"You don't have to," Savage whispered to me.
I began telling my story. At first, some guy on the floor did a cut sign but I had no intention of being cut. I kept talking, the words spilling out of me.
The guy stopped doing the cut signs. He just stood watching me. The bustle of the studio floor settled.
I got my whole story out and then went silent. Had I done the right thing? I had no idea.
"Why didn't you report this?" the interviewer asked.
"Why would I? The legal system doesn't exactly have a good reputation with stuff like this. Maybe I should've. At least that might've stopped him from attacking another woman. People have to know about this. They have to know that it's not right. I should be able to do my job without having to worry about shit like that. Instead, I lost my job for not putting up with it."
They wrapped it up after that.
"Sorry," I said to Savage. "I wasn't planning on that."
"Did it make you feel better?"
"Actually, it did. I'm not carrying around a heavy secret any more. It did overshadow the news of our engagement though."
He held me tight. We stayed like that until we got told we had to move off set. The next guest had to come on.
Maybe I'd created a shit storm but it felt so much better. I'd been honest and I'd told my story. Maybe people wouldn't believe me. Maybe people would say nasty shit about me but I didn't care. I couldn't control what other people thought.
"God, I just want to get out of these clothes," I said, tugging at the waistband of my stockings.
"Best idea you've had all day," Savage said.
Alice
TWO DAYS AFTER THE interview, my editor Eleanor rang me, all bright and breezy.
"We have some work coming up, if you are interested," she said.
Funny that, since she'd told me I'd never work for her or anyone else in the industry again.
"I'm going to be very selective about the jobs I take from now on. If something really good comes up, let me know and I'll see if I can fit it into my schedule."
Meaning, I would not work for anyone who assaulted or was disrespectful to his staff. No matter who they were.
Other people contacted me with job offers, too. It seemed having a rock star fiance counted for a lot more than talent or hard work.
For the moment though, I was happy not working. I wanted to be with Savage and support him for the rest of the tour. And I had a wedding to plan. That was damn hard. Who knew there was so much planning needed? I knew nothing about weddings either.
The small jobs I'd done for upcoming bands had been so satisfying, I wanted to do more of that work. Fun work, creating a specific image with the bands. Even if they paid less, I liked the freedom.
On the last night of the tour, I stood beside Savage on stage. There'd been some nasty rumors about me but mostly people had been okay. You never knew with fans. Some of them thought I was too ordinary for Savage, others loved that.
So long as it didn't interfere with his career, I didn't really care if people said I was too fat or too plain or too whatever.
"I have to meet your parents," Savage said. "I can't believe you've kept me from them this long."
"Yeah, because you've been on tour. It's no biggie."
"I thought it was because you're embarrassed by me."
"Well, a little of that too. But, as soon as the tour finishes, we can have dinner with them. Just do not even think of doing stupid shit like asking my father for 'my hand', because I will kill you."
Savage grinned at me.
"Those flashing green eyes are back."
Savage
"TIME TO GO ON," GARY said.
Having Alice back with me made touring so much better. Things were perfect between us. But I was at the stage where I just wanted to finish the tour and have some time alone with her.
I took a few deep breaths and walked out onto the stage. The final show. I just wanted to get it over with but for some of those people out there, this was the night they'd been waiting for. Their big night. For them, I'd make this the best show possible.
Every single time I walked out on stage, it was like the first time. I had to prove myself afresh. Not that I minded. That was part of the thrill. Not just being on stage, not just playing, but winning over every single person in that crowd. Making them love me.
As the lights hit me, the screams started. I gave the crowd a simple salute. That got them fired up. We had a few new songs I planned to preview tonight but I started with the hit song from the new album.
The energy in the room hyped me up. I'd done a few flat shows and wanted to prove that I still had it. I hated giving anything less than 110%.
By mid-show, we'd settled into the old groove. Buzz played guitar like a mad man. He had enough fans out there. One woman in the crowd screamed his name in the silence after the song and he grinned like crazy, shooting me a look that said, "see, it's not just you."
He was welcome to her.
A few times I glanced to the side of the stage, to Alice. She gave me so much strength.
Since the interview, there'd been some nastiness but most people had been supportive of our relationship, and of her confession. The ones that hadn't, that was their issue.
I must be growing as a person, because I no longer felt the need to have every single person love me. The haters would always be there. I had the option to ignore them.
I launched into the next song. One of the new ones but the crowd didn't mind that. They loved it. Nice to know it was a winner. It'd be on the next album.
The love from the crowd was high tonight. I wanted to give them all that love back. But then I noticed something strange happening over the left side of the room. Someone moved through the crowd and that someone caused a reaction. People moved away, watching him, instead of the stage. A weird tension moved through the room.
Who the hell was it, coming to my show and making a fuss like that?
When they got closer to the stage, I could see him clearly. Kit Molloy. Who else?
Why was he even here?
I sat my guitar on the stand. If he wanted to have go, he could bring it on.
My muscles tensed and my entire world condensed to just one thought, teaching that bastard a lesson. A red heat flooded me. I'd obliterate that guy from the world. Wipe the dark blot that he was from existence.
