Mine

by Jennifer Suzanne

  Jess concentrated on putting her boots on and avoided her gaze. Her hands were shaking. Michelle studied the way her shoulders hunched to her ears. She wanted to hug her and tell her that it wasn’t her fault. Her heart ached for the poor girl.

  “I’m sorry that I didn’t eat your cabbage rolls the first time I was here. It was just the timing with the baby, but I’ve been dreaming about the smell of them ever since. If you ever make them again…”

  “I’ll be sure to send some with Drew, or you guys could come for dinner again.”

  Jess thanked her, relieved that the heavier conversation was over. As she drove Chris’s truck home her tense shoulders softened, and she felt as if she could breathe a little easier.

  The visit had given her comfort, and a new-found sense of security in her relationship with Drew.

  ***

  Drew called out as he entered Chris’s house. Chris poked his head out of Jess’s bedroom door and then stepped out into the hallway, screwdriver in hand. “Hey man, I’m in here.”

  Drew followed him into the bedroom, disappointed when there was no sign of Jess.

  “The hospital called early this morning. She picked up an extra day shift for overtime, plus weekend premium.”

  Drew frowned. She’d just come off working four nights in a row and she was exhausted. She was avoiding him. His thoughts were overshadowed by the sight of Chris putting a crib together. He felt a lump in his throat. In that moment, he feared that she would always turn to Chris instead of him.

  “Jess was worried that the house wouldn’t be built in time, so she asked me to buy a crib, just in case.” Drew saw the look of joy on his face. “Thought I’d put it together for her while she was at work,” he whistled to himself as he unfolded the directions. “It’s top of the line—all up to code so you don’t have to worry. I did my research,” he pulled out a measuring tape from his pocket and re-measured the space between the slats.

  Drew bit his lip and removed the rest of the pieces from the box. Helping Chris put his child’s crib together was a surreal experience and he wiped the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve.

  “You okay, man?” Chris asked as he snapped two pieces together, “you look a little pale.”

  Drew collapsed onto the floor beside the tiny mattress, overwhelmed. Not only was he having a baby, but he was having a baby with the woman he loved who was clearly intent on leaving him. She was already cutting him out.

  Assuming his friend was feeling overcome by the reality of fatherhood, Chris clapped his shoulder and reassured him. “Hey man, you have nothing to worry about. You’re gonna be a great dad.”

  Drew swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to breathe as he nodded appreciatively.

  “This whole fatherhood thing’ll come naturally to you. It’s Jess who’s got the most to learn.”

  “What about your foster mother? Did you guys have a relationship with her?” Drew asked cautiously; this was the first time Chris had ever mentioned his upbringing.

  Chris shook his head no but stayed silent. A memory of when he was about three or four came unbidden: he’d tried to climb onto June’s lap before bed and she’d pushed him away. He recalled how she would cook Charlie elaborate dinners that smelled wonderful, and just give him a slice of plain bread for supper. He went to the kitchen to get a beer, offering one to Drew. He whistled as he continued to work on the crib.

  ***

  Drew returned to Chris’s house that evening to see Jess for the first time in almost a week. He found them both in the bedroom, talking and leaning against the newly erected crib. Fearing the worst, he waited for her reaction.

  But Jess’s eyes lit up when he entered the room, and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. She inhaled his scent and closed her eyes, melting into the sensation. She’d missed him; and he seemed different to her now. She remembered how he held her after her nightmare and how safe she felt.

  He was relieved and delighted at her reaction; he placed his hands on her hips and kissed her deeply. She stepped back, surprised at how emotional she felt; he pulled her closer and kissed her again.

  Chris looked away as they embraced, and after a minute, he cleared his throat.

  Jess pulled away again, smiling and embarrassed. “I was just admiring your handy work,” she grinned at Drew. “Chris was telling me how you freaked out,” she teased. Drew frowned at the bags under her eyes and gave his friend a wry look for spilling his secret. Chris chuckled as he left the room.

