Where the Heart Is (Hearts Series Book 1)

by L. S. Pullen

  I let out a snort as I glare at her retreating back.

  And then it happens.

  I feel more sensations, similar to pins and needles. I look in the direction of the end of the bed where my feet are securely hidden under the blanket. I wriggle my toes again, and I swear, this time, I’m pretty certain they moved.

  Voices outside, followed by a cackle of giggles, gains my attention. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Charlie’s here.

  He struts in, carrying a chair in one arm and what looks like a takeaway bag in the other. I’m assaulted by the most succulent and mouth-watering smell. My stomach grumbles.

  “Sounds like someone’s pleased to see me,” he says with a wink. “Hey, mate, Flick asked me to bring some food—so here I am,” he continues, like this is all perfectly normal. “What movie are you up to? Number three?”

  “You know about that, then?” I ask.

  Flick pauses when she walks back in and glances between Charlie and me, the flicker of hurt palpable. She takes the bag from Charlie and starts unpacking the take-out boxes onto a small trolley. It hits home then—I haven’t said one word to her since she got here.

  “Chinese and all your favourites, courtesy of the beautiful Felicity,” he says.

  Flick looks at Charlie with a blush, and just like that, a pang of jealousy ignites deep in my belly. I give him a cold, hard stare. He holds his hands up, palms facing me.

  “Whoa, man, if looks could kill…”

  Flick finishes loading the plates and hands one to Charlie and places mine on my tray, pushing it closer to me.

  “Thanks,” I say. It’s strained, but it’s a start.

  She fiddles with her chicken chow mein, twirling it around her fork like you might do with spaghetti before bringing it to her mouth. Her eyes connect with mine. I look back to my food and get a forkful and shove it into my mouth. Once she’s satisfied I’m eating, she tucks into hers.

  We eat in silence, apart from the occasional groan or sound from Charlie. Flick stacks all the containers and plates as her and Charlie make small talk.

  Charlie passes out the fortune cookies. She cracks hers open. She reads it, her face turns a lovely shade of red. She nibbles on the cookie, waiting for Charlie to open his.

  “Yeah, no, I don’t think so,” he mumbles.

  I crack mine open. Time heals all wounds; remember patience is a virtue.

  I scoff at that. Charlie opens the door, and I slip it under my pillow. She wheels out the trolley, the door clicking shut behind her.

  He stands at the end of the bed. “Mate, seriously, you giving her the cold shoulder is killing her, you know that right?”

  “What?” I reply irritated. What does he know about it?

  He crosses his arms, looking full on protective mode. What the fuck?

  “She broke down, Nate. I thought she was going to have a full-on panic attack. I’ve never seen her like that. I was checking on Ana, same as her, and she crumbled.”

  “You don’t know anything about it,” I say on the defensive. He doesn’t fucking get it.

  “Yeah, I do… I was there when the car fell on you. I thought you were dead. I know she doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.”

  I let out a frustrated sigh. My stomach drops and my chest aches. “No, what she doesn’t deserve, is to be stuck with a god damn cripple,” I all but yell.

  He flinches. “What the fuck? Who said anything about a cripple? I know for a fact you would never call anyone else that, not ever.”

  “No, I wouldn’t, but this is my body and the thought of being stuck in a wheelchair… I can’t do that to her… I won’t, she deserves better.”

  “You are a prick. We have friends who’ve had life-changing injuries. It hasn’t stopped them from living. And don’t you think she deserves to make the choice for herself?”

  “It’s not her choice to make, it’s mine.”

  “No, Nate, it’s as much her choice as it is yours. It takes two to build a relationship, and you need to stop being such a stubborn bastard. Rehabilitation isn’t a one-man band; it’s a team of people. It’s friends and family supporting you. You know that first hand, isn’t that why we support Help for Heroes?”

  “So, if our roles were reversed, and it was, let’s say… I don’t know, you and Sophie in this predicament, what would you do?”

