A strange expression flitted across her face and then she put on that fake smile. I ignored it. Probing into Fiona's past was never a smart move.
"Oh, the usual, astronaut, air hostess, candy shop owner."
I laughed. "Maybe you need career counseling. There must be something."
"We've been talking about it in my sessions at the hospital. I'm sure something will turn up. It's not like I'm desperate at the moment. I've still got work."
She said that but it wasn't the lack of modeling jobs that was the issue. The whole industry wasn't good for her. I was sure that if she got out of it, she'd be a lot more stable. Being constantly judged on your looks and being told you weren't good enough wasn't healthy. But then, it wasn't my place to say too much. We pulled into the basement at my apartment block.
"Make sure you get a key off me. It's not like you have to be a prisoner." Although, that's pretty much what that document had said. "Just let me know where you're going in case the hospital people call. It'd look bad if I couldn't tell them. But I don't want to pry into your private life too much."
"Oh, that's fine. I just want to chill for a while. Maybe catch up on all the TV shows I've missed over the last ten years. Whenever people talk about things like that, I pretend to know what they're talking about but I have no idea."
I knew what she meant. It'd been like that when I'd been with the group. If we weren't recording or performing, it was photo shoots and interviews. I'd never had time to think for years, and I didn't even have the acting schedule that the others had.
We went into my apartment.
"You know your way around?"
Fiona had been here before but it'd been a while ago.
"I think I can work it out."
I opened the door to the spare room. "This is where you'll be staying."
I'd put fresh linen on the bed and got some flowers for the room. It was pretty sterile otherwise, all white on white. I didn't use that room much.
"If you want to add some homely touches, feel free. I don't want you feel like you're back at the hospital."
"No, no, it's fine." She sat her bag down at the end of the bed. "Great view."
The spare room had a small balcony off it, overlooking the city. There was also an en suite bathroom and a huge wardrobe. At least it wasn't lacking in comforts.
"Help yourself to anything in the fridge. Coffee, tea, whatever you want."
"Except the booze."
"Well, yeah."
I'd been a bit too embarrassed to say that but I'd cleared out all the alcohol from the apartment before she got here anyway. A few choice bottles of wine I'd moved to my bedroom. The rest of it, I'd thrown out. I didn't drink much at home and it would be better to not have the temptation sitting around.
Now that we were here, I wasn't really sure what to do. Should I just leave Fiona alone or maybe suggest something to do? I wasn't used to this awkwardness between us but then she was in my home, not entirely willingly.
"I might make some lunch," I said. "Do you want something?"
"Oh, I'm okay." She gazed around the room. "I might take a nap."
I went out, not sure if that was a brush off or not. I began cooking, just throwing an omelet together. I'd spend the afternoon working on a new song. Even if I wasn't performing, songwriting cleared my head. I'd sold a few things I'd written. In some ways, writing was the perfect job. You got to do the fun, creative stuff, without the stress of performing.
Fiona came into the kitchen and sat on one of the stools.
"Actually, I'll have a coffee if you don't mind."
She seemed almost apologetic. I wanted to make her feel at home here but I wasn't sure how to do that. If I pushed it, I'd just have the opposite effect.
"No problem." I got out some mugs and turned the coffee machine on.
"Can I have the mug with the blue dots?" she asked. "That's some fancy machine. I think I have one the same somewhere. Someone gave it to me but I'm never home enough to bother setting it up."
"You really should. They're great."
Having her sit in the kitchen, watching while I worked, would be far too easy to get used to. She didn't look up, just did something with her phone, but I loved having her here. And that could be very dangerous.
She shrugged. "Maybe. One day. I'm not a having coffee at home kind of person. It's kind of weird being here. I really don't want to impose on you."
I handed her the coffee. "It's not imposing. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want you here."
"But you have to work."
"I can work while you're here."
