Savage
I'D PLANNED TO SWEEP Alice into my arms when she opened the door. I'd kiss her until she understood how much I loved her. Then I'd apologize and we'd be good. There might be sex. Hell, there'd definitely be sex.
That had been the plan in my head, all the way here.
When she opened the door though, every last drop of brash cockiness drained from my body.
My palms sweated and my insides ached. I'd never been like this around a woman. But then, I'd never had so much at stake either.
"Hi," she said.
She didn't look at me. She seemed nervous too.
We stood in the doorway, close enough to hug, almost hugging, but neither of us making the movement to hug.
I followed her into her apartment and we both sat down on the sofa. Side by side, bodies not touching. Both looking straight ahead. I'd have laughed my head off at the sight of us, if it hadn't been so bloody serious.
"You start talking," I told her.
"No, you start."
Hell, this was the most painful experience of my life. I wiped my hands on my jeans and tried to talk but just gulped. I'd apologize. I'd tell her I loved her.
"I think this would go better with pizza," I said.
Where had that come from? That was about as far from romantic as you could get. My mouth said pizza though, and my stomach agreed.
She punched my arm but didn't argue.
I'd much rather her punch me than sit in silence. She could punch my arm all day.
I hadn't eaten for the past day. I hadn't been able to think of food. I needed to see her face. I needed to see how she looked at me when she opened the door. That would tell me everything. But she'd opened the door and I was none the wiser.
Alice called for pizza and we kept sitting together in awkwardness. I had no way of breaking through that.
Then Alice jumped up as though an idea had just occurred to her. She moved everything off the top of her small dining table. Was she making room for the pizza?
Then she bought a pile of blankets out of the bedroom. She bundled up all the sofa cushions too and arranged them under the table. Then she put the blankets over the table.
"What's this?" I asked. "Are you making a fort?"
That's what it looked like, the kind of blanket fort you make when you're a kid.
"Not a fort. A cave. This is the honesty cave. When you're in the cave, you say what you think. Honestly. With no judgment."
It seemed like a crazy idea to me but hey, the two of us squeezed into that cave could be really hot. I wouldn't object to an idea like that. We'd surely need to rub parts of our bodies against each other. Her table wasn't that big. Anything would be better than the awkward silence.
I jumped up and helped her arrange things. By the time we finished, it'd become a pretty awesome cave.
"Can we get in the cave now?" I asked.
"When the pizza arrives."
"Sounds good to me."
I grinned and she smiled back. The frost between us melted a little.
How long was that pizza taking anyway? My stomach grumbled.
Then the doorbell rang. I rushed to get it.
"Okay, pizza, then honesty," I said.
I crawled into the cave. It was super cozy and comforting. Alice climbed in beside me with the pizza. In the semi-darkness of that cave, it did seem like being honest would be much easier.
The walls closed in around me, almost womb-like. But probably not my mother's actual womb, which I couldn't imagine as comforting. I could talk in here. She'd been right. Somehow, it seemed the words would be easier.
"Okay, honesty," I said. "I love you. That is the most honest thing I can say."
"I love you, too. Although at the moment this pizza might be winning in the love battle."
I could never win against pizza but soon the pizza would be eaten, then I could be first again. It was such good pizza. The smell of Alice mingled with pepperoni and I almost wanted to cry from the goodness of it.
"Okay," Alice said. "I have to confess something. I didn't want to tell you before I did it. Maybe I should've. Maybe not."
I snuggled closer to her. No matter what she'd done, it couldn't be that bad.
"I found a few cracks in Molloy's image, so I contacted a reporter I know."
So that's why he'd been trending. Her arm touched my arm. Her leg touched my leg. She didn't pull away from me. We lay beside each other with light coming through the cracks where the blankets didn't overlap properly.
"That's not so awful."
"I didn't want to tell. I didn't want you interfering."
"I don't interfere."
"Hey, honesty cave, remember."
"Well, I don't interfere without good reason."
Alice laughed. She was right. Interfering was my middle name, especially when it came to her. I wanted the best for her. I wanted to prove I was worthy of her. But the things I'd done to prove that had been the wrong things.
"Do you want the last slice of pizza?" she asked.
"Well, since this is the honesty cave, I have to say that I'd kill a man for it."
She handed me the pizza box.
"Don't you want it?"
"I do but I'd rather you have it."
"See, this is why I love you."
I wanted to savor that last bit of pizza but, once it was gone, I'd be able to move closer to Alice without the pizza coming between us, so I wolfed it down.
"There's something else," she said.
"Yep?" Without the pizza box in the way, I put my arm around her.
"I thought you were a total bastard to your mother. She seemed such a lovely woman and you were so nasty."
I edged away a little, without even meaning too. I couldn't help it. Whenever anyone mentioned Vivian, I clammed up.
"But you learnt. I'm just sorry you had to get mixed up in all that. I'd have saved you from it, if I could've."
She gave a little cough.
"Okay, I won't save you from it. It's not nice though."