  “I did not freak out,” he protested, studying Jess for her reaction. He ran his hands over the dark mahogany crib. “Jess, there’s going to be a human life sleeping in here. Like a brand-new person! That we’re totally responsible for!” he laughed, “It just sort of hit me, you know?” She knew exactly what he meant. He returned to her and held her close. “Don’t misunderstand though. I want this. I want you. I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too,” she said through a deep yawn. She sat on her bed and he realized that maybe he had been right not to push, that maybe she had just needed a little space. He sat beside her and held her hand.

  “Promise me you won’t pick up any more shifts on your days off now. Just work your full-time block and that’s it. You’re exhausted.” He knew she wanted the hours to top up her maternity leave and pay for the house. He wished she’d let him help her.

  She yawned again, pulled out her bun and ran her fingers through her hair. “The baby will be fine, Drew. It takes what it needs. I’m the one who suffers,” she stood and started to undress.

  “It’s you I’m worried about,” he said softly. She turned and reached to touch his cheek and gaze into his worried eyes. She trusted him. No one, except for Chris, had ever worried about her before and it felt uncomfortable but good. She kissed him lightly on the nose and headed to the shower.

  He waited for her on the bed, and when she returned, she sat on his lap and put her arms around his neck. “Are you staying?” She kissed him, and he nodded as he caressed her damp hair. He thought to himself that if she would have him, he would stay forever. He stripped down to his boxers and they got into bed together. “I missed you too,” she yawned, asleep instantly. He held her; his heart was full.

  ***

  The next morning, they had breakfast and took Mo for a walk to see the progress of the house. Jess was excited to see that the roof was on now, and they were working on the inside too. She looked over at Drew’s face and saw that he was genuinely happy for her.

  “Were you mad that I picked out the crib?” she asked as they returned to the house. Drew wiped the dog’s paws and shook his head as they hung up their coats.

  “I was happy to arrive in time to help him put it together though, that was pretty neat,” he covered.

  She frowned and put her cold hands on his red cheeks. He noted how she looked more rested today, the bags gone from under her green eyes. She was beautiful. He reached down to brush her lips with his just as she spoke.

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

  “It’s okay.” He kissed her again. It was small in the grand scheme of things, he told himself. “I’m glad there is a crib that needs buying and putting together.”

  “I’m used to doing things myself, taking care of things myself…”

  “I know, Jess. I already know,” he replied softly. “But I’m right here and I want to be involved. This is my kid too. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered as she kissed him. His heart beat quickly. “You’re so kind to me. You’re always so patient with me,” she kissed him harder and led him towards the bedroom. He hated that people being kind and patient hadn’t been a given in her life.

  He murmured her name and kissed her neck as they undressed each other.

  “Did you miss me when I worked nights?” He froze at her words and held his breath. “I know you hate being alone in your apartment.”

  He kissed her again, unable to hide the
tears that had formed in his eyes from her caring words. “I missed you so much, Jess,” he exhaled, “I love being with you. I want to be with you all the time. With both of you.”

  She pulled him down onto the bed and he kissed his way down her body. It was soft and warm after the cold walk and she was breathing heavily and tangling her legs around his. She turned on her side and he moved in behind her. She reached back with both hands to run her fingers through his curls and he massaged her breasts. She arched her back.

  “I’m here now, Drew,” she said as she pressed against him and he entered her. His body trembled at the overwhelming sensation and the sudden change in her and he prayed that it would last. He’d never felt this close to her.