  He pulls his eyebrows together. “I don’t know, but I’m not the one throwing away the girl he’s loved since forever, am I?”

  “No, but if it was you?”

  “Okay, hypothetically speaking, because obviously I am not with Sophie… Besides, that girl is way too good for me. But if it were my dream girl, I would try my fucking hardest to make it work, no matter the situation. I saw how my dad loved my mum right up until she took her last breath. That right there is love. It’s not rainbows and unicorns, it’s all the shit in between, too.” He comes round to my side of the bed. “You two have had your own fair share of shit. Don’t let this bump in the road ruin something that has the potential to be epic. You need to keep fighting.”

  I’m stunned and a little in awe by his words. “I might never walk again, and that I can deal with. It’s life-changing, but what if I can’t give her a family?” I say.

  “I know you must be freaking the fuck out right now, but you know as much as the doctors do. You were told to wait until the swelling went down. If they really thought you wouldn’t walk again, do you think they would have given you false hope?”

  I rub my hand over my face. My chin is scratchy, I need a shave.

  “Fuck, man, you’re right… What the heck is wrong with me? I’m sorry.”

  He lightly punches my shoulder. “I get it, mate, I really do. But I’m not the one who you need to apologise to.”

  I don’t have a chance to respond as Flick enters the room. There is a moment of awkward silence. At her interruption, Charlie clears his throat.

  “Wow is that the time? I’ve got to shoot, I’ll drop by tomorrow, though.”

  I nod.

  “Thanks again.” I hold out my fist, and he bumps it with his before walking toward Flick. He pulls her in for a hug and whispers something in her ear. She nods then he kisses her cheek before leaving us alone.

  She walks over, sliding the tray back into position before resuming her place in the chair. She presses play on The Green Mile. I stare at her. She glances back, a timid smile crossing her face before she looks back to the screen.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  I blink my eyes open as a nurse enters. I look to my left, a panic hitting me like ice to the chest. But she’s still here, and it looks like I wasn’t the only one who fell asleep.

  The nurse glides over to my side.

  “I need to change your catheter. Do you want me to wake her?”

  I look to Flick. A loud part in the film booms through the speakers, startling her awake. She holds her chest for a moment, looking to the nurse, then to me. Without a word, she gets up and heads for the door.

  “Flick,” I call, my voice rough.

  She twists her neck to look at me.

  “You’re coming back?”

  She nods and leaves the room.

  I take a deep breath and work up the courage to ask her about my legs.

  “So, I don’t know if this means anything, but I have noticed a kind of pins and needles sensation in my legs, and I am pretty sure I wiggled my toes more than once today.”

  Nurse Lynn glances at me with a smile. “Well between you and me, I think that’s a very good thing. The neurologist is going to be here early in the morning. You be sure to tell him. I’ll also make a note of it on your records, and be sure to let us know if you get anymore feeling.”

  I nod, and for the first time in what feels like forever, I actually feel an excited kind of nervous.

  Flick comes back in looking tired. I can see the uneasiness she must be feeling coming to the surface. I know that’s probably my fault, too, and it doesn’t do anything good f
or her anxiety. I keep my eyes trained on her as she walks over and sits. She reaches her hand out to press play, but I stop her, covering her hand with mine.

  “Don’t,” I tell her. It comes out a little more aggressive than I intended.

  She closes her eyes and takes a breath. “Listen, Nate, I know me being here isn’t what you wanted, but I had to at least try. If you want me to go, I will. I’ll give you whatever it is you need, but all I really want is for you to talk to me.”

  “You,” I say. “I just want you.”

  Her eyes spring to mine. “What?”

  “I shut you out, and for that, I don’t think an apology will cut it. I don’t know what I was thinking pushing you away… Actually, that’s a lie. I thought I was protecting you from this,” I say, lifting my arm and waving my hand in the direction of my legs.

  “I don’t need protecting, not from you. I believe things happen for a reason. Even the shitty stuff.”