"It's not but at least I know why you treat her like that. What are you going to do?"
"She's got me by the balls with this hospital thing--"
"Which was a damn stupid idea."
"It was. The stupidest. I'm sorry I got you involved in that, too."
I tried to relax but talking about this really was not relaxing. Honesty was the worst.
"Tell me about it," Alice said.
"Keeping things bottled up inside has always been my way of coping. Since I was a kid, I had to be the fun one, the one with the killer sexy smile on stage, making everyone else happy. That image didn't fit with a twisted mother and an unhappy home.
"So, I bottled it all up. Kept it hidden far away. A few people knew what she was like. She constantly called my agency, pushing for more work for me. She'd have done anything, literally anything. I know we'd struggled when I was a little but she wanted everything.
"The only way I knew to deal with it was to make so much money that she'd be happy and leave me alone. Only, that didn't work. The more money I made, the more she wanted."
Alice rested her head on my shoulder. I loved her closeness. I stroked her hair.
Then I began to notice something. After blurting all that out, I could breathe easier. The world had become a little brighter. Maybe there was something to this honesty stuff. I'd always imagined that as soon that mask slipped and people knew the truth about my mother, they'd reject me. I'd be judged by her craziness.
Alice didn't care though. She didn't see my mother as part of me. She didn't even act sympathetic. She just accepted it.
I moved closer to Alice. As close as I could get. Maybe someone could see the worst of my life and not turn against me.
"The whole hospital thing with your mother. That was a shitty thing to do. You got me involved. You made me think your mother was sick. I was really worried about her."
"I hated it. I should've stood up to Gary. I should've just come clea
n then."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you'd have never agreed. With good reason, too. I'm sorry if you were worried. It was shitty. I acted shitty. I wouldn't blame you for never trusting me again. The whole situation with Molloy just snowballed into a whole bundle of lies. But Alice, I didn't want you deciding you needed to tell your story to save me."
I could understand why she'd be angry about that. I really did need to talk to her more instead of agreeing to Gary's half-cocked schemes.
"I believe you," she said. "We need to work together. We're a team or we're nothing."
I wasn't sure if I had much more honesty in me. It was hard work. But I didn't want to move out of this cave either. It made the world seem a million miles away. Just the two of us snuggled together. I pulled her even closer. I wondered if we could stay in here forever, just the two of us.
Alice
THERE WAS ONE THING I wanted to say to Savage, while we were being honest with each other.
"I think we should go public with our relationship."
"I do too," he said. "But there will be backlash, you know that. People can get nasty."
"Well, I guess I'm going to have to deal with that at some point. If we're going to be together, we can't hide it forever. I don't want to hide forever."
He kissed me. I guess I could take that as a yes.
"If we're going to do it, we should do it properly."
"Huh?"
"Alice, will you marry me?"
Whoa, that made my head swim. Sure, he'd joked about it, talked about it like it was something that might happen in an undefined future but making it a real thing freaked me out a bit.
"We've not known each other that long..."
"So? I have no question about this. You're the one I want with me for the rest of my life."
Even though I felt like that too, I had to be the voice of reason.
"What if we get to know each other better and realize we can't stand each other?"
"Not going to happen. I don't get any worse than this. You've seen me at my maximum annoyingness."
"Maybe. Maybe you have shitty habits I've not discovered yet. You might drink milk straight from the carton. That would be a deal breaker."
"I don't even drink milk."
"You might leave your dirty laundry on the floor instead of the hamper."
"Nope. I'm a king of laundry."
"You might--"
"No matter what, just tell me and I'll clean up those bad habits. I'm a reformed man. All about the love and honesty now. Look at me, in your honesty cave. Which actually sounds kinda dirty. But I'm here, laying out all my feelings. I want to marry you. Nothing more complicated than that."
"You have to stop making decisions about my life without telling me. That's the big thing. The most important. I need to open up to you. I should've told you about the problems on the Molloy tour instead of hiding them."
The heat of his body pressed against mine made it increasingly difficult to talk sense but I had to get it all out there.
"You're right. I know you're right. I need to take control of my own life, not someone else's. I need to become the perfect man for you."
"You don't need to be too perfect." I gave a little laugh. "Just trust me a little to deal with my own shit."
"Say you'll marry me and I'll spend every day of my life making sure I don't fuck up."
The need to be rational pressed against me. Getting married so soon was crazy and impulsive and wild. But then, did I want anything else?
"Okay, let's do it."
Savage hooted. He actually hooted.
"I don't have a ring but I'll get you one."
"Rings don't matter."
He kissed me again. A crazy kiss full of desire. I couldn't imagine living life without him, he was right about that. Maybe crazy was for the best.
"Maybe we should get out of this cave," I said.
"Na, we can stay here. It's nice and cozy."
With that, he started stripping my t-shirt off. His hand thudded against the underside of the table. There really wasn't much room in here.
He kissed my belly. It tickled and I tried to squirm away.
"You're so ticklish," he said. "I like it."
