Crush: An Everyday Heroes Novel (The Everyday Heroes World)

by Kelsie Rae

  My eyes find him through the sliding glass door. He brings a bottle of beer to his crooked smirk as he chats with Anthony before taking a quick swig of the amber liquid. As if he can feel me watching him, he finds my gaze and holds my stare.

  Will Ben make my vulnerability worth it?

  I don’t know. But I think I want to find out.

  26

  Marcy

  “How are you feeling?” Ben asks after Anthony drops us off at our hotel.

  My nerves are shot from my mind refusing to just…shut off for a minute. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of the cliff from earlier today and need to jump if I want to give my relationship with Ben a real chance of thriving. But that’s terrifying on so many levels.

  Man, I’d give anything for a glass of wine.

  “Marce?” Ben prods before lacing our fingers together and guiding me into the elevator.

  “I’m okay,” I answer him as I stare at our interlocked hands.

  I want to trust him. I need to.

  “You sure?”

  When he squeezes my hand and presses the button for our floor, I tear my gaze away from his firm grip and look up at him. Sway’s right. It’s okay to be terrified, but I can’t let that hold me back. If I do, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

  “Yeah,” I whisper. “I’m okay.”

  I think so.

  Reaching our floor a few seconds later, the elevator doors slide back open, and we walk down the hall in silence. I’m too lost in my thoughts to actually carry on a conversation, and since Ben can read me like a book, he doesn’t press the topic.

  The electronic key glides into the lock, then Ben opens the door and guides me inside our hotel room. Staring warily at the bed, the same what if’s run through my mind that have been on a constant loop since we arrived.

  Maybe the change of scenery will be enough to keep our relationship at the forefront of his mind. Maybe he won’t get lost in his past this time. Maybe I’m enough for him. Maybe we could build a relationship that lasts more than a few months. Maybe it could even last for the rest of our lives.

  Or maybe I’m crazy, and he’ll never be able to love two women instead of just one.

  Because I’m not trying to replace her. I’m not. I just want to be able to step outside of her shadow and have him look at the real, flawed, yet beautiful Marcy Holden.

  Is it even possible?

  “You’re thinking about something,” Ben calls me out.

  “Nothing,” I whisper in response.

  “Bullshit.”

  “Ben….”

  Turning me toward him until we’re face-to-face, he pushes, “Do you trust me?”

  His calloused hand encompasses my bicep, and I study it just as closely as his question. It’s funny. There’s so much weight to it that I find myself speechless before forcing out the truth.

  “I want to trust you.”

  He nods, though his jaw stays tense. “I can accept that. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “I’m thinking that I could fall for you, but that terrifies me.” It’s only half a lie. I am terrified. But I’ve already fallen, and there’s no going back for me.

  “Why are you so terrified, Marcy?”

  “Because I’m scared that you’ll always be too busy carrying around the memories of your wife to make new ones with me.”

  Squeezing his eyes shut, he rests his forehead against mine and breathes me in. It’s like I’m his oxygen. If only he knew that he’s turning into mine too.

  “I think I’m in love with you, Ben,” I whisper. “But I haven’t been fair to you, and that’s on me.”

  “It’s not your fault––”

  “Shhh….” I tilt my head and kiss him. Dragging my tongue along the seam of his lips, I silently beg for him to open up to me, and he complies without hesitation.

  His fingers press into my lower back, bruising me with their need as I guide him to the bed.

  Once he’s seated on the edge of the mattress, I lift my dress to my waist, then straddle his thighs before kissing his strong jaw. The scruff of his beard scratches my sensitive skin, but I kind of love it.

  “I’m going to need you to take off your shirt now,” I order against his heated flesh before dragging my tongue against his neck. The slight taste of salt has me rolling my hips against him in need.

  With a curse under his breath, Ben rips his shirt off, then throws it across the room. His hands find my waist, and he guides me back a few inches to give him enough room to undo his belt buckle. Raising onto my knees, I wait for him to slide down his jeans while ignoring the way my heart is racing.

