She handed me a bunch of apples and a peeler. I liked that Mrs. Kinnett actually gave me something to do instead of insisting she didn't need help. There's nothing worse than sitting around being useless while someone else does the work.
I held the peeler up, not quite sure how to use it. Mrs. Kinnett took it off me and gave me a demonstration. After that, I got to work, while she mixed some things in a bowl. I wasn't sure what she was making but it didn't matter that much.
Once I finished peeling the apples, she got me to cut them into chunks.
"That wasn't so hard, was it?"
"It was fun, actually."
"Nothing like a homemade apple pie."
I'd have to put in overtime at the gym tomorrow after this meal but I had a feeling it'd be worth every bite.
Matt and his Dad came back in from the garage with a box of stuff.
"We've got caps and tour t-shirts. I can get the guys to sign everything, if it helps. I'm not sure how many people even remember us though."
"Right. You've got heaps of fans. You'll never be forgotten. And, of course, Ash is getting even bigger by the day with his new album."
"I'd be happy to fade into the background," Matt said. "I never was that comfortable with fame. If I can work as a session muso and do some songwriting, that's good enough for me."
"What about you, Fiona?" Matt's father asked. "Do you like the limelight?"
His eyes crinkled as he smiled at me. Matt might have his mother's hair and eyes but he had his father's smile.
"Less and less as I get older. I don't like being constantly scrutinized. My biggest fear is being in one of those 'people who've let themselves go' articles where some paparazzi gets a sneaky shot of you without makeup, running out to get a coffee."
Of course, the photos of me passed out in nightclubs were just as bad. And that hospital photo that kept popping up. But, for some reason, I didn't want to mention the rehab thing in front of Matt's parents. They must know. It was no secret. Still, no point in making an issue of that.
Matt's dad nodded, even though I was sure he'd never read a gossip magazine in his life.
"Yeah," Matt said, "Nick was in one of those 'where are they now?' stories a while back. He went nuts over it. He wasn't even the feature but an insert in the corner."
Mrs. Kinnett called us and we moved into the dining room.
"Sure you don't need a hand dishing up?" I asked her.
"No, I'm fine. You just relax. Fiona helped make dessert."
Matt raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything.
"I did barely anything. Just peeled some apples."
"Well, there wasn't that much to it, anyway. I'll write down the recipe for you, if you like."
The simple homemade stew was one of the best things I'd ever eaten. While we ate dinner, Matt's parents both asked him a ton of questions about his work, and then filled him in on gossip about people they knew. It seemed strange to me. Like something from a TV show. All this happy family business. I never knew it was a reality.
The pie we had for dessert was just as good as the stew. Mrs. Kinnett made a big fuss over my efforts even though I'd really done nothing. Peeling apples, too easy.
It became time to leave far too early.
Mrs. Kinnett hugged me goodbye. The warmth of her seeped into my bones.
"It was lovely meeting you, Fiona. See you soon."
I nodded.
It was only when we got in the car to go home, I realized I'd done exactly the last thing I'd intended. I'd got further mixed up with Matty's life.
Matt
FIONA WAS QUIET ON the drive home. I could tell over dinner that she wasn't used to things like that, the kind of things I took for granted. I'd always been grateful to my parents for the way they accepted my decisions but after tonight, I realized just how lucky I was.
I'd been so glad she'd gotten along so well with them. And happy that they'd accepted her. Even happier they'd held off on asking relationship questions. That would've been the worst.
When we got back to the apartment, I thought Fiona would go straight to bed but she suggested we have a drink.
"Nothing strong for me, of course. But I can have an apple juice and make out it's booze."
"Do you have to stay on the wagon forever?" I asked her.
I didn't drink much but the thought of not ever having a beer after a hard day or a glass of wine with dinner seemed extreme.
"Apparently. They think I have a drinking problem. Maybe I do. But I can go months without a drink. It's not like I crave it. It's just, sometimes life gets too much." She shrugged. "It's tough too when that's your only social life."
