Come Back for Me

by Corinne Michaels

  “But don’t you see, everything will change.”

  He shakes his head. “No, it won’t.”

  “If she’s yours, then you will want to make up for all the time you lost. You’ll have needs because, as a parent, that’s how it is. You will love in a way that you don’t ever fully understand. She will become your world, as she should, and that will bring big changes for all of us. So, while you think it won’t . . . it will. Let’s at least acknowledge that.”

  Connor puts the paper down on the table and pulls me into his arms, eyes searching mine. “I have thought about you since that night we met. I’ve wanted you, craved you, loved you in some way for eight years. The only thing that this will change is that the family I thought I would never have is now in front of me. The woman I thought I might have conjured up is still real and we still have a chance to have something. Maybe something will change, but the way I feel about us and what we’re doing won’t.”

  I touch my hand to his lips, wishing that the words he spoke could somehow absorb into me because no one has ever said anything more beautiful. “It won’t for me either.”

  “Good.”

  I kiss him once, because he’s close and I can’t seem to help it, and then step out of his embrace and grab the letter.

  With shaky hands, I lift the fold and then lower the other, and then tears fill my vision after I read the first line.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Connor

  I have a daughter.

  I have a little girl. Ellie and I have a child. That’s what keeps going in my mind on repeat. It’s as though I’m waiting for the ink to change in front of me, telling me it isn’t real. Hadley is my daughter.

  Ellie’s hands drop from the paper, and I look into her blue eyes. “She’s mine.”

  “She is.”

  I want to say something more than this, but nothing seems adequate enough. I wanted it so badly but wouldn’t allow myself to hope it could really happen. Hadley and I bonded instantly, and over the last few months, she’s become so much more than the girl I found in the tree.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I admit as I read the words over again. Ellie wipes at her eyes and that snaps me out of it. “Are you okay?”

  She nods quickly. “I wanted this to be the results. God, I practically convinced myself it had to be, but . . . I worried so much she wouldn’t be. It was one night and we were careful—at least, I thought we were, but then the timing and I . . .”

  “I’m so fucking happy.”

  Ellie laughs through her tears. “I am too. I wanted it to be you.”

  I pull her back to me and kiss her roughly. I’m over the fucking moon. I really wasn’t sure I’d feel this way. Of course, I wanted her to be my daughter since the moment Ellie said it, but I couldn’t know what it would feel like to find out she is.

  For so long, I’ve been resigned to being single and never having children.

  Now, I’m standing before a woman I love and just found out that I have a daughter.

  My heart is racing, and I’m not sure whether I want to scream, laugh, or both at the same time. “It’s like everything inside me is ready to burst. I can’t explain it. I wish a lot of things were different, but then . . .”

  Ellie looks away and her breathing accelerates. “Connor, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

  “Sorry?”

  I have no idea what she has to be sorry about.

  “Sorry that I never found you. I’m sorry I married that horrible man and let him raise her. I’m so sorry she didn’t know what life could’ve been like with you!” Ellie sobs, and I pull her to my chest. She cries, and I hold her. “I’m sorry I didn’t do more for her! I’m sorry!”

  I can’t imagine how she feels because, if her emotions are anything like what I’m enduring, she’s overwhelmed.

  I have a little girl who I missed getting to watch grow up, but I don’t blame Ellie. How the hell could she have found me? Walked around a town that I didn’t live in, asking for a guy whose name she didn’t know? Sure, if she knew I was an Arrowood, it would’ve been different, but she didn’t even have that much.

  “You did the best you could. You didn’t know she was mine until just now. You protected her, Ellie.”

  She lifts her head, and I wipe away the moisture under her eyes. “She should’ve never needed it.”

  “We can’t change the mistakes we’ve made. Lord knows I’ve tried to atone for mine.”

  If she knew the things I’ve done to erase the things I want to forget, she might run. The day I left this town was the day I shed who I once was. All of my brothers did the same. When we were here, we were forced into a life we didn’t want. My father broke us, and I’ve done everything I could to rebuild. I served my country and tried to do good. I’ve never allowed the shit that happened to affect who I am now.

  “I feel like I can never make this right for her or you. She should’ve known you. Look how much she loves you already.”

  “And I’ll be there for her the rest of my life.”

  “You know this means . . . everything I was worried about with the divorce won’t matter. Kevin will never be able to touch her. He isn’t her father, and he has no rights to her,” she says as her eyes fill with relief.

  No, her ex will never be around Hadley or Ellie ever again.

  “In order for that to happen, we’re going to have to tell her.”

  She takes a step back and then turns. “I know.”

  “Do you not want to?”

  Ellie spins around. “No, I do. But we can’t just spring this on her. She doesn’t know we met before. She’s only ever known Kevin as her father. While I don’t think she’ll react badly, I think she’ll be confused.”

  I nod. The last thing I want to do is make this harder on either of them. And even when you have an abusive parent, you still love them and want them to love you—maybe even more so than if you had a loving parent. I would beg God to let my father see that we were good kids. I wanted him to be proud of us and would often do things to earn his approval.