  ***

  Jess let herself into Drew’s apartment with the code he’d given her. She washed her hands and started dinner: a one-pot cheesy, chicken and rice casserole that she was craving. She set the oven timer and sat down on the couch to wait for Drew. As she opened her book, her phone rang. The screen read ‘private caller’; it was the hospital, calling with an extra shift. As she talked with the familiar staffing clerk, she searched her purse for a paper and pen to write down the shift but came up empty-handed. She planned to add it to the calendar in her phone once she hung up, but she couldn’t trust her memory lately. Another nurse at work had teased her about it: Wait until the baby comes, she'd said. Then you’ll really be stupid. Baby brain! Jess wasn’t looking forward to that. She looked around Drew’s apartment for a pen and opened a drawer in the side table. There was no pen and paper, but there was a ring-sized jewellery box. Accepting the shift and vowing to remember when it was, Jess hung up the phone. She carefully opened the black velvet box and saw the yellow-gold ring with the diamond solitaire. Her heart beat swiftly and she closed the box quickly. She placed it on the coffee table and sat back down on the couch with her book.

  ***

  Drew placed his laptop in his work bag and tidied his desk. He was excited that Jess was waiting for him at home and thrilled at the way she’d opened up to him lately; he felt as if she was finally all in. She was working days now and they could make up for lost time. They had spent the last four nights together, and she had wanted him every night—something about hormones, she’d told him. He hadn’t cared what the reason was, he was enjoying every minute of it.

  In the elevator on the way down, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text from his mom, asking would he please send her Jess’s number so that she could thank her for the lovely visit. He had to re-read it. He frowned and stared at his phone. Why would Jess go to his parents’ house by herself, especially when she had been so nervous the first time? He wondered if it had anything to do with the recent change in her. He answered his mom and asked what they had talked about. Girl stuff, she replied. He rolled his eyes; she clearly wasn’t going to tell him. Next, he sent a text to Jess to make sure she was at his apartment as planned. When she didn’t reply, he drove a little faster.

  Entering his apartment, he scanned the living room for Jess and found her asleep on the couch with her book on her chest. She looked peaceful and beautiful as ever; he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want anything to screw up the progress they’d made. He heard the stove timer beeping softly from the kitchen and hurried in, but not before he caught a glimpse of the ring box his mother had given him sitting on the coffee table. His heart lurched. He quickly donned the oven mitts and pulled the bubbling casserole out of the oven. The cheese was a little burnt on top, but it smelled delicious. He turned the oven off and returned to Jess.

  She was yawning and stretching as she sat up on the couch. “Good thing you weren’t late. I might have burned your apartment down,” she smiled up at him. “Is it done? I’m starving. I can’t seem to stay awake today.” She stood to hug him, seemingly forgetting all about the box on the table, but she caught him glancing nervously towards it. “Oh, sorry, I wasn’t snooping. I was looking for a pen and paper and…”

  “Jess,” he interrupted, “is everything okay?” She didn’t seem upset to him.

  “Mm-hmm,” she said as she headed to the kitchen. He followed her and watched her spoon the dinner onto two plates. “I was going to make a salad, too, if you want?” She looked at him and he was as white as a ghost. “Are you feeling all right?”

  “Jess, what’s going on? You went to see my mom?”

  Jess put a forkful of food into her mouth and considered for the first time that maybe she should have checked with him or let him know.

  “Why?”

  “I just wanted to talk to her….” She paused, not knowing how to tell him that she didn’t really know why she’d gone there and that it turned out that she was checking to see if he really was who he appeared to be. “I wanted to apologize for not eating the cabbage rolls and tell her how much I wanted them now,” she took another bite of her dinner, “are you mad that I didn’t tell you?”

  “No. I’m not mad,” he said, relieved. “I was just surprised, that’s all.” Just when he thought he had her somewhat figured out, she went and did something completely unexpected. He watched as she devoured her dinner as if she hadn’t eaten in weeks and thought about the way she’d devoured him the last few nights. “And the ring?” he asked cautiously.

  “It’s pretty. I didn’t know you’d come close.”

  He looked at her, confused.

  “I knew you’d had a few relationships before, but I didn’t know there was someone you’d considered proposing to.”