  “Come here, Marcy.” His gruff voice grounds me as his bruising grip returns to my hips. With only a flimsy set of underwear between us, I gasp and grind against him. I’m dripping. Desperate. And terrified. But he feels so good, and it’s almost enough to distract me from my insecurities that are yelling at me right now.

  He’s using you.

  He only wants her.

  You’ll never be enough.

  “Marcy.” My name is a prayer on his lips. “Shit, Marce.”

  His hands slide up my back before that same desperation takes over, and I fight with the fabric of my maxi dress that’s bunched around my waist. Tugging it over my head, I tell those stupid insecurities to shut the hell up. My dress joins Ben’s shirt across the room, then his hand is tugging aside my underwear, and he lines himself up with my core.

  Take the leap, Marcy.

  My thighs shake as I lower myself onto him and gasp at the sensation of him inside of me. At first, he doesn’t move and lets me take the lead, giving me time to adjust. But I don’t need long before I slowly grind against him and swivel my hips.

  He continues chanting my name. Over and over again.

  Eyes closing, I let myself get lost. In his touch. His words. His breath. All of it. Until I find myself on the precipice of an orgasm that I have no doubt will consume me the same way he has.

  “I’m…,” I moan.

  Shit. I’m close.

  His pace quickens, pushing me over the edge before following right behind me.

  “I love you, Marcy Holden,” he groans with his forehead pressed between my breasts. As he tries to catch his breath, his grip tightens around my back like he’s afraid I might disappear.

  But I’m not going anywhere. Nothing could take me away from him.

  He holds me tighter as his breath slowly starts to even out, but he doesn’t move a muscle.

  Just…holds me.

  A tear slips down my cheek, and I wipe it away before dropping my chin to the top of his head that’s still pressed against my heart.

  He squeezes me a little tighter before I whisper, “I love you too, Ben.”

  27

  Marcy

  It’s funny what letting go of your insecurities does to a person. It’s freeing. And liberating. I feel like I can finally breathe. Like I can enjoy my relationship with Ben instead of questioning every minute detail until a migraine starts to blossom at the base of my skull.

  I’m happy.

  Really happy.

  Because I’m in love.

  And the best part? He loves me too.

  “Are you sure Dylan said it was okay for me to tag along?” Ben inquires with his hands in his front pockets as he waits for me to ring Grady and Dylan’s doorbell.

  “Yup. They offered to drop her off, but I was kind of missing my Petunia.”

  “Petunia?”

  With a grin, I ring the doorbell. “You’ll see.”

  Sadie is propped on Grady’s hip as he answers the door looking like his usual handsome self. “Hey, guys. Come on in. Thanks for helping us out tonight.”

  “Don’t mention it. I watch my nieces and nephew all the time,” Ben returns. “Are you okay that I tagged along, though?”

  Grady waves him off. “I’ve heard you two were pretty inseparable. I would’ve been more shocked if you didn’t come.”

  �
��Grady!” Dylan yells from a room down the hall. “Will you come help me zip this up?”

  Turning back to us, Grady hands Sadie to Ben. “I’ll be right back.” Then he strides to where Dylan’s voice originated and calls back, “I can help you take it off,” before a door closes and muffles her response.

  “You sure we weren’t invited to play wingmen and distract their kid so they could get laid?” Ben quips in a conspiratorial whisper.

  “I mean, would you blame them if they did?” I point out.

  “Probably not.” Juggling Sadie in his arms, his voice softens. “Hey, baby girl. Remember me? This ugly mug is the first thing you saw when you were born. Although birth isn’t exactly a walk in the park, so I understand if you blocked out the whole thing.” I snort as he continues, “How’ve you been handling the outside world? Has your daddy shown you mandarin oranges yet?”

  Sadie is way too young to talk, but she coos right back at him with a giant grin that’s sporting two baby teeth on the bottom and two on top.

  “Don’t worry. I got your back, baby girl.” Dropping a kiss to her chubby cheek, he adds with a whisper, “I’ll show ya the ropes as soon as your parents leave.”