  It never came, and I was only left more disappointed until I finally stopped caring.

  “And we’ll both be there to help her through.”

  Ellie gives me a soft smile. “We have a daughter.”

  I take the step toward her, closing the distance. “We do. And soon, I hope to have you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Ellie

  “Mom, watch this!” Hadley yells as she spins on the tire swing that Connor hung for her off the edge of the tree house.

  He’s been working on it at least an hour of each day, making it more special than she could ever imagine. This last week, she’s been here until one of us comes to drag her home.

  “Hadley, it’s getting cold, and you have homework.”

  “But I like it here!”

  “I know you do, but you have to get your schoolwork done. And we have to go home to get some things.”

  She mutters under her breath as she slogs her feet toward me. “Can’t you go?”

  It’s been months of this, and I’m starting to think it’s not real fear anymore and that she just likes being at Connor’s.

  “No, we both need to go.”

  Mainly because once the divorce happens, it won’t be my house any longer, so we need to get everything out. Kevin owns all of the land and the house on his farm. I don’t know anything about it and it was his family’s home, not mine, so I have no rights to it even if I wanted it.

  “I hate it there.”

  “You know that nothing can hurt us there, don’t you?”

  Hadley looks up at me, her green eyes wide and trusting. “I know. Daddy’s in jail.”

  And that is the saddest thing. She only feels safe because Kevin is in jail.

  I’ve come close to telling her that Connor is her daddy so many times. I’ve wanted to blurt it out instead of agonizing over every word I want to say. It’s been hard knowing the truth and keep
ing it from her, but Connor and I decided to wait. I want Kevin to be served with the papers, which happens this week. This is also the week I’ll be filing for dissolution of paternal rights due to the fact that DNA has proven Kevin is not her father.

  Sydney was able to get Kevin to agree to a DNA test, and she is holding those results for legal proceedings.

  All of it is messy and ugly, but each step has been necessary to get him removed from my life.

  “All right, how about you run back and get started on your homework and I’ll meet you there in a bit?”

  Hadley grins and takes off running.

  I start back toward the house, not in a rush as I enjoy the crisp, fall air. It reminds me of my mother. She loved this time of year. Our house smelled like apples, pumpkins, and spices. Baking gave her a great sense of joy, and my father loved all things horror themed, so Halloween was his favorite holiday.

  I move through the tall grass, just breathing without worry. It’s a totally different life for me now. I don’t worry about having dinner on the table or making sure the house is immaculate. As my way of thanking Connor, I do cook and clean up, but it’s appreciated not expected.

  And he demands that the cook doesn’t clean. So, I get to sit there after the meal and . . . do nothing.

  When I get closer to the house, I see his tall frame with the sun at his back.

  God, he’s gorgeous.

  His ball cap is backward, hiding the hair I love to run my fingers through, and his white shirt is straining against his muscles as he lifts the bale of hay.

  Apparently, farming is really freaking sexy.

  I stand a few feet away, chewing on my thumb as I drink him in.

  He tosses the bale with little effort, and I let out a soft sigh.

  Our eyes meet, and he flashes me one of his effortless smiles. “Hi there.”

  “Hi, yourself.”

  “Like what you see?”

  Do I ever. Instead of giving him the satisfaction of my response, I shrug. “It’s all right, I guess . . .”

  His voice dances with amusement. “You guess?”

  “Well, I mean, you’re okay and all.”

  And then he lunges for me. I squeal and run, but I don’t have a chance in hell of him not catching me. Connor grabs me and pulls me up into his arms. My legs kick, and then Hadley rushes outside.

  “Connor!” she yells, and he takes off with me in his arms.

  “You can’t catch us!”

  My arms are wrapped around his neck as he circles and Hadley follows. “You got my mom!”

  “I do, and if you want her back, you have to catch us!”

  I laugh as he ducks and dodges her. She laughs hysterically as she chases him and, in this moment, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

  There’s nothing weighing me down.

  In his arms, running around this field, with our daughter chasing us—I smile, and it feels like the world is smiling with us.

  “The petition for divorce has officially been filed. The judge will review the case and, regardless of whether Kevin signs it or not, he’ll render a decision because Kevin’s in jail awaiting trial.”

  I don’t even know what to say. It’s been months of waiting for the stupid time restriction to run out, and Sydney has been vigilant as she counted down the time until she could strike.

  “And the paternity?”

  She pulls out the copy of it. “He was served it at the same time as he received his version of the results. Do you want to see?”

  I nod. I know that Hadley isn’t his, but it’ll be nice to see it for myself. “Did you look?”

  “No, I didn’t think it was my place.”

  I smile. Sydney has become a trusted friend, which is something I never had before. Hadley loves her, and she loves giving Connor shit. It’s been fun spending time with her. “Thank you, Syd.”

  “Don’t mention it, but please open the damn thing so I can stop the internal suspense.”

  I do as she asks, grinning as I read the results.

  “I take it that he’s not her father?”

  “No,” I say with tears of joy. “No, he’s not, but we knew that already, this sort of . . . confirms it all again.”

