by L. S. Pullen
Sophie shakes her head. “No idea.”
I shrug.
“Excellent, I’m going to shower then we’ll go hit the shops. How about Bluewater?”
I don’t bother to answer, and neither does Soph. He’s already made his mind up.
“This is going to be so much fun,” he calls over his shoulder as we watch him swagger from the room.
“This is your fault,” she says, poking her tongue out at me.
She dislikes shopping even more than I do.
“Yeah, but he always treats us to the best lunch.”
She smirks. “That’s true.”
Friday has come around way too quickly. I’ve had text messages from Nate every day, but we are yet to talk. He hasn’t brought up what happened, other than to say he wants to talk to me in person about it. My stomach is drowning in nervous knots. I want to pretend it never happened, that he didn’t walk away when the going got tough. That he didn’t make me feel and tear down my walls as the dam flooded my inner psyche.
I keep seeing him, standing there with her. The way she was so familiar with him, her hands unafraid to touch him as her lips found his.
I shake away the thoughts.
“Just a friendly warning. Nate’s friend, Charlie, will be there…and let’s just say he’s hot. So, just be wary around him,” I say, looking over my shoulder to Sophie, who’s sitting in the backseat
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep my hands off. Besides, that would be forever awkward especially when you marry Nate,” she replies, arching her eyebrows.
Simon lets out a snort of laughter.
“What the fuck? Why would you say that? I’m nervous as it is. Have you been drinking?” The words leave my lips before I have time to think about them.
Simon stretches his arm over and squeezes my thigh.
“No, of course I haven’t, but by all means, feel free to insult me some more. After all, I am here doing you the favour,” she says and flips me off. She turns her face away and stares out the window.
My insides churn in discomfort as my voice comes out unsteady. “Sophie, I’m sorry. It wasn’t meant as an insult to you…let’s just say he is a little promiscuous.”
“Well, what makes you think it’s her you need to worry about?” Simon says with a wink into the rear-view mirror, catching Sophie’s eye.
“Unfortunately for you, he only likes beautiful women,” I say, looking at Sophie.
“Well, do you know what I think? You’re hormonal, and the sooner you and Nate get it on, the better,” Simon says, holding out his fist over his shoulder.
Sophie sits forward as she snorts, and fist bumps him back, just as we pull into the driveway. The stones crunch relentlessly under rubber until we come to a stop.
“Okay, sweetness, you ready for this?” Simon asks as he swivels in my direction.
I shake my head, pulling my ponytail over my shoulder as I work my fingers through the ends.
Sophie unclips her belt and sits forward, her head between the headrests.
Simon rubs his hands together. “You’ve got this. You are one of the best people I know, current company included of course,” he says, with a wink, Sophie nodding in acknowledgement. “If you want this thing with Nate to go somewhere, you need to stop thinking with this.” He taps my temple. “And start acting with this,” he finishes, pointing to my chest.
“Baby girl, please don’t let the fears of the past dictate your future. You need to start believing in yourself again. There’s only one of you—you’re one of a kind.”
I swallow hard. As cheesy as it sounds, he always knows how to hit a nerve with me. I swat his arm—what we like to call a love punch—playing off his compliment.
“Tell me again why we didn’t work?”
“Easy, you’re a girl,” Sophie says, deadpan.
“Bingo. Under any other circumstance, you’d have been one hell of a lucky lady. But look on the bright side, you get the better option—my unconditional friendship—which will last a lifetime.”
Sophie makes a fake gagging sound. Clearly, this is getting way too sentimental for her.
“Okay, girls, enough of this soppy shit. I don’t know what self-help books you’ve been reading, Simon, but maybe knock them on the head for a bit. Flick, just try not to overthink things. And on that note, I’m out,” she says and exits the car.
Simon and I both laugh. For all her rough edges, she really is as soft as a kitten.
“She said shit,” Simon says, shaking his head.
I plant a kiss on his cheek and get out.
I feel as though I’m being watched. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I turn around, and sure enough, I come face to face with Nate.
Swirls of light surround him like a halo. My throat tightens. Our eyes lock and I have to remind myself to breathe.
Sophie clears her throat to break the trance I find myself in.
“I’m Sophie, and you must be?” she asks, looking at him expectantly, knowing full well who he is.
“Nate. It’s good to finally meet you,” he replies. With a warm smile, he kisses her on each cheek—very smooth.
“Likewise,” she says, returning his smile.
“I’m Simon.” Sticking out his hand, he practically shoves Sophie off to the side.
Nate nods and shakes his hand once before letting go.
He steps towards me, closing the distance. I have yet to move, I don’t think I could if I wanted to. He leans in and pulls me in for a hug, his warm breath tickling my neck—alighting my senses. Causing my pulse to race.
“Hey, is this a private party? Or can anyone join in?” Charlie says. He moves past Nate to take his place, picking me up and lifting me off my feet.
I let out a squeal.
Before he sets me back down, he whispers in my ear, “I’m glad you’re here.”
I glance over my shoulder. “These are my friends, Simon and Sophie.”
