Where the Heart Is (Hearts Series Book 1)

by L. S. Pullen

  “Nathaniel, that’s enough. Do you hear me? Do not take this out on Felicity,” Evie says around her tears.

  He throws his hands up in the air, causing me to flinch.

  “You’re a fine one to talk. How the hell would you feel if you were in my shoes? The man I looked up to, who I was in awe of…turns out not to be my grandfather at all.”

  “Don’t you dare say that, of course he is—” Her words break off.

  “Is or was…he’s not here to explain himself. All of this is fucking horse shit,” he says, waving his hands around the room.

  Everything about his body language causes me to tense. I watch him getting more frustrated, fists clenching and the veins in his neck coming to life.

  “Nate, please will you just—” I try, but he cuts me off.

  He points his finger at me. “Don’t you dare, Nate, please will you...” he says, mimicking me.

  The sting is like salt in a wound—a slap in the face—from how I felt so close to him a few short hours ago. He turns and storms away.

  “Nathaniel, wait. I have a letter from your grandfather, it explains it all,” she says, holding it up to his retreating back.

  He peers over his shoulder, eyes so dark they are alien to me.

  “Burn it. I don’t want it.”

  “Evie, I’m sorry,” I say, feeling at a loss for words.

  “Oh, come on now. It’s not your fault,” she says as she wipes at her face.

  I can’t let him walk away, not like that. Who the hell does he think he is treating Evie that way?

  “I’m going to try talking to him,” I tell her.

  “I don’t think he’ll listen. He’s hot-headed just like his grandfather. If he would just calm down enough to see reason...”

  I nod and give her a hug before jogging off to Nate’s room.

  I tap on his door but don’t wait for an answer. I walk straight in. He’s already out of his shorts and dressed in jeans and a jumper, sitting on the edge of his bed, lacing up his boots.

  “Nate, please can we talk about this?”

  He doesn’t bother to look up when he answers. “No, we cannot. You fucking knew, Felicity, and you said nothing.” He tugs the last knot in his laces.

  I move towards him. I need to make him understand. “It wasn’t for me to say. I only found out by accident.” I know it’s a lame excuse, but still, it’s the truth.

  “I couldn’t give a shit how you found out. You should have told me.”

  “No, Nate, I shouldn’t have,” I say, standing my ground.

  Springing to his feet, he slips on his leather jacket and pulls up the zipper before grabbing for his wallet and keys. I put my hand out to stop him, but he swats it away like I’m nothing.

  “Nate, please don’t leave like this. Talk to me,” I say, pleading. I know he’s angry, hurt, and he has every right to be, but he shouldn’t leave—not like this.

  “I never thought I’d say this, but you are the last person I want to talk to right now.” His admission is like a punch to the gut.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, my body trembling with tension.

  “Save it for someone who gives a shit.”

  My heart is hammering like mad as I try to control my breathing, shifting from one foot to the other.

  “You don’t mean that,” I say. I try to take his hand, but he snatches it back. This is what I was afraid of—letting him in so he could push me away.

  “Oh, but I do. And don’t think the waterworks will work, either. I need to clear my head.”

  I bring my fingertips to my face, I didn’t even realise I was crying. I’m stunned.

  He hits me with a look, that for the first time, I can’t decipher. Then he turns and, without looking back, walks away.

  I slump down on his bed, holding onto my chest—feeling a pain I’ve never felt before. Not even with the panic attacks. I begin to sob. I don’t know when Evie comes in—she doesn’t say anything when she sits down, cradling my head in her lap as she strokes my hair. I cry for all the times I haven’t been able to. For myself, Evie, and my Nana. But mostly, I cry for Nate—the one boy who I’ve ever truly wanted.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I walk around his garage, taking it all in. He would probably blow a fuse if he came back to find me in here, but he’s nowhere to be found. He left in the early hours of this morning and hasn’t been seen since. I cried myself into a fit of exhaustion—apparently, repressing emotions will do that to a person.

