Hadley beams under my praise and then releases Ellie’s hand. Her arms wrap around my legs and she holds on tight. She gives the best hugs. They come from the center of her body, and it’s like tentacles wrapping around you.
“You don’t have to get me a pony, Connor.”
I laugh because her mind just bounces on a whim. “That’s good.”
“I’ll take a puppy instead.”
Ellie snorts. “Let’s start with a pumpkin and go from there.”
Chapter Thirty
Connor
Today was perfect. Everything went even better than I could’ve planned. Hadley had fun, we got a ton of apples, pumpkins, and some weird-looking things that Ellie called gourds.
Ellie is currently putting away the apples, and Hadley is waiting to head out to the tree house. Not only did we get pumpkins for the house but we also got them for the tree house because she explained that all places need decorations.
I may turn one of the cow pastures into a pumpkin patch to keep this kid happy.
“You ready?” Ellie asks as she comes out with the two pumpkins and a tablecloth.
“What’s that for?”
“Curtains.”
“Curtains?”
“Hadley needs to make the place a little homier, and curtains make a house a home.”
I never knew they were so important. I look back at the house, which is curtain-less. I think my father was drunk once and ripped all the curtain rods out of the walls. Not that I think curtains would’ve made this house a home. The only thing that did that was my father dying and no longer being here.
“I think the people inside it do that,” I tell her as I pull her to my chest. “You made this house a home.”
Ellie smiles softly and gives me a quick kiss. “I think we should tell her now.”
“Now?”
My heart begins to race and nerves hit me. I’m not a guy who feels fear. After my time in the military, I learned to breathe through it and not allow it in. In this moment, I can’t stop it. Once we tell Hadley, her world will change. Mine has already been tilted on its axis, but I’m an adult. She’s a child, and I worry about how she’ll handle the news.
“The longer we wait, the more I feel like we’re taking this from her. She should know that her father cared enough about her to give her a day like this. I want to give her this—you as her father.”
My mouth opens, but words don’t come. I can feel my palms start to sweat, and I feel like a kid again, not the grown man I am.
It’s nerves and excitement and adrenaline and anticipation.
“Are you not ready?”
“No, I am,” I say quickly. It has nothing to do with being ready. I’ve never been more ready for anything. “I’m sure, and I want to tell her. I just didn’t think you were.”
“It’s time.”
She’s right. It is time. “Let’s head out to the tree house.”
Hadley comes running outside, carrying a basket and her doll. “I brought cider, cups, and cookies.”
“Where did you get the cookies?” Ellie asks.
“The kitchen.”
“I asked for that.”
I hold in a chuckle because Hadley has great timing for a seven-year-old. The three of us make the trek out to the tree that has come to mean more to me than I ever could’ve known. Here is where I hid when I was scared and found what I had lost.
Now, hopefully, it’s where yet another piece of my life will fall into place.
We walk quietly, well, Ellie and I are quiet, Hadley chatters about puppies and pumpkins until she spots the tree house. Then she’s off like an arrow and climbs the staircase I built for her. It’s nothing like any tree house I would’ve ever had. It has a roof, two windows, and a small porch on the back, which was my addition to it this week.
I don’t want this place to be somewhere she hides, I want it to mean something else for her. The tree house should bring her joy and be a place where memories are formed. So, I’m probably going to end up giving her a bathroom, kitchen, electricity, and plumbing by the time I’m done.
“You put a deck on?” Ellie asks.
“I have no idea how that got here.”
She rolls her eyes. “You know she was happy with just the piece of plywood as a floor as long as you came out here with her.”
That is exactly why I’ve gone above and beyond with building this place. “I do, but she should have everything I can give her. That kid has been through hell, and if this is the one thing I can do that makes her smile, I’ll do it.”
Ellie takes both my hands and stares up at me. The words she said to me earlier still echo in my heart, and I am anxious to hear them again.
Both of us are oblivious until we hear Hadley’s voice from beside us. “Are you going to marry my mom?”
No one can ever say this kid is subtle.
“Maybe someday, but right now, we’re taking it one day at a time.” I hope that’s the right answer.
“Would you like Connor to be in your life forever?” Ellie asks, and it’s clear where she’s planning to transition this conversation to.
I choke back my nerves. If Ellie thought telling her that I’m her biological father would upset her, we wouldn’t be out here right now.
“Yes! I love him, and he’s my best friend. Plus, he’s funny and handsome, and he is going to get me a puppy.”
“I never said that.”
“You will, you love me and I’m adorable.” She bats her eyelashes and her lips are a tight line. She is adorable, and I have a feeling she’s probably right. I’m a sucker when it comes to her, hence the deck on a tree house.
“Well, be that as it may,” Ellie says swiftly, clearly unimpressed with her charm. “What if I told you that a long time ago, before you were born, I met Connor.”
“You knew each other?” Hadley looks back and forth between us, and I nod.
“We did.”
“We met once, and it was . . . well, it was very special,” Ellie continues. “You see, your grandma and grandpa had died not too long before that, and I was very sad. Connor made me feel happy and helped my heart that day.”
