by L. S. Pullen
I made Simon and Sophie come with me in the hopes that I could use them as some sort of barrier between Nate and me, but who am I kidding? His words from earlier have settled in my memory like a brand.
“Yes, okay.” He smiles, and I swear it’s the one he reserves only for me—the one that says, you are worthy. My insides tighten as I chew on my lip.
“That look suits you by the way,” he says.
“What look?”
I glance down at myself, and then back up to him. He reaches out his hand to tilt my chin towards him.
“Happiness. I saw it on your face when I walked in. It’s still there—like an afterglow.”
My body hums with heat. “I’m just really lucky to have friends like them.”
I glance back toward the door. We may be a little messed up, but they are my surrogate family, and I wouldn’t change them for the world.
“No, see that’s where I disagree… They’re the lucky ones to have you.”
I go to shake my head, but when his palm cups my cheek, my body leans into it like the needle of a compass—finding north. I close my eyes and relish the contact. It’s so light, I think I might be imagining it. His breath tickles my lips, followed by a feather-light kiss. A small gasp escapes me as he pulls back, just a fraction. I open my eyes.
His voice is low. “I’m sorry, Flick, but I can’t just be friends with you.”
I want to say the same to him, but the words are locked in my throat. He takes a step back and drops his hand from my face.
Simon comes bowling out of my room, Sophie glued to his heels.
“We’re going to go get ready for dinner, see you guys in a bit. Oh, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he says over his shoulder as they walk away.
I choke on my embarrassment. I’d bet my favourite book they were eavesdropping at the door.
Nate looks as if he’s about to follow them, but I grab hold of his hand and tug him inside my room, clicking the door shut behind us. I take a deep breath before I turn around. He’s so close, we’re toe to toe.
“Nate—”
How do I say what I want to say when I can’t even form the words? The look he gives me is one full of reverence, all the while my insides fight an internal battle with my will. I do what I’ve wanted to do since I got here.
I go onto my tiptoes and cover his lips with mine. His hand goes to the back of my neck, tipping it enough to deepen the kiss.
He is the light of hope and everything in between. I’d been living in my own shadow for so long, I’d forgotten that colour was a feeling, too, and here he was—about to reignite my soul.
The backs of my knees connect with the bed. I didn’t realise we’d moved. He slowly lays me down, and leans over me, supporting his weight on his elbows.
“Always so beautiful, Felicity.”
My stomach aches, a deep want settling low between my legs. I reach up. My hand trembles as I stroke his jaw. Our lips gravitate towards each other, my pelvis shifting of its own accord.
He leans more weight on me, so I’m flush with the bed. Then raises slightly, the light trace of warm fingers trailing a path over my body…down to my stomach, to my thighs, finally brushing between my legs.
Every touch has my body sparking to life. My breathing accelerates. His eyes flutter to mine, a luminous smile gracing his face. I lick my lips and swallow hard as desire sweeps through me.
He pushes his hand up and under my dress.
My legs part—a silent invitation.
He strokes me before he moves my knickers to the side, slipping his finger inside with slow, deliberate ease, closely followed by another. My walls tighten around them as I push off the bed.
Every experience with him makes another brick come loose from the wall I’ve erected. I open myself to him. I move my head, intending a nod, and open my eyes. Looking down, he’s obscured from my view, his head between my legs. Hot breath washes over my thighs, followed by a peppering of kisses, sweeping his tongue out.
Whoa.
“Nate,” I say, reaching out to pull his head towards me and away from the place I want him so badly—uncertainty making a cameo.
His palm covers my belly in a protective gesture. “You know if you want me to stop, I will.”
The sincerity of his words is clouded by the mist of lust in his eyes. This boy would never do anything I wasn’t ready for, and I love him for it.
I love him.
“It’s okay,” I say. My body heats from the intensity of it all.
“I need you to be more specific, Felicity. If you want me to continue, I need you to say the words.”
“Yes, I want you to,” I say with sudden bravado.
He lifts my thighs, my buttocks rising off the bed. My legs tremble as he slides my knickers down my legs and over my ankles.
He’s back before I have a chance to miss him, his tongue flicking over me in one, sure movement. I buck at the contact. I close my eyes as firm hands spread my legs open. Maybe I should feel shy or something, but he has a way of making me feel wanted, cherished. He dips his tongue inside me. All coherent thoughts evaporate. Holy shit.
“Jesus!”
It feels so good, I push my body into his tongue. My brain and body are disconnected as a craving comes to the surface.
His thumbs join the assault as his tongue and lips work me with an expertise to be in awe of. This is overwhelming. I’m not sure if I want him to stop or to go faster, but I’m afraid to let go—to give myself to him entirely.
The build-up is so intense, any control I might have had has now dissipated. He’s the navigator—not me.
“Nate, I think I’m going to, ah—”
The relentless torture of his tongue is my undoing. All my reservations melt into oblivion as I buck into him mercilessly. His hand is firm over my stomach, holding me in place.
My eyes roll into the back of my head as I feel the release to the tips of my toes.
