Teenage Mutant Ninja Torpedoes

by David J. Wighton

  "And the solution is...?" Doc breaking the silence.

  "We need to learn more about their capabilities so that I can invent something to neutralize them. Then we'll have one big advantage."

  "Invisibility?" Lucas asked.

  "Perhaps. I can't say right now. But our secret to winning this war will be that only we will know when we're going to attack."

  "Oh, that's alright, then," Granny said. "You had me worried for a minute." And everybody laughed. Sort of.

  I asked for questions and Wiz raised his hand.

  "Will, you know how you said that we should look for things that aren't there to see? So I was wondering... With all those bubblegums that The Citadel is firing, they must run out of bubbles quickly. Where does their ammo come from? Who's selling it?"

  Wizard's use of bubblegums had everyone snickering. I looked at TG and he said that he'd check the records of the North Korean factory.

  Izzy glared at me as we trooped out. Yeah, I know. The last bit about attacking first was strategic. But I actually did have a good idea how we could defeat an overwhelming force. I still needed a lot of answers, but strategically, it could work. Izzy is great at the quick plans. I can be strategic too when I have lots of time to plan.

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  Chapter 9

  From Wizard's journals: Saturday, June 17.

  Two weeks after Will scared us all with his analysis of what The Citadel could do with their ships and planes, life is getting back to normal. Dad gave us kids the same message after the meeting. Let Will do his research; let Izzy draw up a battle plan. After all, Will invented invisibility so we should trust that he'll come up with something to handle their bubblegums.

  Everyone is calling the Alaskan weapons bubblegums now. I hadn't been trying to make fun of their weapons. The word had slipped out accidentally because Lucas had started a bubblegum contest an hour before the meeting. Who could blow a bubble and have it last the longest while everyone was trying to finger-pop everyone else's bubbles?

  Mom said that I should let Will and Izzy do their jobs and I should do mine. So I'm meeting frequently with Momaka to ensure that she has the support and materials she needs for the gardens. The paths are now covered with gravel so people can walk around and look at the flowers without stepping on any. Plus the flowers are out now and all the bushes and little trees are growing. With so many people wandering around in the gardens, that means that more people want to put down blankets for bartering. We've run out of space and so have restricted the number of blankets that can be put down. People aren't complaining; they just find somebody who will share their blanket. This means that the number of blankets has stayed the same, but more things are being bartered.

  I've expanded my Cloth and Dye tables at the front of the property. Some people are still coming by to pick up free harmonicas, but the crowds around those tables have thinned out now. Speaking of harmonicas, Will's idea of a freight plane of pallets to bring more harmonicas from Tokyo worked well. I flew beside the freight plane on the way home to listen to how it was handling, and at one point I added another pinky ring for more speed and that worked fine. I could hear a lot of whistling which I knew was because the first pallet didn't fit tightly the nose cone. Will said that he can fix this once he finds out what the nose cones are made of. I can see this becoming an overnight express service that will make my planning for deliveries way easier. Will said he's doing it to eliminate fruit goop in pallets. Fruit goop is acidic. Acid eats away at the filaments.

  Our plans for the development of the Wilizy property in Alberta's five cities are progressing steadily. Each property is in the form of a square. Each side of that square is one kilometer long (or 0.6 of a mile). Let's say that you're facing the Wilizy Cloth and Dye tables. Call that the front of the property. The WC&D tables now cover about one hundred meters of that one-kilometer stretch. The barter blankets are all the way down the right side of the property. The public gardens take up a big chunk of land from the center of the property all the way to the barter blankets on the right. The center left of the property is undeveloped as is the entire left side and the back side.

  Momaka's volunteers are now working at the very back left corner of the property. They've cleared that area of all vegetation and the leased Saskatchewan copters are bringing in masses of dirt. Momaka is using that dirt to create gentle slopes downwards from the middle of the property to that back left corner. Soon Momaka will plant grass on those slopes and people will be able to sit and watch what the volunteers will be building at the bottom of the hill with the Clearwater lumber.