As I started to storm off stage, Buzz grabbed my arm.
"Settle down," he said.
I shook him off.
"He just wants to start something. Don't play into his hands."
Buzz's words barely penetrated the anger, but they did reach me. I caught Alice's gaze. There were a ton of questions there. My first thought was to shrug and tell her nothing was wrong.
But the honesty cave, and my promises to her. I had to tell her. Even if it caused her pain.
"Molloy," I mouthed.
Out front, the crowd got restless. Gregor stepped up the mic and bantered with the crowd to cover me.
I tried to shake Buzz off. I wanted to get in amongst it. My head thumped with anger. I'd punch the fuck out of Molloy again.
The crowd went silent. Even those who couldn't see Molloy could sense something was going down.
"What's wrong, Savage?" Molloy yelled out. "Not such a big man now."
I'd promised Alice I wouldn't lose it and here, at the first opportunity, I was doing exactly that.
I stopped walking.
"Don't get angry," Buzz said. "Get even. Fuck with him. This is your show, your crowd."
Damn it, since when had Buzz become the one dispensing words of wisdom?
Alice gave me a nod. Love flowed from her to me. I needed to get my shit together. The whole bucket of shit.
I walked back to center stage and picked up the mic. It took a few deep breaths to calm myself but that bastard wouldn't put me off my form. Screw him.
"Hey, it looks like we have a special guest in the audience. Kit Molloy. Want to home up on
stage?"
The bastard screwed up his face like it was the most distasteful idea ever. People cleared a space around him. It was just him and his few buddies, standing alone.
The crowd seemed divided. Half of them yelled "yes", the other half yelled "no".
"I'm not sure what you want," I yelled back at them.
"Yes?" I asked, holding the microphone out to the crowd. People screamed.
"No?" I asked. More people screamed.
I waved my hand, getting the screams louder, then gave a cheeky wink to the people in the front rows. That got them yelling "no" even louder.
Buzz shook his head, like I was crazy. But if that bastard wanted to turn up at my show, he should know I wouldn't take it laying down. This was my show. I was in control.
"You still seem uncertain," I yelled to the crowd. "I'm not sure if my fans want you here, Mr. Molloy."
He gave me the finger. I had no idea what his agenda was but I'd totally subverted it.
"Want to know what the difference is between you and me, Molloy?" I said. "See these people here? I love them. I respect them. I know that without every single person here, I'd be nothing. I worked my guts out to prove myself with this come back, and they loved me enough to support me in that."
The entire crowd went nuts. I thought they'd lift the roof off the place.
"I don't bad-mouth my fans. And I don't treat people like shit. I might not be much of a human being but I do have basic respect."
I waited for Molloy to respond but he just turned and walked out.
"He's a shit but let him leave peacefully," I said, not wanting the crowd to get out of hand.
I'd won.
I hadn't just defeated Molloy at his stupid games, I'd defeated my own stupid instincts.
Just before we launched into the final songs, I turned to Alice. The smile she shot me was the greatest reward of all. When we were together, nothing would defeat us.
Savage
"I'M NOT WAITING A YEAR to get married, love," I told Alice, as I traced circles down her belly. "That's a crazy wait."
"But you're the one who wants a huge rock star wedding. You can't rush something like that."
"Yeah, I can. I'll just throw a ton of money at it, love. That removes most obstacles."
Alice sighed. Not a sexy love sigh but an exasperated sigh. The kind she gave me when I tried splashing my money around.
She lay on my bed beside me.
"No point having money if you don't throw it around to get what you want."
Okay, I needed to shut up or she'd totally lose the sex mood.
"I'm happy with simple. A simple dress, a few guests and no media."
"Yeah, you can say that but I don't think your mother feels the same."
I'd met Alice's parents last weekend. Her mother went into crazy wedding mode as soon as we announced our engagement. At least I had one ally.
"The two of you can do the work then."
She smiled. She wasn't as resistant to the idea as she made out.
"Sweet. We have full control over your princess dress and the works?"
She sat bolt upright.
"No princess dress."
I pulled her back down beside me, kissing her face. It was too easy to tease her and, if I was going to tease, I didn't want to waste time with words. There were much better ways to tease her.
I started by kissing her inner thighs. The soft white flesh there made me so happy. I could kiss it all day, if I didn't have so many other kissable places competing for my attention.
She squirmed, just like I wanted.
"Where do you want me to kiss next?" I asked.
She mumbled something.
"Did you say 'juice box', love?"
She blushed and inched away from me a little. "No. I didn't."
"You did. You said, 'juice box'."
I'd happily kiss her juice box all she wanted but it just cracked me up that she'd called it that.
"It's a long story. I'll tell you later."
She was right. This was not time for long stories. I trailed my kisses up her thighs. When I got to her panties, I hooked my fingers around the waistband, inching them off her.
"Juice box!" I couldn't help but say it.
I ran my fingers along her slit, confirming the juiciness of her. The sweetest juice of all. I needed to get my tongue inside her, swirling over her most sensitive parts.
