “So no one knows how she is?” I ask. She’s by herself, and I was hoping Alyssa would at least be checking in on her.

  “Have you talked to her?”

  “I called her a few times after that first day, but she’s not answering.” It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen or spoken to Olivia and I’m growing more restless by the day. Olivia and I had spoken with our lawyers during our week of bliss that we no longer wanted a divorce, but I was anticipating a call any day that Olivia had decided to put things in motion again. As sticky as it is, I’m sure we will be in for a fuck ton of red tape after calling it off once, but I fully expect to be served again within the month.

  My beard has grown in slightly, making it fuller and less stubble, and my hair is a little longer as well. This isn’t a look I usually go for but showering is about all I have the energy for, especially after I put away half a bottle of whiskey.

  I’m coming to accept the fact that Olivia and I have gone through too much. Too much has happened that we may never come back from. Our marriage can’t withstand everything we’ve put it through.

  Love really isn’t enough.

  The door opens, interrupting my thoughts and I fully expected a nurse or another doctor to be on the other side, but what I don’t expect is my wife. My eyes rake over her and despite the fact that she looks unbelievably gorgeous in jeans and a bomber jacket, I can see the sadness in her eyes. I’d never known Olivia to not wear mascara when she went out, and yet her lashes are bare and the area around her eyes looks red. She bites down on her bottom lip gently and my cock immediately takes notice. Arousal spikes in my veins and she must notice because she lets her lip go and gasps quietly.

  Neither of us has said anything, and I’m acutely aware that we aren’t alone in the room, but I can’t take my eyes off of her. I don’t want to even blink for fear that she’ll disappear. “I’m going to step out and give you guys a moment,” Wren says. I assume he wants out of this tiny office filled with tension, our emotions, and our racing hormones. “Liv.” He nods at Olivia and nudges her shoulder gently as he walks by with a smile on his face.

  “Hi Wren,” she whispers, offering him a smile that I wish she was giving me.

  Look at me, baby.

  As if she can hear my thoughts, she turns towards me and takes a tentative step into the room. “I knew you had an appointment today…I’m sorry for just showing up. I should have called or let you know I would be here.”

  “You don’t have to call.” I shake my head. “You’re welcome anywhere I am, anytime.”

  She swallows and nods towards the paperwork on the desk. “What did Wren say?”

  “Oh, well. I’m good as new.” I give her my best smile. “Everything looks good.”

  Her eyes light up. “That’s great, Bennett. I’m glad you’re better.”

  I want to tell her that I’m not better. That nothing feels right without her, but I settle for asking her a question, that I’m sure I already know the answer to. “How are you?”

  “I’m okay. You?”

  I nod. “Fine.” I close my eyes for a second, hearing my mother’s words in my ear. Fight for her. “Terrible,” I correct myself.

  When I open my eyes, hers are fixed on me. “Same.” Her gorgeous waves frame her face and she tucks some of it behind her ear. “I don’t know if you’re busy or anything, but I was thinking maybe we could take a walk?”

  My eyes widen as I hear her request, my mind flashing to weeks down the road where we are back together. Don’t get ahead of yourself, she could be ending it for good. “Anywhere.”

  The wind whips around us as we start walking through Central Park, something we’d done hundreds of times when we were married. Olivia and I are one of those couples that never run out of things to talk about. I genuinely enjoy her company and conversation even when we’re forced to put on clothes and we’d spend hours in the park talking about everything and nothing. I swear we had so many little moments here that later we realized were big moments.

  She’d wrapped a scarf around her neck when we got outside, and I worry she’s still cold with how she’s got her arms wrapped around her. “Are you cold?”

  “No. I’m just…nervous.”

  “Around me?”

  She doesn’t respond and we continue walking when she sits on a bench and I follow suit.

  “Are you telling me it’s over?” I figured if she’s about to break my heart, she should just do it now and get it over with.

  “Is that…what you want? I mean…have we gone so far down a road we can’t come back from?

  “You haven’t been paying attention if you could possibly think that’s what I want. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep you. To keep us.”

  She’s quiet for a few moments before she takes a deep breath and looks at me. “I miss you.” Her lips form a straight line. “I tried not to. I was hoping that asking you to leave would give me a clear head and it did.” The tears have now begun to fall down her face. Slow single tears that I want to lick away. “It made me realize how much I love you and hate being away from you. I don’t want a divorce, Clarke. I want to fix our marriage. I know it’s been a rough year and things happened that shouldn’t have, but I want to leave it in the past and move forward. I want…I want my husband back.”

  My heart is pounding in my chest hearing her words. I grab her hands, pulling them to my lips and running them over her fingertips. “Baby.” I sense her shiver even though I’m not looking at her and when I lo
ok up, she’s staring at me with a doe-like expression. I press my forehead to hers. “I’ve been miserable without you. Truly. Living without you has been hell on Earth.” I move closer to her and she meets me in the middle so our thighs are touching and I want nothing more than to pull her into my lap, but I know that’s the quickest way to get us cited for public indecency because I’m seconds from ravaging her.

  “So you’ll come home?”

  “Fuck yes, and I am never leaving it again. Wherever you are, that’s where I need to be.”

  She must not realize how wound my body is and how desperate it is for her because she lunges for me, wrapping her petite body around mine and squeezing. She’s sitting in my lap, her arms wrapped around my neck and her face pressed into it. “I missed you so much,” she whispers and I squeeze her to me.

  “You have no idea.” I rock her gently as she cries into my neck but I pull her back. “Hey hey.” She looks up at me and I trace her full pouty lips with my finger before dipping my index finger inside. “Nothing like this ever again, Livi.” She nods emphatically. “You and me.”

  “Forever and ever.”

  Two Years Later

  My eyes fly open and immediately I frown when I realize I’m alone in bed. I’ve always hated waking up alone. It goes back to those six months Bennett and I were separated. The Dark Ages, we called it. It’s been two years since then, and if possible I think our marriage is stronger than ever. We are happier than I ever thought we could be after what happened. I sit up in bed, my body still deliciously sore and naked after what Bennett did to me late last night and a smile finds my lips as I rub the chapped skin. My breasts ache slightly after all the attention they received last night and I wince when I slide a t-shirt on over my naked body.

  We did move into a bigger apartment, wanting to start over fresh and new as we closed out a chapter of our lives. I tiptoe through the apartment and I can already feel my ovaries exploding as I hear my husband’s voice in the room over.

  “You are the most perfect baby, you know that?” I hear our son gurgling and I cock my head to the side as I watch my half naked husband talk to our son who’s still in his crib. He’s leaning against the railing, staring down at him when I see him reach inside. “You want to go see if Mama’s awake?”