"True. You can't really get away from it."
"You always stay level-headed, though. I don't know how you manage it."
I poured us both apple juice into my best wine glasses. There's no way I'd drink if Fiona couldn't.
"There have been times... I'm sure you've heard the stories."
"Yeah, but they're funny stories. Like you and Ash on tour, getting drunk and forgetting the hotel name so having to sleep on the street." She laughed. "My stories aren't nearly so funny."
Some of those stories weren't so funny either. But then I'd stayed on the outside when things got tense in the group. Most times at least.
"I guess it's been easier for me, too. There were always the five of us. Even when we fought, we still had the greater enemy. Well, enemies. We hated our management and we hated all the tour promoters and PR people who tried to work us to death. At least we had someone to bitch to. Even the fights, I guess that was stress relief. Nothing like punching someone when you're het up."
"True. It's always been just me. I've had Madeline but then, when she comes down hard on me, there's never been anyone to back me up. It's better now but when I was younger, I always second-guessed myself. Was she right? Was I stupid? If I had a whole group around me, it'd have been easier."
We took our glasses and went out on the balcony. I hardly ever went out there, not when I was home alone. I had an outdoor setting with a long bench against the wall and two chairs on the other side, with a glass coffee table in the middle. Fiona sat one end of the bench and I sat on the other. A whole cushion-wide gap between us.
It was a beautiful night. So still you could hear every noise. A slight breeze blew around us.
"You really are lucky, Matt."
So much emotion in that comment. I couldn't deny it. I had been incredibly lucky.
"I know. I could've had it much harder. I know my parents wanted me to go to university and have some regular career but I didn't follow that path and they never said a thing."
"My mother never had a path for me. I guess I've done well enough for myself."
She brushed a strand of hair from her face.
"You really have, and I think you need to give yourself more credit. You've worked incredibly hard. It's a tough world, modeling, and you've made it to the top. Cheers."
I clinked my glass against hers. We sat in silence for a while. Neither of us in a hurry to speak. We watched the stars and the city lights. The silence between us was comfortable but I wondered what Fiona was thinking. She seemed to be turning something over in her mind.
I finished my juice.
"Want another?" I asked, reaching across to get her glass.
That's when it happened. Her lips brushed against mine, in the lightest of kisses. It was a tiny kiss but it held everything I wanted in this world.
Fiona
I DON'T KNOW WHY I did that. I couldn't even blame the drink. All I knew was that when Matty leaned over, so close that his arm almost brushed against mine, his face so near, I couldn't hold back. The scent of him intoxicated me. It was an impulse.
Then my lips touched his.
He didn't rush me. He didn't pull me closer but he didn't move away either. We touched nowhere but our lips. Oh, his lips against mine felt so perfect.
It wasn't even a kiss. Not really. But that not-kiss sent
shivers through my body. It promised so much.
I put my hand on his shoulder. I needed him, no matter how much I fought it. The sweetness of him filled me in a way I'd never known I craved until now. He never pushed me, he never demanded. He just stayed by my side.
That kiss. So gentle, yet so dangerous.
I'd thought I was strong enough to resist him but I'd been wrong. Just once, just for tonight, I slipped. Maybe, for a little while, I could pretend I was a woman he should be kissing. Maybe I could pretend to be the woman he thought I was. Maybe it was okay to kiss him, just this once.
The nearness of his body taunted me, so I slid closer to him, deepening our kiss. The sensation of that kiss curled my toes and shot light through me. I'd kissed more men than I could remember but I didn't remember any kiss being like this one. Nothing in my life had ever prepared me.
The breeze blew strands of hair across my face, tickling my skin. I ignored them. If I broke this moment, the magic would be lost forever.
If only I could keep kissing him like this, I'd give it all up. All the drink and the drugs and partying. This was a much better high.
With Matt beside me, I wasn't Fiona the Fuck Up. I wasn't lost.