She nodded. "Actually, I have some stuff to do. Madeline gave me a heap of fan mail. I have to sign photos so she can send them out. It's a drag, really. All that signing."
"Yeah, I know. Writer's cramp." I shook my hand, in demonstration.
"Occupational hazard," she said, smiling. "This is great coffee."
"There's Netflix on the TV in your room, if you get bored."
She stretched her head back. Hell, she had a sexy neck. Most women, you don't even look at their neck. It's just something that keeps their heads away from their bodies. But Fiona's neck had a special kind of sensuality. Before I could stop myself, I imagined kissing that neck. The softness of the skin under my lips.
Then I shook my head. I had to clear out all thoughts like that. Fiona was off limits. I couldn't have thoughts like that when she sat opposite me at the kitchen table. I had to keep this on a friend's only level. God knows, she'd friend-zoned me about a decade ago. Just occasionally, I thought maybe there was something there. Something about her eyes when she looked at me, but then I'd tell myself it was a trick of the light. Fiona wasn't the kind to hold back when she wanted something.
"Thanks for the coffee," she said. "I've been thinking. I want to pay rent while I'm here. It will make things a lot clearer. I'll be your flat mate, not a charity case."
"You don't have to do that."
"I want to, Matty. It will make things much easier for me."
I wanted to argue but I saw her point. It wasn't a token offer but a clear declaration of her independence. And maybe she was right. It might make things a whole lot less awkward. I had a good cause I'd give the money to if she wanted to pay.
"If it makes you happy, then sure, we can do it like that." I named a figure.
She screwed up her nose. Then tapped something into her phone.
"No way, that's not even a fraction of what the rent here would be. I want to pay market value."
To be honest, I had no idea what market value was. I'd bought this apartment a while back, wanting to have a home base.
I named another figure, not actually caring about the money.
"Still lowball."
"Take it or leave it," I said, grinning at her. "It's not like I have to pay rent myself."
She sighed but held her hand out. We shook on it. Rent agreed on.
Fiona
"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" I asked Matt.
Normally, he let me know when he was leaving the apartment. In the few days since I'd moved in, we'd fallen into a casual pattern with each other. We had breakfast together then he went into his room to work and I went to mope over my life. Then we'd have lunch and I'd usually have stuff that Madeline sent over to do, interviews and stuff like that. Most nights we watched a movie.
I hadn't left the apartment. I thought about catching up with friends but most of the people I knew weren't really friends. We'd go out drinking and clubbing together. Since I couldn't drink or club, there seemed no point in contacting them. Hell, what did I even talk about with those people if we were sober? I'd be bored brainless or tempted to join them in the partying.
Matt seemed embarrassed to tell me where he was off to. Maybe he had a date. I should not care one little bit about that but I hated the idea. I hated the woman he planned to meet.
I took another look at him. He mustn't think much of her either. Matt wasn't a flashy dresser but he usually
looked casually hot. He could just wear jeans and a t-shirt and look a million dollars. With his body, he didn't need to wear much else.
But today, he had on ripped jeans, not even fashionably ripped, and a shirt covered in stains. If he had a garden, I'd have thought it was his gardening outfit.
"Just out," he said.
Now I was sure it wasn't a date, I had no problem probing him more.
"Dressed like that? Are you going out farming?"
"Something like that."
"Come on, Matt, tell me." The more he tried to hide it, the more I wanted to know.
"It's nothing mysterious. I just don't want people knowing because I don't want it to look like a publicity stunt. Sometimes, you just have to do things without wanting to look like a nice guy."
Okay, now I really had to know.
"Tell me," I pleaded. "I won't rest until I know."
He looked me over. "Want to come with me? You'll need to put on some old clothes."
"I don't have old clothes. I only have what was in that bag."
"Well, you might get anything good wrecked."
This just got more mysterious. I went to get changed into a pair of jeans and t-shirt. They weren't old but they weren't precious either. I tied my hair back into a ponytail. This did not seem like an occasion for being too dressed up.