  “I think you could be right. I’ve been an insufferable twat, and the one thing I’d never want to ever do is intentionally set out to hurt you. I know my memory is a little sketchy from just before the accident, but I do remember telling you I love you, that I wanted to be with you. And contrary to my last bout of verbal diarrhoea, I meant it.”

  She nods as she chews on her bottom lip. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yes, anything.”

  “What is the last thing you remember?”

  I pause. “It’s kind of hard to explain, but honestly, my most vivid memory is us being together…me worshipping your body.”

  Her neck and ears change colour. “I hate that you don’t remember, and this makes it even harder.”

  “What does?”

  “Because this doesn’t carry the same weight for you as it does for me, but I still need to apologise.”

  I take hold of her hand. “Apologise for what?”

  “For being a coward. I was so afraid to let you love me, to give you the power to hurt me, so I left. But I’d already given you my heart…it just took longer for my head to catch up. I’m sorry for being too afraid to give us a chance.”

  I’m stunned. Is she saying that we weren’t together? “I’m confused. Flick, are you saying we broke up?”

  She quickly shakes her head. “No. We hadn’t put a status on what we had. I guess you could say we were at a crossroads, but the thought of you breaking my heart literally took my breath away. I thought what I experienced when we were younger was heartbreak, but knowing what I know now… I was naïve. Truth be told, I was breaking my own heart by holding back from you, from what I really wanted.”

  I smile and pull her toward me. “Flick, I know what I can be like, and no doubt you obviously felt pressurised by me. Look at what happened, the reservations you had were plausible. I know I will fuck up a lot, but I also know that no one else will ever love you as much as I do. And although I handled this whole thing in the worst possible way, I only had the best intentions at heart.”

  She wipes at her face. “Nate, I’m pretty much scared majority of the time. I pop anxiety pills like they’re skittles, for fuck’s sake. I still get anxious over the stupidest things, but being around you has helped me more than I ever thought possible.”

  I pat the space next to me. “Come closer, please.”

  She slips off her pumps and gets on the bed with me.

  I raise my hand to her face, rubbing my thumb over her plump bottom lip, which is the most natural, perfect kind of pink I have ever seen. I move my thumb under her chin. She licks her lips and smiles.

  I move towards her but wince when she scoots closer, gently pushing my chest. She tilts her face up towards mine. Our lips find each other. I let out a soft, contented groan. The kiss deepens, intensifying the feeling coursing through my body. I pull back from her lips with a gasp, the sensation sending me off-kilter. I let my head fall back on the pillow.

  “Are you okay?” Concern laces her voice.

  I can’t contain the smile that spreads across my face. I nod towards the direction of my waist. She follows my gaze and lets out an oh sound.

  Her eyes hold me captive.

  “I fucking love you, Flick,” I say, kissing the tip of her nose.

  She touches my cheek. “I love you too.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  It’s been three long months since the accident.

  Nate has undergone surgery to relieve the blood that was pressing on his spine, causing the loss of feeling. With intense physical therapy, he’s been recuperating well.

  He’s been like a bear with a sore head at times, but I wouldn’t change him for anything. Most of our arguments have been about sex. I refused to take the risk until we were certain it wouldn’t affect his recovery. Besides, it’s not like he’s gone without. I’ve learnt that heavy petting and foreplay is something he really enjoys, too.

  Evie and Nana are at a spa retreat for the weekend. They asked me to go, but he asked me on our first official date. I surprised myself more than I would ever have imagined. Coming back was the best thing I’ve ever done.

  The anxiety has its cameos more than I would like. It’s hard to pinpoint what my triggers are. I’m still mortified over my state of panic before I drove him home from the hospital. He talked me down, but I kept imaging having to brake too hard and the implications of hurting him further.

  I know it’s my own insecurities at the forefront of my mind that are messing with my confidence. I even suggested we call Charlie to drive, but he was adamant it would be okay, and with his support, I managed to get him back home—alive and in one piece.

