He came over and poked me in the stomach. “Oh, Jamieson, you’re so funny.”
Back at the house, I asked Stuart what I could do to help as he made our dinner. He passed me some plates and I set the table. This wasn’t so bad. Carter and I had got past the awkward stage. Right? Who was I kidding? I wanted to know what he’d been doing all this time. Why he hadn’t contacted me. Well, that was his choice. But had he even wanted to? Had it crossed his mind?
I let out a huge sigh. Fuck, I’d forgotten all this, but now he was here. Before I realized what was happening, he’d come up close behind me and started to massage my shoulders. The feeling was so foreign and yet so right. I leaned back into his touch and looked up at him.
Then I blinked and jumped away as if scalded by hot water. I almost dropped one of the plates and had to perform a spectacular juggling act to keep it from clattering to the floor. Stuart ran over, and when I looked around again, Carter was nowhere to be seen.
As we sat down to eat the delicious food Stuart had made—as Marshall wasn’t a cook, it was a strange conundrum to have my present and my past suddenly collide like they had. Up until now, I’d been enjoying being friends with Stuart. He was a great roommate, and I was so happy for him and Marshall. They deserved their love.
My bravado as a slightly goofy and kind friend wasn’t fully an act. It really was me, but only one person really knew the true me. And now here he was, sitting across the table from me. The feel of his touch earlier had been so reassuring, almost as if it was old times again. Just me and him against the world. But it was far from that now. He’d made his choice.
I continued eating and making small talk. I’d never been happier to get back to the city. I’d go back to work tomorrow and forget all this had ever happened. As if it would be that easy. Carter had gotten under my skin again. I’d already let my guard down and he was part of my life now.
I wasn’t going to be that asshole that divided up a group of friends. Marshall had told us how Carter was there for him at photoshoots and always supportive. Fuck, why couldn’t he have turned into a completely arrogant jerk who everyone loved to hate.
When it was obvious Marshall and Stuart wanted some alone time, I stood up to go over to the cabin. I was hoping Carter would follow my lead, but he seemed intent on accepting licks from Jess.
I cleared my throat and walked over to him. “Ah, Carter, want to”—the look of pure excitement and hope on his face was almost too much to handle—“come and let the two lovebirds have some time alone?”
His face fell, but he rubbed Jess’s head and jumped up. “Sure, good thinking. Bye, guys.” He went and hugged them both. “Thanks for having us. We’ll be going early tomorrow, so just enjoy and sleep in. Gotta get back to the city.” He looked at Marshall. “I have that shoot with Jenica Wiley for the swimwear line.”
“Okay, guys.” He hugged me also. “Good to have you. Thanks for coming.”
Then Carter followed me far too closely to the cabin. I could hardly breathe and was debating whether to bend over the small bed and let him have his way with me, or even better, if I’d get to fuck all the regret and emotions out of Carter. Dammit.
In the small room the air was confining, and while it should have been uncomfortable when Carter brushed past me, it had the opposite effect. I breathed in his scent and he smelled unfamiliar, not like before, but not in a bad way. It was actually divine.
“It’s the latest cologne I have a contract with.”
Fuck, he must have felt or heard me inhale his scent. “Ah, it’s good,” I said, awkwardly. God, I’m an idiot. I sat on the bed to remove my jeans and socks and shoes, not looking at him directly. “Ah, where’s your next city?” I asked. While Stuart liked to tease me about my obsession with the gossip magazines, I was baffled that I’d never seen Carter. Or maybe I’d just never wanted to see him. I did mainly read the gossip stories though. I knew more about Marshall—to the extent you can know a celebrity in a magazine—because one woman he’d been connected with had apparently embezzled money from where she worked, and people wondered why she’d need to if she was with a well-paid model.
After that, he caught my attention and I’d checked out some of his stuff on YouTube and online. I wasn’t obsessed as Stuart had said back when he first brought Marshall to our place. Then again, I did blurt out about his scar. I shook my head and continued to strip down before getting in the bed.
