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Rowley Jefferson’s Awesome Friendly Spooky Stories (Awesome Friendly Kid Book 3)

Page 4

by Jeff Kinney


  Both of them liked Prudence, and at

  school they fought for her attention.

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  But Prudence liked both guys for

  different reasons. So on Friday nights

  she'd go roller-skating with Gunther and

  on Saturdays she'd go with Anders to a

  museum or a foreign-language film.

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  Even though Anders really enjoyed

  spending time with Prudence he missed

  hanging out with his pal even more. So

  one day at lunch Anders told Gunther

  that if he was in love with Prudence then

  Anders wouldn't get in his way.

  That night Gunther went to Prudence's

  house with a bouquet of flowers to

  declare his love for her. But Prudence

  said her heart belonged to somebody else,

  and Gunther left brokenhearted.

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  And you can probably guess who Prudence

  chose instead.

  Gunther never got over his heartbreak.

  And when he grew up he became the

  legendary Headless Horseman who

  terrorized young couples on Valentine's

  Day and not on Halloween night like

  everyone always thinks.

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  Believe it or not Anders and Prudence

  dated all the way through high school.

  They took a break when they went to

  colleges in different states but got back

  together after they graduated.

  Prudence became a veterinarian and

  Anders became an accountant, and they

  raised their family in Elmsford. And even

  though Prudence and Anders never made

  the front page of the newspaper like their

  famous friend, they did make a difference

  in the town where they lived.

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  Today was a big day at the international

  airport because it was the unveiling

  of the brand-new high tech security

  scanner. The new machine could scan a

  bunch of people at once and that meant

  shorter lines at the airport, which

  everyone was pretty jazzed about.

  Everybody knew this was a big deal so tons

  of people showed up hoping to be the first

  ones to go through the scanner.

  were under a lot of pressure to get it

  But the scientists who made the machine

  done quickly and they didn't really have

  time to test it out.

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  So everyone was pretty surprised when

  the first batch of people went through

  the machine and they came out the other

  side as SKELETONS.

  Right now you are probably saying "It's

  so sad those people died going through

  the scanner" but don't worry because

  somehow they were still ALIVE. And the

  scientists who made the machine couldn't

  figure out HOW.

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  At first the people who went through

  the scanner were kind of annoyed they

  got turned into skeletons.

  But they felt better about things when

  they became celebrities overnight.

  People realized that if they were

  skeletons they didn't need to spend all

  their money on skin cream and makeup

  and clothes and stuff like that. So now

  EVERYONE wanted to go through the

  scanner, and the next day the airport

  was totally PACKED.

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  It turns out there were a LOT of good

  things about being a skeleton.

  People figured out that they could sleep

  in late because they didn't have to take

  a shower. And since they didn't have

  stomachs they started sleeping EXTRA

  late because they didn't need to eat

  breakfast either.

  Since no one had any muscles nobody

  needed to exercise. And if they broke a

  bone, all it took was a little duct tape to

  fix things up.

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  A bunch of other annoying things also

  went away, like pimples and warts and

  skinned knees and bedhead. And emojis got

  a lot simpler too.

  Another nice thing was that everyone

  could use the same restrooms since no

  one really needed privacy anymore.

  Everyone looked the same so people

  were a lot nicer to each other too. And

  the more people who went through the

  scanner, the better things seemed to get.

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  But before long people started noticing

  some things that WEREN'T so great. A

  lot of businesses closed because nobody

  needed their services anymore.

  Halloween was a lot more boring because

  everyone just went as the same thing.

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  Parents kept picking up the wrong kids

  from daycare and after a while it was a

  total MESS.

  And even though it was great that

  everyone looked the same, people started

  to miss the old days when they DIDN'T.

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  In fact people started missing a LOT

  of things, like having lips and eyeballs

  and not being so cold all the time. And

  everyone realized they'd made a terrible

  mistake and wanted to change BACK.

  But the scientists who built the scanner

  never figured out why it worked to

  begin with. So they had no idea how to

  make the thing go in REVERSE.

  Well this made the people who got

  turned into skeletons MAD. And on a cold

  winter's night they stormed the airport.

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  The skeletons dragged the scanner out

  of the building and threw it down the

  nearest cliff, where it blew up.

  Then the craziest thing happened. The

  skeletons all turned back into how they

  were before, minus their clothes. And

  everyone was glad they were back to

  normal but they wished they had done

  this on a warmer night.

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  Long ago there was a boy named Rafe,

  and Rafe was a very happy boy. He lived

  in a hut made from mud and straw with

  his parents. And even though they didn't

  have much, they were happy to have

  each other.

  Rafe's parents were very proud of

  their boy. He was growing up strong and

  healthy and he never once complained

  about cleaning out the chicken coop.