“Nice to meet you,” he says, taking Simon’s hand first.
I watch as he moves to Sophie—it’s almost predatory, his eyes scanning the length of her. He kisses her cheek.
Hold on, is she blushing? I try to hide my smirk.
“So, Sophie, tell me, are the rumours true?” he asks.
“What rumours?” she replies, cutting her eyes at him.
“All good, I assure you.”
She tilts her head, a hand on hip. “I’ll be the judge of that.”
He taps his nose. “A secret squirrel tells me you make cupcakes to die for.”
Her mouth gapes open before she licks her lips. I don’t know what she thought he was going to say, but she looks relieved. He offers her his arm. She looks at it, then back to him before she takes it. As he pauses to take her bag, she glances over her shoulder, and mouths the word, womaniser.
I can’t help but laugh as they walk away.
“Oh righty then,” Simon says, looking bemused by their interaction.
“So, I hear you like cars?” Nate offers.
Is this what they call a male icebreaker?
“Did you, now?” He grins and winks at me.
Nate nods his head towards the garage. “Want to have a look before we head in?”
“Can do,” he says, falling into step with Nate.
I follow as they chat like they’re old friends. I need a time out. This is so surreal.
“I’ll leave you to it. I’m going to head in,” I tell them.
They both nod.
Nate’s eyes land on me before I turn and walk through the garage and into the back of the house. I stop as soon as I’m out of sight, but apparently, not out of hearing distance. I lean against the wall, the coolness of the bricks welcome.
“Okay, now we’re alone… I know you’ve got something to say, so let me have it,” Nate says. I don’t hear hostility in his voice…more a resigned fact.
“Fair enough,” Simon begins. “I don’t know you. I only know what she’s told me. But I couldn’t love that g
irl more than if she were my own flesh and blood, so you can’t even begin to imagine how I felt seeing her that upset. If it weren’t for the events of the day, I would have turned the car around and had it out with you, but I’d never want to add to her pain.”
I hear a sigh, which most likely comes from Nate. I can imagine what his hands are doing—sweeping through his hair, or wiping his palm over his face.
“I feel the same, and believe me, I never meant to hurt her. I swear that, too. I know I fucked up. My behaviour was diabolical, and I’ll do whatever I have to so I can make it up to her.”
“I don’t doubt your intentions, but seeing her cry like that was enough to bring me to my knees. She hasn’t been that upset since she found out what those scum bags—”
I can’t listen to any more of this. My chest becomes tight as it strangles my breath.
The smell of that room—the unfamiliar sheets, the yellow stained ceiling—comes flooding back like a tsunami. The memories threaten to consume me.
I stumble through the kitchen door and slam into something hard.
“What the hell… Are you all right?”
It’s Charlie.
His voice is distorted as arms wrap around my middle. Panic settles over me. I struggle for air.
“Sit her down.”
It’s like I’m on a cloud—floating—removed from reality. I put my head between my knees, trying to regain deep, even breaths.
A hand rubs my back.
“Flick?” Nate—a blurry form kneeling in front of me.
I feel him, his familiar scent wrapping itself around me.
“What did you do?” Sophie asks, clearly annoyed.
I’m not sure whom she’s speaking to until Simon pipes up.
“Nothing. She left us in the garage to come in here. I was just talking to Nate,” he hisses back at her.
“About what?” She doesn’t beat around the bush
“Just—”
I peer out of the corner of my eye as he raises his palms in the air. The room falls silent, apart from the low buzz that hums through my ears.
Nate lets out a sigh, his hand on my thigh. No one else says anything, but I feel eyes all over me.
“I just need a minute,” I say as I get to my feet.
Nate stands. “I’ll go with you.”
I shake my head. “No, I just need a minute.”
He stops as I walk away. I avoid everyone as I force my feet to move, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other until I’m in the confines of my room.
I take a seat at the window, pulling my knees up to my chest, and stare out the window. A numb feeling settles over me as I shut everything out. I don’t feel. I don’t think. I just breathe.
A knock on the door brings me out of my trance, but I don’t move to answer. The turn of the handle, the crack of the door, and squeak of the floorboard gives away someone has entered.
I know it’s him.
I’d feel him anywhere.
I peer over the top of my knees. His eyes are focused with worry, and my fingers itch to smooth away the lines that have settled over his forehead.
“I needed to make sure you were okay.” He reaches his hand towards me, but I move to my feet.
“Why wouldn’t I be? Just another one of my episodes, nothing new there.”
He puts his hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels. “I’m sorry. This was my fault.”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not like you were there. This was all because a couple of stupid, naive girls went to a party with strangers.”
I scrunch my toes up in my pumps, and squeeze my fists closed, my nails digging into my palms.
“No, that wasn’t your fault. But I’m talking about what happened downstairs. I fucked up. The way I spoke to you when I found out about my Gramps? Charlie told me you came to get me, and I know what you saw when she dropped me off, but it’s not what you think—”
“Nate, I don’t want to hear it. Look, I don’t know what you want from me, but whatever it is, I can’t give it to you.”