Carter spoke then. “Toronto, this time. Early start. I’m glad to have got this little break.” He cleared his throat and climbed into the bed. “Thanks for not making it too terrible.”
“Ah, it was nothing,” I replied, not asking all the questions I wanted and telling him that having him back in my life had me yearning for him.
“And you, I think I heard you joking with Stuart about the mile-high club or something?”
“Yeah, I’m a flight attendant now. Kind of funny that we both are jet setting around the world now, isn’t it?” Foolish as it might have been, I moved myself closer to his body. When was the last time I had lain down close to someone? Or cuddled or just held another? Sure, I’d had hookups. Was I craving human touch or him specifically?
In the dark warmth of night, I slowly fell asleep. I heard him whisper in my ear, though I was sure he must have believed I was already asleep, “I’ve missed you.”
6
CARTER
The plane landed in Toronto. I got up and needed some air. It had been the most restless flight I’d had in a long time. No snoozing occurred. Instead, I had fitful naps. My long legs could not get comfortable. While virtually the whole plane seemed to sleep, I read the brief for the photoshoot.
I would wear the name brand from head to toe: shoes, jeans, a long winter coat, and turtleneck. The hunter-green turtleneck wasn’t really my thing, but people had said before that the colour was perfect with my eyes. And I never complained. If I’d learned anything in this career, it was that you didn’t say no to anything. I worked hard and focused. Truly, this was just a new hurdle.
I’d had it too easy, too much of a smooth ride, because I was going to be a zombie by the time I arrived.
With the time change, I’d gotten to the hotel at a decent time. I could sleep and be ready for the morning. But all that was on my mind was Jamie. Me. Us. I had to shake myself out of it. I tried to stay busy, distracted.
After doing a hundred sit ups, I couldn’t help but think back to waking up with Jamieson in the middle of the night before setting off for Toronto. The ride to the city with him had been awkward to say the least. Jamie seemed to have shut me out even more or he was completely zoned out. There were no niceties for the sake of Marshall and Stuart anymore. I barely got a word out of him when I tried to strike up conversation.
Knowing I needed to sleep, I stripped out of my clothes and lay on the bed. I tossed and turned and the exertion of travel finally tired me out and I fell asleep.
The next morning I was glad I’d preset my alarm. I showered and had some breakfast before taking a taxi to the modelling office.
“Carter, this is Luc Dubois, the photographer.”
“Good to meet you. I’m excited to work with you.” I reached out to shake his hand.
Then I was manhandled into a large changing room and wardrobe area. I was stripped naked by a young girl with porcelain-looking skin. This was nothing new. I had no problem with nakedness. If I could wander around my house all day like that, I probably would. Then I was passed the outfit I had learned about on my flight. I knew it was key to always be well-informed at any job.
People poked and prodded me to get the outfit to fit just perfectly. A layer of makeup was applied and then I followed the group outside.
A cobbled street had been blocked off for the shoot. Vintage cars were parked at the side to give the whole shoot a throwback to the 1950s.
“Wow, this is fantastic,” I murmured. Cameras were set up and I walked onto the set.
“Okay, Carter, move into the mid
dle and pose there, please.”
I did as instructed and nodded to let them know I understood. I could hear their prompts and moved accordingly.
“Walk forward. Okay, move your chin up a little.”
Many hours later, I heard, “It’s a wrap.” I walked over to thank the photographer. It had become a bit chilly, so when I got changed, I put on a sweater to go back to the hotel.
I ordered room service and idly thought about how I could get Jamieson to at least listen to me. I sighed, eating in the silence of the hotel room. The only sounds were out in the hall. For the first time in a long while, I felt truly lonely. Probably, for the first time since I’d been in America for college.
I’d finished the week of work and now I was back at the Mayfair offices and Marshall was there, too, with Jess. “Hey, guys.” I bent down to rub Jess’s head. She jumped up to me.