  My ovaries are practically bursting as I watch their exchange before footsteps echo down the hall, and Dylan and Grady appear.

  “Sorry, this dang zipper is stubborn,” Dylan explains, pointing to her gorgeous black dress.

  “Dude, you look hot!” I fan myself.

  Grinning shamelessly, Grady interjects, “Don’t worry, she’s married to a fireman. I’m more than happy to keep an eye on her, but I might have to make her combust later tonight.”

  Dylan rolls her eyes, though I can see the love shining through them as she grabs his hand.

  “Thank you, Marcy,” she emphasizes my name while ignoring Grady’s amusement beside her. “I’ve been working out like crazy to get the extra baby weight off, but it’s been an uphill battle––”

  “Dyl,” Grady admonishes. “If you don’t stop trying to get rid of those curves, I might have to book another boudoir session with Marcy for you so that you can see what I see.”

  “Do you see who I have to deal with every day?” Her voice is teasing as Grady slips his arm behind her back and pulls her into his side before kissing her cheek.

  “And you love every damn minute of it.”

  She gives him another eye roll that’s filled with absolute joy no matter how much she tries to conceal it with annoyance. “Thanks for watching Sadie, guys. We appreciate it.”

  “Anytime,” I answer her. “Have fun on your date.”

  “There’s a bottle in the fridge, and she should be hungry in a couple hours. I also have some baby food in there, and some little snacks are in the pantry. If she gets fussy, you can put her down for a nap between now and her next feeding, but she’ll probably go right back to bed after eating since it’s getting late. Her diapers are in her room, along with her jammies. And…I think that’s it?” She turns to Grady, and he nods in agreement.

  “Yeah. You have our numbers. We’ll be home in a few hours.”

  Ben raises his chin in acknowledgment. “Take your time. I know a night out is a rare occasion when you have kids.”

  “You have no idea,” Grady grunts before leaning forward and planting a quick peck against Sadie’s forehead. “It’s a good thing you’re cute. Ready to go, Dyl?”

  “Yup. See you guys later!”

  They disappear out the front door as a wet snout rubs up against Ben’s leg.

  “What the hell?” he mutters before looking down at the culprit.

  “Petunia!” I squeal, squatting as low as I can before throwing in the towel and plopping onto my butt next to the front door.

  Petunia grunts, grunts, grunts, then lays down right next to me, and I give her a good belly rub.

  “That’s Petunia?” Ben looks down at me like I’m a crazy person.

  “The one and only.”

  “She’s a pig.”

  “Yup. A cute one, I might add. Will you judge me if I tell you I secretly want one?”

  Amused, Ben takes a seat beside me on the hardwood floor and sets Sadie in his lap before reaching over and petting Petunia.

  “She is pretty cute,” he grudgingly agrees after less than a minute.

  “Yup. Dylan still gushes every once in a while at how lucky she is to have wound up in Sunnyville, and I don’t blame her. She’s living the dream.”

  With hesitant curiosity, Ben’s gaze meets mine. “Speaking of dreams…what are yours?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Your dreams. When you look at your life in five years, how would you want it to be if it checked off all the boxes? The realistic boxes,” he clarifies with a warm smile.

  “Honestly?”

  “Yeah. I want to hear it.”

  “Married to the love of my life with a few more lenses in my camera bag, a baby of my own, and possibly a pig, but I’d accept a dog if the previously mentioned love of my life wasn’t into owning one of Petunia’s relatives. How ‘bout you? What’s your dream?”

  Ben stays silent, looking down at the baby in his arms. His hand practically engulfs Sadie’s stomach and chest as she leans her back against him and plays with his wristwatch.

  When I realize the minefield I just inadvertently stepped into, an apology tumbles out of me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean––”

  “It’s fine.” He glances up at me, and his gaze warms. “I was just thinking about my life, and the whirlwind it’s been. How five-year plans can change in an instant. But it’s how we respond to those changes that can make or break the next five years and the ten after that. Your dream sounds pretty damn great though, Marcy. I think I could even get on board with the pig part too.”