I moved my hand to cup his head, to press him tighter to me.
Still, he didn't resist but he didn't advance either. I knew Matty wanted me. It'd be impossible not to know that. But he seemed happy to follow my lead. When it seemed like every single man I'd ever met wanted to have power over me, Matt happily let me take control.
I brushed my fingers against his skin. Down his arm. The contours of his body had a strange familiarity, as though they'd been waiting for me my entire life.
Finally, he wrapped his arms around me. My heart sang at his embrace. Heat rushed through my body. If only we could've stayed like that forever. I had nothing more I wanted.
His lips became more insistent. What could I do but respond?
Finally, Matt broke away.
I wanted him to sweep me into his arms and carry me to the bedroom. We'd stay in bed all night and day, filling every urge that our bodies demanded. I waited but he just gazed at me.
"I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do," he said.
"Right, wrong, who cares?"
He couldn't pull away now. Of course, he should. If he was smart, that was the right thing to do but I didn't want him to be smart. I wanted stupid, crazy passion.
"You're in my care. You're vulnerable now. I don't want to rush you into anything. I'm not going to take advantage of you."
I nearly laughed. I loved Matt because he was so strong and such a good person but it was those very qualities that made him push me away.
My body screamed with need.
"It's not that I don't want you," he said. "I just think we shouldn't rush things."
I wanted to rush. I wanted to binge on Matt. I wanted to give him everything I had to offer. But maybe what I had to offer wasn't enough. I'd never taken things slowly. I rushed headlong into every impulse I ever had.
Matty reached out, putting his hand under my chin and lifting my face to his.
"You're too good to rush, Fiona. This is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life but I think it's the best thing to do."
He kissed me lightly on the lips then got up and went inside.
Damn. Just damn.
I stayed outside, staring at the stupid stars until I no longer wanted to cry.
Fiona
I COULDN'T SLEEP. I'D been stupid to kiss Matt and after I thought about it, I realized it was a good thing he'd responded like he did. I kept telling myself that, it'd been a good thing. No point starting something that would end badly.
I punched my pillow and changed positions. Nothing worked. I couldn't get comfortable and I couldn't sleep.
My sleep shorts tangled around my body as I twisted to get comfortable. I grabbed the spare pillow and hugged it, but that was no substitute.
Normally, I'd pour myself a drink or take a sleeping pill. Sometimes both. But I didn't have those options. Even if I wanted to, Matt had no booze in the house and I bet he had no pills. I'd just have to deal with a sleepless night. Maybe read a book or something.
One sleepless night wouldn't hurt me.
First, I went to the kitchen. I needed something, even if it was just a glass of water. I wouldn't think about that kiss a moment longer. I'd distract myself. I couldn't have Matt dancing around the edge of my thoughts, so close yet so out of reach.
There was a jug of water in the fridge. I'd just grabbed it when a noise made me spin around.
Matt stood in the doorway, wearing just a pair of boxers. I wanted to avoid temptation but hell, he should not flaunt his body like that. That stomach, perfectly toned and so totally lickable. I yearned to kiss him just below the belly button. I could almost hear the guttural moan he'd make. I'd always known Matt had a good body but Christ on a bike, he was sublime.
His shorts hung low on his hips, so teasingly. I clenched my hands. I couldn't touch him.
It was cruel for him to taunt me like that when he'd just rejected me. Whoa, was it ever hot in this kitchen? Surely one little lick of that belly wouldn't hurt.
Water. That's what I'd come to get. I had to stop staring. But my eyes didn't want to obey. My hands and my lips didn't want to obey either but at least I could control them, unlike my stupid eyes.
Every single thing about Matt's body appealed to me. He wasn't all bulky muscle like Savage, but leaner and more athletic. The kind of body I could easily imagine wrapping my legs around. Even that tuft of hair I could see in his armpits was insanely hot.
I finally looked up. It was tough but I couldn't just gape at him like some kind of pervert all night.