"Promise me there will be no photographers around. I look like shit."
"No photographers, and you look gorgeous."
I raised my eyebrows. He was shitting me.
"No, I mean it."
I wouldn't know. I rarely went out the door without a full face of makeup and without doing my hair. At least like this, no one would be likely to recognize me. I grabbed a baseball cap of Matty's from the hall stand just to be on the safe side.
We drove across the city and Matt still wouldn't say what he was up to. Even the bland concrete building where we pulled up gave no clue.
When we got inside, the sound of a million puppies barking gave me some idea.
"What is this place?" I asked.
"A no-kill shelter. I come here once a week and help out, just exercising the dogs and giving them some love."
I stepped back a bit. I wasn't sure about this.
"Do I have to touch them?" I asked.
I'd never had anything to do with dogs in my life. They seemed a bit overwhelming, like they'd jump all over you. They were slobbery and a little bit germy. I didn't want to seem like a bitch but, if I'd known there were dogs involved, I'd have stayed at home.
"Not unless you want to. You can take a few of them for a walk on the lead. Or you can just wait in the car."
Maybe walking a couple of dogs wouldn't be so bad. If they didn't jump.
A matronly lady came out to reception.
"Matt, great to see you. I've got fantastic news. Jo-Jo has been adopted."
"Did I miss my chance to say goodbye?"
The woman smiled. "No, he's still here. They're picking him up later today."
The woman gave Matt a list of the dogs that needed to be walked. She eyed me up but Matt reassured her that I'd be okay.
"Normally, you have to go through orientation to be a volunteer but, since you're with Matt, I guess it will be okay. Just stay with him."
I followed Matt down a concrete path between buildings.
"Wait until you meet Jo-Jo. He's the gentlest dog you'll ever see."
We got to some animal enclosures. The structure was basic but the dogs had beds and blankets and toys. One bounded up on the wire, barking, and I jumped away.
"Are you scared of dogs?" Matt asked. "Sorry. I should've checked."
I shook my head. "Not so much scared. I've just never had anything to do with them."
We got to the enclosure at the end.
"You can stay outside if you like," Matt said as he opened the latch.
"No, I'll go in. You said he's gentle."
"He's a giant teddy bear."
I could see that for myself with the big furry bundle laying in the middle of the floor. He lifted his head and gave Matt a friendly woof. Matt squatted down beside him, rubbing his ears.
"Hey, Jo, old fella. You have a home. A forever home." Matt turned to me. "They thought he'd never get rehoused because he's so old. I'd have taken him myself if I could."
I stepped closer. This dog didn't seem like he'd jump up on me.
"Let him smell your hand," Matt said.
That sounded weird but I held out the back of my hand. The dog sniffed at it then gave it a lick. His slow movements gave me the confidence to step closer. I put my hand on his head and he made a happy little grumble.
"He likes you," Matt said.
"Do you think?" I don't know why but that made me so happy that this big, old dog thought I was okay. A million people might pick at every fault in my appearance but this guy, with his big slobbery smile, didn't have any shits to give about that.
I gave his ears a rub. He really was a sweet guy.
"He doesn't need to be walked so we should go check on the other dogs." He took me to an enclosure with two little dogs. They were much more energetic.
"If you're worried about them jumping on you, I'll get them on the leads while you wait."
I nodded my head. Matt opened the door and spoke to the dogs in a gentle voice. That was enough to calm them down. Those dogs really loved him. He came out and handed one of the leads to me.
"It's much easier with two of us. Normally these guys pull in opposite directions, trying to drag me all over the place."
I didn't think the dogs looked big enough to drag Matt until my dog pulled on his leash. That dog was a lot stronger than he looked.
"Come here," I said. I bent down and the little dog ran to me. He licked my hand and I gave him a pat on the head.
I looked up and Matt smiled at me.
"You really never had a pet as a kid even?" he said.
"Never."