  I’ve called him, left voicemails, and sent texts. I know he’ll come back when he’s ready, but the funeral’s tomorrow. Not knowing if he’ll turn up or not is enough to give anyone anxiety, especially me. I pause when I see a frayed spine on a shelf staked with books, and lean closer. Well, I’ll be damned.

  Thirteen Years Ago

  I can’t wait to see Nate’s face when I give him his present. I saved all my pocket money so I could buy it for him all by myself. I look down to my feet for the bag, but I don’t see it.

  “Mum, did you put Nate’s present in the boot?” I ask, looking around my feet.

  “No honey, you wouldn’t let me. You said you had it, remember?”

  “Yes, I went to the bathroom… Oh no, Mum, we have to go back. I left it on the stairs!”

  “Sorry, sweetie. We’re over half way now. He’ll understand.”

  I feel the tears brewing—my lip always wobbles right before I cry. Nate says it makes me look silly.

  I shake my head, my braid whipping me in the eye. “But, Mum, he’ll think I didn’t get him anything.” I look to Nana, pleading with my eyes.

  She takes my hand in hers and squeezes it gently. “Don’t get upset, honey,” she says, leaning over and kissing the top of my head.

  I can’t help it. I was looking forward to giving it to him. I can’t believe I left it behind. I’m so stupid. I look out of the window, and for the first time, the snow-covered surroundings do nothing to lift my mood.

  Mum pulls into a petrol station and turns off the engine.

  “Right, everybody out. We have shopping to do.”

  She opens my door and holds out her hand for me to take. I look up. Her smile calms my nervous belly.

  “Here’s what we are going to do… We are each going to pick out a present, then, sweetheart, you can call this Nate’s novelty surprise present. The next time you see him, you can give him his real present, okay?”

  I nod, sniffing as we head into the petrol station.

  Nana claps her hands together in agreement as Papi comes round to take my other hand in his.

  “Let’s go have us some fun,” he says in French.

  Inside, the mat chimes as we all walk across it. I go back and walk over it again. Papi laughs and winks at me.

  “Everyone split up. Let’s get a quick gift for Nate, Lawry, and Evie.” Mum says.

  I look around. There’s no way I’m going to find anything in here. Papi is studying something in his hand, his glasses on the tip of his nose.

  “Here, look at this sweetheart,” he says, holding it out in front of me.

  I hear Mum from somewhere in another aisle say, “English please, Papa.”

  He rolls his eyes and hands me a small box.

  “A puncture repair kit,” I say with a smile.

  He nods and takes it back.

  Nana looks chuffed as punch when we find her down the next aisle.

  “Look at this,” she says, dangling a fluffy, pink dice in front of me.

  I stroke it—all soft, velvety—and I nod in agreement.

  “Right, so we have something for Lawry and Evie. So that just leaves Nate,” Mum says, with the Mum’s can fix anything expression, holding two boxes of Cadbury’s milk tray.

  “Chocolate’s always a good back up, don’t you think?”

  “Yes. Are one of those boxes for me?” I ask.

  She laughs, but I don’t know why. I was being serious. All because the lady loves milk tray, I say to myself, the TV advert
coming to mind.

  I scan the shelves behind her. When I see a magazine with a big shiny car and a girl on the front, I point it out. She scans along the shelf until her fingers land on the one that caught my attention.

  “There, that magazine right there. He’ll love it.”

  “Oh, this one?” she says, her face beaming. “That’s a lovely idea, sweet pea, but that is a little old for Nate.”

  Papi coughs and covers his mouth. I scrunch my nose at him, but Mum swats his arm, giggling, as she grabs a few bags of sweets hanging off some hooks.

  I look around again and see a book with a map on the front. AA Road Atlas. I pick it up but have to use both hands—it’s so big and heavy.

  “Perfect,” Mum says. “That’s everything. Let’s go pay and get going. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for my Christmas dinner.”

  I smile, my finger tracing the fragile spine. It’s funny how a forgotten gift became a holiday tradition. An uncomfortable sinking sensation settles in my stomach. That’s two years I’ve missed being here for Christmas.