  “So . . . Connor?”

  “Yeah, he’s her father.”

  Sydney leans back in her chair, the look of surprise is evident on her face. “I thought so, I mean, Hadley has the Arrowood eyes, but I wasn’t sure how it could be possible.”

  “I always hoped.”

  She smiles. “I once did too. Listen,” Sydney says before pausing. “I want to warn you, as a friend, the Arrowood brothers have a lot of . . . baggage. I dated Declan for what feels like my whole life. He kissed me when I was eight years old, told me we were going to get married, and that was that. I loved him with my whole heart, and I really believed he was my forever, but he changed. Day by day, the boy I knew disappeared at the hands of his father. It was impossible to watch, but we had a plan. And then he took off and never came back. Loving those boys is easy, but losing them, well, it’s not something we ever really get over.”

  My first instinct is to defend Connor, which is an urge I tamper down. Sydney isn’t telling me this to hurt me, she’s being a friend. I also hear the pain in her voice. It’s clear that she’s never gotten over the loss of Declan.

  “I know they had a rough childhood.”

  She snorts. “Ellie, whatever he’s told you . . . double it. Those boys went through hell and it was horrible to watch. Connor bore more of it than we probably know because he was the last one living at home. Declan was the first to leave, and well, while I was in college, so was he. We were fine, it was great, even. We went to schools close to each other, but then once Connor left for boot camp, Declan was done with me. I was depressed and shut myself off when he left.”

  “I’m sorry he hurt you.”

  “Me too. The sad part is that I would’ve run with him. I would’ve followed that man to the ends of the earth, but he told me to stay and that he didn’t want me anymore. He wanted to start over and that meant we were through.”

  Sydney may be doing the best she can to mask the hurt in her voice, but I hear it in each syllable. I also hear the love she still has for him. But Connor isn’t Declan, and I’m not her. We’ve talked about things, and I have to believe that after everything I’ve been through, Connor isn’t keeping some deep dark thing from me that’s going to make him run again.

  We’ve already sorted that part out.

  “I know that you and his brother had issues, but we’re not young or going into this with eyes half open. Connor knows my demons, and he’s told me about his. I appreciate that you want to help me, and I hear your words, truly I do, but there’s something between us. We have a child together and . . . I don’t know, Sydney, it’s just so . . .”

  “Easy to love him?”

  I want to shake my head in denial. I don’t love him, at least not like that yet. I know I could. I know my heart wants to leap, but I keep my head in check. Love is powerful and can be used against someone if its bearer doesn’t have good intentions, and I refuse to leap again without first knowing what I’m leaping into.

  “Easy to want to love him at least.”

  Syd extends her hand and covers mine. “I’m not telling you to stay away from him or anything like that, I want you to be careful. Seeing you or Hadley experience even half the pain that I have . . . well, I’d do just about anything to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  She smiles. “Now, let’s celebrate your upcoming divorce and get food!”

  I grab my purse with the widest grin and nod. “Yes. Let’s.”

  Today is filled with possibilities and joy, and I plan to enjoy both, but there’s something niggling at the back of my head, telling me I’m not there yet.

  I’m not sure why I’m here.

  Every instinct and red light is flashing, warning me to turn back.

  But her
e I am in Luzerne County Prison with a wall of glass separating me from an empty room.

  My hands are tingling because my nerves are through the roof. I know he can’t hurt me, touch me, or do anything at this point. Yet, just knowing I’ll see Kevin makes me feel sick.

  Still, I need to say these things. I need to face him and let him know that I’m not afraid.

  Well, I am, but I won’t show it.

  On the other side of the glass divider, a row of inmates all dressed in their orange jumpsuits start to file in. I grasp my hands in my lap below the counter and wait.

  He walks slowly, eyes not meeting mine until he sits down.

  This man has been the cause of my fear for so damn long, he’s tormented me, haunted me, and now when I look at him, he seems so small.

  Kevin sits and takes the phone off the wall, and I do the same.

  “Are you here to kick me when I’m down?” His deep voice rasps through the line.

  “It would be no different from what you did to me.” His eyes close, head falling forward, but he keeps the phone to his ear. “I’m not here for that. I’m here because . . . well, I don’t really even know, but I felt that I wanted to have some closure, regardless of how the trial goes.”

  He laughs once. “Closure. You’re my fucking wife, Ellie. You cheated on me, and you want closure. How the fuck,” he says through gritted teeth, “could you lie to me for seven years about her being my daughter. Were you that desperate to be loved that you manipulated me all this time? I gave you everything, and this is what I learn?”

  “Gave me everything? You hit me, Kevin. You hit me when you couldn’t control me. You called me fat, ugly, worthless. You withheld love, affection, and used sex as a weapon. You beat me both physically and emotionally. I didn’t know if Hadley was yours, and I didn’t manipulate you. It was honestly more plausible than my getting pregnant the one time I was with someone else—before we were married.”

  He slams his hand on the counter, and I jump. “One time. You’re a fucking liar and a cheat. You want a divorce? Fine! I’m all too happy to be done with you and her.”