As if. We barely had enough money to support ourselves. I couldn't imagine my mother ever considering a luxury like a dog. Probably better for the dog anyway.
Then I'd left home and the thought of getting a pet never entered my head.
"You did?" I asked him.
"We had two dogs. Chuckles and Noodle. They were the best dogs. My parents had Chuckles before I was born and they got Noodle when I was about five. We grew up together. I miss them like crazy but I'm not in position to keep a dog. That's why I work here. I get my dog fix and these guys get their walks."
We'd reached a grassy area.
"What's this guy's name?" I asked Matt. That little dog kept pulling.
"Flambe."
"Come on, Flambe," I said, and broke into a run.
Next thing I knew, Matt ran beside me.
"Come on, Gazza," he said to his dog. "We can't let those two beat us. First ones to the fence."
He shot past me. I ran faster. I couldn't remember the last time I ran like this. I worked out my trainer at the gym but running on a treadmill was nothing like running outside. All that fresh air made the world of difference. I pushed my legs as fast as they'd go. No way would I let Matt win.
"Run, Flambe, run!"
He gave me a doggy grin and then picked up his pace. We got alongside Matt. The fence wasn't that far off. I pushed myself as hard as I could and so did Flambe. We got ahead. Oh yeah, that fence was so close. I wanted to check how close Matty was but didn't want to risk turning back. I kept my eyes on that fence, throwing myself that extra length to hit it first.
"We won!" I gathered Flambe up in my arms. "We're the best."
That little dog looked as happy as I felt. He rested his head against me. Dogs really were quite nice.
"Just lucky."
"Lucky, nothing. Flambe and I are the winning combination. He's the best dog. Fiona and Flambe are the best, boo for the rest." I put my hand around Flambe's head, snuggling him to me. "Don't listen to the nasty man saying we're just lucky. You're the best. Champion dog."
&nb
sp; Matt laughed. Then his expression changed. He got that look again.
For a fleeting moment, I wondered if it would be that wrong. Matt and I. We could have a place in the country with a couple of dogs. Maybe even kids one day. That was a nice dream but dreams like that aren't for people like me. I'd fuck it up and not only would Matt get hurt but the kids and the dogs would too. Better to wash that dream down the drain. Dogs needed a better human than me.
Matt
I'D NEVER SEEN FIONA like this before. So relaxed and carefree. It'd been a great idea to bring her here. Of course, if I'd suggested it outright, she'd never have agreed so I had to be sneaky about it. But it'd worked. All the cares and worries just slipped away from her face, not in that fake way she put on for the public but with a genuine happiness.
Then I'd screwed up. I must have let something show because that mask slipped back so readily.
"Let's get these guys back," I said.
We didn't run this time. The two dogs were happy just to trot along beside us. They'd sleep well tonight.
For the next few hours, we played with the dogs and took them around the yard. Most of the dogs were well-behaved. There was a bad moment when one cheeky bugger jumped up on Fiona. She froze. Her fear of dogs had disappeared during the visit but something like that could bring it right back.
"Charlie, drop!" I commanded.
Luckily, Charlie obeyed me straight away.
"Are you okay?" I asked her.
"Yep, just a bit shocked. He wasn't too bad, though." Then she bent down and rubbed Charlie's belly.
After that, we took a couple of other dogs out. They were much better behaved than Charlie.
"So, that big guy, Jo-Jo, is going to a permanent home?" she said.
She must've been thinking about him the whole time.
"He sure is. I'll miss him like crazy but he'll be happy."
"I hope so. It must be hard for him, seeing all the other dogs getting adopted but always being left behind. He is such a sweetie too."
Fiona never talked much about her life before modeling but I got a feeling she'd had it pretty rough. Even now, she still got that lost look in her eyes. And, of course, she had her issues. Fame could be a bitch if you came from the most stable, loving home but add childhood issues into that mix and you had a recipe for disaster.
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 31