“How was your trip? Glad to be back?” he asked. Marshall looked great. Relaxed even. It had to be the Stuart-and-Jess effect.
I gave him a hug. “It was okay. You’re looking good. Not so tense.”
He grinned at me. “I know, right?” He put his hands up. “What can I say? I’m a new man.”
“Suits ya. What are you doing after this meeting? Want to go for coffee or something?” I said. I needed to talk to someone, anyone about Jamieson and figure out if I could get him to let me explain, or if I should just let the past be the past. I pushed my hands into my back pockets and moved foot to foot.
“Yeah, man. Something on your mind?”
Wow, I guess I really wasn’t hiding it well at all. “Yes, sort of, I guess. Well, yes.”
“Of course, anything.” He texted Stuart to say where we were going.
It was a beautiful day with blue skies and we walked down the tree-lined streets to a nearby café with a patio where we could sit outside with Jess at our feet.
My stomach growled and I told Marshall I was going to have to order lunch. He agreed. And we both ordered a soup and sandwich.
“I need Jamieson to talk to me again,” I blurted. “But he hates me. Probably with reason.”
He glanced up at me. “I’m here for you, but you know I’m terrible at this stuff. Should I call Stuart?”
“No”—I leaned across the table—“don’t you dare. He’s his roommate and good friend.”
“What happened to ‘a guy in every port.’ I’m missing something here.”
Taking a deep breath, I spoke, “When I came back from America, I kinda dropped out of school there. I couldn’t handle it. I hated the foreign place and being away from everyone I knew. I excelled at track and field but was terrible at the school part. I tried, I did. I never told you—well, why would I?—but anyway, we knew each other back then, in secondary school. At that time, I’d gotten a scholarship to a school in California. And I took it. Of course I did. I was fucking leaving Jamieson behind, which was sad and hard at the time, but we were young. We both agreed, what would be, would be. And I didn’t really have a choice back then. My parents didn’t have much money, and it was a scholarship. I was young, we were young … you know.
Then I came back here, we’d lost touch, but I wanted to hide and not admit to anyone that I’d failed. I already hated myself, and he’d told me to go and show them what I was made of. How could I tell him I was slinking back? So I just got on with life, working and trying to get ahead, and forgetting the past, I guess.”
“Oh, man.” Marshall rubbed my arm. “But you were young.”
“Yes, so when I came back, my parents had wanted not much to do with me. They were unimpressed and upset, but I couldn’t go back. I’d started waiting tables and the tips were okay but I wasn’t making nearly enough to pay for a flat or even half of one. I found some room to rent but it was practically a slum. And the guy was really sketchy. He’d touch me and try and make it look accidental.”
We both took a sip of our drinks and the waitress brought over our food. “Is this, ah, too much? I can’t help it. I just need to talk about it.”
“No, of course not. Look at me with Stuart. You were there for me. I can listen even if my advice-giving leaves a lot to be desired.” He took a bite of his sandwich. “But I’m getting better.”
I laughed. “Yeah, that’s for sure. Well, a buddy of mine had told me that he earned quick cash doing porn. I had to admit, I was curious. He said I could come by the studio with him one day and they had a room where you could just do a video on your own. Jack off and earn some cash depending how many users there were watching. And some gave very generous tips.
I glanced at Marshall to gauge his reaction. I hadn’t really thought this through. What if he thought I was terrible for doing it or thought everyone who did was a slut or something? He only gave a look of trust and understanding. “Jamieson probably would ask you for a video of that, you know.”
My face went from tan to pale; I could feel it. “Uh yeah, that’s where it gets a little sticky. Quite literally. I was in my early twenties then, always horny, and I loved it. The freedom of expression. And the money? I won’t lie, it was a driving force, and I could still enjoy life. I moved out of that hell hole, had time with my friends, played sports, and I still had some spare time. I wasn’t standing on my feet for endless hours, barely making enough to survive.”
I continued eating before I kept going. I needed time to clear my head and reassess my focus. This was a lot to tell, and for Marshall to take in as well.