  Winnie met twice with the dreamer girl and told me that everything is looking good. The men of the tribe are cutting down trees, stripping them of their branches, and then floating them down the river. They put a net across the river, and when the trees get snagged in the nets, they use horses to haul them out of the water and drag them into a staging area. The women of the tribe have cleaned up the mill, oiled all the equipment, and have made some test cuts. I purchased some solar powered forklifts for them and they said that they are now ready to start up the mill. Did I want to check it out first? I didn't see why that would be necessary since Winnie had already been up there twice. I told Lucas and Mathias to get ready to haul some Clearwater lumber to the five gardens and left it at that.

  # # # # # # # #

  Some strange things happened a couple of weeks ago on the perimeter of our home compound. Granny noticed it first. She heard some air horns and faint sounds of people yelling further down the valley, so she checked it out in her sling. She saw a big helicopter on the ground next to the river and a crowd of people milling around in front of the signs that we had put up to warn people about entering the protected area. They were chanting "We want Izzy," over and over and the air horns were keeping in time. After a while, a man put an open umbrella over his head, stopped them chanting, got them lined up, and gave them some instructions. The person at the front of the line walked forward into our defensive perimeter until Will's sentinel reacted with a flashing red light. "Stop," the umbrella man said. "You're safe there." Then a second person walked forward until a light started flashing, and then a third, until everyone in the group had penetrated the defense and had triggered a flashing light. "Congratulations," he said. "You have now been inside the Wilizy compound and have lived to tell the tale." Then, he handed everyone a T-shirt that said I walked into the Wilizy compound and lived. Umbrella man then bundled them into the helicopter, telling them that they were going to test the defenses on the north side of the compound. Half an hour later, Granny heard them chanting and blowing air horns up river. She didn't know if they received another T-shirt or not. Granny told Izzy what was happening and suggested that she call a meeting of the directors.

  By the time we met, groups were chanting outside our perimeter several times a day. We established later that these groups were tourists from B.C. and the umbrella man (or woman) was their tour guide. In addition to stopping at our perimeter, they were landing in various villages in the area. Each time the tour guide would tell the tourists that the Wilizy shopped here personally. The tourists would be given an opportunity to buy some things from the local store before moving on. None of the villagers felt like telling them that the Wilizy didn't shop here – at least they didn't think so but they wouldn't know because they didn't know who the Wilizy people were. They were happy enough to sell them something. The tourists also visited a Wilizy garden where they walked through the gravel paths, shopped at the barter blankets, and looked around the Cloth and Dye tables. After this had happened a few times, our volunteers stopped giving them free harmonicas and started charging them. Barter blanket people stopped bartering and asked for money. The tourists paid in B.C. klabooies and were willing to pay a lot.

  Neither Dad nor I had expected cash coming into Alberta so soon. We had wanted to bring money into the province; we hadn't thought that people would pay to come and chant We want Izzy.
We recommended to the directors that we let this craze run its natural course. How long could it last?

  Theo warned that some people were posting misleading messages on the WZBN boards. Like these.

  • Thanks Izzy for coming to my son's birthday party.

  • Great magic show, Will.

  • Confirming that both Will and Izzy will be at the community dance.

  • Thanks for the tour of your compound, Izzy.

  • Could you post the dates for Will & Izzy's next visit to the Okanagan. I missed your first visit.

  • You gave my friend some signed pictures of the two of you. Can I have a signed picture too?

  • Are Will and Izzy really doing all these visits for free?

  Theo also said that the WZBN boards were full of chatters about tours to Wilizy Country and the opportunity to meet with Will and Izzy and get their autographs.

  Doc said that he would post messages on the board telling people that Will and Izzy do not make personal appearances, and Theo would delete messages that were misleading. As to the tours, Doc said that we couldn't stop them from coming. We should post strong messages at the landing spots that they were entering a danger zone and that there was no chance of them meeting any member of the Wilizy. Anyone who ignored the flashing red lights did so at their own risk.