"Is this what you wanted?" I asked.
"Yes!"
I loved the pleading in her voice.
I slowly spread her legs, opening her up as I teased her with my lips. Her back arched and she pushed her pussy against me. She was always so impatient.
The sweet scent of her engulfed me. I was only human and this slow tease meant a super human effort on my part. I wanted my cock in that sweet pussy.
I nuzzled her until she came so hard. That noise she made as she came was the best music I'd ever heard.
"Fuck me now," she said. "Fuck me hard."
Hell yeah. Those were the words I wanted to hear. Any time, any place, if she told me to fuck her, I'd obey. My need for her never abated.
Luckily, we'd finished fucking when the phone rang. I needed to learn to turn it off when we screwed. I hated to be interrupted.
I picked my phone up. It was Mat. I had to answer.
"Ash, I thought you should know. It's Fiona. She's overdosed. I'm at the hospital with her."
"Do you need me there?" I asked.
It was a call I'd been expecting for a long time but I was still shocked.
"It's fine," Matt said. "I just wanted to tell you before it hit the news. I'm not sure if she's going to pull through."
Matt sounded wretched.
I hung up.
"What's wrong?" Alice asked.
"Just hold me for a while."
She gave a little cough. She thought I was holding out on her.
"It's not that I don't want to tell you," I said. "I'm not holding out or trying to protect. I just can't talk about it now."
Hell, if I tried, I'd probably end up sobbing like a baby. Fiona had been there from the start. We'd grown up together. I didn't want to wait from a distance while she died.
As Alice wrapped her arms around me, I sank into the comfort. There was nothing I could do for Fiona. Nothing for Matt either. They had their own issues to sort out and, hopefully, they'd have the chance to do that.
All I could do was make sure I loved the woman beside me with all my heart. I nestled my face into her neck. I never wanted to let her go.
"If you want a simple wedding, you can have it," I told her. "You can have whatever you want. So long as we're together forever."
COME CLEAN
Fiona
MATTY WILDE WAS THE first person I saw when I opened my eyes. He sat beside my hospital bed, living proof that I'd survived.
I reached my hand out for him.
"Ash?"
Why the hell had I said that? I knew it was Matty, not Ash Savage but somewhere between my brain and my mouth the names got mixed up. Not hard to do when your head feels like it's filled with some kind of fuzz.
Matty's face crumpled. I had enough of my wits about me to notice that. For just a brief second, it crumpled. Then he pasted his sunny smile back on. I wanted to tell him, to explain about the fuzzy brain, but not only was my brain fuzzy, my mouth had become filled with cotton wool. I had no capacity for any of this.
I dropped my hand.
Of course, I knew it was Matty. I'd known Matty and Ash and the rest of the group since we were all around fourteen years old. Savage was the one who got immediate attention with his flashy looks and over the top personality. If you walked into a room, Ash would always be the first guy you noticed. Matty had the kind of face you took a while to appreciate. Not that he wasn't good-looking, but he had a quieter kind of good looks. Like one day, out of nowhere, he'd be talking about something inconsequential and bam! The gorgeousness of his gentle smile hit you. Or you could tot
ally forget the special glow he got in his eyes sometimes, then you'd see it and it would strike you anew, fleeting but perfect.
He got up and poured me a glass of water.
What the hell had I done to myself? I didn't even want to know the answer to that, really. This wasn't the first time I'd woken up in hospital and that was a guaranteed sign that the night before had been a major disaster. The last thing I remembered was being on the dance floor, music pulsating through me. There'd been a man. I didn't know his name, just that his body rubbed against mine. And he'd slipped something in my mouth. Another pill. Then I'd been flying. Nothing could hurt me, nothing could bring me back to earth. There'd just been me and the colors.
It'd been amazing. Ha.
My gaze followed Matt as he walked across the room. Fancy hospital. Nothing like that public psych ward they'd banged me up in last time. I'd woken up screaming for someone to let me out, convinced I'd died and gone to hell. An orderly had slapped my face and strapped me to the bed. Patients all around me screamed. One of the other patients had soiled herself, and no one even cleaned up her up for hours. The whole place reeked. Some woman kept pulling back the curtains around my bed to stare at me. Someone else stole my Prada handbag, which I wouldn't have minded so much if it hadn't had my personal stuff in it.
Matt had found out I was there and had me transferred. I might not be lucky with much in this world but at least I had Matty, and the money to buy myself some dignity, unlike those other poor bastards. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like stuck in that place with no hope of escape.
This hospital was luxury in comparison. Not even in comparison with that public hospital but in comparison with most things in life. Private room this time. Nice, calming colors, not those horrible hospital pastels. Comfortable bed and a few welcoming guest chairs. My own bathroom. A window looking out on a little courtyard garden. And silence. Thank fuck for silence.
Still, waking up here meant one thing only. I'd fucked up.
Again.
After all my promises, I could never be the person they wanted me to be. I couldn't be the person I wanted myself to be either. Try as I might, there was something deep inside of me that urged me to screw my life up.
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 27