I looked up as he spoke, “Take your time. It’s really okay.”
“Right. I don’t think I could do it again, but back then I started with the solo stuff, and then they told me I’d gotten tons of viewers. Every time I logged on, people wanted to see me come. I guess the thought of that—I’m not egotistical—felt freeing, somehow a real thrill.”
We’d finished eating and I took a sip of water; they’d brought some over for Jess as well. After we paid, we decided to walk to the park and get an ice cream. Marshall clipped on Jess’s lead as we made the short walk. He hadn’t said much, but just getting it off my chest made me feel so much better.
We sat on a bench with Jess at our feet, and it was a great place to people-watch. “I’m glad you’re telling me this, but I don’t know how much or what I can keep from Stuart. Just warning you,” he said, looking over at me.
I pushed my hand through my hair and sighed. “I know. Of course, I know. It just feels so good to get it all out. Like a weight’s been lifted, so thank you.”
He leaned over to hug me.
I took a deep breath before starting again. “I, ah, went from solo shows to hearing that hot guys wanted to work with me. It was a safe environment and they were all nice. They would let me do as much or as little as I wanted.”
“I was skinnier than I am now. Kind of lanky, no muscle on my body, but to hear them say I was hot, I guess it was a turn on.”
Marshall squeezed my thigh. “No judgment from me, man. I was fucking my way through half of London before I met Stuart.”
I smiled, feeling relieved. “Thanks. So I was in my early twenties, and could go do a sex scene and get paid for it. Soon I’d moved out of that flat and was saving some money. I was living the good life.”
“What was your porn name?” he asked. Jess let out a little bark and then turned around in a circle and sat down again.
“Oh, planning to go watch? I looked different then. Shaved my head, contacts.”
“Sounds like me trying to go to the gay bars incognito. Wow, we have more in common than I realized. But no, porn has never been my thing. I’m more hands on.”
We both burst into a fit of laughter that kept going. Jess proceeded to bark and Marshall reached down to calm her down.
When we eventually calmed down, I told him, “Okay, don’t laugh. Ben Dover.”
He shoved me. “You’re joking?”
I let out a grimace. “Believe me, not my finest hour. Back then, I thought it was all that. Cocky.”
Marshall bent down
to feed Jess a bit of ice cream. “So, where does Jamieson come into all of this?”
“He walked in on a scene.”
Marshall’s jaw dropped. “Oh, fuck.”
I’d gone to the shower and made sure every crevice was clean, and trimmed my pubic hair. My skin was smooth where it needed to be and hairy where it didn’t.
Popping a pill, I caressed and rubbed my cock and balls. It was all routine by now. At first there was excitement and adrenaline, but now I realized, I wanted more. I didn’t know what, and I knew it wasn’t school in America, but something.
A shorter guy I hadn’t worked with before with short blond hair and dark eyes stood across from me. For a split second, I thought back to Jamieson, my Jamie. What a disappointment he’d think I was. Wouldn’t he? Not for making porn, but for bailing on the dream of school in America. I shook my head to erase the memory and smiled at the guy across the room.
We’d get to know each other a bit before they actually started filming. “Hey, I’m Ben.”
“Gareth,” he said. With no preamble, he moved my hand off my cock and rubbed it.
I knew the game now and flicked his nipple. As he cupped my balls, I let out an overly loud moan. There were no real feelings or emotions here. Kind of hard with cameras at every angle anyway. It was just about enjoying it and getting off.
Later, with Gareth bent over the bed, I rolled the condom on and could feel I was rock hard. The producer made a motion for me to begin, so I pushed my lubed fingers inside his hole and he pushed his ass higher in the air.
The camera came around to get a better view from underneath, so I froze for a moment, and then started thrusting. Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the ride. I could sense the cameras on my cock, my abs, and the column of my throat.
I pulled out so I could come all over his back when there was a voice behind me. One that had haunted my dreams. I stood there unable to move.
Carter (Mayfair Model Series Book 2) Page 5