  My butt buzzes, and when I pull it free, it drops to the floor. Hastily, I answer, not even looking at the caller ID.

  “Hello,” I say, breathless.

  “Hello… Felicity?”

  I’d recognise that faint Australian accent anywhere. “Charlie?”

  “The one and only. Listen, I wish I was calling under different circumstances—”

  My stomach lurches, I don’t give him the chance to finish before I interrupt him

  “Is he okay?”

  “Define…okay. I mean, if you can call his stupid drunk-self okay, then yeah he’s fine.”

  “Oh, shit. Has he said anything to you?”

  “He was wired when he turned up at mine this morning, and it was only after he followed me here and after a few drinks that his tongue loosened. I’m in a bit of a predicament. I didn’t want to call Evie for obvious reasons, so I stole your number out of his phone. I hope that’s all right?”

  “Of course,” I say, pacing the length of the garage.

  “I’ll cut to the chase. I can’t get away—I’m already short-staffed. But I’m worried he’ll drink himself into oblivion and with the funeral tomorrow… I could cut him off, but he’ll just leave here and go somewhere else—even if I did get him in a cab. I know he’s not your responsibility, but is there any chance you might be able to come get him?”

  I fiddle with my wrist. “He was so pissed at me earlier. I’m not sure if he’ll cooperate, but what have I got to lose?”

  “He feels like a dick about that—believe me. When he sees you, I doubt he’ll put up a fight.”

  “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” I don’t know him—not really. He switched so quickly, and right after I was feeling so close to him. I had reservations in the back of my mind and look where that got me.

  “Felicity, I wouldn’t ask you if I thought for one minute he would turn on you. And I’d like to think you still remember me enough to know I’ve got your back. Yes, the tool is my best mate, but I know what he needs—he needs you.”

  Charlie’s words are so sincere, and I have no doubts he’s got my back. But it’s Nate needing me at all that I’m doubtful about.

  “Okay, I’ll need the address…”

  “I’ll text it to you—sorry, shit I’ve got to go. Call me when you get here.” With that, he hangs up.

  I’m not about to disturb Evie or worry her any more than she already is. Instead, I go to the key cabinet—which is unlocked, thank God—and grab the ones I’m looking for. I enter the address into the Sat-Nav, which takes me a good ten minutes to figure out. Breathing deep, I count to ten before I head out—my hands shaking and stomach turning the entire drive.

  I ring Charlie when I come to a stop. “I’m here,” I say, looking across the street at the address of the bar he gave me.

  “Okay, just go to the main door. My bouncer is expecting you.”

  What? Is he serious?

  “I can’t come in. I’m not dressed for a bar.”

  I hear him bark something to someone before he comes back on the line. “I’ll bring you out back to my office,” he says.

  I shake my head and close my eyes as I squeeze the leather of the steering wheel.

  “Felicity, are you still there?”

  “Yeah…right. See you in a sec.”

  I switch off the engine, glad I parked close to a street lamp. I take the key between my knuckles, holding it like a lifeline and force my body in the direction of the entrance. A group of people are milling around outside—smoking, avoiding all eye contact. I focus on the giant of a man before me, and my breath gets caught in my throat.

  “Felicity?” he asks.

  I nod. With that, a smile spreads across his face, and all of a sudden, he’s not quite so intimidating. I give him a small smile in return. He takes my elbow so lightly, I’d hardly notice if I didn’t see him do it. He leads me through a very crowded bar. I weave between people, elbows, and feet, the keys still tight in my grip.

  A tap on my shoulder causes me to jump. A squeal gets caught in my throat. I peer over my shoulder, let out a breath, and turn. A very handsome Charlie stands before me. He pulls me in for a hug, kissing me on each cheek before letting go—it’s a natural reaction for him, and I don’t have time to object…even if I wanted to.

  “Follow me,” he yells over the noise, waving his hand in the direction of his office.

  I’m working my way through the crowd when a tug on my elbow jolts me out of step. Air rushes from my lungs as the blurred face of a stranger appears in my line of vision.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” he says, invading my space.