I’ve never experienced anything quite like this. Yes, I’ve heard of earth-shattering climaxes, and I thought my last one with him was pretty good, but it doesn’t even compare to how exceptional this is.
My hands grip the sheets as an explosion of euphoria alights my body. I surrender myself completely.
Heavy breaths pass my lips as he trails kisses back up and over my stomach until he reaches my face. I’m not sure I want them on mine after they’ve been down south, but he doesn’t give me a choice, and maybe I don’t want him to. I taste myself on him—sweet—and lose myself to his tongue as it nips and teases.
Out of breath, he rolls onto his back, pulling me to his chest. I bury my face just under his chin, starting to come back down to earth.
Tendrils of embarrassment latch onto my subconscious.
“Please don’t do that—”
“Do what?”
He tilts my face up towards his. “Overthink what just happened. It was beautiful, seeing you let go of your inhibitions like that.”
All my instincts tell me to shy away from his words, to pick apart every touch, every feeling. I shake my head, willing the thoughts away.
I cling to his shirt and concentrate on the rhythm of his heart. Thoughts weigh heavy on my mind. I need to clear the air. “I owe you an apology, too, Nate.”
He adjusts us so his back’s against the headboard and pulls me with him.
“Why would you think that?” He cocks his head, frowning.
I chew on my bottom lip. “For not telling you…about Lawry.”
He shakes his head. “Flick, it wasn’t your story to tell. I’m a hot head, nothing new there. I’m the one who’s sorry.” He rubs his index finger over my top lip, tracing the scar he put there. “I never meant to hurt you, not then…and sure as hell not now. Maybe we can draw a line under it, start looking to the future instead of the past.”
Smiling, I nod. “I’d like that.”
He leans down, his eyes darting between my eyes and lips. I part them, desperate to feel his on mi
ne again, but instead, it’s the faintest tickle of his breath.
“I should go and get ready, but I have to ask you one more thing before I do,” he says.
“Okay,” I manage, swallowing my voice.
“Are we good?” He points between us.
I smile and nod.
“Promise?”
How can one word be my undoing? I feel something well up inside me, but I push it away and clear my throat. “Yes, Nate, I promise.” And it’s the truth.
Finding my hand, he brings it to his lips and turns it over to kiss the inside of my wrist. It’s possibly the most intimate thing he’s ever done.
I follow him to the door. When he comes to an abrupt stop, I collide with his back.
I let out a giggle as he turns back towards me and takes either side of my face in his hands. Leaning down, he kisses me. Each time it feels new—different—and yet…it feels like home. He kisses the tip of my nose before taking a step back. Hands raised, I laugh as I watch his retreating back. The smile which engulfs my face a welcome ache.
I worry that everyone can see right through me, like they know what transpired between Nate and me earlier. It’s stupid, I know. It’s my own insecurities causing me to feel this way. But seeing both Nate and Simon interacting like they’re old friends is surreal, and if I’m honest with myself, it causes my pulse to race. Two worlds I’d kept separate for so long have now crossed paths, whether it was intentional or not.
Glad to be alone and back in my room, I try to read, but it’s impossible. My thoughts are hijacked by every touch, every caress, and every kiss Nate placed over my body. Restless. I want to run, but it’s too early in the morning for that, so instead, I find myself in the kitchen. I clutch my chest as I switch on the light.
“Shit—”
“Sorry,” Nate says, as he stifles a laugh.
I look around. “Why the heck are you sitting in the dark?”
He shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep. The milk’s still hot if you want some hot chocolate.”
“Sounds good,” I reply, heading towards the hob, but I’m intercepted.
He touches my shoulder. “I’ve got this. You sit down.”
Warmth tickles my skin. I trace the pattern of the oak table when he places the mug on the coaster in front of me.
“Thank you.”
“That’s your welcome.”
I smile—he used to always say that to his parents.
“Do you mind if I switch off the light?”
“Sure.”
I blink away the brief darkness as my sight adjusts to the brilliant silver of the moon filling the room.
“Cheers.” Gently, he taps his mug against mine.
I blow on the hot liquid before taking a sip. We sit in a comfortable silence, his leg so very close to mine. My body tingles with anticipation.
“Do you remember when we used to sneak down here?” he asks in a whisper.
A chuckle escapes my lips. “Of course, we’d always end up getting in trouble for the mess we’d make. My favourite memories are the ones here with you…”
“Mine, too.” He rubs his thumb over my arm.
“I was thinking about you the other night.”
The corner of his mouth turns up. “Oh yeah?”
I smack him on the arm. “Mind—gutter.”
“What? I’m a guy.”
I laugh before continuing. “It was the first year we started the Christmas novelty gifts.”
“You got me my AA Road Atlas… I still have it. One of the best presents I’ve ever had.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, a tradition started from it.”
“I missed not seeing you these last two Christmases. It didn’t feel the same.”
He nods in agreement. “I hope this year will be different… Flick, I want to ask you something—” He clears his throat and turns his body to face me. Raising his hand, he tucks the hair behind my ear, my body on tender-hooks. “I want you to consider staying here with me. After the fundraiser.”
