by Jeff Kinney
like her.
109
It was this little gadget with a button
on it that you could press if you ever fell
and needed help.
Fannie thought that might be a good
thing to have since she lived alone. So she
called the number on the screen and placed
an order, which was the first time she'd
ever spent money on something like that.
In fact the only thing Fannie ever did
with her money was write checks for
her nieces and nephews and their kids on
their birthdays.
110
And even though Fannie was never late
with a birthday card she never got a
thank-you from anyone except for her
six-year-old great niece Amber, who was
the only one in the family who wasn't
rotten.
On the weekends, Fannie's routine was a
little different because her soap operas
weren't on TV on those days. So she'd
usually have a big lunch and then take an
extra-long nap afterward.
One Saturday everyone in town was all
excited because it was the day of the Big
Game.
111
And since the tickets to the Big Game
were sold out most people had to watch
it on TV.
Well no one in Fannie's family had a big
TV but they knew someone who DID. So
a few hours before the Big Game, Gary
Mack and a bunch of the guys piled into
his pickup truck and headed to Great Aunt
Fannie's retirement community.
But when they got to Fannie's condo and
knocked on the door no one answered.
So Little Dougie turned the doorknob
and it was unlocked.
112
Aunt Fannie was asleep in her comfy
chair in front of the TV. And when they
saw her sitting there with her head
tilted forward they thought she was
DEAD.
The guys were all pretty sad because
Fannie was their oldest relative and also
because she was always on time with
those birthday checks. But they didn't
have a lot of time for tears because the
Big Game was only a few hours away.
So Gary Mack made a few calls and
found a funeral home that could move
things along that afternoon.
113
It turned out the people at the funeral
home wanted to watch the Big Game
too. So after a quick service everyone
was out of there.
You might be thinking "Oh no Great Aunt
Fannie got buried alive!" But you probably
forgot that Fannie ordered that
electronic gadget and when she woke up
she just pressed the button to call for
help.
114
Well that thing worked just as good
as they said it did on the commercial
and help arrived a few minutes later.
And luckily the guys from the company
figured out what happened pretty quick.
After they got Fannie out of the
ground they gave her a ride back to her
retirement community.
And when Fannie opened the door to her
condo she was pretty surprised by what
she found.
115
Gary Mack and the other guys were
happy to see Fannie alive but they were
also a little distracted because the Big
Game was on and the score was really
close. Gary Mack didn't want to give up
his seat in the comfy chair in front of
the TV so Fannie had to sit on the couch
with the other guys.
116
After the Big Game was over everyone
told Fannie they sure were glad she was
alive but then they went home and left a
huge mess for her to clean up on her own.
After that day things pretty much went
back to normal, except Fannie started
putting a little less money in everyone's
birthday cards.
117
Fannie also started locking the door to
her condo before she sat down for her
afternoon naps because she really didn't
want a repeat of what happened before.
And just to make DOUBLE sure she didn't
get buried alive again she cut a ping-pong
ball in half and drew a dot on each side
so she could look like she was awake even
when she wasn't.
A few months later Amber found out
what happened to Great Aunt Fannie on
the day of the Big Game, and she felt
terrible about it. So she came to visit
Fannie at her condo.
118
Fannie and Amber had a ball making
cookies and they promised they'd do it
again soon.
From that day on every time the family
had a get-together Amber made sure
Fannie was invited. And those were some
of the happiest days of Fannie's life.
Gary Mack's family even invited her to join
them on their summer vacation and she
was really excited about that.
119
So this story kind of has a happy ending
because Fannie's good-for-nothing
family turned themselves around before
it was too late. And it was all because of
the kindness of a six-year-old girl.
But this story has a sad ending too
because right before the start of the
summer vacation Great Aunt Fannie
passed away and no one even noticed
until the week was halfway over.
121
One Saturday afternoon Robbie's
parents asked him if he'd like to go to
the mall. Robbie was very excited because
going to the mall was a special treat, and
on the car ride Robbie thought of all the
fun he'd have once he got there.
But Robbie's parents weren't at the mall
to have fun, they were there to SHOP.
And they visited the types of stores
only grown-ups like.
122
Robbie's parents could see that their son
wasn't having very much fun. So Robbie's
dad gave him five dollars and told him he
could go buy himself an ice cream. And his
dad told Robbie that was enough money
for TWO cones so Robbie should get him
one too.
Robbie felt very proud that his parents
trusted him and he told them he'd be
right back.