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  Rafe would wake up at the crack of dawn

  and go to bed when the sun went down.

  And on special nights Rafe's parents gave

  him a candle so he could stay up a little

  longer to read.

  Sometimes if Rafe was enjoying a book

  he'd stay up EXTRA late and read under

  the covers. But it turns out that wasn't

  such a good idea back then.

  Rafe's favorite stories were the ones

  about other children, because Rafe didn't

  have any friends of his own. In fact Rafe

  had never met ANYONE besides his mom

  and dad.

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  Sometimes Rafe would ask his parents if

  they could take a trip to a place where

  there were other people. But Rafe's


  parents said the journey would be too

  dangerous and they showed him why.

  So Rafe made pretend friends out of mud

  and straw to play with, which was OK but

  Rafe really wished he had the real thing.

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  One night after Rafe finished reading he

  went into the kitchen to get some water.

  But then he heard strange noises unlike

  anything he'd heard before.

  The sounds were coming from the cellar.

  And even though Rafe was very curious

  about the noises, his parents had told him

  he must never, ever go down in the cellar.

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  The next morning at breakfast Rafe

  described the mysterious sounds he

  heard the night before.

  But his parents said maybe Rafe had

  been dreaming because he was making

  nonsense noises.

  Rafe wanted to ask his parents what

  was in the cellar and why his dad was

  down there every Monday through

  Friday from 9:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m.

  But he knew they didn't like to talk

  about those things.

  Years passed and Rafe didn't hear the

  sounds again.

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  By now Rafe was eighteen years old and

  was almost as tall as his father. Rafe's

  parents could see that their boy had

  become a man and they said it was time

  to tell him the truth about where they

  came from.

  So they described a world with "cars"

  and "airplanes" and "medicine" and other

  things that made Rafe's head spin.

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  They told Rafe the world they came

  from was wonderful in some ways but

  there was a dark side too. Then they

  told him about the glowing objects called

  "screens" that had everyone under their

  spell.

  They explained that when Rafe was born

  they didn't want him to grow up under

  the spell of screens. So they made a

  decision to leave their world behind.

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  All of a sudden everything made sense

  to Rafe. His parents were TIME

  TRAVELERS, and they took him back to

  a simpler time to PROTECT him.

  But when Rafe mentioned the time-

  travel thing his parents had a pretty

  good chuckle and told him he had it all

  wrong.

  They said when they left their world

  behind they meant they just moved

  away from the city and PRETENDED

  they were living in the dark ages.

  Then Rafe's dad said he had something

  he'd been waiting a long time to show him.

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  So he opened the cellar door and took

  Rafe down the steps, where Rafe saw

  things that totally blew his mind, like

  a computer and a printer and a fancy

  chair on wheels.

  Rafe's dad said he had a job where

  he worked from home, and then he

  introduced Rafe to his co-workers.

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  Rafe started to feel dizzy and said he

  needed to sit down. So he sat in his dad's

  chair which was a LOT more comfortable

  than the crummy stools he was used to.

  Rafe's parents could see that their

  son wasn't happy and they felt kind

  of bad for lying to him all his life. And

  they thought maybe they'd gone a little

  overboard trying to protect him from

  the modern world.

  Then Rafe's dad got an idea for how to

  make it up to his son. He told Rafe that

  now that he was a grown man there was

  something he should have. And he gave

  Rafe his very first phone.

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  Rafe's parents said that there was one

  more secret they needed to tell him.

  They said they weren't surrounded by

  sharks and wolves and snakes and that

  they were only a few miles from a big

  city. Then they said it was time for Rafe

  to join the modern world and get a job

  and start a family of his own.

  But now that Rafe had a phone he

  wasn't interested in anything else, and he

  didn't see any reason to ever leave home.

  So Rafe's parents thought maybe they'd

  had the right idea to begin with.

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  There once was a woman who lived in a

  retirement community all by herself and

  her name was Frances. But everyone in

  her family called her Great Aunt Fannie

  or just Fannie for short.

  Speaking of her family, Fannie didn't have

  any kids but she had lots of nieces and

  nephews and they had kids of their own.

  But none of them ever came to visit

  Fannie because they were too wrapped

  up in their own lives to visit her.

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  Fannie lived in a little condo but she had

  a really big TV. She needed a big TV

  because her eyesight wasn't that great

  and the only thing that really made her

  happy was watching her soap operas.

  Every day Fannie would do the same

  thing. She'd watch her programs until

  she got tired and then she'd take a nap

  in her comfy chair. And when she was

  done with her nap she'd make herself a

  sandwich and watch more soap operas

  until the news came on.

  One day while she was watching her

  programs she saw an ad for something

  she thought might be useful for a person

 

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