  My face splits into a grin, my heart brimming with happiness. Before I can stop myself, I lean forward and plant a quick peck on his cheek as Sadie slobbers all over the sleeve of Ben’s olive green Henley. When I pull away, I see the contentment in his eyes. The peace. The acceptance that life might not always turn out the way we expect it to, but that it’s okay.

  “Can I ask you something?” I ask.

  “What’s that?”

  “What was she like? Kate.”

  “Kate was….” He hesitates and tilts his head to the side. “Are you sure you want to hear about this?”

  We haven’t broached this subject yet because it’s been too explosive of one until recently. But I want to know about his life. And she was his life.

  “Yeah,” I answer him. “I want to know all about her.”

  A soft smile touches his lips. “She was incredible. Don’t get me wrong. She had her flaws like the rest of us, but she was just…genuine. Kind of like you,” he adds with a smirk. “She was feisty, bull-headed, loving, kind, and stood up for others. She was the whole package.”

  My jealousy doesn’t spike the way I expect that it would. Instead, I’m overcome with a sorrow that’s so deep I want to cry. Life is so fragile. So delicate. And if I’ve learned anything from my moments with Ben, it’s not to squander them.

  “I’m really sorry for your loss,” I murmur, hating the way my eyes fill with tears. I can’t imagine losing Ben, and I’ve known him for less than a year. How painful would it have been for him to lose Kate? The idea of losing Ben nearly breaks me. It’s…unbearable.

  Scooting closer to me, he wraps his arm around my neck and pulls me into him as I mourn his loss as if it’s my own.

  “I’m just…I’m so sorry.” I soak up his warmth and close my eyes, simply breathing him in and cherishing this moment because there are no guarantees of tomorrow. And that’s terrifying.

  “I am too.” His chest rumbles. “Krista spent years telling me that Kate would want me to be happy, and do you want to know a secret?”

  “What’s that?” I whisper.

  “You make me happy. In a way, I almost wonder if Kate sent you to me so that I would finally realize I hadn’t been livi
ng. I was wasting my precious time on this earth by living in the past instead of looking toward the future.”

  He’s not the only one who was stuck in pause mode. As I look back at my life before getting pregnant, I want to kick myself. I was afraid to go after what I wanted because I was afraid I wouldn’t be accepted.

  Playing with the wisps of dark hair on Sadie’s head, I admit, “I’m not sure how much I was really living before I met you, either. I guess I should thank Kate for that too.”

  “She would’ve liked that and probably would’ve never let you live it down, either,” he adds with a crooked smirk before sobering slightly and dropping a kiss to the top of my head. “I really want my future to be with you, Marcy.”

  “I want my future to be with you too.”

  28

  Marcy

  Two weeks later

  “Why, hello, Dr. Bennett,” I say in a sultry voice as he opens the door in his office for my thirty-five-week appointment. Technically, I missed last week because of a photo shoot, so Ben asked me to start coming weekly.

  “Hello, Ms. Holden,” he replies in an equally over-the-top porn star voice. I revel in our banter. “How are you feeling today? Need me to…check anything?” His eyes fill with heat as I lose a bit of my earlier bravado.

  “Actually, I’ve been feeling kind of crappy.”

  Concerned, he wiggles the mouse and scans my chart, then grabs the doppler. “What kind of crappy?”

  “I dunno? Just a nasty headache and some dizziness.”

  “Have you been feeling Little Miss move like normal?”

  “I think so? Nothing out of the ordinary.”

  “Okay, let’s do a quick check and make sure everything is still going smoothly.” Lifting my gray T-shirt up, he turns on the doppler gadget so he can listen to the baby’s heartbeat and gets to work. After finding the heart rate of Little Miss, Ben monitors the rhythm for a few seconds, then puts the doppler down and offers his hand to help me sit back up. “Let’s listen to your heart. Breathe deep for me, okay?”