  Everybody liked that. We had a longer discussion on whether or not we should actively encourage tourists to come to Alberta. The gardens were a good attraction now and would be even better soon. The barter blankets and our own Wilizy tables offered good opportunities to bring in B.C. money. This would encourage more businesses to start up within Alberta. All of these were good things. The downside was that Will and Izzy were the reason tourists were coming. Were they comfortable with that? Will said that he didn't care. Izzy said that as long as Theo stopped people from spreading lies, she didn't see how it could hurt.

  Back to the Table of Contents

  Chapter 10

  Narrator: Sunday evening, June 18.

  The entire Wilizy family was clustered in one corner of the compound's meadow. Most were sitting on blankets, and picnic baskets were evident, but not yet opened. Yollie, TG, and Izzy were on one blanket with TG assigned to be babysitter #1. Liset was currently using Patella's tail as a towrope that took her by all the picnic baskets. Like Patella, Liset bent over each basket and sniffed before continuing the tour. Doc, Granny, Yolanda, and Hank were sitting together, although the grandparents were comfortably off the ground on campfire stools. Stu, Wolf, Wizard, and Winnie were at another blanket. Wolf had just arrived from wherever he went on the weekends.

  The four horsemen of doom had invited Winnie to sit with them but she had wisely declined. Winnie knew that she'd be much better off with Uncle Stu who was the best cook in the family. Uncle Stu had something in his basket that smelled like venison, or at least that's what Patella had smelled. The four horsemen had no blanket, but they did have their own picnic basket that they had stocked on their own; it was probably full of peanut butter sandwiches.

  Izzy did a quick head count, confirmed that everyone was present, and called out, "OK, this is Will's show. I don't know why he called the meeting or why we're all out in the meadow. Everything is a big secret." Then, she pointed a finger up in the air. "Look. Up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Super-Will!" All eyes glanced skyward.

  Floating down from the sky was a solitary figure, bowing in appreciation for the applause that nobody else could hear. It was Will, although he looked somewhat different. Streaks of red and white paint were slashed across his cheeks, he had created a floppy tall hat from somewhere, and his nose was hidden behind a green tennis ball that had been cut in half and somehow attached to flesh. Liset watched intently as Will landed in the center of the meadow and then Patella nose-nudged her to TG's blanket where she belonged. Her duty done, Patella relocated to Stu's food basket with the venison smell. She put a protective paw on it to make sure that it didn't get up and run away.

  "Welcome one and all to Will's magic circus," Will started. "Today you will be amazed and astounded at wonders never seen before. I will show you some tricks and then challenge you to explain how the trick was done. If you can't, picnic baskets will be in jeopardy." With that, he gave his nose a squeeze and a honking sound followed.

  "First, can anyone explain how I was able to descend from the sky? You sir. Reese. I expect you know."

  "You used your sling."

  "A good guess. Let's see if Reese is right. If I used my sling to come down from the sky, I would still be wearing it. Reese, come and find it."

  Reese skipped over, grabbed a sleeve, and felt it. Then, he tried grabbing Will's trousers. "It's not there," he said. "He's not wearing his sling."

  "If that were true, would I be able to do this?" At that, Will blinked into invisibility, a honking noise sounded by Yollie's blanket, and her picnic basket floated across the meadow and sat down on a blanket that had miraculously appeared on the ground. Again they heard a honking noise and Will re-appeared.

  Liset clapped. A few others did as well, but only out of politeness. Lucas did walk over and sit on top of his picnic basket though.

  "It must be magic," Will announced. "Anybody disagree?"

  Heads conferred. Wizard was the first to respond. "It has to be a sling. You've hidden it." Will beckoned, and Wizard pulled on every bit of clothing Will was wearing. "Nothing," Wizard said. "All I felt was cloth."

  "Wizard, I will perform my next magic trick in twenty seconds. You have fifteen seconds to find the sling if I have one. Would the audience please perform the countdown?"