For Robbie this was a very big deal. Even
though the ice cream shop was just a
few doors down this was the first time
he'd been apart from his parents in such
a crowded place.
123
Robbie walked out of the store and into
the concourse which was packed with
strangers. He clutched the money his dad
gave him very tightly because he didn't
want to drop it.
Then Robbie spotted his favorite ride
which was a rocket ship that went back
and forth. But Robbie reminded himself
that he was too old for kiddie rides
now and he clutched his five dollars even
&n
bsp; tighter to make sure he didn't spend it.
124
Robbie made it to the ice cream shop and
was proud of himself for getting that
far on his own. But when he got to the
front counter he didn't know what to do
because there were a lot of flavors and
it was so hard to choose.
Robbie's two favorite ice cream flavors
were rocky road and strawberry. So
Robbie got rocky road for himself and
strawberry for his dad because he knew
his dad would probably share with him.
125
On his way back to the store where his
parents were shopping Robbie saw that
rocket ship again. Robbie had just enough
money left over for one ride but he
wanted to show his parents he could be
responsible and bring back their change.
So he closed his eyes when he walked by
the ride. But that was a bad idea because
he tripped and his rocky road ice cream
ended up on the ground.
126
Robbie was so upset he almost cried.
He tried to put his ice cream cone back
together again but it was hopeless.
After Robbie cleaned up his mess he
went to the store where his parents
were shopping. His dad's strawberry ice
cream was starting to melt but Robbie
was still hoping his dad would share some
with him.
Then Robbie had an idea. And it wasn't
the kind of idea Robbie USUALLY had.
127
He decided to pretend that the
strawberry ice cream cone was HIS and
the one he dropped was his DAD's. And
this was a really big deal because Robbie
had never told a fib in his whole life.
Robbie was so nervous lying to his
parents that he almost cried again. And
he felt terrible when his parents actually
BELIEVED him.
But Robbie's dad said it was OK because
he wasn't that hungry anyway. And that
made Robbie feel even WORSE because
he knew his dad was just being nice.
128
In fact he felt so bad he could barely
enjoy his strawberry ice cream on the
ride home.
When Robbie got back to his room his
stomach didn't feel that good. And he
couldn't tell if it was because of the ice
cream or the fib he'd told his parents.
Then Robbie noticed a small pink spot on
his white shirt. And he realized he must've
gotten some strawberry ice cream on it.
129
Robbie knew his parents wouldn't be
happy with him for getting ice cream
on his crisp white shirt. So he went into
the bathroom to try and scrub it clean
before they found out.
But the spot was growing bigger and
bigger by the second.
Robbie took off his shirt and put it in
the sink where he ran it under soapy
water. But after he was done scrubbing
his shirt the stain was still growing and it
was bigger than EVER.
130
By now Robbie was starting to freak
out. Robbie's mom came upstairs to give
him a warm glass of milk before bedtime.
But Robbie kept himself locked in his
bedroom until she was gone.
As soon as the coast was clear Robbie
ran to the laundry room to put his shirt
in the washing machine. And he turned
the dial to the strongest setting to
make sure he got rid of that stain.
131
Just then Robbie's dad came into the
room with a load of laundry. And Robbie
was so startled that he almost jumped
out of his skin.
Robbie's dad asked him what he was
doing, and Robbie said he was washing
some of his clothes. So Robbie's dad said
he was proud of his son for becoming
such a responsible young man.
132
That night Robbie had horrible dreams,
and most of them involved strawberries.
When he woke up, his sheets were soaked
with sweat. Robbie got out of bed and
went to the laundry room to see if the
stain was still on his shirt.
But Robbie got a terrible surprise.
133
His dad had put his nice dress shirts in the
washing machine with Robbie's shirt, and
now all the clothes were stained PINK.
Robbie decided the only thing he could do
was run away. But luckily his mom caught
him before he got too far.
134
It was time for Robbie to tell his parents
the TRUTH. He confessed that the ice
cream he dropped at the mall was HIS
and not his dad's. Then he said he was
sorry for lying about it.
Well Robbie's parents loved their son
very much and they told him they were
proud of him for telling the truth. They
said that everyone makes mistakes but
the important thing is that you LEARN
from them.
And just to show how great Robbie's
parents were, they took him back to
the mall so they could all get ice cream
together. Robbie bought three ice cream
cones, all rocky road.
135
And this time he was extra careful not
to drop any.
But Robbie forgot his dad was allergic to
almonds and his father's lips swelled up