Damn, he had to be thinking the same thoughts as me. His gaze darted over my legs in those tiny sleep shorts, then up to my breasts straining against my tight tank top. Finally, he settled on my chest. I looked down. My nipples almost poked holes in my top, they'd grown so hard.
I folded my arms. No point having my nipples all on high beam like that when Matt wasn't interested. Although, he didn't act like a man who wanted to move slow. My nipples weren't the only things that were hard.
Neither of us moved. We just kept gawking at each other like crazed teenagers, not knowing what to do with all these feelings buzzing through our bodies.
"I didn't realize you were here," he said.
"I couldn't sleep."
"Me neither."
He turned to leave but that was the last thing I wanted. Before he got out of the door, though, he turned back.
"Fiona," he said, his voice husky and echoing the need I felt in myself. "Fiona."
I put my hand on my hip. "Well, Matty, what are we doing to do about this?"
I met his gaze, challenging him to make a move.
We both flew forward, closing the distance between us. I threw my arms around his neck. His arms circled my waist. Our mouths clashed together in a frenzied kiss, nothing held back. Every bit of repressed passion unleashed itself in my body. I melded to him, running my hands down the naked flesh of his back. God, that was some fine naked flesh.
He had the traces of a sleepless night clinging to him. That smell, that tenseness in his muscles. As we kissed, I needed to touch him, to trace the muscles of his back with my fingertips. His skin felt so good.
His hand moved down to cup my butt, pulling my body even closer to his.
I pressed against him, feeling his hardness.
It was stupid to deny this thing between us. If he backed away now, if he said anything about going slow, I might well kill him.
This might be wrong but I wasn't exactly known for my self-control.
Matt
I'D KNOWN I WOULDN'T get to sleep, not after she kissed me. All that lust lingered in my body, driving me mad. I'd planned to get a drink, then go back to bed. I hadn't expected her to be in the kitchen.
I tried to resist her. I tried with all my might but when I
saw her standing in my kitchen, looking at me that way, I lost all urge to fight. She didn't even try to hide the desire in her eyes as her gaze swept over my body.
And, hell, I'm only human. If any woman looked at me with that kind of lust, I'd react. When it was the woman I'd been in love with for the past ten years, I almost exploded. If you'd reached inside of me and found my deepest fantasy, this would be it.
She spoke, and it seemed like the yearning inside her dripped from her words. Then she glanced up at me with her hooded eyes and I lost every bit of willpower I'd ever had. All those arguments I'd made in my head fell away.
She wanted me and I wanted her. Nothing else mattered.
Nothing in my life so far was as mind-blowing as Fiona's kisses. She didn't hold back, every part of her clinging to me, letting me know how much she desired me. She'd always been the only woman I ever wanted. And I needed all of her. Not just the beauty on the surface but her pain and her darkness.
As I kissed her, she bit down on my lip. The pain shot through my body and I clasped her tighter. No matter how tight our bodies pressed together, it wasn't enough for me.
I lifted her up onto the counter and she wrapped her legs around my waist.
Every impulse inside me wanted to strip her clothes off, to enter her as fast as possible. But I fought against that. My selfish urges could wait. Seeing her face twisted with pleasure would be much more satisfying anyway.
I moved back and took her face in my hands. Already, a sheen of sweat covered her skin and her hair clung to her face.
"You are so fucking beautiful," I said to her.
She laughed. "I look like shit."
"The way you're looking at me is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
I cupped her breasts. She didn't take her gaze from me. As my thumbs found her nipples, the spark of pleasure in her eyes got me so hard, I thought I'd die. She bit down on her bottom lip but didn't speak. I took her nipples in my fingers, pressing those hard buds tight until she moaned with pleasure.
She pulled off her top and I kissed my way from her neck down to her left nipple, taking it gently between my teeth. Her fingers wrapped tight around the counter edge and she thrust her hips forward.
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 33