  I finish getting ready for our date and head to his room, twisting my bracelet, so grateful they were able to fix it.

  He comes out of the bathroom as I walk in. I see in his eyes what’s reflected in mine—a mixture of love and lust, heat and desire. It tingles over my entire body like popping candy.

  “Fuck it,” he says and struts toward me. His eyes roam over the full length of me.

  My stomach clenches low and deep. I step back and meet the wall.

  He stops right in front of me. “You look beautiful,” he says nipping my chin, sending goosebumps up my neck.

  “There is no way I can sit across you at dinner and think of eating anything else but you.”

  My mouth drops open. He sucks my bottom lip, and I pulse between my legs. Hand on the back of my neck, he pulls me closer and plunges his tongue in my mouth.

  I exhale a heavy breath, moving my head to the side. His lips work their way to the crook of my neck. He runs his fingers over my collarbone. A hiss escapes my lips. His hand cups my breast, the other slides down my thigh. He raises my leg up to his hip, lets go of my breast and wraps his hands underneath my butt.

  “Lift your legs, Flick.” He says it like a command.

  I push my hands down on his shoulders and lift up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He walks us over to the bed, lowers me to the mattress, and kneels over me. I dig my heels into his backside to pull him closer.

  “I’m going to make love to you,” he says.

  I bite my bottom lip and nod.

  He sits back and pulls his t-shirt over his head. I’m quick to follow as I shuffle out of mine, only leaving on my underwear.

  My heart hammers as I watch him stand and drop his trousers. Then he takes his hard length in his hands.

  “See what you do to me?” he says as he strokes it.

  I let out a whimper and move forward. I reach for his wrist, so he releases himself, then I lean down and take him in my mouth. A hiss escapes his lips.

  “If you keep doing that, this will be over before its even begun.” His last word is said with an exhale of breath as I take him deeper.

  He stiffens. Reaching for my shoulders, he pushes me away. I release him from my mouth with a popping sound.

  “Are you sure about this? You’ll be careful?” I ask as I move back up the bed.

  “Yes, I need to be inside you. It’s be
en way too long.”

  He slides the thong down my legs and over my feet. I remove my bra, slinging it on top of the mounting pile of clothes. His eyes rake me up and down, his body casting a shadow over mine.

  “Wait,” I say in a whisper, sitting up on my elbows. “Come lie down.”

  I stroke his chest as I straddle him. His mouth makes an O shape. Leaning down, I trail a line of kisses all the way down to his belly button, sucking gently.

  I’m nervous but in a good way. Being on top of him like this makes me feel in control, brave, as I sit back, taking his hard length in my hand, sliding it up and down. His eyes flutter closed. I want him inside me so badly, my stomach drops. Raising myself up, I hold him firm. Lowering myself onto him, I let myself slowly sink, savouring the feel of him around my inner walls.

  His eyes open, staring back at me as he fills me completely. I let out a ragged breath.

  Nothing has ever felt so damn good. Slowly, I raise myself up, and then sink down again, making small circular motions. His hands tighten over my hips he stares at me with awe and absolute wonder. I continue to move up and down faster. Moving his hands to my upper arms, he slowly slides them down until they reach my hands, entwining them with his. I push him back so I am flat on his chest, our hands above his head. I kiss him, matching the rhythm of us moving together.

  “I want to try a different position,” I say on a breathless whisper

  “Go for it, Baby.” He hardens inside me even more.

  I adjust myself, bringing my knee up, then swinging my leg slowly over his chest while he’s still inside me. I raise myself, but keep the connection as I manoeuvre, my back facing him.

  I begin to ride him like this—fucking hell, it’s intense.

  He leans forward, his chest on my back. His hand grips my hip before trailing his hand in front of me, his fingers stroking my clit.

  I come apart around him. As I’m coming down, he leans me forward.

  “I want to take you from behind.”

  I clench again with anticipation.

  His hand trails softly down the length of my back. On all fours, I peek over my shoulder.