  I try to move his hand from my arm, but it doesn’t budge. My heart thumps wildly in my ears, my eyes dart left and right. When Charlie pries the stranger’s hand away from me, he steps between us, and signals for the bouncer.

  “Get him out of here.”

  No questions asked, the giant nods, looks down at the man who’s holding his hands up and tilts his head in the direction of the exit.

  Charlie spins back in my direction and leads me to a door that opens into a small hallway. He waves a toggle over a square box, and then a green light appears as he pushes the door open, waiting for me to enter first.

  I wrap my arms around my middle.

  “Sorry, that guy was already on his last warning. Hey, are you all right?”

  I nod and then shake my head as I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. He holds his hand towards a small, two-seat leather sofa, and I sit. He crouches down in front of me, unscrewing the lid from a bottle of water, then passes it to me. I take a few sips and collect myself. I can feel him watching me. I squeeze the keys that are still securely tucked in my hand.

  “Punters, who’d have them?” he says with a crooked smile. He always was good at easing tension.

  “I’m sorry about that… Not the guy, I mean my reaction. I’m jumpy these days,” I say with a shrug, fiddling with the bottle between my palms.

  “Jumpy or not, no one puts their hands on you without your permission. I don’t give a fuck who they are.”

  I learnt early on that you don’t mess with Charlie. He’s protective of those he cares about—always sticking up for the underdog. One thing he hates more than anything is a bully. I always thought he’d make a great boyfriend to some lucky girl someday.

  I glance around the space that is his office—a desk on the back wall, computer, printer, and some monitors…which I presume to be CCTV. Cabinets align the wall opposite the sofa, and there’s a fridge and glasses on a shelf above.

  He claps his hands together once. “You all right to hold up in here for a sec? I’ll go get Nate. Last time I saw him, he was visiting the little boys’ room for the umpteenth time. The door can only be accessed by staff, so you don’t need to worry about any unwanted visitors.”

  I smile—him reassuring me as he exits the door makes my chest tighten.
A humming vibrates through the wall from the thrum of people’s voices melding into one. I peel the label off the bottle as the door beeps. Charlie reappears—sans Nate.

  “I just spoke to my guy, Olly, who’s tending the bar. He saw Nate leave with a friend. I literally just missed them. I should’ve locked his sorry arse in here,” he says, a mixture of guilt and annoyance crossing his face.

  “Do you think he’ll be all right?” I can’t hide my concern.

  “He will if he sleeps it off. He’ll probably crash at Rachel’s.” His eyes widen, then he clamps his mouth shut, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

  “Right.” I don’t know how else to respond to that.

  “She can be quite persistent when she wants. I mean—” He puts his hand on his head and rakes his fingers through his hair, looking as awkward as I feel.

  “It’s none of my business. As long as he’s safe, that’s all that matters,” I say, chewing on the inside of my mouth.

  “It’s not like that… She’s likely just looking out for him. They’re friends.”

  I raise my eyebrows. Friends, my arse. Why he feels the need to cover for him is beyond me. It’s not like we’re together. But that doesn’t stop the stab of jealousy that tugs at my insides. It’s like Déjà vu all over again.

  A beep sounds as a guy enters. I look up and am met with striking, violet eyes and a pierced eyebrow. I scan his biceps—a tattoo escapes the sleeve of his t-shirt. He smiles and winks at me, causing heat to rise in my cheeks.

  “Hey, sorry to interrupt, but it’s picking up out there,” he says, pointing his thumb over his shoulder.

  “Two minutes, Olly.”

  “Cool.” He smiles at me and wiggles his fingers before leaving.

  “Ignore him, he’s our resident playboy,” Charlie says, shaking his head.

  “It’s fine,” I say, taking another sip of water.

  “I need to get back out there… I feel like a dick for making you come down here—”

  “Don’t be, it is what it is,” I say as I stand.

  “Come, I’ll walk you out.” He tilts his head to the door.