She looks to me and smiles. “Like he did for me?”
“Exactly,” I cut in. “I happen to like making you two happy.”
Ellie releases a shaky breath. “What I want to tell you is that . . . well, that night, God gave me a baby.”
“Me?”
She bobs her head quickly with a smile. “Yes, you. My beautiful, perfect, sweet little girl. Connor and I got a test that told us he is actually your real dad.”
“But . . . I already have a dad.”
I squat beside her. “You do, but you and I have the same blood.”
Ellie gets to her knees and takes Hadley’s hands in hers. “We didn’t know until a few days ago, and your dad and I got married right after I met Connor. But Connor is your father, not Kevin.”
We both are still as stone as we wait for Hadley to say something. She stands there, processing what she just found out.
“Daddy isn’t my daddy?” she asks, her voice quivers a bit.
Fuck, this is breaking my heart. I love her, and I don’t want to cause her pain, but at the same time, I’m glad we’re telling her.
“No, baby, but you don’t have to stop loving him. I don’t know when you’ll see him again, but he can always be in your heart.”
I think about what he said to Ellie and have to force back my demand that Hadley not even give him that much.
She’s kindness and everything good in this world, and he is nothing but poison.
I’m glad he was so willing to give them away because I’m more than willing to keep them.
“Hadley,” I say with my heart in my throat, “I don’t want to confuse you or make you sad. You don’t have to call me dad or anything until you want to, and if you never do, I’ll always be Connor to you. If I had known you were mine, I would’ve found you right away, but I will be as much a par
t of your life as you want me to be, and nothing has to change for us until you’re ready for it.”
She looks up at me, her eyes filled with confusion. “You’re my dad?”
“I am, and I really am happy that you’re my daughter.”
Hadley drops Ellie’s hold and walks over to me. Her little hands frame my face, and she smiles. “I wanted you to be my daddy too.”
With that, my entire world shifts, and I swear that I could fucking cry.
“I’m not tired,” Hadley complains.
“If you don’t go to bed now, you’ll never get up for school.” Ellie doesn’t allow her any room to negotiate. “Go brush your teeth.”
There’s a part of me that wants to ask Ellie to let her stay home. After a day like we had, surely, we can pretend the world around us doesn’t exist for just a bit longer.
“Go on, Squirt,” I say, backing up Ellie because I may want to keep Hadley home, but I’m not a fool.
The look of appreciation on her face tells me I did well, and I want to do well. I want to be the partner who supports her, which means I can’t always be the good guy.
If Dempsey and Miller could see me now . . .
Here I am, Mr. Domestic and happy as fuck dealing with it. I never understood it before—how a kid could change your whole world. I watched Liam literally go from bachelor of the year to a family man in just a few months. I thought maybe Natalie had some kind of golden pussy or something, but I was a fucking tool. It was love.
It was finding that another human was so important that you were willing to forget all your stupid rules. Ellie is the piece of my heart I didn’t know was missing. She’s brought me to my knees, and I don’t care if I can’t ever stand again. For her, I’d stay here, at her feet as long as I have her here.
Hadley mopes to the bathroom, and a second later, I hear the water run as she starts her bedtime routine.
“What are you thinking?” Ellie asks as she comes up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist in a display of affection she usually only leaves for once Hadley is asleep.
“That I love you.”
She smiles at that, her eyes filling with love and a little bit of apprehension. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t see the second part. “Say it again.”
“I love you.”
I say it without pause, and I’ll say it a million times over again until she believes it. She’ll never know what it means that she said it to me without prompt.
Ellie leans up on her toes and gives me a soft kiss. “I love you too, Connor, and today was . . . well, it was everything. She took it better than I could’ve ever imagined, and it feels as if the world is smiling down on us.”
“Because it is. We deserve to be happy, and I think we’ve both had enough shit to last us a lifetime.”
“I agree, and hopefully”—she kisses me again, and her eyes darken just a bit—“we have some more happy tonight.”
“How happy?”
Ellie shrugs. “We’ll see.”
God, this woman is trying to kill me. I would like to be very, very happy, but I’ll take whatever I can get with her. I may be patient, but I’m a man who is very much in love with the woman in my arms, and I’d like to show her.
She disentangles herself and tucks her hair behind her ear right as Hadley bursts into the living room.
“Can Connor read to me tonight?”
Ellie looks to me. That’s normally something she does for Hadley, so I wait for her to give me the go ahead.
“Of course,” Ellie says with a smile that I can’t read.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m one hundred percent sure.”
“Thank you, Mommy!” Hadley runs over to her, hugs her tight, and then rushes to me. “Ready?”
“Ready.”
Then Hadley practically drags me into the bedroom that has become hers. The bed has been moved away from the window since she was afraid of something outside it, and the sheets are pink instead of the deep blue that used to be on Sean’s bed.
It was strange to me that my father hated us enough to beat us but hadn’t thrown away anything that would’ve reminded him of us after we left.