I’m holding on, my emotions threadbare, ready to snap at any moment.
“I don’t want anything from you except for you to be present…to at least hear me out.”
I sit back down. He lets out a puff of air as he sits on the edge of the bed, facing me.
“It’s important you know I never slept with her, and when she kissed me here at the house, I was stunned for a second, but I pushed her away when I registered what was happening. She knows I’m not interested in her—not like that. We had a thing for a while, but not anymore,” he says, clasping his hands together between his knees.
“Well, good for you, and your restraint—not sleeping with her for old time’s sake. Round of applause.”
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t stop the poison from crossing my lips. He looks offended but continues, anyway.
“I left with her because I wasn’t thinking… She suggested taking me to hers to sleep it off. I had no idea Charlie rang you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gone.”
If he thinks this is making me feel any better, he’s sorely mistaken.
“I’m not an invalid, Nate. I can go to a damn bar and not lose my shit. Besides, it’s irrelevant—you were already being taken care of.”
The words taste as bitter as they sound, even to me, but the green-eyed monster has well and truly nestled between the cracks of my insecurities.
“I deserve that. We may not be together, but it’s important you trust me enough to know it wasn’t like that.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation. Like you said, we’re not together, so it’s really none of my business.” I pinch the skin on the underneath of my arm, desperate to be alone, to find a release.
He stands, pacing. “But I want it to be your business. God, don’t you see? You must know how much I care about you. Fucking hell, Flick, if I could be with anyone, it would be you. It’s always been you.”
He slumps down beside me. My whole body buzzes from his admission. The room fills with heat. What am I supposed to say?
“I don’t think you know what you want. Grief has a peculiar way of blurring the lines.”
I squeeze my eyes closed. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“You’re wrong, I know what I want.”
The way his eyes hold mine causes my heart to race. I swallow hard.
“I don’t know what to say… I opened up to you more in a few days than I have with anyone in a long time. You hurt me, Nate. I don’t know if I could trust you like that again. At best, maybe we could work on trying to salvage our friendship.”
I went there—I pulled out the friendship card.
“You can trust me. I’ll find a way to prove it to you. And after, if it’s just friendship you want, I’d rather that than not having you in my life at all.”
I nod, not trusting myself to answer.
A knock sounds, followed by Sophie as she steps into the room.
“Sorry to interrupt,” she says.
“It’s fine. I’ll see you at dinner.” He looks away before leaving without another word.
“Talk about bad vibes. There’s only one thing for it, bunny, and that, my friend, is a cat nap—a close second to a cup of tea.”
She flings herself on the bed, patting the space beside her. I force myself to join her. Together, we stare at the ceiling like it has all the answers.
“Want to talk about it?”
Where would I even begin? I turn to look at her, letting out a breath.
“I friend-zoned him, can you believe that? What a cliché. I want to be more, but it freaks me out.”
“It’ll be all right. Time will tell, you’ll see.” She squeezes my hand.
I feel a pang of guilt for making her come with me. I know why she stopped going to her church, to events like this, but she’s here for me anyway. When other friends looked at us with silent pity in their eyes or fell off the grid because they di
dn’t know what to say or do, she stayed. Her friendship never faltered. It didn’t waver, not even once. Deep down, I hate what happened, but I’m also grateful that I didn’t go through it alone. She is a force to be reckoned with, and the embodiment of loyalty and friendship.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The bed dips when Simon scoots in between us, wriggling around, complete space invader.
“Hey, bitches.”
Sophie’s fist connects with his shoulder. “Do you have to say ‘bitches’?”
He sure knows how to push her buttons. I can’t help but smile—such a wind-up merchant.
“No, I just love to watch your pretty little nose scrunch up like that,” he says, tapping her on the nose.
She looks at me, eyebrows raised, leaning up on her elbows.
“Get him,” she announces as she dives and begins to tickle him. I join in—solidarity in numbers, besides, girls rule and boys drool.
He makes a noise between a squeal and a groan as he grabs for a pillow. Holding it like a shield, he stands, and the whole mattress sinks in the middle as he raises it above his head.
“Don’t you dare,” I say, grabbing for the nearest cushion within my reach.
Sophie is already armed.
Pillows collide with faces, butts, arms—it’s full-on war. As we scream and swing like our very dignity depends on it.
The door bursts open, bringing us all to a standstill, our breathing heavy, appearances dishevelled. Nate stands, looking perplexed, taking in each and every one of us before speaking.
“I heard screaming… I thought—” he shakes his head, “—never mind sorry.” He turns his back to leave.
I scramble off the bed and race to the door, following him out. Still hanging onto the pillow, I swing it and hit him on the arm.
“Nate, wait.”
His pupils dilate as he stops to look at me.
“I didn’t mean to barge in like that, I heard you scream—”
I can’t stop the laugh that escapes my mouth.
“It’s not funny, Felicity, I thought something was wrong.”
My laugh dies on my lips. “We were messing about. Big kids, what can I say?” I shrug.
He looks over my face.
“Do you think we could talk again later?” I ask, squeezing hold of the pillow.