  Wizard's hand grabbed at everything Will was wearing but, at five seconds, he pulled his hands away. At zero, Will blinked into invisibility, a honking sound was heard by Granny's stool, and her picnic basket floated across the meadow and landed next to the first. Will's nose honked again and he re-appeared. This time he received an extended round of applause. Lucas motioned Theo to join him on top of the four horsemen's picnic basket. The basket wasn't big enough for two butts, so Theo sat on Lucas' lap.

  "It must be magic," Will declared. "Anybody disagree?"

  Granny used her bow to stand up and limped over to the magician. "Nobody steals my picnic basket, you accursed thief." Then she pulled off Will's hat and flipped it towards the stolen baskets. She ran her hands through his hair and examined his brain plug but found nothing. "Shirt off."

  Will obliged and Granny ran her hands over his chest and back, pinching flesh and grinning impishly.

  Then, "Trousers."

  Will obliged. He had expected someone to think of this and had come prepared with a pair of shorts under the trousers.

  "Shoes."

  Then, "Show me the soles of your feet."

  Other than Will giggling as she tickled him, Granny found nothing unusual.

  "Izzy, I'll let you finish the search."

  Izzy approached and re-did Granny's search. She even looked inside Will's ears. "If he were wearing a sling under his shorts, I'd feel the filaments on the sides of the shorts." She patted him down in the aforementioned places and announced, "Nothing."

  "One last try," Granny said. She swung her bow over Will's head and all around his body. "No wires," she announced.

  At that, Will disappeared and a honking noise sounded by the horsemen's blanket. Lucas and Theo were blown off the basket and had to watch from their backs as their picnic basket floated across the meadow and nestled on the ground. Once again, the honking sound preceded Will's reappearance.

  This time the applause was longer and louder. Lucas yelled, "I dare you to take Uncle Stu's basket with Patella guarding it."

  "I'm a magician, not a man with a death wish," Will replied. "Seeing as how I now have three picnic baskets, and even I can't eat everything in them, I invite the brave and strong-hearted to take one of the baskets from me. But first, someone has to confirm that I'm not wearing a sling."

  "I'll do it," Yollie sa
id. She circled Will and attacked him from behind, wrapped her arms around his chest, and tried to pull him away from the baskets. She actually lifted him into the air at one point. "No filament," she said. "TG, I'll keep the dastardly magician here; you rescue my basket."

  TG was quick to respond and charged across the meadow. He had only taken three steps before Will raised his right palm and TG hit an invisible brick wall and fell onto his back on the ground. Yollie helped TG onto his feet. "My hero," she said and kissed him. "I felt the filaments. One second they weren't there; then they were."

  "Wolf, stand to my right; Hank to my left," Will directed. "Yolanda, would you mind?"

  "Oh my goodness me," Yolanda cried in a high-pitched voice. "This brute magician has filched my picnic basket. Can nobody bring it back to me? My family will starve without it." And, like Yollie, she attacked Will from behind. But Yolanda tried grabbing both of his arms and holding them tight to his body within a picnic basket death-grip.

  Hank and Wolf were already into their countdown and they charged towards the picnic baskets simultaneously from two directions. Three steps later they were on their backs. Will's arms were still imprisoned but his palms were pointing at his attackers' prone bodies.

  Yolanda helped Hank up and half carried him/led him back to the blanket. Hank staggered from his injuries and shook his head try to clear the fuzz residing within. "We're going to starve," Yolanda wailed and began to blubber. Wolf looked at his parents, shook his head, and re-joined Wizard.

  "Last trick," Will said. "Anyone who wants to rescue a picnic basket, form a circle around me."

  The four horsemen were first on their feet and took up the four compass point positions. Izzy jumped up and Yolanda joined her. Yollie started to rise but sank back to the ground when TG mind-messaged I'll take this, mama-to-be. Wizard, Hank, and TG wanted another try. Wolf was struggling to keep his eyes open. Winnie hesitated and came to stand by her mom. Yolanda looked at Will and raised an eyebrow.