Everything was as it was when we lived here.
Like how my mother left it. Until we cleaned it out and got rid of the baggage.
Over the last few months, things have just . . . shown up. There’s a plant in the living room, flowers on the table, and those mats on the floor in the bathroom.
Day by day, Ellie has made this house into more. Now, we’re becoming a family.
And that makes me happy.
“So, how does your mom usually do this?”
Hadley sits on the bed and pats the blanket. “First you have to pick a book. I like those over there.”
“Okay, pick the book.” I feel like a total idiot. I should’ve known that much. I walk over to the stack and look for one that looks more worn. I’m assuming she has a favorite. “Any of them you like more?”
She shrugs. “I love all of those.”
“Green Eggs and Ham?” I ask. Who doesn’t love Dr. Seuss? My brothers and I loved Go Dogs Go. No surprise. It was all about going fast and not liking hats.
Hadley’s eyes brighten. “I do not like green eggs and ham . . .”
“I do not like them, but Hadley can.” I wink at her and come to the bed, not really sure where to sit.
Hadley scoots over, and I take her cue. I rest with my back on the wall and then she mimics my position, but instead of her head lying back, she rests it on my arm. Her little hands grip my bicep, and I’d swear, she’s holding my heart instead.
I look down at her, wondering what God ever thought I was worthy enough to be a father. After all the bad things I’ve done, I don’t deserve her.
Still, she’s mine, and I vow a new promise right now. I will never do anything to shame her. I will be honest, devoted, and dependable.
“Will you read it?” she asks staring up at me.
“I will,” I answer, but not to the question, but to my own silent vow.
“How did you meet my mom?” she asks after I read the first page.
Crap.
I can’t not answer, so I’m going to be vague. It’s a good plan—I think.
“We met at a restaurant.” It isn’t a lie. They serve food there, and I actually took Ellie there for a date last week. It qualifies.
“Did you kiss her?”
Oh, God. Where is Ellie? “I kissed her, yes.”
Hadley mulls that over. “Did you love her?”
“Your mom is very loveable.”
In my head, I just keep hearing the word: evade. I want to evade all possible questions and get the story read. So, I open the book back up and start, but Hadley isn’t having it.
“Do you think you’ll marry her?”
Maybe answering a question with a question is the best bet? “Do you want me to marry her?”
She nods. “Then you’ll really be my dad.”
Here’s where I’m treading again. I don’t want to scare her with the reality of what this all means for her, but at the same time, I want to reassure her that when it comes to me, I’m here for good. I will never abandon her.
“I’m really your dad now. I will always be your father, Hadley. Always. You and I are family in blood and in our hearts.”
She smiles at that. “So, no matter what, I will always be your daughter?”
“Always.”
“Even if you and Mommy don’t get married.”
“Even if that never happens.”
Hadley’s eyes brighten before she drops her head on my arm. “I’m glad.”
“Me too, Squirt. Me too.”
“You can read now.”
And so I do. After twenty minutes and two more books, because I can’t seem to deny her anything, I head out to the living room where I’m hoping to find a happy Ellie.
I find her reading a book on the couch, and I lean against the doorframe to look at he
r. She’s so beautiful. Her dark brown hair is pulled up on the top of her head, and she has her glasses on. There’s no effort in her beauty, it just is. She chews on her bottom lip and then turns the page.
I want to pull her into my arms and kiss her senseless.
“Reading anything good?” I ask, unable to stay away from her a minute longer.
She jumps a little and then smiles. “A romance about two people who found each other again. They were apart for a while, both of them wondered about the other but obstacles kept them apart.”
“So, it’s an autobiography?”
“It seems a little like us, only less drama.”
I grin and move toward her. “I could do with less drama.”
Ellie puts the book down and then snuggles herself in my arms after I sit. “The drama is what keeps it real, though. Life is filled with ups and downs. It’s the pain that allows us to feel the good parts. If I’d never known the sadness of being with the wrong man, when you came back to Sugarloaf, I don’t know that it would’ve been the same.”
Maybe that is the case, but that doesn’t mean I like the idea of Ellie ever having felt that kind of sadness.
“I would’ve rather found you happy with him than in the hell you were. Even if that meant I could never have you.”
She settles against my side. “I would rather have you. I don’t think my heart was ever really anyone else’s. I’m where I belong.”
“I hate that you went through so much in the time it took for me to find you again.”
Ellie tilts her face so she’s looking up at me and gives me a soft smile. “It’s all over now. My divorce will be final soon and Hadley is ours. We can figure the rest out and move on from our pasts.”
I start to say more, but there’s a pounding on the door. “Stay here,” I command.
No one ever drops by here. I go to the shelf that houses a hidden gun safe. It takes a second to scan my finger, but then the front drops open, and I grab the gun.
Ellie’s eyes widen, but she doesn’t move. I probably should’ve mentioned the house has many things like this. When I promised to protect her, I meant it.
I hold the gun down at my side, ready to eliminate any threat.
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