Then he kept kissing my belly until I pulled away to get his clothes off.
"I think next time we need to make this a naked honesty cave," he said.
"Yeah, then there'd be no talking done."
"Well, is there anything more honest than this?" he said, and kissed me again.
Savage
GARY CALLED ME ON THE way to the airport. One of the big news channels wanted an interview.
"They'll want to talk about the Molloy thing. It's all over the place. He's getting nasty too. Saying all kinds of things about you. Luckily, he's becoming so discredited that it's getting lost amongst the other noise."
"Is he still talking about pressing charges?"
"None of that. Just saying all kinds of trash."
I'd seen it online. I'd also seen that a heap of my fans fought back. I'd gotten so many messages of support. The tide was turning.
"I'll come clean and say I hit him. No lies. Nothing about my sick mother or the rest of it. Just the plain truth."
"That might not be for the best."
"Well, what's the alternative?"
I hung up and Alice smiled at me.
"I want to announce our engagement at this interview," I told her. "It's the best place for it."
"Sure. Do I need to be there for it?"
"It'd help."
"Hell, I guess I should've packed a better outfit."
I laughed at that. Alice would never be one for dressing up. And who cared about that, when her curves looked so hot in jeans.
"Wear what you want. If you want to go casual, that's fine. If not, we can get a hairdresser, stylist, a whole team. It's up to you."
"Do you think this thing with Molloy will go well?"
"I'd love for it to just blow over. It's becoming a pain in the butt. I've got more important things to worry about. Like where we'll get married and who to invite and what sort of flowers."
"We could just elope."
"Hey, I'm a rock star. I can't do that. I want a big wedding. The whole shebang."
I wasn't sure if that's what Alice wanted but I figured it was better to tell her upfront.
"I guess I can do that," she said. "So long as it's not too fancy. I don't want to be the plainest one at my own wedding."
"You won't be. No chance of that."
I grabbed her hand. It'd take all our courage to get through this. Even if Molloy's star was fading, there'd still be dirt flung and it might get nasty. But, together, the two of us could face it all.
Alice
I HADN'T THOUGHT TOO much about the interview beforehand but, when we got to the studio, my stomach went crazy. Who did I think I was, doing this? I wasn't the kind of person who married a rock star. I wasn't the kind of person who announced that on national television. I'd never even been on television before. I liked being behind the camera.
To make it even worse, this was live TV. If I fucked up, the whole world would see it. Hell, I'd embarrass myself and not only would it be live to air, it'd probably be so awful that it would become an internet meme.
I waited off camera, while Savage talked.
In this whole debacle, Savage had one huge advantage over Molloy. He'd had media training since he was young. He knew how to work an interview. As he told the story about hitting Molloy, he beamed sincerity. Then he turned to the camera, his eyes heavy with emotion. People would eat that up.
"So, can you tell me what prompted the attack?" the interviewer asked.
"That's something I can't talk about. It involves other people and I don't want them dragged into it."
The mood of the interview changed. Even Savage's media training didn't help. People would want to know. Even if it was some voyeuristic urge with nothing noble behind it, they'd feel
cheated without knowing the reason.
I could go on and tell my story. That would clear it all up. Could I actually do that, though? I wasn't even sure if I'd be allowed on the studio floor without someone stopping me.
Savage moved on to talk about his new album. I'd missed my chance.
"Now, you told us you have an announcement."
Hell, I had to go on in a minute. The stockings I wore creeped down. I needed to hitch them up. I hated wearing fancy clothes. I should've listened to Savage and just worn my jeans. The dress seemed to twist on my body and need constant adjustment.
Before I could get myself sorted, someone prodded me toward the desk. I had to go on.
"I'm becoming an honest man," Savage said. I didn't hear the rest of what he had to say because the banging of my own heart beat drove out any other sound.
This was it. This was commitment.
I walked on stage like an automation but then Savage swept me into his arms.
"This is the lucky woman?" the interviewer asked.
"I'm not sure if she's lucky, but I sure am," Savage said.
I gulped. Did I have to say something? Savage had said I didn't but I didn't want to look like an idiot either.
What should I do?
"Do you have a ring?" the interviewer asked.
"We've not had time to buy one yet," Savage said.
I just grinned at the camera, like a total idiot. The world would think I was an airhead. Hell, I wished my brain would slow down and let me think.
"Do you have anything to say?" the interviewer asked.
Suddenly I had a microphone in front of me. Yikes.
"I'm the lucky one," I said. "He's a great man."
Savage beamed at me, his hand squeezing tight around my waist. If he hadn't been holding me, I'd have probably slumped to the floor. I was so not cut out for this.
There was silence. Maybe a few seconds but it felt like it was hours.
Savage kissed my cheek. A tame kiss but then this was for public consumption.
I swallowed. I needed to say something. It was now or never. I needed to make the most of my microphone time.
"I have something to add to the story about Molloy," I said. Oxygen didn't reach my lungs and I knew I talked way too fast but I had to say it.
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 26