  Drew massaged his temples. She was so smart. Sometimes he was baffled by the things that escaped her. “It’s not that, Jess. My mom gave me that ring when I told her you were pregnant. It was my grandmother’s. She’s old-fashioned that way.”

  “Ohh!!” Jess laughed, “It’s for me?! That is funny!”

  Drew rolled his eyes. “Oh, really? Why is that?” he laughed, “Am I not good enough for you? Are you waiting for Prince Charming to swoop in on a horse? Or someone better looking or with more money?” He briefly worried about Ryan as he poked her ribcage where she was ticklish. She laughed and pushed his hand away.

  “It never crossed my mind! And I never even thought about getting married and having a…” The smile disappeared from her face as she looked down at her baby bump. “…a family someday…” She turned away from him as the realization dawned on her. That was exactly what they were doing—creating a family.

  He gave her a moment and then wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed the back of her head. She turned to look up at him with worried eyes.

  “I guess I’m not the only one freaking out while standing over a crib,” he smirked. She hit his chest playfully and laughed despite herself.

  “This is your fault. I wanted to have an—” She couldn’t even say the word out loud.

  “I know. I’m not sorry,” he said softly and kissed her again through his smile. She kissed him perfunctorily and pulled away to make another plate of food. She sat on the couch and picked up her phone to add the extra shift into her calendar.

  He leaned against the doorway between the kitchen and living room and watched her. As she placed her phone down on the coffee table, she picked up and opened the ring box again, looked at it, considered something, then closed it and returned it to the table. Drew realized she hadn’t said no. She hadn’t said never. She hadn’t freaked out like he expected. He gently picked up the ring box and placed it back in the side table drawer. He didn’t want her to feel pressured. He sat beside her on the couch. He knew it was too soon for her, but the look on her face when she had put it all together—when it looked as if she was imagining the two of them and the baby in her head…he wasn’t crazy. He saw it. He’d never been so happy.

  Chapter 10

  Drew was surprised that his mom was calling him, especially this late at night; she usually sent him a text, so he answered right away, “Hey, mom, what’s up?”

  “Oh my God, Drew. Lily just called me. It’s Rider.” Drew sat u
p straight on his couch at his mother’s words and the emotion and fear in her voice. Jess sat up too, alarmed as she watched his demeanour change. Lily James was Drew’s oldest sister by six years. She was thirty-six and worked from home for a wellness company while being a mom to four-year-old Rider. Her husband, Paul, was a long-distance truck driver and was often away.

  “What is it, Mom? Where are you?”

  Lily and Rider were in the emergency room; Rider was having trouble breathing and his lips were blue. Michelle, John and Alexa, Drew’s other sister, were on their way. Drew grabbed his keys as she told him which hospital. Drew hung up the phone and stared at it for a minute, in a state of shock as horrible scenarios ran through his head. He’d just seen his nephew a week ago and he’d been perfectly fine. His thoughts were interrupted by Jess handing him his coat. He grabbed her hand and told her they had to go, but she hesitated.

  “Drew, this is your family. You should go…I…” She looked at the floor.

  “Please, Jess, I need you there. Please.”

  Dread filled her body at the thought of meeting his sisters, but she could see how scared he was, so she picked up her coat and took the keys from his shaking hands.

  As she drove his car to her workplace, her nursing instincts took over. She asked Drew if his nephew had any allergies, if he’d been sick, if he was on any medications. “No, no. Nothing I can think of. He’s perfect. Totally healthy.” His hand bobbed up and down on his twitching leg.

  Pulling into a parking spot, they hopped out and walked quickly to the emergency entrance. The triage nurse looked up from her computer and directly at Jess. “Labour?” she asked, motioning them closer. Jess looked around the packed waiting room as she explained that they were there to see Rider. The nurse nodded at the mention of his name, and then at Jess again with familiarity. “Hey, do you work here?”

  Jess nodded. “In the O.R.”

  “Thought so. Come on, I’ll fill you in.”