I shake my head. Worry takes root as all-consuming tentacles creep up my spine. I can’t stop the shiver that rolls over my body. “I don’t know…” And it’s the truth.
“Please, let me show you how sorry I am.”
I look into my mug like it holds all the answers.
“What is it you’re so afraid of?” he asks.
I release a sigh. “Pretty much everything. Anxiety is a battle I face daily. It’s never truly gone away…sometimes even getting out of bed is a struggle.”
He shakes his head and looks away from me. “That’s not what I meant.”
Something squeezes in my chest as I clear my throat. “I’m afraid of how you make me feel.”
“Why?” he asks, gazing back at me.
I fidget in my seat and clear my throat. “Because I already feel too much. Before I came back, I was able to compartmentalise everything. But seeing you, being around you…something shifted.”
The world I’d become accustomed to no longer full of sepia hues. There’s now colour—light and warmth I never knew I was missing…not until he sparked life back into me.
He pushes his mug away and takes my hands in his.
“Something shifted in me, too. The moment I saw you at the airport. I knew—I had an epiphany—it’s only ever been you. I can’t imagine my life where there isn’t a me and you.”
“I don’t know what to say. I care about you, you know I do. But I’m not good enough for you.” I look away.
“What do you mean?” He pulls my chin so I’m eye level with him. “Flick, listen to me. I could spend a lifetime showing you how much you mean to me, and still, I’d be the one not good enough for you.”
I shake my head. “Nate, you say that, but I remember all the whispering. The way people would stare when they thought I wasn’t looking. Friends who treated me like a leper—as if they’d catch something by even talking to me. It takes something like that to show peoples’ true colours. There’s a stigma that follows me now, and I don’t know how to rid myself of it.”
“I can’t pretend to understand what you’ve been through. I know none of it was your fault, and it doesn’t define you. It pains me to know I wasn’t there for you to lean on or confide in. Let me show you I can be that man.” He strokes the pad of his thumb over my lips. “At least say you’ll think about it?”
I nod. “Yes, I’ll think about it,” I say in barely a whisper.
He leans towards me, leaving a feather-light kiss on my nose before pulling me into his side. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Nate!”
Her scream wakes me, sending my heart racing. I pull her closer, shushing her. “I’ve got you, it’s okay. I’m right here.” I rub her back, smoothing the hair off her face as her eyes flutter open.
“Shit… I had a bad dream,” she says, exhaling.
I feel her body shiver and pull her closer.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She wipes her face with the sleeve of her cardigan. “We were in the tree house, and you fell, but I couldn’t catch you…you slipped right through my fingers.” She holds her hands up in front her, turning her palms over.
“It was just a bad dream. I’m right here.”
She places her palm on my chest—as if to make sure I’m real. Seeing her this vulnerable makes me want to never let her go.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” I pull her to her feet, keeping my arm around her shoulder.
“Can I ask you something?” she whispers as we make our way through the house and walk past the grandfather clock.
“Anything.”
“Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”
I smile, squeezing her. “Flick, I had no intention of leaving you.” And I mean it. I will make it my life’s mission to show her how much I care about her.
Closing my bedroom door behind us, I walk
her over to the bed and pull the cover back.
“In you get.”
She climbs in, and I fold the cover back over her before stepping away.
“Where are you going?” she asks, sitting up and clutching the edge of the cover.
“To switch off the light.”
I reach my hand over the back of my head, pull my t-shirt off and toss it on the floor. I step out of my joggers and adjust myself in my shorts before I climb in next to her, the bed sinking from my weight. She scoots backward. I’ve never been a spooning kind of a guy, but with her, I can’t think of anything better than being the big spoon. One arm under her head, the other around her waist, she settles in, linking her hand with mine.
“Sweet dreams,” I whisper.
Our breathing syncs, evens out, as we begin drifting off. I’m on the cusp of being dragged under when I hear her.
“It’s only ever been you, too, Nate.”
I tighten my hold on her but say nothing in return as sleep takes hold, my heart full.
Our children play in the tree house whilst their mother and I watch from below. She repeats my words back to me. “I can’t imagine a world where there isn’t a me and you either, Nate.”
I pull my wife in for a kiss at the exact moment the kids come bounding down the ladder. I look heavenward. Typical.
“Why don’t you two go inside see if your lunch is ready?” I say, holding their mum in my arms, refusing to let her escape.
They clap their hands together before running off into the house—no questions asked. Well, that was easy. I tug her, pulling her towards the tree house.
“After you,” I say, and take a bow as I wave my hand in front of me, signalling for her to go first. What can I say, it’s the gent in me…plus I get to watch her as she climbs the ladder.
I bite my lip, still in awe she chose me. I slap her on the butt as soon as we’re out of sight and guide her back towards the giant beanbag. I kiss her neck before I nibble her earlobe—it always makes her crazy. She turns, slowly pushing her backside into me. I might lose it just from that contact alone. She takes my hand and places it over her breast. A moan escapes me as my other hand works up and down her thigh. I slide my hand from her breast and down her stomach as I inch lower…